Well, there goes my plans to start setting random boats on fire.

"Saddest holiday ever"? Not for the rest of us it isn't, bitch.

And yeah, Martha, you're gonna get married again, alright.

Yeah, so, I know you don't need to be reminded of these subjects, but, well, it's not like you don't know what you're getting yourself into by coming here. Except for those people who are wandering by for the first time; they're just fucked.

I got a Google hit from a guy looking for "man fucks dog porn." That's right; man fucks dog porn. As opposed to that man fucks dog art piece.

Not like we needed it, but here's another reminder as to how fucking stupid Americans are.

"This poll and other surveys show that as the courts have extended legal rights to gays this year, Americans have become increasingly uncomfortable with same-sex relations." Yeah, of course they've become "increasingly uncomfortable." That's because we're soft, frightened, ignorant little children who get squeamish about anything that might possibly differ from our boring, shitty lives. Oh, or we get scared because God supposedly told us to.

Furthermore, we're uncomfortable because we're being forced to actually face these issues. We're okay as long as we can ignore things and live in denial, but we throw a hissy fit when we have to actually answer some tough questions and tackle the hard issues. God for-fucking-bid we should ever be forced to think about anything or maybe even grow as human beings.

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites, too. Like I said a couple of weeks ago - people cheer and applaud shows like Wil and Grace and Queer Eye, but the second homosexuality becomes more than a fictional character, they get pissed and start calling for constitutional amendments.

It just nauseates me to hear quotes like the ones from that article. It nauseates me further because I know that there are so many more people out there who actually believe that garbage.

Speaking of quotes from the article, though, that last one really sums things up nicely, for me at least. Even if you're not gay, or even if you flat out disapprove of homosexuality, what is harmed by allowing them the rights so many others enjoy? There is no harm. It just threatens your ignorant beliefs and tells you that you are wrong.

You go ahead, you stupid fuckers. You push for that constitutional amendment. I just wish that one time you could look in the mirror and realize that you are shitting all over the principles that this country was founded upon. Created equal, indeed.

Look, I know that a constitutional amendment has a very slim chance of ever actually happening. There's a reason why the process is so long and arduous. Regardless, I'm still livid that the idea is even on the table, nonetheless receiving such active consideration.

I'm also gonna renew my call for the destruction of organized religion. Yeah, you're goddamn right I'm being intolerant. Intolerant of something that is beyond dangerous.

I have no coherent close to this already incoherent rant, so in lieu of that here's a big FUCK YOU to mainstream America.

Time to put on a sweater.

I've gotten some interesting and amusing spam subjects, but tonight was the first time that I got a spam from an interesting domain: nosehairpianos.com. My guess is that they were advertising a certain website, namely www.clownpenis.fart.

Onegai Santa.

Oh, yeah, and in case it wasn't fully implied by the title of this site, fuck everyone.

Another interesting search:

Saddam doujinshi

Yeah, bitch! We're gonna hunt Osama Saddam so we can eliminate Iraqi Libyan WMD!

Gadhafi approached us? Huh? Yeah, I'm real sure he did this out of the goodness of his heart.

But, hey, yet another excuse to dredge up 9/11, as if we had forgotten about it.

And, yeah, for those keeping score, this is apparently not one of those days where I'm in a mood and looking to shut the site down.

And while we're on the subject of advertisements, here's another series that's pissing me off.

"When they ask you why you fell asleep at your babysitting job, just tell them it's because you were stoned."

"When she asks you why you didn't pick her up for the prom, just tell her you couldn't do it because you were high."

The punchline to all these ads is "Responsibility: Your anti-drug."

Fuck you, assholes. You know what my anti-drug is? Not doing drugs.

I don't do drugs because I don't want to. Despite going to a school fairly well stereotyped for schooling a bunch of potheads, I've never done shit. Maybe that's because I'm stupid, and it's definitely because I'm a stiff.

When it comes to these ads, I got it, all right? You don't need to try and sell me on this, because I made up my mind ALL ON MY OWN. And I suspect that pretty much everyone else is going to do much the same, whether they choose to do drugs or not. But odds are no one is going to be swayed one way or the other based on what the "Partnership for a drug-free America" told them.

I've ranted about ant-drug ads before and how much I hate them. They piss me off for several reasons. First, I don't think that they do fucking shit to stem the use of drugs. Furthermore, in many cases, I don't think that we should be wasting all this money to stem the use of drugs. I don't give a shit if a lot of people do drugs, as long as there's no violent crime involved and they're not fucking with anyone else as a result.

A lot of this stuff should just be legalized. I mean, if alcohol is legal, then some illicit drugs should be. Once again, though, pot doesn't have the money and influence that tobacco and alcohol do. As such, I'm stuck listening to ads that are completely irrelevant to both me and everyone else in the fucking world.

