While I'm probably getting myself accused of being racist, I was never quite sure where to come out on the whole "Barack the Magic Negro" thing. On one hand, it was like, dude. You're a white guy passing out a CD to other white people with this song on it 'cause you think it's funny and you think they'll think it's funny. You're also a Republican, which puts you in with a group that -- fairly or unfairly -- is not exactly associated with racial tolerance and inclusiveness. Are you kidding me. How do you not expect that to go over poorly?

And while of course there was all the false indignation from white people, well some of them anyway, there were also a lot of black people who were like "whatever." So in the end, stupid white dude, no one cares. Let's move on.

I did find this to be an interesting take on the situation. Haha, fuck you liberals. Also, could there be a better name for an internet column? Robert Brockway: Word Puncher.

Solid.

Larry King: negro.

A smattering of random crap for ya.

A webcomic I discovered a few weeks back that somehow I have not linked yet. Maybe cause it's just kinda okay-ish, but it does have its moments. Wonder what they'll do moving forward.

Ted Rall: badass.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it.

And finally, I complain, 'cause I've dealt with some stupid shit, mostly but not entirely of my own making, but I haven't gotten it as harsh as this guy. Yet. Damn.

At last our long national nightmare is finally over

I wonder which left-wing publication will be the first to use that after Tuesday. Or maybe it's better to ask which ones will be able to refrain. Either way, of course, The Onion was way out ahead when it came to milking that shit. Pretty fucked up just how accurate that headline was back in January of '01. Le sigh.

Anyway, in a few hours we'll be past all that shit and everything will immediately be kittens and roses. In honor of today's historic event, I offer this which I found online:

Maudlin

Man I totally gotta use that word more often. Anyway, here is a scarrily accurate list of dos and don'ts for guys with an unrequited crush. That's... Seriously that's just kinda disturbing how apropos that is. Anyway, another good list of advice here. About the only thing missing from the dos and don'ts list is DO make whiny blog posts about her. Speaking of which, I can tell you that it is extra nice to get that link from your own unrequited crush. Man, what a fuckin' racket that is.

Fuck yes.

Have your own fun here.

Bitch, shut the fuck up. Seriously. First off, why the fuck is anyone still talking to this woman? Please just let her go away now, thanks.

"I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration — that’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”

Huh? Shut the fuck up, cunt.

"The mama grizzly rises up in me, hearing things like that," she said of a skit. "Here again, cool, fine come attack me. But when you make a suggestion like that that attacks a kid, it kills me."

What? That wasn't an attack on your kid, that was an attack on you, dumbass. But using your kid to try and stir up sympathy for your misplaced or false indignation? That's exploitation. That's despicable.

In the wide-ranging interview, Palin also faulted the McCain campaign for agreeing to a series of sit-downs with Couric after the first one appeared to go so poorly.

Yeah man, fuck them for having confidence in you and thinking you could pull your shit together and answer simple questions like "what newspapers do you read?" They should have recognized you're a moron and put you in hiding, which they more or less were doing at some points. Speaking of the literacy debacle:

“To me the question was more along the lines of, ‘Do you read, what do you guys do up there, what is it that you read?’”

Ummm, yeah, pretty much. But of course, Couric clearly asked quesions like that to trip you up because, unlike the McCain campaign people, apparently, she recognized that you are a blithering idiot.

"... Katie, you’re not the center of everybody’s universe," Palin added off-handedly.

Haha yeah what a bitch Couric is for thinking that.

“I’ve been interested to see how Caroline Kennedy will be handled, and if she will be handled with kid gloves or if she will be under such a microscope,” she said.

“It’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out and I think that as we watch that we will perhaps be able to prove that there is a class issue here, also that was such a factor in the scrutiny of my candidacy versus, say, the scrutiny of what her candidacy may be," she also said.

What? You were going to be -- since McCain could very easily die soon -- just a couple of years away from being President of the United States. There is just no useful comparison between that and a U.S. senator.

There is a class issue here, Sarah, and the class you are in is one of dumb whiny bitches who, again, just need to shut the fuck up and go the hell away now.

Okay this is still pretty funny but I like our version better.

Holy crap this is fucking awesome.

Okay, two things before we get on with this post:

1. The follwing link is not NSFW. Wait, I have serious trouble with double negatives. Let me rephrase. The follwing link is NSFW. I worry that someone out there doesn't know what NSFW means and will lose their job for clicking my link and then come and kill me so I will clarify: the following link is not safe for work, or you know what fuck you if you don't know what NSFW means by now you deserve to be fired anyway.
2. This is probably just for the guys, or at very least, people close in age to me.

