In an "announcement" sure to disappoint all five of you, the level of posts will probably slow to a trickle if not drop off entirely over the past few days. Not like anyone will notice, since both the number and quality of posts have really declined in the past few weeks. On the quality front, that's pretty fucking sad for a site that started at a very low level of what would hardly be called quality.

Anyway, for all two of you who are curious, I'll be at home for the entire Thanksgiving holiday, so I will have no excuse (other than apathy and the aforementioned chronic masturbation) if I didn't update this 'blog. While I'm in town I'll have continual 'net access so that I can still read the dearth of comments, but I probably won't even post a nugget or two. But please, try not to kill yourself if I didn't post anything at all.

While we're working on a loose theme, I need to talk about the great Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads disaster of 1997. That was the year that ETP and I turned 18. We had one friend, though, who turned 18 several months ahead of us. His birthday was in February, while ETP doesn't turn older until May and I don't get mine until June. So this was like a big deal, right? We finally have a friend who can go and just walk into a store and buy porn. Sure, we had the Internet, but that was still the days of slow-ass dialup. So yeah, big deal.

In the Denver area, we have a chain of stores called Newsland. I don't know if their empire expands beyond Denver, but whatever. Anyway, they have a fairly sizable section of skin rags (or at least, they used to). Once this friend of ours turned 18, we were immediately like "Dude, can you go buy us some porn?" Of course, back in that day, "porn" to us was still issues of Playboy and shit, as opposed to things involving a man, another man, a midget and a woman doing things to a donkey or a monkey fucking a coconut. But I'm getting away from our story.

So we go to Newsland, and I specifically ask this kid to check out Playboy's Newsstand Special (now known as Special Editions; you know, the ones chock-full of ultra-softcore pictures but mercifully few words) entitled, yup, you guessed it, Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads. I even gave the kid CASH to take with him into Newsland.

Now, if you were anyone else, what would you think? That maybe I wanted you to buy this particular issue? No, of course you wouldn't. You'd go inside, check out the issue, then come back emptyhanded so that I have nothing to look at when I'm full-handed later on that evening. You know, looking back, I'll bet that pussy didn't even go into the porn section to look at things, because he was a dipshit about that kind of stuff.

I never forgave him for that, but that was the least of our issues as things really went downhill in terms of our relationship with him several years later on. One of these days I'll get to the story of how we ruined that kid's wedding.

Yahoo search:

blacks made me watch as they fuck my wife

Dude, blacks didn't make you watch as they fucked your wife. It was the media who made you watch as they fucked your wife.

I'm gonna have to side with the neighbors on this one. There's nothing worse than having to put up with unnecessary shit because of selfish fucking neighbors who don't bother to think about the impact of what they're doing on anyone else. Yeah, we all love those big, bright Xmas displays, but most of us look at them recreationally, not because it's practically on our own lawn.

"If you can't even put up a display these days, what kind of people have we become?"

Okay, dude, there's only one way I can say this: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You spent one-hundred and fifty thousand dollars on it. That's not a "display," that's a spectacle or an extravaganza at least. As far as what kind of people we've become, what the fuck? Piss off, you yuppie fuck with way too much money to burn. The kind of people we've become, apparently, are narcissitic, selfish, pieces of shit.

To top it off, the cocksucker erected a big talking statue of the Grinch. Yeah, that's the adult way to handle it, chief. To continue on theme with the last post, that guy looks like a redhead, too. Redheads are nothing but a bunch of fucking tools.

If you're near Princeton and you have a thing for redheads, you can find what you need in one convenient location. Hey, CNN: if you're going to run stories like this, include better pictures.

"... the group meets in a red-painted room munching on red snacks such as Twizzlers and sipping cranberry juice."

Alright kids, settle down. It's nice that you have your little club and all, but we wouldn't want it to get goofy or anything.

ETP has always had a big thing for redheads, and while I don't have any particular fetish for it, I can definitely go for a hot redhead. But then again, I like a hot brunette or a hot blonde, too. I don't discriminate. No fat chicks.

Even if I didn't agree with the cheerleading, there needs to be more than just one new GYWO strip soon.

Lime on lime crime

Hey, so you know what'd probably go pretty good with key lime pie? Limeade. Or, beer.

I like Bill Maher's take on this issue. If the Republicans want Article II repealed, fine. Then Democrats get the 22nd Amendment on presidential term limits repealed. The penalties offset, allowing Republicans to run Schwarzenegger and Democrats to run Clinton. Both sides get to run who they really want to run, and the country is fucking entertained.

