I am so fucking pissed off right now. You're probably gonna be pissed once you get finished with this post, so you've been warned. Two reasons for why I'm pissed. Why you'll be pissed will soon become apparent.

First off: fuck Mozilla, fuck Java, and fuck Flash. More of the latter two, but Mozilla deserves some fucking. I have three versions of Mozilla installed on my machine: 1.3, 1.5, 1.6alpha. I cannot get a version of the browser that works with both Java and Flash. 1.3 works with Java, but not Flash. 1.5 and 1.6a work with Flash but not Java.

God, I hate any site that uses Flash for its interface. Amusing games and animations are okay, but your UI in Flash is fucking bullshit. Why don't you just find a way to make your entire site out of PowerPoint, you dick?

Fuck Java. Java's a stupid language. Portable code, neat idea. Still stupid. Fuck OO programming.

Second reason: if you do a search for "man fucks dog," guess who's number one? That's right, Fuck Everything. How do I know this? I know this, because Tyler knows this. Actually, I know this because SiteMeter knows this.

I'm not actually pissed for the reason you might think. Initially, its disappointing that I get so many hits for people looking for bestiality porn, because I really wish those people were finding their way here for political wit and insight. When I realize that there is no wit or insight here, I get over it. Also, I don't mind the dog fuckers like I do the pedophiles. In an opinion that's sure to scare everyone off, I'm not really bothered by people who are into sex with animals. Even if it's disgusting to 99.9999999% of the population, bestiality is fine by me as long as you're not hurting the animal and not forcing anyone else to do it. So fuck a dog, fuck a goat, I don't care. Fuck a child, and you should die. This, too, is probably a post for another time, where I will lose more readers than I just lost.

No, the reason why I'm pissed off is because initially, the post that turned up in the Google results was the one where I quoted the "man-on-dog enthusiast Rick Santorum" line from Al Franken's book. Do you know how fucking cool that was, to have people searching for men fucking dogs, and the first thing they see is Rick Santorum's name? Maybe it's just me, and I know that it didn't really do anything, but I still took some pride in it. Which says a lot about me. Now, though, I'm still number one, but it's not the Santorum post that shows up in the results. God effing damn it.

So, yeah. Fuck Mozilla, fuck Google, fuck Flash, fuck OO programming. Fuck everything, while we're at it.

And now, for your reading pleasure, are some dog sex related jokes:

"Red rocket! Red rocket!"
- South Park

"So the vet tells me that I have to take our dog's temperature rectally. The problem is, you really need two hands just to steady the dog. So what I did is I tied the thermometer to my dick with a rubber band, freeing up my hands. So I position myself behind her, and... No, no, the dick doesn't go inside, just the thermometer! So anyway, I'm doing this, and my wife gets home. I tell her 'Honey, I think the dog's pregnant' and she says 'Yeah, keep fuckin' her!'"
- Robert Schimmel

"You know what else I'm getting sick of? Guys who put music on their outgoing answering machine message. Since this guy's busy in the basement jacking off his dog, I have to listen to sub-standard music."
- George Carlin

"Uh, sorry dude. David Cross is a dog fucker. You've just been Crossed my man."
- David Cross