OK if I'm not gonna be useful in any way then I guess I should post some links to some hot chicks or something. Which then makes me sorta useful. One thing I am a huge fan of is girls with freckles. Take a cute girl and add freckles and it's almost unbearably awesome. Oh so anyway, this.

You know what I'm talking about

Hey, how's it going? So I checked in here tonight and I saw that I haven't posted in over three months. How has the world survived?

So Haloscan, the commenting system I was using, went titsup several months back. They got picked up by some other service that wants money. So, fuck them, and fuck me, because I haven't yet bothered to really figure out how to just get my custom template to properly display Blogger comments. Anyway that's what's up on that front. Nobody cares.

Hey, some quick trivia: "Cradle of Love" by Billy Idol is the most awesomest song ever that is rendered completely lame whenever not found in video form. Yes, on its own the song is great -- but then you think, damn, why am I not watching the video.

OK so anyway tonight I was going through a bunch of whiny-ass posts where I was all maudlin about this girl who for some reason I still have a thing for even though she's been a fucking bitch to me. I've got a buncha posts related to that saga-slash-non-saga that I either A) never released into the wild or B) released and then pulled (out) because they were weak. Totally unrelated to that I was reminded of this: Mormons Exposed.

Ok so I originally linked it here. When I originally found that link it was just the calendar of hot Mormon meat. But now... "Hot Mormon Muffins... A Taste of Motherhood."

Wow, seriously? That is an impressive level of cheap innuendo. This is coming (cumming?) from a Grandmaster (bater?), nonetheless. And at the same time, just so, so sad.

The best part, though? Once I saw the "muffins" calendar, my first thought was: do they all have those teeth?

I'm calling bullshit. Over 70,000 exorcisms? Assuming he started at 20 that's over a thousand a year. That's like nearly three a day. Bitch, please.

Also, this if you missed it.

Is SNL getting funny again? That would be a welcome change after years and years of being piss poor. I saw an episode a couple weeks back and it was actually pretty hilarious. I hope that wasn't just a fluke but I have forgotten to watch since then.

Bitch.

Yes. Yes exactly.

Fucking weak. I know we have made a bit of progress on this front but I still really hate where we are at as a country on a lot of things. As far as I know there were no real issues with running the Focus on the Family ads, so there's a nice little double standard to add to the pile of crap.

OK so after saying I don't really care about the Olympics anymore here's two skating posts back to back. Hey, I do still like the sport, I just have less of a vested interest now. Anyway, this pseudo-controversy is completely missing the most important fact: ice dancing is retarded. Seriously, fuck that shit. All it is is pairs without any of the hard stuff. I like real figure skating, not ice dancing.

Also, fuck everyone. I am so tired of every single fucking group out there just waiting for a reason to bitch about how they're being offended. You know, sometimes the complaints are totally legit, OK? And furthermore everyone has a right to be pissed and express their opinion about whatever. But usually people just need to relax and shut the fuck up. Everyone really needs to stop being so proud of their culture or their art or their whatever 'cause guess what? It mostly all sucks anyway. So get over it and get over yourselves. Jesus.

Everyone out there just waiting for false persecution to befall them needs to take a huge lesson from Jewish comedians. I may think their religion is stupid, but I totally respect how they can have their beliefs and be serious in them but at the same time laugh about them and not take things too seriously. Let's follow that example, eh?

I know what you're thinking. What if those weak-ass ice dancers went out there in blackface? Well that's not gonna happen 'cause they know black people have guns and they can't get away with shit like that. No one is afraid Aborigines. I mean; please.

The question about blackface is actually a pretty good retort but for starters I couldn't resist throwing out some humor. Humor in somewhat poor taste, yeah, but I know some of you are laughing. And of course I'm just joking about the black people all having guns thing but that helps bring me to a broader point. The thing is, you know, I really don't see what the problem is with making jokes like I just did or laughing at jokes like that. Obviously I would think that because I'm an asshole trying to justify my behavior but just work with me here alright.