"... this has caused pregnant women to race back to our shores to make certain their children's political potential is not somehow beclouded."

Bill, slow down. Considering the very narrow likelihood of a child growing up to be president, I don't think this will be a primary concern on the mind of someone who's about to push a relatively large object out of a small bodily opening. The only woman overly concerned with getting back stateside over this issue is a retarded one.

Considering the current administration, Schwarzenegger as president doesn't sound too horrid. That's pretty bad when a concept that's ridiculous on its face is preferable to what we've got. And at least Arnold is in favor of some of the things that I'm down with, like abortion and gays. And after seeing him at the RNC, you know the guy has some skills, which gives him another leg up on Bush. I don't know how well things are going in California at this point, and I guess we really won't know the results of their little experiment until we see some long-term results, but at least he hasn't run the state into the ground yet.

Then again, I really don't want to put up with four (if not more) years of shitty action movie references and every other word ending in "-inator." Are you ready for the Presidentinator? I'm not.

... Because guns don't kill people, stupid people with guns kill people.

Okay, so I'm a pretty big Linux fan. Well, maybe not today, since I spent a bunch of fucking time installing shit so that Mozilla could play streaming Windows Media (via mplayer-plugin), but at least the fucking thing works. Still, in addition to getting fed up with my OS of choice from time to time, I also get pretty goddamn sick of the Linux and Open Source communities in general. "Oh, look at me, I'm so much cooler and smarter than everyone else because I use Linux!" "Open Source is better just because I think it is!" "Microsoft sucks!" You know, stupid mindless shit like that coming from 15-year-old boys who spend all their time locked in the computer lab. Not that there's, you know, anything wrong with that. Hey, screw that, yes there is -- when I was 15, I spent a decent amount of time playing with computers, but I was also out stalking girls who'd never want to have anything to do with me. I was a nerd, but I was cool. Well, no I wasn't.

Anyway, what the fuck was I going to talk about before yet another unnecessary flashback? Oh yeah, the mindless love of Linux can turn out decently amusing sometimes, like with this product. I need to check out that site some more, but so far I've also found this, which is pretty funny.

Hey, all you would-be assasins and patsies: now's your chance to kill a president without getting in trouble for it!

... And one more goddamnit

Hey, guys: if you're having trouble getting your woman off, then just shove some electrodes in her back and start punching buttons!

Of course, something like this wouldn't actually be a boon to men, it'd be a replacement. Especially for weak, inexperienced, generally ineffective men like me. Can I at least watch?

Okay, jokes aside, I get that this is designed for extreme cases of women with orgasmic dysfunction, which is a nice euphemism for "man doesn't know what the fuck he's doing" or "ice queen." Alright now, relax, ladies. I don't know much, but I do know that you're complicated, so just leave me alone (much like you've been doing for, oh, the majority of 25 years).

Hell, I could go on all night making jokes about this, but just one more. I also want to make a device of this nature just so that I can name it the Orgasmarator. Okay, seriously, that's all for now.

Okay, one more

I always hate leaving for the day (or just for a short period, as is often the case) on a child sex offense joke, because for some reason I always feel as if leaving one of those posts at the very top is what's going to get me in trouble. Because, you know, the FBI won't read two posts to help in establishing the "pattern of behavior" that they're after.

Anyway, I've complained about those lame-ass personal ads with lame-ass quotes from lame-ass people that appear on web pages, but here's one I just came across that I found mildly amusing:

Last great book I read: "Catholic Digest, it is the only thing in my mom's bathroom."

Yeah, that's pretty much where Catholic Digest belongs -- in with all the rest of the shit.

11

Yahoo search:

worthless fucking little girl cocksuckers

That isn't very nice -- she isn't worthless. I mean, she is sucking cock, after all. God damn it, hands down I have got to show up in the worst engine searches. Again, just a reflection of the quality of my writing and my command of the filthiest parts of the language. Man, nobody sees the things that I see (as a result of Googlers in addition to my own illnesses).

Okay, I got in a joke about child molestation thanks to some other pedophile on Yahoo, so I think I can shut it down for now.

