As you can see from the Twitter feed on the sidebar here I don't really take Twitter seriously. Who does? Assholes, that's who. I actually decided that my loose policy here will be that Twitter is for when I'm drunk and the regular blog will be for when I'm sober. Not that you'd really notice much difference.

Twitter finally has real purpose in my life. This makes me simultaneously joyous and depressed. Why? The latter because Twitter sucks. The former because I have found the Twitter feed of one of my favorite netizens (yes I'm embarrassed I just used that word), the crapmaster himself. Behold: @galvinchow.

Based on my cyberstalking that is for sure him, unless if they not only all look alike but also all live in Brooklyn and worked for JET.

(Yes, Brooklyn... Trying to ascertain why the fuck NOT Delaware).

JB FTMFW!

Looking at some stats on traffic to this 'blog revealed this hilarity:


Actually, fuck that guy still -- he's a loser.

I only had to click the previous comic button twice at this webcomic to get to one on assfisting so it's probably a pretty solid one to be following.

Jack

Here's my foray into advertising:


Also:

"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
- Dave Attell

You can do anything (as long as you have sound turned up)

This site is 12 years old. How is it that I just found out about it?

In a row

Hey, so check out the logo for search engine DuckDuckGo:


Is it just me, or does that duck look like the victim of some surprise buttsecks?

This is pretty amusing: ShitMyDadSays. As described by the guy who runs that feed:

"I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says"

Also available on Failbook if you have such leanings.

OK wait so a couple more random things before I go. This is hilarious:



And this is hilariouser:


Also, if you have not seen Inglourious Basterds you have done yourself a great disservice.

Finally, money.

OK so I was totally thinking about commenting on the whole Harry Reid thing a couple days back when it was quasi-relevant but like usual I was lazy. Fortunately, the second quote of this Onion bit pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say about it anyway.

OK so this is hilarious and disturbing at the same time.

So you know how Google knows you almost as well as you or the people in your life know you? Or even better? C'mon, we've all gotten those ads that hit just a liiiitle to close to home. Like, for instance, if you look though my logged chats on Google Talk, they are predominantly with Dreamgirl. If you haven't been paying attention she was this fucking girl I had a major crush on for way too long. And one day the ad at the top of my Gmail was for some program to help me "Talk to pretty girls!" Fuck you, Google.

Anyway, we've all been there. But after I just made my last post, check out what Google decided to tell me:

Depressed?
Bipolar Disorder and Depression affect millions. Know the signs!
Healthline.com

I don't really have anything to ad(d) to that; I just thought it was kinda amusing and decided to share it.

If I am one thing I am an emo: an emotional homo. I just wrote about the eight-billionth whiny-ass post from the past year that I'm not gonna post 'cause it's just sad. Be glad for that. Maybe one of these days I'll post some of them or a compendium of them -- which chronicles the past year in my head -- but let's hope not.

That aside I am gonna post this because for some reason when I first saw it I was laughing so hard I cried.

You'll notice that this is more than tangentially related to my new posting name. I realize that this is paramount to explaining the joke and I hate doing that but in this case I just have to.

ChiMo FTMFW

I fucking love this comic strip. Of course I'm down with fucked up humor and the fact that they have no boundaries but what I really like is their style. I don't get the feel that they set out to be offensive -- it's not that they're trying to force it, it's that they just don't care. Okay, maybe you could say they make special effort when Depressing Comic Week rolls around. Either way the strip rules.

OK so just on principle this site is awesome. I have only started exploring it but at bare minimum you must check out "Choir Invaders" and "Tickle Me Jesus."

Sorry, but I totally want one of these. And they are available online, too.

OK so I kinda fucked up the Chris Rock quote in my last post but instead of fixing it I'll just link to a vid which has the line I messed up and several more. Pretty funny, although of course I definitely hafta disagree with his plan for bullet control.

OK, so I'm trying to figure out WTF to do with this blog. I've been mostly unmotivated to post, as you can see. And then when I fucking try to post, Blogger tells me, no bitch, your shit be spam. Well fuck.

Anyway, I'm thinking I should blog more now that ETP and BOETP are in the middle of fucking nowhere in the deep south and this is one way to keep in contact with them. Of course, we have Failbook, but I think it's gonna take ETP awhile to adapt to FB and its shitty interface.

In the meantime, I'll just try to post some random shit, as usual. For instance, via Cracked, Retro Comedy has put together a list of what they feel are the 15 creepiest vintage ads of all time.

This is just awesome:

Another mindless, entertaining site full of pics. This one in particular deserves special mention, but there are shitloads more.

And one more quick hitter.

And in keeping with the misery thing...