Get your drink on

Steve Colbert: it's French... Bitch.

While we're in the groove with random product reviews, ETP and I tried an utterly atrocious beer this weekend: Wexford Irish Cream Ale. It tastes like fucking medicine, and proves that just because it's got the little ball of compressed gases like Guinness doesn't mean it's good. ETP and I were able to get down a few sips before it went down the drain.

The worst thing about it was that those few sips destroyed my palette for the rest of the night. Nothing tasted right for the rest of the evening, and I couldn't even enjoy my beloved Fuller's ESB after that.

Last week just wasn't a good week when it came to bad aftertastes. Don't get any dirty ideas; I've already gotten used to that aftertaste. What exactly "that" is referring to is up to you; if you decide to go homoerotic that's just fine since that's where I was headed. Anyway, one day at work I decided to try a piece of candy from Korea that someone brought in. After about three seconds in my mouth, I was like, this tastes like potting soil. Not that I eat a lot of potting soil, but if I did that's what I'd imagine it must taste like. Like the Wexford I couldn't get rid of the taste for quite some time, and all I could think of for the several hours following that brief taste of the candy was "What the fuck is wrong with Korean people?" But at least they're not making scheisse flicks. Or at least, not that I know of, and even with my sick mind I don't fucking want to know if they are.

Alright, back to beer. If you're looking for a good beer, that Fuller's ESB is one to check out if you can find it. The ESB, as you may already know (in other words, if you're an alcoholic like me... because, yeah, having any knowledge of alcohol automatically makes you an alkie), stands for extra special bitter. Of course, if you don't like bitter beers, Fuller's ESB isn't for you. And, you're a pussy. Seriously, everyone knows Keystone, right? The real alcoholics know Keystone well, I'm sure. Keystone's mission is to stamp out "bitter beer face." And all I can say is... Fuck you! For me, bitter beer face is a big-ass smile. You can take your watered-down piss-water and, well, do whatever the fuck you want with it, because I won't be drinking it.

Another quality brew I've been consistently buying for the past few months is Breckenridge Brewery's oatmeal stout. The first time I had one, all I could do was repeat the cycle of taking a drink and then looking at the bottle, saying to myself "This is a good beer." Since it's one of the smaller breweries here in Colorado I don't know how far from home it's sold, but if you find it and you go for this kind of beer, I'd recommend checking it out.

I'm sure it's apparent by now that my taste in beers tilts heavily towards dark and flavorful. My worst enemy is the pale ale, my best friend is the stout.

As a fun fact for the day, Guinness in particular is not only tasty, but it's also healthy. Low in calories and high in iron. My step-dad's mother was telling us this story of growing up in England and how she was anemic as a child. To combat this, her parents would give her a bit of Guinness mixed with milk. She's not anemic anymore, and it's not because of the milk.

Okay, so I've managed to post about cream corn, how I need to find Fluke only in woman form, and beer, all in one night. Yeah, I don't sound like a drunk or anything.