Sunday, July 25, 2004

Yeah, you know what? Don't care. Like ETP and I were saying last night, it'll be nice for this movie to just come out with so we can all see it and just be done with the whole affair.

Now, I don't have any sort of intense personal bond with Star Wars like a lot of people out there. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I didn't see the movies as a little kid and become emotionally attached to them. I didn't collect the toys when I was little, so that should tell you everything right there. I've seen the original three movies, and they're okay. Decently entertaining, but that's about it.

So I'm not pissed in the way that many are over the prequels. No, I'm pissed just because they're shitty movies all in their own context. Phantom Menace was okay. Attack of the Clones was infuriatingly awful. That kid they got to play Anakin is the worst actor in the history of mankind. "Hi, I'm cardboard." Then there was the nonsense romance between Mr. Cardboard and, uh, what the fuck's her name? Oh yeah, Princess Leia.

I know what some of you are thinking - I'm mad about the romance storyline because I'm all hard-hearted and shit. Seeing as how many of my favorite anime series are bullshit romance comedies that I will actually cry over (yeah, I saidit), we all know that can't be the case. No, the thing that was so irritating about it (besides the worst actor ever) was how fucking contrived it was. The basic premise was that they're supposed to get together and fuck some day so that they can have Mark Hamill. As such, we should just accept that so that they can dispense with all that hard acting and writing stuff. Since, you know, it's real hard to pull of some kind of love story. They're going to hang out, talk a little bit, and magically be hopelessly in love with each other, just because they're supposed to.

That whole romance between Leia and the future James Earl Jones really showed how little Lucas cared about the fans of his creation. "Hi, I'm going to take a dump on you, and you're going to pay me money for it." Of course, since I'm not much of a fan of his creation, he wasn't taking a dump on me - at least not directly. Unfortunately, the wicked shit he took on his fans was so massive that a good deal of it got splattered on us bystanders.

Yes, I know, that's a horrible, disgusting metaphor, one of a coprophiliac nature that even I usually avoid. But Episode II was just that horrible. Like I said, I don't care about Star Wars in terms of some kind of mythic quality, but I do care about decent filmmaking. Not like I have really high standards or anything, but give me something. And yeah, I can feel sympathy for the fans, too - being a Star Trek fan I know all about watching the franchise get raped while you sit there helplessly watching the whole affair. I know all about a head honcho that doesn't give a shit about said franchise. But shit, even Rick Berman might show up at the unveiling of something big. Nice respect there, Lucasfuck.

All around, Star Wars has become bad times. The sooner it's over the better.

No comments: