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Different ways for men to mastubate

Okay, I'm tired of getting hits like this one, so I'm going to do something about it in hopes that Google will start pointing people to this post. This won't stop the hits, but at least it might prove useful to someone. If you can't figure out how to beat off, or you have run out of new things to try, check out this site (find the "techniques" link once you get to the main page) or this site. If you're wondering why I happen to have links, uh, handy that are related to jerking off, you must be new here.

Here's one technique that many find amusing: get your hand to fall asleep and then beat off so that it feels like someone else is doing it. No, I've never tried that one, mainly since I can never get my hand to fall asleep on purpose.

Hey, so I just noticed that Blogger will let you upload images now. I don't know how long it's been since that has been an option; everytime I see shit about pictures on Blogger I figure it's either that Picasa nonsense or just something telling you how to link to images elsewhere on the web. And you know what?



Yeah, I pretty much just wanted to post that animated GIF. It was found on this amusing page which ETP alerted me to in comments after I posted a link to another page on that site. The rest of that guy's page also has a quite a bit of amusing shit on it.

So it looks like kindofcrap.com won't be making a return as I had once been led to believe. Word out on the street is that an untimely accident has permanently put an end to the dream of Galvin returning to our lives. I guess moving to Delaware wasn't such a hot idea after all.

No it isn't. Dorks are, by definition, dorks, which is not cool. Anyone convinced of this stupid bullshit is just lying to themselves like liberals/progressives and Trekkies/Trekkers. And for anyone who thinks they're clever by taking something and trying to turn it on its head by declaring it the opposite of what it is: STOP THAT.

Hey, I'm about as big of a dork as they come. I went out shopping for a house last year with one of my goals being to get a room specifically for The Girls who, for the uninitiated, are a collection of female anime figures. I see no problem with being a dork, but of course I would -- I'm a dork. There's no real shame in it, just the shame that others try and force on you. But just accept it -- don't bullshit yourself about it.

"We used to not be able to stand the fact that we were in orchestra..."

So if you don't like it, get out of it. And if you do like it, fuck what everyone else says. I know, easier said than done. It's not easy dealing with the pressure of stupid fuck-offs. But you do what you gotta do.

"The O.C.," a TV show popular with teens, has Seth, a comic-book loving nerd played by actor Adam Brody. Bands such as Weezer also feed off the dork image, complete with horn-rimmed glasses and a song about being OK with not fitting the Beverly Hills mold. "Napoleon Dynamite" has a fan club; its Web site claims 150,000 members.

Oh boy. One character on a shitty show (which I've never seen), one decent band (at least at one point), and one shitty movie (which I've also never seen), and suddenly, the tide is turning! Woo hoo! Or it's all just meaningless pop culture bullshit that's been fed to us.

"Now all the people from high school are asking me if I have a job for them. So I guess it wasn't so bad to be a dork."

Well, the dork part is never good in and of itself just for the shit you get because of it, but the fact that a lot of dorks grow up to make good lives for themselves while all those assholes who made fun of them serve them their food.

"It's like (the movie) 'American Pie' with the band geek girl."

Yeah, no. Geek girls are not Alyson Hannigan. And yes, I know that I'm being the shallow asshole now, but you pretty much don't want to go near most geek girls. Just like you don't want to go anywhere near a lot of geek guys. And should a girl with legitimate credentials show up, well...

But Uyen Mai says she knows how to spot a true geek, dork or nerd -- and she likes what she sees.

...

To prove her point, Mai has an "I (Heart) Dorks" tank top, which she wears often.

Wait for it...

"My husband ..."

And there you have it. Trust me, I've seen waaaay too fucking much of this. Any girl -- attractive or not -- who shows up will get mobbed by all the desperate guys who have low expectations and lowered standards. And if she is attractive, forget about it.

Liberals: quit thanking the troops for their service. If I hear one more liberal talking to a veteran or someone currently serving and says to them "I thank you for your service," I'm going to throw up. It's pandering. Period. Yes, it is possible for things to not be black and white and for someone to support the troops but not the war, but let's face facts. Those of us on the left -- and this includes myself -- in one way or another like seeing the body count go up in Iraq. What's bad for Bush is good for us. Admit it, fuckers. I will (finally, even though it does nothing). This of course doesn't apply to Ted Rall, who unless if he's recently changed tack has always been willing to say "Fuck the troops -- they're just doing Bush's dirty work."

