Honey, you're making all of us sick. How can a person not get ill knowing how hot Lindsay Lohan used to be, and how hot she isn't now? Quit dying your hair stupid colors, quit throwing up, quit making your skin orange, quit wrecking your Mercedes, quit driving a Mercedes while you're at it, and quit thinking you need a singing career to be like Hillary Düff who really needs to be hotter. You really need to be hotter, too, but the annoying thing is that you started out hot. Lindsay, go watch Mean Girls, and then go back to being that hottie.
Speaking of Mean Girls, if you haven't seen that movie, you too need to see it. That movie is pretty fucking great, and Tim Meadows is beyond bad-ass in it. You may think that this paragraph is all sarcasm, but seriously dude, it isn't.
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