Organic chemistry has never been hotter thanks to a new linker, Overworked & Underfucked. She also likes posting pictures of boobs on her page, just in case you're at work or something (I honestly don't know why I spend so much time looking out for you people like that).

People need to lighten the hell up, because this is both cute and funny. I totally want one, but you'd have to be nuts to pay $70 for one, especially if you're just going to give it to someone who's probably gonna end up dumping your ass anyway. Who says romance is dead.

While we're on the subject of crazy people, this also has interesting potential. Just goes to show those bear people that you can make light of and have fun with something that we all know is a serious issue (and, in the case of the radio show, at the same time help those who do have mental health issues).

Oh yeah, then there was this that I read which I meant to comment on. Hey, I fucking hated having to do shit over the summer back when I was in high school, but you know what? I sucked it up and did it. At the last minute. Just like everyone else. Hey, we got to enjoy almost the entire summer, and we still got our shit done. Any little dipshit who hasn't figured out this really quite simple formula should be set on fire.

"It didn't completely ruin my summer, but it did give me a lot of undue stress both at home and at work."

Oh, boo fucking hoo. Just wait until you graduate and get out into the real world. Or you get set on fire.

"These students are still children, yet they are subjected to increasing pressure to perform to ever-higher standards in numerous theaters."

Theaters? Hey, this is giving me a great idea. Once they fire the draft back up, can we get Peer to be first in line to get shipped out? What the fuck kind of name is Peer, anyway?

Larson and his son had acted as their own legal counsel.

Anybody who knows even the slightest about the legal profession knows what that means. I really hope that these people do get assfucked for filing frivolous claims. And set on fire.

Hello Carl

Okay, so the Iraq vote went down without any huge disasters. All I really have to say, though, is this: The picture of the woman giving the "V" sign with the ink-stained finger? I get it. Big day, hugely symbolic, bedrooms, closets, I get it. That's this year's Saddam statue falling -- I can't fucking get away from it no matter how hard I try. They're making it seem like that's the only bloody picture anyone took in Iraq on election day.

You know what? Maybe that was the only picture taken, because they faked the Iraqi election just like they faked the moon landings. Actually, I don't know if I buy that moon theory or not because I've never really looked into it, but I do find it amusing that this is the first result you get if you Google for "moon landing."

Maureen Dowd has also decided to sell out.

Nearly three weeks in, and yeah, the new car is a fucking blast. I'm still in the break-in period (I'm just over 1,000 and BMW recommends 1,250 for break-in), so the abuse love hasn't yet reached the levels it should be at. Well, okay, it's not like I'm going to be totally fucking nuts once I hit 1,251, but I know that I can if I want to without that particular worry.

My first week with the Bimmer was both good and bad. Obviously good since it's fun to drive. I've always liked driving, but now it's a completely new realm. My Civic was a good, trusty car, but it wasn't the Ultimate Pretension Machine. The bad part of Week 1 was two-fold. First, after having the car for about three days, I got a fucking big-ass rock chip in my front windshield. Welcome to Colorado. Then, a couple of days later, I pulled a corner too tight and scraped up one of my wheels. The amazing turning radius on that car can sometimes be a little too good. It's not horrid, and it can be prettied back up rather easily, but it still pissed me off.

The past two weeks have been much, much better. Fun, but without any annoying little damages. I'm doing pretty good with the manual. Still slow off the clutch, but not stalling out like a motherfucker. I got to discover the magic of brake dust and how much fun it is to clean that shit off. It was kinda neat in a way, because after getting it off they looked like totally new wheels, and I was saying, fuck, those are some good looking wheels. Still, I really need to be more vigilant to keep it from getting that bad (and it doesn't take long since BMW's are notorious for this). I also need to get into the habit of more regular cleaning now that I have a nicer car. Not that my Civic was a total mess all the time, because it wasn't. It was fairly easy to keep things pretty clean since it's just me day-to-day, and my only other regular passengers are ETP and BOETP, and it's not like they bring along a bunch of disease and garbage. Still, the Bimmer demands better, and that should mix nicely with my OCD.