Aboriginal costumes or blackface or whatever I think it's all OK. Yeah it may be shitty and it may be racist and it may be coming from a very lousy part of a total asshole. But it's all free speech. The whole point behind free speech is allowing people to say something that you might not like. There's no point in protecting speech that doesn't bother anyone. Everyone talks a good game about how they may disagree with someone but they defend to their death their right to say it blah blah blah. Of course a lot of people don't fully believe that; they really wish there was a way to shut people up who disagree with them. And again, that's the whole point behind laws protecting free speech.

Plus in the end, the words or dance routines or whatever aren't really hurting anyone, are they? What if you just ignored stuff like that? Would it go away? Umm, yeah, actually it would in many cases. The only reason stuff like that is hurtful or offensive is because people allow it to be. Words are just words until you let them be more, and if we all just stopped caring about shit like that our lives would be a lot more pleasant. Let the morons be morons and eventually they're just gonna go away anyway. Until those morons are making laws that truly are offensive then just let it go. It's when it comes to real actions that oppress people and take away their rights that I think shit's a problem. That's when people need to be up in arms and getting pissed.

Oh and one more thing. A lot of people who bitch about stuff like this dumbass ice dancing thing aren't really offended, they're just looking for attention. They just want some kind of excuse to run their mouths and let everyone know about their ultra-important opinions. These are some of the finest assholes we have amongst us, and they too need to just shut the fuck up.

I realize that I've said repeatedly that people need to shut the fuck up in one paragraph while in the very next I'm also talking up a good game about free speech rights. The thing is, I really do believe that people have every right to be douchebags and spew their opinions, but it would be so awesome if they could just put their efforts elsewhere towards something more worthwhile. Yes, this of course goes for me too. When I say people should stop talking what I am really trying to get at is that we all just need to relax more and follow the lead of our Jew comic brothers and sisters.

I think the best way to sum up my feelings here is to borrow some words of wisdom from ShitMyDadSays:

"Don't ever say stuff just because you think you should. That's the definition of an asshole."

Well, fuck. At least I don't really have to care about the Olympics anymore. Sure there is gonna be some stuff that interests me but it's just not gonna be the same.

This is pretty amusing: ShitMyDadSays. As described by the guy who runs that feed:

"I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says"

Also available on Failbook if you have such leanings.

Wait... Cindy McCain is cool? OK I really don't know much else about her other than she's loaded and looks really creepy but this is a big point in her favor.

So the Democrats are going to lose Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. That is hilarious. Hope you enjoyed that supermajority while it lasted, dumbasses. You guys could not be more limp-dicked of an organization.

Hey so is whoever commented on this post still around? Or how about anyone else who has commented in, like, the past year or so? I mean besides ETP; I know he'll wander past here eventually and be like, whoa, you're blogging again.

And hey, how about some newbies? C'mon, people. Step it up.

Kinda sad that this is where we're at with the whole Bin Laden thing -- it's been so fucking long that we're having to do age progressions on him to imagine what he looks like as he sits in a fucking cave someplace these days.

So this post may seem a bit out of place amongst all the bitching but if you think I'm real worried about my rep you probably just got here.

If you are a lazy-ass but have at least a marginal sense of humanity and would like to donate to the disaster relief efforts in Haiti you can text 'Haiti' to 90999. Ten bucks will be donated to the Red Cross and charged to your phone bill for each text. It's totally legit; you can read about it at the bottom of this article which also has info on other charitable organizations. Ten dollars might not seem like much but they've already raised like five mill this way so it really does add up.

I even donated and I don't ever do anything for anyone else because I am selfish but they have just made it too easy on us assholes. You even get to feel a little good about yourself because there's no such thing as true altruism (except maybe under some extreme circumstances) but that's really a discussion for another time.

Thanks to modern technology you basically have no excuse for not doing something.

