I don't know how other guys besides ETP feel, but I just can't believe that the SI Swimsuit Issue used to be masturbation material. Sure, it's partly because my mind has progressively gotten way, way sicker since those teenage years, but damn, that doesn't even register in terms of stroke material anymore. It doesn't help that most of not all the models nowadays aren't hot, just kinda weird looking or downright scary.

No matter how pissed off I am at the flaccid left, I still can't get on board with Team Bush. Like I said -- appeal to my greed, like with lower taxes, and you've got a good chance of sucking me in even if I've come out in support of taxes in the past. But I can't get behind the social agenda. I can't ride the Jesus train to Born-Again Junction. I'm not thrilled with Bush promising to spend imaginary "capital" while he continues to gamble with economic stability, lives, and American credibility.

Even if I'm flip-flopping in some areas, these past few months have helped cement one thing at my core that's never changed: the fact that I hate everyone (except for a handful of people and Fluke).

You don't need to know why this is funny, you just need to know that it's funny.

With a little love...

I suspect that virtually no-one checks the Fe guestbook (and I mean, why would you, unless you want to read shit worse than what I normally write), but a new gem showed up today from someone who goes by the name of Elisa:

I want to poop on the heads of anyone who belongs to or endorses the ACLU or Planned Parenthood (what a joke- like anyone who goes there thought about parenthood before hand) They are baby murdering scumbags.

I'm not sure if Elisa put "10" in the site rating field to express her opinion on my site or her age. I think it's the latter, because otherwise, I really can't see anyone outside of Triumph the Insult Comic dog (or Eminem) talking about their desire to "poop" on anyone else. Yeah, calling it "Planned Parenthood" is a bullshit euphemism, but I make no secret of being down with the baby killers all the same. I'm also a fan (in many cases, at least) of nigger-loving ACL-Jew (please go check your Onion archives to explain that one). I mean, really. The American CIVIL LIBERTIES Union. What a bunch of fuck-offs for defending one of the things we hold (or held) most dear. So clearly, the "10" was not intended to express approval for my site.

I'll bet you Jesus has sucked some cock

Yeah, they are totally right. Children have no business being exposed to vile filth like diversity and acceptance of others. Being tolerant of other people is unacceptable; that sounds like something Christ might do.

Seriously, these people need to be killed. In front of their families, of course! Gotta keep the family unit together.

If you don't like gays, fine, then don't. Ignorance is not something you should strive for, but it's not illegal. So just leave everyone else alone, for Christ's fucking sake. Whether or not someone else is gay has no bearing on your life. You really need to find yourself some new hobbies if you're getting all bent out of shape over something that has nothing to do with anything as far as your life is concerned.

But it's an abomination in the eyes of the Lord! If it's such a concern to him, then let him come down here and take care of it himself for once. But you know what? He isn't going to because he either A) doesn't care or B) doesn't exist. Or maybe Jesus even likes gays. Did you dipshits ever think of that?

Maybe the Democrats heard me. Whatever. It's pretty obvious at this point that I just don't care enough to get any interesting political bitching going. But hey, who wants to bet that John Kerry votes for Rice once it goes to the full Senate?

Joe Biden could be cool, but he isn't. Bush's second inaugural today blah blah blah. The Bush twins are still looking pretty fuckable.

This particular Red Meat came up in conversation recently.

Anybody follow any of the confirmation hearings for Condoleezza Rice? What a fucking waste of time that whole charade is. I mean, we all know which way Republicans are going to vote. But then you have pretty much every Democrat conceding that she's just going to get confirmed anyway once it goes on to the full Senate. Thanks for nothing, guys. The Democrats should just change their name to the Rubber Stamp Party and get it over with.

Two Democrats on the Foreign Relations committee voted against approving Rice -- Barbara Boxer of California and relatively unknown John Kerry from Massachusetts. Boxer kinda tried to pick a fight, but as usual, it's too little, too late. I also liked Rice's request to "refrain from impugning my integrity." And I'm like, fuck you, bitch. Fuck all you bitches. None of you have any goddamn integrity, from Condi to Barb to the rest of that room to the whole fucking town. So get off it already.

So cute to see John Kerry trying to do something. It's like, Jesus Christ, John. You're not running for anything anymore, so just fucking go after her, you god damn pussy. How does it feel to not be getting inaugurated tomorrow?

It doesn't really matter to me one way or another if Condi gets installed at State -- if she didn't, someone else close to the administration would be. But the Democrats could at least put up some kind of a fight, or do a better job of pointing out how lame it is for someone so close to Bush to be getting the job over there. I do at least have confidence that Rice is both smart as well as capable, and good or bad, she won't be the pussy that Colin Powell was.

Let's move on to rubber stamping Torture Guy, shall we?

And fantasies.

OJ Simpson's daughter got arrested. Not really very interesting, but I think I need to talk more OJ around here.

Two teenage girls told police that Simpson hit them in the face, but they declined to press charges, authorities said.

Did those two girls know who Sydney's dad is? If so, it's no wonder that they didn't press charges -- they didn't want to get Juiced.

Pretty much says it all.

For anyone who's even somewhat into video games, have you ever noticed that the Nintendo Lamecube controller is the biggest piece of shit ever? What the fuck is up with the button configuration? It's like a PlayStation Dual Shock threw up on itself.

Although I thought for sure that Sony would come up with a new controller when they transitioned from PS1 to PS2, they decided not to fuck with a good thing. Why couldn't Nintendo have worked off of the N64 controller? Using it nowadays feels kinda awkward, but it's still a pretty good setup. I mean, the fucking Z button for christ's sake. The trigger, which actually feels like a trigger.

The LameCube controller is even worse than the original XBox controller. You know, the one they claimed that they did tons and tons of user testing to develop, only to realize that it was a fucking monstrosity so they had to come out with the "Controller S," which is actually quite nice. But yeah, lots of users tested that original one. Who was their testing base? A bunch of insomniac retard monkeys being bred for the exclusive purpose of palming large objects who just happened to have live soldering irons shoved up their asses? Those are pretty much the only "users" I could see giving a thumbs up to the big-ass original. But at least Microsoft got it right in the end.

What brought this diatribe on was the fact that ETP got one of those Game Boy Players, which allows you to play Lame Boy Advance games on the Cube. We played way more Super Mario Brothers 3 than should be allowed considering that we first played it like 15 years ago. I mean, that's a long god damn time. I was making jokes tonight that predate even our friendship, and we've known one another since the beginning of time.

Even though you only need two buttons to play SMB3, I still couldn't help but scoff at and complain about that awful button setup. Generalizing as always, I was like, how the hell could Japan screw something up so badly? I mean, they always do things well -- isolationist feudal society to major world player in like 30 years, schoolgirls, Honda, just to name a few things -- so what gives? ETP quickly reminded me that it's Nintendo, and, well, they have a tendency to always fuck something big up with their systems. Like the N64 being yet another fucking cartridge system. Or the Advance not having a lit screen. Or the Advance SP being a dumbass fucking design. Clamshell? Uncomfortable square shape? Why couldn't you idiots just add a frontlight to the very nice original design? Oh yeah, because you're Nintendo. I know you people have engineers running around over there, FIX IT.

LameCube is the worst of the three major consoles right now as far as I'm concerned, although I am not a huge gamer so it's not as if I have mad street cred. But, of course, I do have better taste than everyone else. Still, not even the GayStation makes me happy in light of the AssBox. XBox is just a good fucking system. Being a Linux junkie, it should be hard to admit such adoration for a Microsoft product, but it isn't. I guess my descent into Republicanism was a long time coming.