I haven't gotten too caught up in the pretension... Yet. I'm more concentrated on just having fun and getting to know my new girl. Right now I'm more concerned with getting used to having a rear-drive, manual six-cylinder after years of nothing but front-drive, automatic four-bangers. Later I'll continue my work on how much better I am than everyone.

Speaking of FWD, I came across this amusing graphic, probably in the Bimmerfest forums:



As you can see, the sense of elitism -- already strong B.B. -- is building. I'm on my way to realizing my true potential. For months I'd been seeing 3ers out on the roads, looking with hungry eyes, even at 325s. Now, I look with condescending eyes, even at other 330s. The 325 drivers are not as cool as they think they are, and 323 people are to be pitied after they're mocked. Sure, some of those people might have some worthless options like a Nav that I don't have and don't care about, but I've got the 330i ZHP with leather, so they can't touch me.

Every time I look at the car, I'm like, fuck was red ever a good idea. I originally wanted that sexy Oxford green, one because it was slick as shit, and two because it was somewhat unique. If I didn't know better, I'd say that 3ers only come in silver, steel blue, and black. The rare individual pulled some strings to get navy or white (although I will never understand the desire to get a white car). Even though the 3er looks sharp in any color, it would have been nice to have something that stands out from the pack. Well, the Imola red stands out pretty nicely. Also, recently I've seen someone driving around in a green 330 (which I know is ZHP-less) close to where I live, and it certainly wouldn't be acceptable to have a car in the same color as that loser. So the choice just keeps looking better and better.

One of the coolest little things I discovered about the new ride is that the CD player is capable of playing MP3s. Somewhere along the way, I got the impression that it couldn't do that, so I was pleasantly surprised when I finally verified otherwise. Unless I'm feeling saucy, all I need now when I'm out driving around is one CD -- filled with Fluke, of course. This also pretty much abrogates my desire to get a CD changer, which should be standard on a car like this but isn't because it's BMW.

My first regular payment is due soon, and that's gonna be painful. I had to get snow tires since the summer/performance tires are awful on snow and ice, and that'll be a painful bill to pay. Then there will be registration at the beginning of March, and that too will suck. All reasons why I wanted to wait for a couple of months, but oh well. At least this is the most rewarding stupid thing I've ever done.

So yeah, even if I have to "take it easy" at this point, that hasn't stopped me from enjoying the Ultimate Driving Machine. It's just incredible. You know what? When I drive that BMW, I know how God must feel... When he drives a BMW.

What the fuck? Why the hell does John Kerry pick now to start sticking to his guns? This was going to be so goddamn funny, John; thanks for screwing it up. It's official: John Kerry ruins everything.

"Strictly along party lines"... "No Republican voted against her..." Man, what we've done with the two-party system is fucking neat.

And while the Senate's Democratic leader, Harry Reid of Nevada, voted in favor of Ms. Rice, he said he was disappointed that the White House and some Republican lawmakers had tried to "stifle debate" on the nominee.

Yeah, it's pretty lame to try and hamper any debate. But if you're just going to go and vote for her anyway, doesn't that kinda kill a lot of the impact of the debate? Debate is kinda useless if you're just blowing words out there only so you can say you did it. I know, I know -- the Democrats were trying to make a statement. Too little, too late. As always.

Maybe this is a non-issue, but I found interest in the fact that the Democrats' so-called rising star, Barack Obama, voted for Condi Rice. Now, I know what you're saying. "Obama is black, Rice is black. Like he's gonna vote against her." That's the thing, though; when it comes to a lot of things in this country, race oftentimes dictates the one path you should follow, no matter what. This kinda goes in with the whole Democratic party on Condi (well, not the whole party on her... you know what I mean) thing, as lots of people were talking up how the Democrats couldn't really oppose a black woman as Secretary of State because it'd make them look bad.

