Weee represent... The lollipop, uh...

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Google search:

fleshlight too big

I don't have a Fleshlight, but I'll bet that even I wouldn't suffer from this problem. Hopefully. This guy clearly needs some official Fe boxers.

I like how we keep hearing exactly this, and it never seems to sink in. People hear "tax cut," their eyes glaze over, "Durrrrrr, he said tax cut, tax cut good," and then Bush is god. Nevermind the fact that we know that all kinds of reports show that his tax cuts emphasize his favoritism of corporations and the rich. As long as he's cutting taxes, that's good -- nevermind where he's making those cuts.

And I am just getting so bloody sick and tired of taxes being the end-all, be-all of elections. Don't people fucking realize that taxes pay for shit that we all enjoy having, like roads and schools? Now, I'm not saying that the tax system is perfect, but the bottom line is that all that shit has to get paid for somehow. Still, the right sells taxes as the most evil fucking thing ever. You cut taxes, you're good. You raise taxes, you're automatically bad.

I don't like paying taxes, and I'm not aspiring for someone who's gonna go apeshit with raising my taxes. But I've at least learned to accept the notion of paying taxes. Of course I don't want them astronomically higher, and yes, it would be nice if I could keep more of the money I earn. But hey, shit happens. In the end, the thing that pisses me off isn't that they take tax money, it's how they fuck up when it comes to spending it. Find me a candidate who is pushing for lower stupidity in spending instead of lower taxes, and I might get on board.

Oh yeah, Dubya and Laura -- you know, his cunt of a wife -- were on Larry King last night. Why the fuck is it that Bush can't go anywhere without someone holding his hand? Yes, that was rhetorical. Bush had Cheney when they met with the 9/11 commission, and Laura with him when big, bad Larry King wanted to ask some questions.

There were (naturally) so many fucking times where Larry asks a question, Laura answers it, and I'm yelling "Shouldn't HE be the one answering that question?!?!" Like when Larry asks if it's hard to send troops into battle. Laura wasn't the one who made that decision, Dubya (ostensibly) did.

Like usual, there was at least one question that Bush had a lot of trouble answering. I can't remember one biggie -- might have been when Larry asks if Bush was considering McCain for the national intelligence director position that's being discussed. Whatever the question was, Bush stumbles around for an answer, and even says "You caught me off guard" or something to that effect. What that signaled to me was that Larry King jumped the script, and it's gonna be hard for him to get an interview with Bush again. Because, as has been proven time and time again, Bush is too stupid to be able to handle anything unexpected, even if it's something simple.

The rest of the interview was filled with the expected bullshit, answering questions in the same manner as they've been answered before. "We're fighting them over there to avoid having to fight them at home." Yeah, whatever. So it was pretty much par for the course. There were even a few times where I was able to settle into a groove with not being too pissed, but then that stupid smirk would start showing up. I wish they could hire someone to follow Bush around and just punch him in the arm or something any time he starts that shit. Nothing drastic, just some negative reinforcement to help him break that habit.

Watching Bush in a forum like this, I get to thinking: you know, Bush, as a person, isn't all that bad. He seems like a nice enough guy. I don't really hate Dubya, I just can't stand the fact that he's so dumb an ignorant. Now Cheney, Wolfowitz, Rove, people like that -- those motherfuckers I hate. But it's kinda hard to hate Bush as a person since he's so child-like. Well, until he starts talking about Jesus, and then it's back to hate. So nevermind, I do hate George W. Bush.

One thing's for certain, though: get that dumbass out of office and back on the sauce, and he'd probably be a good time.

Speaking of "He's not Bush"...

Another big thing in the past couple of weeks has been the "Swiftboat Veterans for Truth" campaign, which (if you haven't seen it but probably have if you follow this shit) shows a series of Vietnam swiftboat vets talking about how Kerry betrayed his country, blah blah blah. Well, "talking" is somewhat of an exaggeration; it's nothing but unsubstantiated one-liners saying what a bad guy Kerry was.

The ad, while not directly Bush-backed, was of course funded by Republican money. Once again, I've gotta hand it to these R fuckers. Back when it became apparent that Kerry was going to be the D nominee, everyone was like "Man, Kerry's Vietnam service is gold. No way Team Bush can touch that shit, especially considering their draft-dodging candidate." Despite the fact that any kind of service is unimpeachable when put up against Bush's (and let us not forget Cheney's) actions (or lack thereof) during 'Nam, the R smear machine is going for it anyway. That's... Fucking balls right there. Hey, it's a shitty, scummy thing they're doing, but even if I detest it we all know that I begrudgingly respect evil genius. I don't like it, but I have to give it some points.

