So ChristXmas is upon is. I saw a sign a couple of weeks ago out in front of a church that said "Put a little Christ in your Christmas this year." And I was like, fuck that. I get enough Christ the other 364 days of the year; I don't need him fucking up my holidays, too.

Daniel Pearl's wife on line one

Hey, I'm really sorry about your daughter and all, but fuck you people. Hey, I'm the last one to defend Wal-Mart (just ask ETP when he wants to go look for a cheap copy of Shaft, which we're not going to do), but they did do their fucking job on this. What, it's their fault the girl lied when she purchased the gun? I know, I know -- they should have checked their own records. What do you expect, for someone to actually go the extra mile on something? Especially when they're getting minimum wage? Shit, I've known people making well over an average salary who spent time bitching "Hey, that's not part of my job," so good luck getting fuckers at Wal-Mart to do it. Bottom line is, if they don't have to do it, they won't.

Look, no one should ever have to suffer through something as awful as this, unless of course if they really, really deserve it. I'm pretty sure we've been over this before, but just because something awful has happened to you doesn't mean that you're automatically entitled to get paid. When I see stuff like this, I don't know if it's wrought out of greed or just wanting to try and have to keep from facing a harsh reality or both. Both of which are perfectly understandable, by the way, but that doesn't make it any less shitty.

This story here is representative of quite possibly our biggest talent nowadays in this country: turning a tragedy into an even bigger travesty.

Hey, Rick Berman, can you hear me? Or shall I turn it up?

While we're talking Trek, I was reading this the other day, and I became infuriated. This is a non-issue. It was settled in the Deep Space Nine episode "Trials and Tribbleations." In that episode, they digitally inserted DSN actors into the Classic Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles." For those who don't know and/or don't care, that Classic episode involved the Klingons, and one of the DSN characters was Worf, a "modern" Klingon. In the episode, someone (I think it was Chief O'Brien) asks Worf why the Klingons there look different from him. Worf simply responds in his characteristic tone by saying "We do not speak of it." And that's it! They resolve the issue by completely ignoring the issue! It was fucking brilliant, and Enterprise, in all it's non-brilliance, has to go and fuck with that. Those fucking pieces of shit.

Piewagons

Hey, are you an ugly, pizza-faced loser living in your parents' basement who's looking for an equally ugly, tub-of-shit train wreck to spend your life with? Then this site's for you!

Hey, I figured if I was going to bother 'blogging ever again, I may as well get back into things with something mildly vicious and completely hypocritical. That's right, we gotta bust out some geek-on-geek crime. Okay, well, it's not completely hypocritical since -- while I am a Trekkie and a fucking loser and blah blah blah -- I am still way fucking better than those people. And I say this (for once) with a completely straight face. And that's just sad.

So, where have I been? 'Cause I know everyone cares. Well, I've been mad. You don't wanna know why and I don't wanna talk about it. You might find out in a few months at which point I should have all this bullshit resolved, but rest assured, it's unimportant. The edge of your seat should be pretty warm right about now, so get to it.

It's sad, because shit like this now looks pretty well-adjusted when it comes to Japan. Well, at least to me it does. The sickest thing I've ever seen out of Japan was something akin to Realdoll, AKA the most expensive masturbation toy ever. Some of you will be familiar with Realdoll if you've either A) been paying fucking attention around here or B) have a bunch of money and enjoy masturbating.

Anyway, the sick thing about the product I saw advertised wasn't just that it was for (somewhat) life-like sex dummies, it's that one of them was 110 cm tall, and another was 130 cm tall. That's (unless if I've fucked up my math, which is possible) 3'6" and 4'3". Keeping in mind, of course, that they're designed to be human sized, making them, yup, little girls. Naturally, they come in school uniforms (whether or not they come in school uniforms is, uh, nevermind). I don't know how anatomically correct they are, although one can guess since the "older" models have the right junk if I'm reading the diagrams correctly (yes, it's been a long time, but I can recognize cavities and canals with the best of 'em). Oh, and I can read enough of that bullshit chicken scratch they call a language to know that the 110 cm and 130 cm models are part of the "Lolita series."

No, I am not planning on getting one, Lolita series or otherwise.

Look, I'm not trying to say that Japan has problems, but I'm saying that Japan is nothing but a bunch of fucking pedophiles. Not that I can't get on board with that. And I suppose molesting a replica of a child is better than molesting an actual child, unless of course if the child is really asking for it.

Alright, that's pretty much all the posting you're getting out of me for the time being. I'm way too fucking pissed off right now, pissed off enough that I don't even feel like talking about it for a bunch of people who don't care.

I just saw something on Blogger's sign-on page entitled "Learning Blogger." And I'm like, huh? How fucking hard it it to set up and write a 'blog? I can do it, and I'm damn near fucking retarded (yet I'm still smarter than a good number of people out there... a seemingly unresolved that paradox, until I realize just how goddamn dumb people are). When it comes to 'blogging, you click on some shit, type some other shit, and then put up a bunch of worthless crap that you think someone somewhere might care about even though no one does. But then once you look at the quality of most 'blogs out there, you do see that people need special help. Sure, there are a couple of people who can float, but for the most part the genre sucks. If they had me put together a how-to guide on 'blogging, it would be pretty short. Here's the by and large of my advice on 'blogging: don't.

Are we going to the zoo?

Google search:

"Why religion is stupid"

I of course want to be #1 for this one, but being #4 isn't horrid. If you do the same search on metacrawler, I'm #2. That's how someone originally got here, but I decided to try Google for the fuck of it and post that since, as we all know, Google is more authoritative because Google is god. Which brings kind of a religious aspect into it, which means that Google is stupid. Fuck Google.

Hey, just be glad I'm either not posting or simply posting (mostly) random meaningless crap, as opposed to droning on endlessly about Project 3-Series. Because, believe me, I could. Just ask ETP, and he'll tell you what a little bitch I am.

Better not tell BOETP.

Spam:

...Steve finally was ready and Stacy screamed like a loon as his cum rocketed into her cunt. See it all here...

I've gotta give this one credit for at least being the most, uh, colorful spam subject that I've seen in awhile. Also, I now know that my life will never be complete since I will never get to make a woman scream like a loon.

This should make us liberals happy.

I'm not sure if I can love Maureen Dowd more than I do right now.

Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!

I am so toally stoked for next year.

Google searches:

fuck+pork
pork fuck

These two search hits showed up in my referral log back-to-back. When I saw the first one, I was like "Who the hell gets so angry at pork that they have to go out and do a Google search over it?" But then I saw the second one and I was like "Ohhhh, I get it." The odd thing about these two searches, though (seeing as how pork fucking isn't considered "odd" around here) is that they came from two completely different IP addresses, but they were both from Italy. Now, maybe someone was just switching between proxy servers or something to make it harder for anyone to track their extra-curricular pork love desires, or maybe there were actually two people in Italy around the same time who were looking for (probably) the same thing. Is this related to some Italian holiday that I don't know about? Perhaps their answer to Thanksgiving here in the states? You know, we stuff a turkey, they stuff some pork? Sounds about right.

It's always weird seeing stuff like this. I mean, it just doesn't make sense for religious people to be holding hundreds-of-years-old grudges over a bunch of stupid bones. They're usually more rational than that.

John Paul has also apologized for sins committed by Catholics against other Christians.

Why has he had to do this? Didn't Jesus already die to absolve all of those people of their sins? It's all very confusing to me. Also, has the Pope ever apologized for sins committed by Catholics against non-Christians? Look, you guys have played a big part in making this whole world a shithole, but you did give us those neat Catholic school uniforms. Let's just call the whole thing a wash if in addition you'll agree to just leave everyone else the hell alone. Whaddya say?

In an "announcement" sure to disappoint all five of you, the level of posts will probably slow to a trickle if not drop off entirely over the past few days. Not like anyone will notice, since both the number and quality of posts have really declined in the past few weeks. On the quality front, that's pretty fucking sad for a site that started at a very low level of what would hardly be called quality.

Anyway, for all two of you who are curious, I'll be at home for the entire Thanksgiving holiday, so I will have no excuse (other than apathy and the aforementioned chronic masturbation) if I didn't update this 'blog. While I'm in town I'll have continual 'net access so that I can still read the dearth of comments, but I probably won't even post a nugget or two. But please, try not to kill yourself if I didn't post anything at all.

While we're working on a loose theme, I need to talk about the great Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads disaster of 1997. That was the year that ETP and I turned 18. We had one friend, though, who turned 18 several months ahead of us. His birthday was in February, while ETP doesn't turn older until May and I don't get mine until June. So this was like a big deal, right? We finally have a friend who can go and just walk into a store and buy porn. Sure, we had the Internet, but that was still the days of slow-ass dialup. So yeah, big deal.

In the Denver area, we have a chain of stores called Newsland. I don't know if their empire expands beyond Denver, but whatever. Anyway, they have a fairly sizable section of skin rags (or at least, they used to). Once this friend of ours turned 18, we were immediately like "Dude, can you go buy us some porn?" Of course, back in that day, "porn" to us was still issues of Playboy and shit, as opposed to things involving a man, another man, a midget and a woman doing things to a donkey or a monkey fucking a coconut. But I'm getting away from our story.

So we go to Newsland, and I specifically ask this kid to check out Playboy's Newsstand Special (now known as Special Editions; you know, the ones chock-full of ultra-softcore pictures but mercifully few words) entitled, yup, you guessed it, Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads. I even gave the kid CASH to take with him into Newsland.

Now, if you were anyone else, what would you think? That maybe I wanted you to buy this particular issue? No, of course you wouldn't. You'd go inside, check out the issue, then come back emptyhanded so that I have nothing to look at when I'm full-handed later on that evening. You know, looking back, I'll bet that pussy didn't even go into the porn section to look at things, because he was a dipshit about that kind of stuff.

I never forgave him for that, but that was the least of our issues as things really went downhill in terms of our relationship with him several years later on. One of these days I'll get to the story of how we ruined that kid's wedding.

Yahoo search:

blacks made me watch as they fuck my wife

Dude, blacks didn't make you watch as they fucked your wife. It was the media who made you watch as they fucked your wife.

I'm gonna have to side with the neighbors on this one. There's nothing worse than having to put up with unnecessary shit because of selfish fucking neighbors who don't bother to think about the impact of what they're doing on anyone else. Yeah, we all love those big, bright Xmas displays, but most of us look at them recreationally, not because it's practically on our own lawn.

"If you can't even put up a display these days, what kind of people have we become?"

Okay, dude, there's only one way I can say this: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You spent one-hundred and fifty thousand dollars on it. That's not a "display," that's a spectacle or an extravaganza at least. As far as what kind of people we've become, what the fuck? Piss off, you yuppie fuck with way too much money to burn. The kind of people we've become, apparently, are narcissitic, selfish, pieces of shit.

To top it off, the cocksucker erected a big talking statue of the Grinch. Yeah, that's the adult way to handle it, chief. To continue on theme with the last post, that guy looks like a redhead, too. Redheads are nothing but a bunch of fucking tools.

If you're near Princeton and you have a thing for redheads, you can find what you need in one convenient location. Hey, CNN: if you're going to run stories like this, include better pictures.

"... the group meets in a red-painted room munching on red snacks such as Twizzlers and sipping cranberry juice."

Alright kids, settle down. It's nice that you have your little club and all, but we wouldn't want it to get goofy or anything.

ETP has always had a big thing for redheads, and while I don't have any particular fetish for it, I can definitely go for a hot redhead. But then again, I like a hot brunette or a hot blonde, too. I don't discriminate. No fat chicks.

Even if I didn't agree with the cheerleading, there needs to be more than just one new GYWO strip soon.

Lime on lime crime

Hey, so you know what'd probably go pretty good with key lime pie? Limeade. Or, beer.

I like Bill Maher's take on this issue. If the Republicans want Article II repealed, fine. Then Democrats get the 22nd Amendment on presidential term limits repealed. The penalties offset, allowing Republicans to run Schwarzenegger and Democrats to run Clinton. Both sides get to run who they really want to run, and the country is fucking entertained.

"... this has caused pregnant women to race back to our shores to make certain their children's political potential is not somehow beclouded."

Bill, slow down. Considering the very narrow likelihood of a child growing up to be president, I don't think this will be a primary concern on the mind of someone who's about to push a relatively large object out of a small bodily opening. The only woman overly concerned with getting back stateside over this issue is a retarded one.

Considering the current administration, Schwarzenegger as president doesn't sound too horrid. That's pretty bad when a concept that's ridiculous on its face is preferable to what we've got. And at least Arnold is in favor of some of the things that I'm down with, like abortion and gays. And after seeing him at the RNC, you know the guy has some skills, which gives him another leg up on Bush. I don't know how well things are going in California at this point, and I guess we really won't know the results of their little experiment until we see some long-term results, but at least he hasn't run the state into the ground yet.

Then again, I really don't want to put up with four (if not more) years of shitty action movie references and every other word ending in "-inator." Are you ready for the Presidentinator? I'm not.

... Because guns don't kill people, stupid people with guns kill people.

Okay, so I'm a pretty big Linux fan. Well, maybe not today, since I spent a bunch of fucking time installing shit so that Mozilla could play streaming Windows Media (via mplayer-plugin), but at least the fucking thing works. Still, in addition to getting fed up with my OS of choice from time to time, I also get pretty goddamn sick of the Linux and Open Source communities in general. "Oh, look at me, I'm so much cooler and smarter than everyone else because I use Linux!" "Open Source is better just because I think it is!" "Microsoft sucks!" You know, stupid mindless shit like that coming from 15-year-old boys who spend all their time locked in the computer lab. Not that there's, you know, anything wrong with that. Hey, screw that, yes there is -- when I was 15, I spent a decent amount of time playing with computers, but I was also out stalking girls who'd never want to have anything to do with me. I was a nerd, but I was cool. Well, no I wasn't.

Anyway, what the fuck was I going to talk about before yet another unnecessary flashback? Oh yeah, the mindless love of Linux can turn out decently amusing sometimes, like with this product. I need to check out that site some more, but so far I've also found this, which is pretty funny.

Hey, all you would-be assasins and patsies: now's your chance to kill a president without getting in trouble for it!