While we're on the subject of guys, here's another company I'm sick of hearing ads for. Again, the ads aren't that annoying, but the concept is. There's a chain of hair cutting places called "Sport Clips" or something like that. The idea here is that they have sports and shit on TV for guys to watch while they get their hair cut.

Guys, can you not pull yourself away from the game for 30 minutes to get your fuckin' hair cut? If nothing else, schedule your goddamn haircut around the important games. Jesus.

You see, this is why I just can't get into "guy culture." You know, the sports watching, beer swilling, ugly Coors twins ogling guys.

Yes, I just got through a rant on Major League Baseball. Yes, I had subscriptions to Maxim and FHM for a long time. The thing is, all that shit was fun for awhile. It was fun to get really invested in sports. Maxim was a cool magazine. But then we turned 7.

Like usual, I'm being a hypocritical, elitist asshole, but it's not like that isn't expected. I've got my pursuits that many would consider stupid and pointless, like, oh, collecting toys. But at least I don't need my haircutting place to be selling me toys while I'm getting my bloody hair cut.

Besides, it's not like CostCutters is going to sell me quality import toys, anyway.

Okay, so when listening to JFR, I keep hearing ads for Sky Fighters of Denver. It's this company that lets you get into a fighter plane and play out a simulated dogfight.

Well, I'm not sure just how "fighter" these fighter jets are, but they're like T-34 jets. I'm no expert on military hardware, but my guess is that the T-34 isn't top of the line. Also, the ads claim that you do "90% of the flying." Clearly, it's not the important 90% that you are allowed to handle. Things are further cemented when they say that "no prior flight experience is necessary!" Yeah, if you have no prior experience, then you aren't doing anything useful in that cockpit.

Yeah, this might be a cool thing to do, or it might just be another excuse for guys to feel more manly than they really are.

Unless if you're one of about three Americans, you hate baseball. And if you're not one of those three, you will give as much of a shit about this post as the last. Nonetheless, we do it anyway.

There's been this huge deal in the works for the Boston Red Sox to trade Manny Ramirez to the Texas Rangers in exchange for Alex Rodriguez. Apparently, on Wednesday, both teams had struck a deal that both teams were happy with. In addition, A-Rod was happy with the deal as well (he has a no-trade clause and as such has to approve any trade involving him). Issue over, right?

Wrong.

The players' union stepped in and 86ed the deal, claiming that it lowered the value of A-Rod's contract. Which, apparently, it did, but A-Rod was going to be compensated for that loss in pay in other ways (endorsements, hookers, etc.). A-Rod is currently sitting on the biggest contract in pro sports history, so it's not like he was going to really miss the money. This was evidenced by the fact that he approved the fucking deal that the union torpedoed.

Commissioner Bud Selig could have overruled the union and let the deal go forward, but instead just set a deadline which expired yesterday.

As such, A-Rod remains with the Rangers, and Man Ram remains with the BoSox. This is fucking weak.

Now, I don't really care about the Rangers or the Sox, but this trade would have been good for baseball. How could it not? A-Rod is one of the most talented players in the game, talent that is going to waste with the Rangers who are never going to win anything. The Sox have already made some huge deals in the offseason, and this would have been the icing on the cake. They got close to the Series this year, and they're looking strong to go all the way next year. Adding Rodriguez would have cemented that. It would have had Steinbrenner, owner of the Yankees, shitting himself. Okay, he wouldn't be shitting himself, but only because he's George Steinbrenner.

Now, I don't really give a shit about what happens to the Sox, but it would be kinda cool to see them actually win it all. Yeah, I'd be jealous if they lifted their curse when my Cubs didn't, but let's face it, the Cubs are never gonna lift their curse, so fuck it. And if I think it's interesting, just imagine how exciting this could be for other baseball fans, many who actually do give a shit about the Sox.

Now, though, all you've got is a bunch of players who were going to be shipped out but aren't. At this point, it looks like they're going to be playing for the same teams as last year. A-Rod and Man Ram are, of course, the obvious players who will be dealing with this. Then there's Nomar Garciaparra, longtime shortstop of the Red Sox. You see, for those not in the know (i.e. you don't care), A-Rod is also a shortstop. As such, had the A-Rod for Man Ram deal went through, Nomar would have been traded somewhere else.

So here's what we've got. Alex Rodriguez wants the hell out of Texas. Nomar knows that the Sox would be willing to get rid of him if they could. And Man Ram, well, if he's the nutcase people are making him out to be, who knows what he's thinking. Still, three of the game's biggest names have been put in a shitty position.