One thing I've been saying all along is that Kerry will get bent over once TB kicks their ad campaign into full-gear, just like they did with McCain. Again, this Swiftboat thing isn't officially a Bush ad, but you know it has their unofficial blessing. I've never seen Kerry as being a guy who has the balls to stand up to this kind of bullshit and, so far, that's exactly what's happening. This article does a nice job of expressing a lot of that sentiment.

John, for Christ's fucking sake, you played nice at the DNC, and now it's time to play hardball (Chris Matthews... Cock punch!). The RNC is only couple of weeks or so away, and once that hits, the R propaganda and smear machines are going to go fucking berserk. And let's not forget the 9/11 anniversary, which will only add fuel to the fire. John, not only do we need you to pull this thing out, but I -- and many others -- need some reason, any reason, to actually believe in you. In other words, it'd be nice to have something more than "he's not Bush." Finally standing up and taking these fuckers to task on this kind of garbage would go a long way towards achieving that goal.

Shit, can you imagine what Kerry could accomplish if he managed that feat? He's already gotten the race to the point where it actually is a race, which is surprising the hell out of many of us. Anger aginst Bush has been a powerful tool up to this point. But if Kerry could actually inspire people out there, showing that he's better in an absolute and not just relative sense, he could lock this fucking thing up.

Among other big stories this week was the unsurprising nomination of Porter Goss to head the CIA. I don't know if putting a Republican congressman whose leanings are more than obvious in charge of the CIA at a time when they continually stand accused of slanting intelligence, but what do you expect from Bush? For him to make a decision that wasn't based partly or entirely on politics? Christ, it's not like Bush gives a shit about actually improving things or actually making us safer, 'ya know.

At least he didn't nominate someone just because they were his friend, à la Tom Ridge. Maybe we can take some comfort in the fact that -- assuming he gets past confirmation -- Goss sorta knows something, maybe, about intelligence and the CIA. We'll see whether or not the democrats decide to fight it.

Regardless of what's going on, Michael Moore is doing what he can to stir up trouble. This is pretty weak, though, Mike. From the sounds of it, Goss was talking about becoming a field agent, not the head of the CIA. There's a bit of a disparity between those two positions. As we all know, management doesn't need any real skills, as opposed to the people in the trenches.

Reluctant moviegoer

Um, yeah. You know what? I'm not so sure this is such a hot idea. A new cartoon movie of the original cartoon would be fine, except that it wouldn't since Ultra Magnus (AKA Robert Fucking Stack) is dead and they just fuck everything up as it is. Besides, what the fuck is the point with Steven Spielberg involved? Yeah, I really want to see Optimus Prime and Megatron duke it out with fucking walkie-talkies. That is if it even is going to be based on the original characters, and not some of that bullshit from Beast Wars et al.

You know what else? Someday (7%), I'm going to make a movie, and it's going to be entitled Quit Raping My Childhood. While we're on the subject of bad ideas, when does the Eva movie come out, again? Because I'm really looking forward to that.

Double your pleasure

Yahoo search:

where the fuck do we find baby furniture

There's some good parents in the making. Also, Fe's good buddy Naked Furniture comes in ahead of us in those search results, and I'm jealous.

Yahoo search:

CHEERLEADERS FUCKING ATHLETES

That never happens.

You've got a funny way of showing it, dickhead.

"The mission is not going to be completed as quickly as possible if the enemy thinks we will be removing a substantial number of troops in six months."

It would be pretty stupid for Kerry to be committing to a pullout so far in advance seeing as how we don't know what the situation will be tomorrow, nonetheless ten months from now. Of course, Kerry's plan isn't just to cut and run, his idea is to get international support to replace those American troops he's thinking of pulling out.

Naturally, all the talk about unofficial "assurances" are meaningless. We have no way of knowing whether or not any of it is true, nor do we know if any foreign leaders would follow through in the end even if they really have given these assurances.

The bottom line is that if things do end up going relatively well and we see this Iraq thing through, there's going to be a military presence there for quite some time no matter what. The only way to ease the burden on ourselves (even though we brought the burden on through our own actions) is to get others involved. Bush clearly will not be able to get this done since he's A) incompetent and B) not exactly popular around the world. Am I saying that Kerry is a surefire bet to get support from other nations when it comes to Iraq? Of course not. But he's got to have a better chance of making something happen than Bush.


And finally...