Anyway, please tell me in the comments, so I can see if you think like I do (in other words, if you are fucked up like me): what pisses you off about this?

I'm telling you, man, Burris has the smile.

Dude is that Jen's dad?

Well, at least Blagojevich's pick to replace Obama is modest. I don't understand this shit at all. Two things:

1. Blagojevich has to be either the most arrogant motherfucker ever, or the most ignorant. Or both. I mean, to be as blatant as he was about the shit he was up to, in Illinois of all places, and even after getting caught continually acting like nothing is going on? And then there's the fact that pretty much everyone who has a say in it is swearing up and down to do what they can to shoot this nomination down? WTF?
2. Why would anyone accept this nomination? You'd hafta be as willfully ignorant as Blagojevich to not realize that people are forever gonna question your integrity after being his pick. This nomination has more taint than the space between my nutsack and asshole.

This is basically me, once I am also in hell.

Just some random images I have come across online:

This joke is 11 years old. As is this one. First I laugh, then I cry.

Goddammit I wish I'd been in Vegas for this.

If you haven't seen this, prepare for one of the most amazing and most creepy things you have ever seen. Vid here.

Interesting that a guy who, I think, is Vietnamese decides to make his 'bot Japanese. I mean, that's probably what I'd do, but that's just 'cause I'd wanna dress her up in a sailor schoolgirl uniform and that's creepy and if it's something I'd do then no one else should be doing it. Anyway.

The best part? I read a third article on this dude, which I do not have the link on hand for, where it said that he lives with his parents. Was there ever more of a lock than for this guy to still be living at home, working on his paraplegic android in their basement? Do you think they are more or less ashamed than other parents who have a 33-year-old son living at home when they hear strange noises coming from downstairs and they know it's because he's building a fucking artificial woman? For fucking?

He had planned to make an android to care for the elderly.

C'mon now. If by "the elderly" you mean "your dick" then yeah.

Aurora borealis? More like aurora bonealis. Huh? Huh? Hey-OOOOO!

Booooo...

Okay, best I could come up with on short notice. Anyway.

"Usually it starts slowly as kind of a hazy greenish color -- like a mist -- building up in frequency dancing across the sky ... and to me that's religion," said photographer Dave Brosha of Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, who's seen more than 100 Canadian auroras.

OK, it looks really pretty and all, but your religion is officially as stupid as everyone else's.

But yeah, beautiful natural phenomena and hard-core fucking. What more do you need? What, too subtle for you?

"Having sex under the northern lights -- it's an awesome experience," Karl said. "Have you ever been out in nature at 35 below zero with northern lights bouncing over your head and your bare ass? Well, you need to try it."

Nice.

If you are in need of killing some time, might i suggest ratethisasian.com?

A blog whose name speaks for itself: Stuff White People Like.

So much more awesome than it needs to be:


Courtesy of DRGBLZ. I literally had to have that spelled out for me. I was like, Dragon Ball Z? WTF?

Epic

Okay, so I don't know how I never saw this before, but now I have.

That voice just shouldn't be coming from that guy... Err kid. Whatever. And this is coming from me, a guy whose voice could easily be mistaken for that of a 6'5" black guy if you just heard it over the phone. I am 5'3" and decidedly not black.

Once you have watched that, you need to see this. I haven't had sex in a very long time, but I think watching that was better than sex. Either way I laughed so hard that I had trouble breathing, even if it was a bit heavy-handed on the homophobic language.

So you remember my original dilemma with eHarmony. As it turns out, I was totally right -- they are a bunch of fucking homophobes.

"Even though we believed that the complaint resulted from an unfair characterization of our business, we ultimately decided it was best to settle this case with the attorney general, since litigation outcomes can be unpredictable," eHarmony attorney Theodore B. Olson said.

The bullshit all speaks for itself, but one question: what the fuck is the former Solicitor General of the United States doing working for eHarmony?

This is awesome. Extra awesome that she's a freaking knuckleballer. Yeah, we all know how I feel about young girls in specific and women in general playing baseball, but let's try to set aside the pervert shit for a minute. This is awesome for two reasons:

1. Two years until she's legal. 'Cause, you know, that's relevant -- two years from now I'm on it.
2. Unlike the 11-year-old from a couple years back, this girl is only five feet tall. Nice.

Wait, what?