I saw this yesterday, and I've gotta say, that is one of the dumbest fucking things I've seen in awhile. What, no one else can Bash Bush, that's the Democrats' job? Especially since, you know, they do such a solid fucking job of ripping on Bush as it is. Yeah, nice try attempting to be all cool and shit, Democrats. I'll see you on the other side of November.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-California, was blunt in her criticism of the Venezuelan leader. "He is an everyday thug," she said.

You're stupid, Nancy. And Hugo Chavez is a retard. There is no point at all in responding to anything he says.

"If there's any criticism of President Bush, it should be restricted to Americans, whether they voted for him or not," Rangel said at a Washington news conference.

That's also fucking stupid. It's not like what Bush does effects anyone besides Americans, after all. The only thing that's lame enough to trump American stupidity is American pompousness.

Please tell me I didn't just read this

It's been a very long time since I've linked a story from MDN's WaiWai pages. Longtime readers know that I became desensitized to much of Japan's fucked-upedness many moons ago, partly through repeated exposure, and partly through the personal adoption of certain issues. That whole Japanese schoolgirl thing has pretty much turned into my version of crack addiction.

I have various thoughts on Japan running through my head, and maybe I'll get to those at some point soon. Until then, there's this. I... I don't even know what to say about that, but I'll try.

"Air sex was originally invented by guys who couldn't get girlfriends, but desperately want to have sex."

In the rest of the world, guys like us found a (non-ideal) solution to that quandary -- we call it masturbation. I never really thought about this, but now I wonder: do Japanese guys know how to beat off? I mean, it's wholly possible. This is a technologically advanced country, the second largest economy in the world, a nation that seems to be fond of adopting things from other cultures (particularly American, if you can call what we have "culture"). As yet, they can't get on board with simple things like orthodontics. So if they don't know how to pound the pud, I would not be surprised at this point.

"I've seen guys who put on air sex shows that clearly display they're still virgins. I've also seen other guys perform such incredibly authentic fake fellatio that nobody has been left in any doubt that they could only be bisexual. Let me reiterate: Air sex can be dangerous."

Abunai!* Yeah, that's so incredibly dangerous. Aside from the hits to ego or potential embarrassment, how is that dangerous? I was waiting for a story about someone getting seriously injured, and I was left hanging.

Japan's reigning air sex world champion is a fella who goes by the name of Cobra.

For the rest of the article, all I could think of was G.I. Joe. Coooooooo-braaaaaaa!!!! Coooooooo-braaaaaaa!!!!

You can't care about what women watching your performance are thinking about you.

That goes without saying. If you think what women must be thinking, you're going to kill yourself.

Air sexpert Sugisaku agrees.

The fact that anybody alive can call themselves an "air sex expert" is just a sad referendum on everything. Wait, I just re-read that -- it says "air sexpert." Yeah, I know, this is all translated and shit, but still.

* Oh look at me, I'm so fucking clever busting out one of the three words I know in Japanese. And it's even romanized, because I'm fucking harsh like that.

It's been awhile, so time for another load.

effective ways to mastubate

Are there that many sites out there dedicated to ineffective masturbation which would force you to add that qualifier?

is a prostitute cheating

Here, why don't you go fuck a prostitute, then let your significant other know about it and he or she will give you the answer. Jesus Christ. Even Clinton knows what the answer to this is. Depending on the meaning of yeah yeah you got it.

girls who fuck corpses

You've seen Clerks, so you know it's possible. I just don't see a lot of girls getting into this, though. Or, I suppose, getting this into them. Sure, he's very stiff and can probably last awhile. But he's cold and unemotional. He won't wanna cuddle or talk afterwards. He fell asleep before you even started fucking. And he's definitely not gonna call you the next day. Really, for a lot of guys out there, this sounds like a perfect relationship. So my advice to guys: fucking kill yourself.

i want to fuck princess diana

Dude. Either you have been asleep for about nine years, or you have various other issues.

lolicon island

Holy crap. If we can get a racetrack built there then this is the best idea ever. Yes, even better than Hemp Island.

flexible enough to put your dick in your own butt

Some of you people may forget the level of crap I have to go through when looking through my referral logs, and if you have, this should remind you. How exactly was this person envisioning pulling off this feat? I can't imagine how you could even think it's possible to bend forward in such a way that a hard penis could end up in your ass. A long enough flaccid one, maybe, but where's the point in that? Or did they envision being able to, like, split yourself in two and rotate the upper half of your body around, like a flip-top head only not? God, this is so fucking stupid.

yuna should be shot

This is already one of my all-time favorite search hits, and I'm not saying that sarcastically. I get so many goddamn hits for Yuna naked, or Yuna's wedding dress, or some stupid shit about Tidus and Yuna, but finally I got a Yuna-related hit that made me laugh.

does doggy style cause constipation?

This is another one that had me laughing out loud, for reasons opposite of the previous search hit. The worst part about this is that curiosity got the best of me and I went and clicked on the Google link, so considering Google's data retention policies and the fact that I hadn't cleared cookies prior to that, I know that one's gonna come back to haunt me someday.

fucked a can of "creamed corn"

Another one where I really don't think that I need to bother making any jokes on my own.

WOMAN fucking with sushi

That's way too much raw fish for even myself to handle.

When I saw a comic called Shortpacked! linked over at Jared's, I was thinking it had to be a comic about toys, and sure enough, it is (in addition to comics and other nerdy shit).

The best part is that it's gotta be written by someone close in age to me. Only someone from my generation would be making a comic referencing certain toy lines from back in the day.