"The policies I made were on the one hand trying to help as best as we can move science forward, and at the same time keep an ethical balance so that we promote a culture of life,"

Every time I hear that phrase -- culture of life -- I want to get sick. Especially when it comes from someone as lethal injection happy as Bush (to say nothing of the war). Hey, I'm all for the death penalty, and so is a lot of the rest of the country. Then couple that with all the killings going down every day and the fact that our history -- as well as all of human history -- has been driven by assassination and war and all that happy stuff and you can quickly see that calling ours a "culture of life" is about the biggest load of horse shit ever.

Fuck.

Yahoo search:

DVDS ARE SO FUCKING STUPID

No way, dude. DVD is a format-and-a-half.

Undoubtedly, this guy's family is very proud.

One perspective on the upcoming elections.

Toasty!!!

One thing ETP and I have been eagerly awaiting is the release of Midway Arcade Treasures 2, due for release in a couple of months (Oct. 11th is what I'm seeing today). It looks like they've dropped the original Mortal Kombat from the game, and are instead adding it to the SE version of the new MK game, Deception (due for release a week before Treasures, unless that's changed). That's kinda lame, but not that big of a deal - I never played much (if any) of the original MK, and probably would have just played it for the hell of it every now and then on Treasures. MK II and 3, however, are where it's at. Those are going to get some use.

Outstanding.

I'll probably end up getting Deception, or at least I'll play ETP's copy and then decide since I'm all but sure he'll buy it. Yeah, we may have to wait until it becomes a greatest hit and then I have to yell at him to buy it at Media Play one night, but he'll get it. I haven't gotten all that excited about Kombat in quite some time, though, but maybe playing the old school games and Deception will change that.

Excellent.

I never felt like the Kombat series quite survived the transition from 2-D to 3-D. It just wasn't the same, for pretty obvious reasons. Part of it is probably just personal preference since I spent a lot of time playing the older games, especially the third installment and its various incarnations (3, Ultimate 3, Trilogy).

Animality.

Man, was that one fucking fun. I got pretty damn good at it, partly out of spite. See, there was this one kid who we used to hang out with back in high school, and he was a fucking master at MK games. ETP and I would readily have our asses handed to us by him. But after playing it pretty much constantly, I got really good, and man was it satisfying to eventually be able kick that kid's ass on a regular basis. ETP got pretty good, too, but he didn't get in as much practice as me. He wasn't a lazy shit as he actually had an after-school job back then, whereas I just hung out and played Kombat.

Round two... Fight!

My best characters in 3 were Smoke and Cyrax. I fucking loved those guys, despite the fact that Smoke has the stupidest fatality ever. This in contrast to Cyrax's Predator and helicopter fatalities, which were among the best. Of course, my whole fighting "strategy" with my main men came down to repeatedly doing the following:

• Smoke: air punch, spear, HP+HP+LK+HK+LP
• Cyrax: net, HP+HP+HK+HP+HK+HK

And of course, you could get an extra HP in the beginning of the combo if you jumped into it. Christ, am I a fucking loser.

No, here's how big of a loser I am: I used those combos so fucking much that, to this very day, if you pay close enough attention, you can catch me tapping out one of those combos every now and then just out of nervous habit.

Oh, and just for the hell of it (and because it gets some laughs if you know what it's about), I'm going to mention the biggest bullshit combo EVER: Noob Saibot's combo that was nothing more than four low kicks.

Sub Zero... Wins.

Another reason why Kombat will probably never be what it once was is due to Dead or Alive. And by DOA I'm talking about the fighting game, not Extreme Barbie Doll Dressup (or, if you prefer Jared's nickname for the game, Extreme Beach Titty War). Nothing against that game, of course - we all know how big of a fan of that title I am.

Yeah, Kombat has some cool shit and fatalities and stuff, but it doesn't have Kasumi in a sailor uniform. And, yeah, some other digital hotties and tons of different outfits.

Then again, it will be nice to have the blood and fatalities that Kombat offers, so we'll see. It'll hopefully be fun to play with some of the older characters if they do it right. Like Mileena, who I kicked ass with on II, only for them to fuck her up in 3. Oh, and another thing I'm looking forward to: going online and printing up pages upon pages containing all of the moves and combos.

One thing I was reading about Deception is that the game includes several mini-games. I wonder if those will turn into the flyswatter game from Mario Paint?

Speaking of DOA, there's of course DOA Ultimate on its way. Or, as I'm calling it, DOA 2: Prettier. Alternatively, DOA: Now we don't have to spend time together to play DOA together. That's coming out on October 4th as well, and, fuck, couldn't they have spaced those release dates out a bit? I know that's all marketing strategy, but fuck them all the same. October is going to suck ass in the money department.