Along the same lines is Alberto Gonzales. Hey, look, they're giving a Hispanic a high-ranking post! Team Bush, in addition to putting another one of their men at Justice, know they're scoring brownie points with the brown faces (I'm half Hispanic, by the way, so I can say that and only have it be self-loathing instead of racism). Nevermind how horrible the guy may be, they're looking good just for putting a Hispanic in there. And, again, the Democrats look bad if they put up too much of a fight.

Mad props and a huge finger to the Republicans for mastering the race game, at least when it comes to shuffling people around. Again, I may be making a bigger deal of it than I should, but of course I'm cynical/racist/stupid/whatever like that.

It's a pretty pathetic state of affairs in this country when Bush, the Ostensible-in-Chief, has to come out and explicitly tell his people not to be paying off people in the media, even if it was just a pundit (a group of people that really no one should be seriously listening to). Well, more likely the message here wasn't "don't do it," but more "don't fucking get caught, dumbass."

"We've got new leadership going to the Department of Education."

So what? That was happening anyway, completely separate of this issue. Sadly, this is as close to "accountability" as you get in the Bush White House.

So I was looking around BMW's website, and came across a series of short films called The Hire. They are, of course, first and foremost BMW car commercials, but they're still mildly entertaining if you like seeing abusive driving. They star Clive Owen and some are directed by people you may have heard of, like Guy Ritchie and John Woo with executive producer credits going to people like David Fincher and Ridley Scott. So yeah, car commercials with some street cred. If nothing else, I'd recommend checking out the one entitled "Star," which I found pretty amusing.

Although there's nothing in this article that isn't pretty self-evident to a lot of us (you know, those of us who already agree with it), it is nice to see it all laid out clearly and concisely every now and then.

William Safire, idiot, is ending his run as an Op-Ed columnist. In all fairness, I never gave ol' Bill a fair shake since he was the main (if not the only) conservative columnist in my liberal wonderland that is The New York Times. In the early days of this 'blog I linked a decent number of his columns for the sake of ridicule and nitpicking, so I thought I'd link his last one just for posterity's sake. I'm sure his career on the Op-Ed pages is now complete with my acknowledgement.

The bullshit over privatizing Social Security is not going to go away until Team Bush either gets its way or the Democrats finally take control of something. When it comes to this issue, I really don't know what the fuck to believe.

The Democrats, of course, want to keep Social Security as we know it because it's their program. Maybe some of them even believed at one point that it was genuinely the right set-up. Regardless, they'll tell 'ya that everything is A-OK, or that it will be with some tweaks here and there.

Conservatives, on the other hand, say that Social Security is a huge mess and if we don't make major changes the Earth will spiral into the sun any day now. So, where does the truth lie? Pretty OK or totally fucked? Like with any battle of extremes, the real answer is probably closer to famous potatoes, but still somewhere in between. Does Social Security need some work? Like any government program, probably. Is it totally doomed? Probably not.

But again, I really don't know a whole lot on this. I could go do some painstaking research on my own to find out, but that's not my style. One thing I do know is that everyone has an agenda and is completely full of shit. The Ds are going for pride or principle. Some Rs are probably thinking principles (like self-reliance), but the prevailing theme on their side is, like it should be with Rs, money. Team Bush is clearly on the side of business assholes, and it's not difficult to see how that plays big in this discussion. When Bush talks up the concept of an "ownership society," he neglects to mention that the primary beneficiaries of such a system are the people who already own this fucking society. The financial sector likes the idea of privatizing, doesn't it? I wonder why that would be? Because privatizing has great benefits for the general populace?

I really do like the idea of making people actually think about shit and do things for themselves, but it's not like Social Security is a total freebie. Most people pay into it their whole goddamn lives before they start getting those checks. And it's because of those people that privatizing makes me nervous. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, there's a decent chance I'm not going to see Social Security money anyway, or at least not much money. So it's up to me to start saving now, which I am. But there are other people in generations ahead of mine who still need to be covered. And it's no secret that they're going to accomplish that by having the government do some hefty borrowing. That should go great with our existing debt.

