Okay, so I saw an ad on TV for a new bullshit website intended to keep kids from booze and drugs that won't do a fucking thing: Check Yourself. Yeah, that's right bitch - you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Probably the best chance I'll get to bust out that phrase.

The first thing I did was hit the alcohol quiz. I just love that first question - "Do you drink because you have problems?" Hey, shitcocks, we ALL drink because we have problems. For those of us who drink, that is.

Then my eye caught the games. And I was like, fuck yeah! I immediately went and played the first one, entitled "Going out for the team." From the description, I knew it was going to be about steroids. Totally, dude, I know what a HUGE problem 'roid use is when it comes to high schoolers. Man, I couldn't go fucking anywhere back in those days without some buff dude popping out from behind corners trying to get me to pump up and ball down.

The 'roids game started out so fun! I started taking roids and I was totally busting out. Chicks wanted me. I beat up my girlfriend, then dumped her because she was a total bitch. Then I went to a party with some other hot skank and had a beer! But I didn't get to beat her up and that pissed me off. It was at that point that I grew tired of the site, and I don't think I'll be going back after that.