AGGRESSOR!!!!

Finally -- something weird from Japan that has nothing to do with pedophilia. It's about weird ice cream flavors, in case you're afraid to click the link.

I'm still never going to stop being irritated seeing McCain kissing Bush's ass on the campaign trail. In the end, I know, it's politics. And in McCain's defense, he has been sticking up for Kerry on things like this "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" affair.

I saw a clip of one of McCain's introduction speeches today, and he had trouble spitting out the phrase "moral clarity." Of course, anyone can get tripped up during a speech -- Bush knows that all to well. But still, I've gotta wonder if that wasn't some kind of Freudian slip.

McCain, who spent 5 1/2 years as a prisoner during the Vietnam War, can help counter Democrat Kerry's military service during the conflict.

I've heard this a couple of places, and this is really fucking stupid if that indeed is what Team Bush is up to. I mean, how fucking desperate is that? "Yeah, the other guy fought in 'nam. Our guy, uh, dodged, ERRR, served in the National Guard. And... Hey, this guy who's hanging out with us fought in Vietnam!" How exactly is it going to help Bush to contrast his non-service with McCain's service?

"During Vietnam George W. Bush served in the National Guard... Bravely defending Texas from Charlie."
- Some bit from The Daily Show

Okay, all kinds of logo shit is back up in the store.

And a couple more things:

1. I don't get all of the money for each purchase should you actually buy anything - just $2-$3. Maybe that will make some people feel better about buying things. But be warned, I can change the prices anytime I like. On the off chance shit gets popular, prices might rise. Hey, supply and demand; capitalism tells me that I can -- and should -- act accordingly.
2. I can only put up one of each kind of product, so some things (like bumperstickers) will probably be changed on an irregular basis.

Google search:

Narue no Sekai 10 porn pics

I'm going to find whoever this was, and I'm going to kill them.

And just for good measure:

Something for man's best friend
Something for everyone
Something for the guys
Something for the liberals
Something for people who hate people in visors
And, oh yes...
Something for the ladies (or just people playing Lambs)

I've got the feva' now, so we'll see what other stupid bullshit follows. All the Fe logo shit will be back once I get that image fixed up.

This one's for my dead homie... Even though he ain't dead.

Oh hell YES, bitch! Hot on the heels of saying I was going to update the store, I went and fucking did it. One whole product added, but it's a start. Check this shit out.

You don't need to know why it's funny, you just need to know that it's funny. Also, you need to know that you must buy it. Oh, and ETP, don't go out and die one me, because I'm gonna feel bad if you do.

Woo hoo! Someone actually bought something from the Fe store! I made two bucks on the sale! I'm gonna go buy me my 3-series tomorrow!

No, seriously, thanks to the one person who finally bought something. You'll probably be the last. And, god damn it, I really need to update the stuff in the store so people can not buy some more.

Some semi-random shit I was thinking about today:

I have to chuckle every time I see a VW Beetle -- and I'm talking about one of the new pieces of shit. You see, before he hooked himself up with his phat sled -- the RSX Type-S -- ETP drove vintage Bugs for several years. One day, just after the new Beetles hit the streets, some jackass in one of them saw ETP at an intersection. Thinking that there was some kind of comraderie between the two -- even though the other driver had one of the new pieces of shit and ETP was in one of the vintage, real ones -- he honked his horn and started waving. And how did ETP respond to this guy? By giving him a dirty look and the finger.

That right there is one of the many reasons why I love that kid.

Here's a potentially interesting site that John let me know about: Media Matters for America. Bill O'Reilly sure seems to hate it, so it may be of interest to fellow lefties out there.

Speaking of ol' Bill, John also sent me a link to Sweet Jesus, I hate Bill O'Reilly, International, which, oddly enough, also has a bit of a left-wing bias.

I don't know why we don't just execute criminals like this once they're convicted. Yeah, as we've been over before, it is somewhat nice knowing the treatment that these fuckers get in prison, but still. I say just get them out of the way and get it over with. Not like any of these solutions fix things, but something has to be done.

Question for some of you religious assholes. A 13-year-old girl is kidnapped, repeatedly raped, then stabbed and left for dead. Explain to me: where does the benevolent god who loves us all fit into this picture?

This, too, I've been over, but things like this have led me to narrow the higher being question down to one of three possibilities:

1. There isn't one.
2. There is one, but it doesn't get involved in human affairs - guilty of depraved indifference at best.
3. There is one, and it could do something about things like this, but it doesn't - making it an asshole.