I have no conclusion for this post, so I just say "fuck you" to both parties and go on with my evening.

I don't know how other guys besides ETP feel, but I just can't believe that the SI Swimsuit Issue used to be masturbation material. Sure, it's partly because my mind has progressively gotten way, way sicker since those teenage years, but damn, that doesn't even register in terms of stroke material anymore. It doesn't help that most of not all the models nowadays aren't hot, just kinda weird looking or downright scary.

No matter how pissed off I am at the flaccid left, I still can't get on board with Team Bush. Like I said -- appeal to my greed, like with lower taxes, and you've got a good chance of sucking me in even if I've come out in support of taxes in the past. But I can't get behind the social agenda. I can't ride the Jesus train to Born-Again Junction. I'm not thrilled with Bush promising to spend imaginary "capital" while he continues to gamble with economic stability, lives, and American credibility.

Even if I'm flip-flopping in some areas, these past few months have helped cement one thing at my core that's never changed: the fact that I hate everyone (except for a handful of people and Fluke).

You don't need to know why this is funny, you just need to know that it's funny.

With a little love...

I suspect that virtually no-one checks the Fe guestbook (and I mean, why would you, unless you want to read shit worse than what I normally write), but a new gem showed up today from someone who goes by the name of Elisa:

I want to poop on the heads of anyone who belongs to or endorses the ACLU or Planned Parenthood (what a joke- like anyone who goes there thought about parenthood before hand) They are baby murdering scumbags.

I'm not sure if Elisa put "10" in the site rating field to express her opinion on my site or her age. I think it's the latter, because otherwise, I really can't see anyone outside of Triumph the Insult Comic dog (or Eminem) talking about their desire to "poop" on anyone else. Yeah, calling it "Planned Parenthood" is a bullshit euphemism, but I make no secret of being down with the baby killers all the same. I'm also a fan (in many cases, at least) of nigger-loving ACL-Jew (please go check your Onion archives to explain that one). I mean, really. The American CIVIL LIBERTIES Union. What a bunch of fuck-offs for defending one of the things we hold (or held) most dear. So clearly, the "10" was not intended to express approval for my site.

I'll bet you Jesus has sucked some cock

Yeah, they are totally right. Children have no business being exposed to vile filth like diversity and acceptance of others. Being tolerant of other people is unacceptable; that sounds like something Christ might do.

Seriously, these people need to be killed. In front of their families, of course! Gotta keep the family unit together.

If you don't like gays, fine, then don't. Ignorance is not something you should strive for, but it's not illegal. So just leave everyone else alone, for Christ's fucking sake. Whether or not someone else is gay has no bearing on your life. You really need to find yourself some new hobbies if you're getting all bent out of shape over something that has nothing to do with anything as far as your life is concerned.

But it's an abomination in the eyes of the Lord! If it's such a concern to him, then let him come down here and take care of it himself for once. But you know what? He isn't going to because he either A) doesn't care or B) doesn't exist. Or maybe Jesus even likes gays. Did you dipshits ever think of that?

Maybe the Democrats heard me. Whatever. It's pretty obvious at this point that I just don't care enough to get any interesting political bitching going. But hey, who wants to bet that John Kerry votes for Rice once it goes to the full Senate?

Joe Biden could be cool, but he isn't. Bush's second inaugural today blah blah blah. The Bush twins are still looking pretty fuckable.

This particular Red Meat came up in conversation recently.

Anybody follow any of the confirmation hearings for Condoleezza Rice? What a fucking waste of time that whole charade is. I mean, we all know which way Republicans are going to vote. But then you have pretty much every Democrat conceding that she's just going to get confirmed anyway once it goes on to the full Senate. Thanks for nothing, guys. The Democrats should just change their name to the Rubber Stamp Party and get it over with.