I can't fucking believe that such a picture perfect deal, one that would have benefited everyone, isn't going to happen. A deal that everyone seemed to agree on, I might add. One that would have pleased baseball fans in general. And the deal is dead. That's just fucking stupid.

This is yet another thing that's wrong with baseball. Amidst declining attendance and whatnot, we have something that might help to spark a new interest in the game, and they fuck it up. The fucking lawyers and the dumbass commissioner either actively do something to ruin it, or they stay passive and don't push things forward. Thanks for nothing, cocksuckers.

Some kind of deal could still go through, but it's not looking promising. Even if it does go through, it should not have been this complicated. And if it doesn't go through, there's just no fucking excuse.

Why don't you assholes just get it over with and introduce aluminum bats already? That way pitchers can start getting killed (literally), but scoring will go up, people will care less, and no one will show up for games. That's where we're headed, so let's just get there and be done with it.

As if this saga wasn't bad enough for us Cubs fans, it was a fucking lawyer who got his hands on it and sold it at auction? There is no fucking justice in this goddamn shitty world. None.

Stories like this are always fascinating to me. I don't really believe in ghosts or the supernatural, but at the same time, I don't have any conclusive proof that all that stuff doesn't exist. Strangely enough, that also sums up a lot of my feelings on god and religion. Really, all that stuff is nothing but a bunch of goofy animal and ghost stories anyway. Might be true, might not.

"Look, I know the supernatural is something that isn't supposed to happen but it does happen"
- I can't remember what this is originally from, but it's sampled on White Zombie's Astro Creep 2000

"Yes, have some"
- Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer

Highlight of the day:

We had a little office pot luck Christmas party today, which people were encouraged to bring their families to. As part of the celebration, there was a game whereby people brought in gifts, and then everyone drew numbers to determine when they got to pick a random gift from the gift pool. Both the adults and kids played the game, and as such, there were some kids gifts and some adult gifts (no, not that kind of "adult").

There was some amusing gift swapping going on (that was part of the game), but hands down the best moment was when one of the little kids picked out and unwrapped a CD of Barry White's Greatest Hits.

I take it that this Yahoo searcher was a bad boy or girl this year:

less than zero fuck christmas

Yeah, Fuck Everything: The Book would be neat, but it's not gonna happen. Let's face it; this piece of shit is not WWDN, one of my inspirations for getting into this mess.

The combined effort idea is an interesting one, though, and it's something that I've thrown around in my head before. I've been wanting to get together a group of 'bloggers and do some sort of collaborative effort. Maybe call ourselves the "Coalition of the Mostly Willing" or something like that.

Since I keep going through brief phases where I just want to quit doing Fe entirely, I've considered starting a new 'blog instead, one that would be a collaborative effort that contained posts from lots of different 'bloggers. I'd keep Fe around and still remain the sole poster since despite how much I malign this piece of shit, it's still MY piece of shit, and I'm very territorial when it comes to my stuff. Shit (not literally) or otherwise. However, in addition, we'd have the other 'blog, which includes bullshit from me as well as bullshit from other people. This would allow me to maybe step back things at Fe when I'm going through those moods, but still feel like I'm contributing something.

This would require some coordination and communication with other people, so, yeah, we'll see how far that idea goes.

Because America has a huge cock.

Okay, that's enough obscure Bill Maher references for the day.

Yeah, so this post will officially make me a whore. But a willing whore nonetheless.

It's time to get all democratic and shit and go vote for kindofcrap.com in the Asia 'blog awards. The best site about mutual student/teacher abuse and other amusing anecdotes from Japan is nominated in two major categories: Funniest Blog and Best Japanese Blog.

The race is pretty tight in both categories, but there's no excuse for Galvin's site not winning because it kicks the ass out of the competition. And I full well know this having never visited the other 'blogs.

Incidentally, America is the greatest nation in the world.

Okay, wait, I lied, I visited one of those other sites (Galvin's competition in funniest blog) mainly because Galvin said there'd be some boobs there. But not even a picture of a girl with a nice body is enough to sway this voter. I have principles.

So, yeah, get your ass out there and vote. Consider it practice for next year, except in this election we have a chance of winning.

Also, if Galvin wins one or both of these categories, will he finally admit that his site is not just a web journal, but that it is indeed a web LOG?

For the maybe one or two people who give a shit about the Dokkoida wallpaper from a couple of posts back, I fixed the link.

Meanwhile, you can find lots of other anime wallpapers at the site I originally tried to link, which can be found under the "wallpapers" link here.

I think Krugman has been on vacation or something, because he hasn't had a column in awhile. Looks like he's back now, though.

Speaking of my favorite Times columnists, my would-be girlfriend Maureen Dowd has been MIA for awhile as well.

Why download this? Because it's there.