You've come a long way, baby

Several years ago, KMFDM released their album Adios, and a sticker on the plastic wrapper billed it as "The historic farewell album." Yes, the historic farewell album, which was neither. Not historic since, well, it's just KMFDM. I like 'em and all, but you know, not that important. And of course it wasn't a farewell because shortly thereafter they broke up, reformed, reversed their name, and sucked. The new project, MDFMK, was pretty much the same minus En Esch and Günter Schulz (which I guess is damn near everyone big) and not as good as KMFDM. They had that song "Rabble Rouser" and... That's pretty much it. After that they re-reversed their name back to KMFDM, they got the old band back together, and put out WWIII, to which all I could say was "That's not enough!" Even if it wasn't stellar, I do have to give mad props for any album with a song about George W. Bush that's simply entitled "Moron."

Anyway, I posted a link awhile back about Norman Cook, AKA FatBoy Slim. Thanks to a reminder from ETP, I went out looking for the new album, Palookaville. A sticker on its plastic wrapper billed it as "The triumphant return of FatBoy Slim!" So, was the sticker once again lying, or was there some merit to its claims?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the album is pretty good. Not quite "triumphant," though. I would consider it a triumph if it surpassed You've Come a Long Way, Baby or Better Living Through Chemistry, which it does not. But it most certainly surpasses Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars, which while it had some definitely cool stuff and the cool cover with the sun shining through that guy's crotch, also had a bunch of stuff that was just plain shit, something I'm not used to with Norman.

Most of Palookaville is pretty good, at least as far as my tastes go. I can't stand track eight, which goes to show you that Norman just won't ever be what he once was, but otherwise I really like the album. Tracks 1-7 especially, with everything after eight being decent as well.

The album comes off as being somewhat original and not too horribly derivative. Of course, that's just how it is with techno/electronica/dance (technonicance from here on out to save me from having to type all those slashes and other shit) -- pretty much everything is derivative of prior work. In fact, I'm planning on releasing a techno album some day entitled dy/dx just to show that I know how it works in the world of technonicance. I dunno, I'm not really very savvy when it comes to music, but it at least had a somewhat different feel than the older stuff while not straying too far from roots. I could be wrong, but it was definitely less derivative than, say, Moby's 18, which could have been entitled Play 2: Not as Good.

There is plenty of the old technonicance standby of having a bunch of annoyingly repetitive shit that is somehow still very catchy and, as a result, not that annoying. Kinda like reggae, only good.

I like tracks six and seven the best on Palookaville. I'm guessing with my limited lyrical insight that those are the tracks that stemmed from FatBoy's marital troubles. Nothing personal against FatBoy, but if your marriage going into the shitter and then being resurrected brings about stuff like those two tracks, then you and your wife need to have a lot more strife between the two of you.

So yeah, I've gotta say that I feel good about FatBoy once again. Granted, it's never going to be good again, but that's to be expected. I don't think any artist can stay at their peak for all that long, with the exception of Fluke who lives on peak (probably aided by the fact that so many of the sounds in new stuff are straight out of the old stuff, and it somehow stays fresh). But that's okay, because at least I have some new technonicance to wear out before I inevitably go back to playing Fluke non-stop.

Also, this post marks the first time in I don't know how fucking long where I've hit double digits in my post count for the day. Not like that means anything, but I know that I too am well past my prime already, and it's nice to re-visit the good ol' days of quantity over quality. As opposed to modern times, where you get neither quality nor quantity.

You know, I've been out here doing all this posting today, and I haven't done any complaining about how stupid I think you are if you believe in Jesus. Hey, I hold some dumb ideas myself, but at least I don't believe in some invisible man in the sky and his son, who died for all our sins.

Anyway, that was just a nice preface to this "In Pictures" feature from the BBC on an art exposition entitled "100 Artists See God." From the samples, a lot of it looks pretty pretentious, I can' see how some of it has anything to do with God (but of course I wouldn't, I'm not an "artist"), we know for a fact that Leonard Nimoy just plain likes boobs, and #6 -- to me, at least -- is pretty neat.

"... And he has a son. What is this, Bonanza?"
- Bill Maher on God and Jesus

Here's one thing I wanted to post earlier in the week but couldn't because Blogger was being a dooshebag. Yet another piece of evidence in support of why (nearly) everyone should be killed.

Oh yeah, here's one more thing I've been meaning to comment on for the past couple of weeks but have been too busy or to apathetic to get around to. I still like GYWO and all, but, umm, no.

We're smarter than those motherfuckers.

Clearly we're not, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

We can learn more quickly than those motherfuckers.

Clearly we can't, because we had four goddamn years to get clued in and they still beat us to the finish line.

We can be more ruthless than those motherfuckers.

We don't have a Karl Rove.

