So in the event that things don't work out between me and Sasha Cohen or me and Gorby's granddaughter (Danica Patrick being out of the running since she's married, and I just found out that she converted to Catholicism after seeing The Passion of the Jesus, which is lame) I have a new love interest: actress Ellen Page. She is just outstandingly cute. Yes I know this post is worthless without pics so here you go since you're too fucking lazy to find links on your own. Just remember I called her first and we're cool. Some facts from her bio:

Day of birth: 21st February 1987

I first heard about her starring as a 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant in the recent film Juno, so I was pretty stoked to find out that she's actually not only legal but even near drinking age. That's pretty huge when it comes to me.

Height: 1,55 m (5'1)

No real explanation needed that that's fucking awesome.

Favorite food: Sushi

I love this girl.

While I'm passing along recent discoveries I'll let you know about Gina Carano, one of the stars of the new American Gladiators series (cause yeah, there's a good idea... a new American Gladiators). I won't declare her an imaginary girlfriend/wife since she's 5'8" and this guy has already taken her (since this part of the post is worthless without pics, scroll down on that guy's page for some more pics).

She's no Sasha or Ellen or whatever the fuck Gorbachev's granddaughter's name is but she's still not unpleasant to look at either. To me she kinda looks like Sandra Bullock but with better teeth. Plus, she can easily knock all of Bullock's teeth out since she's a bad-ass female MMA star. I'm don't really care for the whole MMA thing, but women's MMA... That might be pretty fucking awesome. Human cockfighting, meh, human chickfighting, nice. And no, it's not just that whole two women fighting thing that us guys are hot on, although that's part of it. But just like girls with guns, girls who can easily beat the shit out of most people they come across are pretty hot too.