More and more, I can't stand listening to either the left or the right. While this can appropriately be labeled as flip-flopping in many cases, I don't give a shit. It's still consistent with my long-established position of hating everyone, and more in line with the mantra of "fuck everything." The Karl Rove/Valerie Plame flap is further opening this wound. I realized this morning that liberals, ERRRR, progressives think that it's already an open-and-shut case that Karl Rove was the source of Plame's name or identity because Matt Cooper said that he told him as much. And it's like, slow down. Wasn't the whole issue how Bob Novak found out about it so that he could then report it in his column, thus balbbering it to the whole world? Democrats like Teddy Drunk accuse the administration of moving the goal posts -- and they certainly are; that's one of the things they're best at -- but Democrats are guilty of it, too.

Right now, the story is supposedly that Novak told Rove, not the other way around. Of course, this is just leaked grand jury testimony that may be inaccurate, and even if it's true Novak could be lying (pretty risky lying to a grand jury, but it might seem easier with a promise of "we'll protect you"). So I'm sorry, liberals, but you haven't won yet. Even if he didn't tell Rove but he did tell Cooper, that's still not good on Karl's behalf (especially if Rove told Cooper before Novak supposedly told him, but I don't have all of the timing down at this point). That makes Rove guilty of passing along information even if he wasn't the originator. Even so, the distinction between Rove leaking and Rove passing on gives them enough to muddy the waters to say that no wrong-doing has taken place, so don't celebrate yet, lefties.

On a mostly unrelated note, I realized something a few minutes ago. You know this whole nonsense with liberals calling themselves "progressives"? It's just like Trekkies when they started calling themselves "Trekkers." "Oh, ahhhh, people think that Trekkie means that you're a dork and a loser, so, uhhhh, we're going to call ourselves Trekkers. Yeah! That'll fix everything!" Self-labeling to try and de-stigmatize the label that everyone else gives you does not automatically make you cool and acceptable -- people still know what you are, and they will like you or hate you or not care based on that. Man, I wish I'd thought of this last summer so that I could have referred to the DNC as one big Star Trek convention.

How long has this been going on for now? Jesus, sometimes I wonder why we even bother putting on the charade that we live in a society run by law-abiding, honorable people. We've known since day one that if Karl Rove was responsible, that not a fucking thing would happen to him. Yeah, Bush is going to fire the guy who made his dumb ass president. The same goes for anyone else on Team Bush. The best anyone can hope for -- assuming that the leak came from inside the administration -- is for the person responsible to be found guilty the day Bush leaves office, only to be pardoned by the outgoing president.

I love how at this point, the only ones suffering are part of the so-called "liberal media." Regardless of who was responsible for the leak, this is turning into one big excuse to take a huge dump on the media. TB is good at this -- like with that whole 60 Minutes flap that went from being bad for Bush to bad for the media. I'm not saying that anyone is carefully orchestrating this, but it's not like anyone would be surprised if it was. And if that's the case, they're showing what truly evil fucks they are. Who's one of the people in trouble over this? Judith Miller from The New York Times. She was one of the ones who went along with the whole WMD bullshit in the lead-up to the Iraq war. It's like they're saying, hey, check out what we do with people who will agree with us -- the rest of you assholes can watch the fuck out because we'll find some way to ruin you. I know I'm stretching it pretty thin with the conspiracy theories here, but it's just a thought.

Right now, I'm just looking to be entertained since it's all bullshit anyway. I want to see it come out that Karl Rove was the one who leaked her name and that he did it intentionally for the sake of retaliation, just so that we can watch how the fucking genius gets himself out of it.

You know what people are fucking boring? Submissives. It seems really great in theory -- "Wait, I'm supposed to order you around, and you'll do anything I want you to, and you get off on that?" Yeah, it's great until you realize: you get stuck doing all the work. I mean in terms of coming up with shit to do; you have to do all of it. Look, I don't mind doing my share, but let's have some balance. Maybe dom/sub relationships are different (i.e., better) in real life, but on IRC, they suck. You catch me in the right mood, and I'm like, do this, this, and that, yank yank, squirt squirt. But usually it's like, you know what? Forget it.

Speaking of IRC, you should check out this post of ETP's. What does that have to do with IRC? Well, some people call it a really filthy joke, and some people just call it your average night in chatrooms.