Okay, this ejaculation-centric spam has got to stop. Today, I was told that "now you can squirt it like a firehose!" You know what, assholes? I don't wanna squirt it like a firehose! Don't you see how dangerous that would be?

Actually, these guys are only offering a 300% increase. What a bunch of con-artist, slack-off assholes. Those other guys were offering me a 500% increase.

Still, this firehose nonsense bothers me. As has been made light of several times, I'd be lucky just to find a girlfriend or even a date at this point. But if I actually got to the point of having sex with someone, I sure as hell don't want to be unloading a fucking firehose on her. I mean, she's already gonna be pissed with how long I didn't last and my otherwise complete lack of skills. The last thing I need is a concussion and broken bones added to her list of grievances.