Two Democrats on the Foreign Relations committee voted against approving Rice -- Barbara Boxer of California and relatively unknown John Kerry from Massachusetts. Boxer kinda tried to pick a fight, but as usual, it's too little, too late. I also liked Rice's request to "refrain from impugning my integrity." And I'm like, fuck you, bitch. Fuck all you bitches. None of you have any goddamn integrity, from Condi to Barb to the rest of that room to the whole fucking town. So get off it already.

So cute to see John Kerry trying to do something. It's like, Jesus Christ, John. You're not running for anything anymore, so just fucking go after her, you god damn pussy. How does it feel to not be getting inaugurated tomorrow?

It doesn't really matter to me one way or another if Condi gets installed at State -- if she didn't, someone else close to the administration would be. But the Democrats could at least put up some kind of a fight, or do a better job of pointing out how lame it is for someone so close to Bush to be getting the job over there. I do at least have confidence that Rice is both smart as well as capable, and good or bad, she won't be the pussy that Colin Powell was.

Let's move on to rubber stamping Torture Guy, shall we?

And fantasies.

OJ Simpson's daughter got arrested. Not really very interesting, but I think I need to talk more OJ around here.

Two teenage girls told police that Simpson hit them in the face, but they declined to press charges, authorities said.

Did those two girls know who Sydney's dad is? If so, it's no wonder that they didn't press charges -- they didn't want to get Juiced.

Pretty much says it all.

For anyone who's even somewhat into video games, have you ever noticed that the Nintendo Lamecube controller is the biggest piece of shit ever? What the fuck is up with the button configuration? It's like a PlayStation Dual Shock threw up on itself.

Although I thought for sure that Sony would come up with a new controller when they transitioned from PS1 to PS2, they decided not to fuck with a good thing. Why couldn't Nintendo have worked off of the N64 controller? Using it nowadays feels kinda awkward, but it's still a pretty good setup. I mean, the fucking Z button for christ's sake. The trigger, which actually feels like a trigger.

The LameCube controller is even worse than the original XBox controller. You know, the one they claimed that they did tons and tons of user testing to develop, only to realize that it was a fucking monstrosity so they had to come out with the "Controller S," which is actually quite nice. But yeah, lots of users tested that original one. Who was their testing base? A bunch of insomniac retard monkeys being bred for the exclusive purpose of palming large objects who just happened to have live soldering irons shoved up their asses? Those are pretty much the only "users" I could see giving a thumbs up to the big-ass original. But at least Microsoft got it right in the end.

What brought this diatribe on was the fact that ETP got one of those Game Boy Players, which allows you to play Lame Boy Advance games on the Cube. We played way more Super Mario Brothers 3 than should be allowed considering that we first played it like 15 years ago. I mean, that's a long god damn time. I was making jokes tonight that predate even our friendship, and we've known one another since the beginning of time.

Even though you only need two buttons to play SMB3, I still couldn't help but scoff at and complain about that awful button setup. Generalizing as always, I was like, how the hell could Japan screw something up so badly? I mean, they always do things well -- isolationist feudal society to major world player in like 30 years, schoolgirls, Honda, just to name a few things -- so what gives? ETP quickly reminded me that it's Nintendo, and, well, they have a tendency to always fuck something big up with their systems. Like the N64 being yet another fucking cartridge system. Or the Advance not having a lit screen. Or the Advance SP being a dumbass fucking design. Clamshell? Uncomfortable square shape? Why couldn't you idiots just add a frontlight to the very nice original design? Oh yeah, because you're Nintendo. I know you people have engineers running around over there, FIX IT.

LameCube is the worst of the three major consoles right now as far as I'm concerned, although I am not a huge gamer so it's not as if I have mad street cred. But, of course, I do have better taste than everyone else. Still, not even the GayStation makes me happy in light of the AssBox. XBox is just a good fucking system. Being a Linux junkie, it should be hard to admit such adoration for a Microsoft product, but it isn't. I guess my descent into Republicanism was a long time coming.