We can be some six-million-dollar motherfuckers ourselves.

Aren't we supposed to be the party of poor motherfuckers? Until ETP, BOETP and I get our third way going, which I'm tentatively calling Neo-Liberalism, we're not going to be Lee Majors.

... Cut some stuff that I can get on board with...

There's an election in two years.
There's nothing we can't do.

Yeah, well, this is what we started telling ourselves in 2000, and look what it got us. It's basically been nothing but a bunch of this rah-rah, second place isn't so bad, we'll get 'em next time, total denial bullshit since November 2nd. Or maybe it hasn't, or I just haven't been looking in the right places. Either way, this is not what we need to be doing. We need to get pissed, and we need to act. And for fuck's sake, finally act in ways that will actually do something, instead of just perpetuating the empty rhetoric.

That's okay, though, because it's the Democrats who are the obstructionists with no interest in protecting us.

I like how Republican excuses are predicated on the old standby, "protecting the troops." I can understand some merit in the argument for not switching things up, but you know what? I'm just going to come out and say what I've been wanting to say for awhile but have been too big of a pussy to say: fuck the troops. Fuck 'em.

After the election, ETP noted that a good number of them probably voted for Team Bush. You know, the group of people who bullshitted and lied to start a war that's killed, you know, maybe one or two troops. Oh, that, or, more than a thousand. And of course, that doesn't cover the casualties, the forgotten injured who didn't die but will have to live with things like nerve damage and missing limbs and just plain being fucked up thanks to the war. But you know what? Fuck 'em all the same. If that's who they want in office, then they deserve it. Of course, that says nothing for the undoubted tens of troops who didn't vote for Bush, but work with me. I'm simplifying, and that makes it, uh, simpler.

So yeah, screw this bullshit notion that you did it for the troops. Maybe if you guys in Congress really, really cared about those precious troops, you would have done something to keep them out of harm's way in the first place. So fuck Dennis Hastert, fuck the rest of Congress, fuck the military, and fuck everyone, come to think of it.

Yeah, it sucks. Also, it looks as if Project 3-Series is a success and I buy a gun (which I may as well do), I'm automatically Republican, so I had better get used to liking all this stupid bullshit real soon now.

After about a hundred more years without any changes, I finally posted some updates to the sailor schoolgirl site. Yup.

Just as a quick Japanese porn history lesson, that second model, Ai Nagase (or Nagase Ai, if you prefer to go with the traditional name order I've got going on the site), is a pretty big porn star (and legal, I will add, to put some of you at ease, since this is Japan we're talking about). Big enough that most of the pictures I have of her aren't postable if I want to keep with the "clean & wholesome yet still dirty" motif I've got going (as opposed to just all-out dirty, even though I think that staying away from full-blown nudity is insidiously dirtier). She's rather popular, from what I understand, or at least popular enough that they make this adult product based on her. She's also 145 centimeters tall, which is about 4'9" for those of you keeping track at home. That's just about the neatest thing ever.

You know, it just never really occurred to me that maybe the whole Monday Night Football thing really might be about race. I feel kinda like the South Park boys in that episode about the South Park flag, which depicted a bunch of white people hanging a black person. Throughout the episode, they boys don't see what the big deal is about the flag, and people like Chef are all pissed off at them. But then it's realized that the boys don't see the problem not because they're racist, but because they aren't racist. They were colorblind and couldn't even bring race into the equation. Anyway, I'm probably not explaining it very well, but for those who saw the episode you'll know what the fuck I'm babbling about.

So yeah, in addition to the fact that it just never occurred to me to make it a race issue since that's just not how I think, I'm also pretty stupid. But if that's really what it's about, it makes sense. And what I said before still stands -- everyone else is a fucking moron. I may not be clued in, but at least I'm not bent out of shape over what should be a non-issue. Whatever the hell the issue (or issues) might be.

So let him fight. Fuck him. 'Cause I'm real sure all of England would go up in flames if something happened to anyone in that stupid royal family. Why anyone on either side of the Atlantic gives a shit about them is beyond me.

If it wasn't for the fact that he's being replaced with probably an even more ignorant dumbass, I would be able to take a lot of pleasure in Tom Daschle's defeat and departure from the Senate, because Daschle is a limp-dicked retard. You know, a Democrat.

I don't know where the hell comments went. I thought it'd be some transient phenomena and they'd show back up after a not too long, but no such luck. Not that most people care, but I guess they'll return whenever it just fixes itself or I get in touch with HaloScan to have it resolved.