So I have not had cable TV for nearly seven years (or satellite or whatever). Some people ask me, "How do you survive?" And then I reply, have you actually watched TV? Sure there are a coupla shows that can float but for the most part the genre sucks.

Well OK, I have not been 100% cable-free as I do have the most bare-bones cable package possible which costs like ten bucks a month. I get the over-the air channels, a home shopping channel or two, three Spanish channels (love those Spanish soap operas that have literally some of the hottest women you will ever see), at least one Jesus channel, WGN-Chicago (of course), and MTV2. Why MTV2? Because it sucks so bad they can only give it away.

Last night I was flipping through my handful of channels and came across the artist formerly known as M2 which was broadcasting a game of the Lingerie Football League. At first I was like, really? Why are people -- the announcers, the coaches, etc. -- taking this seriously? As I watched a bit more though I realized I was hasty in my dickishness. The girls playing were laying down some real hits. Yeah not bringing the wood like NFLers but these girls don't weigh 300lbs.

So as I watched I was getting into it -- and not for the reasons you would think for a single guy alone late at night. The players aren't exactly getting paid a ton of money to play and for most/many this is not their full-time job; they are clearly playing because they love playing football. Eventually I actually started to get irritated that they had to wear those silly get-ups. Partly because, well, the whole shoulder pads thing just doesn't do it for me, even with some cleavage showing and ridiculously toned abs and tight asses and well you get the drift. Forget the outfits and just let the girls play and it can still be cool to watch.

For a rare occasion I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I have made serious calls before for more female participation in mainstream sports (just try to ignore the first part of that article; I'm serious after the first couple paragraphs, and OK, serious the first two but that shouldn't detract from my what I'm saying). Watching the LFL I was pretty impressed that despite the gimmick that the league is based on the play was legit. Sorry WNBA and soccer, but this is the first women's sport that seems to actually be worth watching (mostly because I don't care much for basketball anyway and fuck European kickball).

Granted, it's not the pace and intensity of NFL or even college ball. But it doesn't have to be. And you know what? We're never going to see a bullshit lockout or strike in the LFL. It's inevitable for anything that becomes sufficiently popular to get pulled down by greed, and the lack of that was another refreshing thing about watching some LFL action. Real play, and hey, it didn't hurt that oftentimes after plays some of the girls would get into a fight. I'm undercutting my argument somewhat here, but I am still a guy goddammit.

I had to text ETP about this discovery and he went and watched some clips and had two comments:

1. The players really do seem to be into it for the love of the game
2. The gameplay is good but it does look kinda weird when the QBs are throwing

To that last comment I said well yeah, they throw like girls... Which is still better than Pro Football's Tim Tebow.

When I saw a headline for this "news" article which said "Kardashian's disease: What is it?" my initial response was, ummmm, it's the condition where a woman is not very attractive but has big tits and based solely on that she gets a ton of attention. Turns out she has psoriasis, but from now on I will refer to women like her as having Kardashian's disease. Which, let's face it, plenty of women would love to have.

Almost always I fully read any article that I post here but in this case I'm making an exception because I get extremely irritated if I have to read more than a sentence or two about Hollywood cunts and furthermore there are more important matters to get to. I've probably blogged about this before but I've never understood the fascination with big boobs. Well, OK, I understand the fascination; people (particularly men) are simple and stupid. Regardless, they simply have never impressed me. Sure, I really do have a predilection towards small and medium sized-ones. I even say "Yay for double-A!" Initially one would say all of this is because I'm a little person and biased towards smaller sized things in general. Maybe that's part of it, but that certainly isn't all of it.

One of the biggest issues I have? Gravity. Say you see a naked woman with big jugs and they're down to like her waist. And she's 20. C'mon, what's hot about this? Of course they won't sag if they're fake and reasonably new, but fake breasts are another conversation for another time.

I will give big boobs an edge in clothing; they will fill out a sweater or tight top or whatever in a very pleasing fashion like smaller boobs can't. However, smaller breasts look way better naked and the whole point is to get the girl naked so small breasts win.

Also, I think my favorite thing about boobs, no, I don't think it, I know it, is cleavage. You don't need big breasts to have awesome cleavage, and you don't have any of those gravity issues either.

OK it's another time now so we can have the convo about fake tits. Under almost any circumstances I deplore breast implants. If you've had a mastectomy and you're just looking to get things back to where they were, that's understandable. I suppose I can also understand if a woman is fully flat. Or has concave cans. But otherwise, I just can't allow them. Lucky for women out there that I'm not in charge of anything and so they're allowed to perpetrate a boob holocaust whenever they want.

I despise phoniness in whatever form it comes and that is a huge part of the prejudice against fake ones. Probably the biggest part. I also don't like the notion of messing up something that is perfectly nice to begin with for no truly good reason. Oh and then there's the fact that fake boobs just don't look right. Not only do they look bad but they apparently can feel bad too; I have never felt fake breasts myself but once heard them described them as feeling "crunchy." Gross.

I have heard plenty of explanations from women as to why breasts implants are OK. It's not just for attention from guys or to one-up other women or blah blah blah. Bullshit.

What's the point of doing it just for the attention, anyway? Do you really want the attention of people who wouldn't pay attention to you otherwise? And fuck other bitches, if all you've got to win on is boob size then you have nothing at all.

I know what every woman wants to bring up now: dick size. I think the phallic comparison is totally fallacious. Even if any of those pills actually worked or there was effective cock enhancement surgery none of it would translate to automatic increased attention and attractiveness because you can't just let it hang out like a woman can with her breasts without getting arrested. And you know, the interest in bigger dongs actually makes some sense for simple physiological reasons. Would I do it if I could? I dunno, maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure it's worth the risk of messing up what little I have, and since I can't just put it on display it would do precisely nothing to overcome my crippling insecurity or social issues.

I know the notion of "be happy with what you have" is easier said than done. I really do; I clearly have a metric fuckload of inadequacies -- real or imagined -- that I'm carrying around. But in the end, just deal with it, and please don't be an asshole and ruin a perfectly nice pair of hooters, alright?