OK wait so a couple more random things before I go. This is hilarious:



And this is hilariouser:


Also, if you have not seen Inglourious Basterds you have done yourself a great disservice.

Finally, money.

Alright so I just totally blew my blogging load and I'm probably gonna go back into hibernation for awhile now but before I do can someone please tell me who (upcoming link is a bikini shot just FYI) this girl is? She is just gorgeous and I swear I should know who she is but I am just not coming up with her name.

Another thing I am getting fucking sick and tired of is people who have NO sense of history, or, more generally speaking, no sense of anything at all. OK of course I'm not just now getting sick of this crap I was born sick of it. Take this for instance:


Two huge things pissing me off here. First of all, most everyone crying about "socialism" doesn't even know what the fuck socialism is. They just think it's a bad word and it's where we're headed 'cause some ignorant politician or mouthpiece said so. On top of that many of them take it to extremes, thinking we're on the path to becoming something like China. Red China? Really?

Then there's that quote about guns. I cannot say this any more clearly, fucktards: THE SECOND AMENDMENT ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. Now shut the FUCK UP and stop panicking so that I can both FIND and AFFORD bloody 9mm ammo, you child-minded pricks.

Huh; must be getting angry now.

Never mind trying to get people to understand shit that went down decades ago, they don't even understand recent history. Exhibit B, dumb shit like this:


Again, putting it simply: NO HE DIDN'T. Where the fuck were you idiots in September/October of 2008? You know, when shit REALLY hit the fan and we were talking about another great depression? You know, before Obama was even elected? Look, like I've said before I am honestly not all that turned on by Obama these days, but get your shit straight, please.

Yes, I realize these are two random images I found online that were made by some random retard. But just go listen to talk radio for about five minutes and you will see that opinions such as these are being vomited all over the place, and it is infuriating that these people do not simply die.

Wow this is such a stupid and self-serving idea that I just might have to do it.

I know I'm just preaching to the choir, but it needs to be said: Pat Robertson, professional douchebag.

Amongst my myriad problems I have a really, really hard time accepting things that displease me but just aren't gonna change no matter what. I realize I am not alone in possessing this flaw but I think I'm a little worse than the average person when it comes to just sucking it up and moving on.

One thing I am slowly coming to grips with is the fact that Sarah Palin just isn't going to go away. I kept hoping that she was just so stone cold fucking stupid that there was no way she could keep it up, but then at one point ETP pointed out how Bush had managed to become president (please save me the "but he stole the 2000 election!" shit; that is so said and done with) and I was like, "Yeah, fuck." It's been awhile since that point, however, but I am making progress.

I also grew very tired of posting one leftist "news" piece after another here on this 'blog because, well, it just got old. But this needs to go up because it's pretty damn funny.

The most disappointing thing about Palin, aside from her mind-numbing stupidity and peoples' ability to surpass her stupidity by listening to her in the first place? The more I see of her, the less physically attractive she is. It's not just because she's a retard and that's bringing it all down; men can separate out physical attractiveness from everything else and evaluate it independently. I swear she was actually hot at one point. She was always a dumbfuck but at least there was some kind of consolation, but now I'm like, damn, I think the only reason to want to fuck her is out of spite.

And so it goes.

OK so I was totally thinking about commenting on the whole Harry Reid thing a couple days back when it was quasi-relevant but like usual I was lazy. Fortunately, the second quote of this Onion bit pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say about it anyway.

OK so here's the kind of post I haven't made in a long time and it's a fucking shame. I just came across this really great site dedicated to pics of cute Asian girls, appropriately entitled Really Cute Asians. I discovered this site when I was searching for pics of girls in glasses, one of my most favoritist things in the whole wide world, and hit upon this gallery. I will put forth that there is nothing better in this world than a cute Asian girl wearing glasses, unless of course if it's a cute Asian girl in glasses wearing a sailor schoolgirl uniform.