I CAN HAS SHITTY BEER?

Man this post has been brewing for like two hours. And I nearly used the phrase "piss water" up there in the title but to use that phrase to refer to the star of this post is an insult to piss everywhere.

Budweiser is pretty much the worst shit ever invented. I drank a full Bud one time and it was pretty much the worst experience of my life. Provided it were moderately clean I would rather lick an asshole than drink another Scuzzweiser. Shit, even if it's not that clean there's still gonna be some debate as to whether I'm tossing a salad or tossing back a Bud. I'd say that I don't understand the swill's popularity but I do because I understand that people are dumb and have no taste.

"I was actually drinking a Bud Light when I heard, and I couldn't even finish it. That's the honest-to-God truth"

What? Why? This may be the dumbest fucking thing ever uttered. Are you such a racist douche that hearing news about foreigners taking over the brand somehow changed the taste mid-beer? Dude they're not even black. Did magical little Euro elves jump into your beer at that very moment and sour the taste? How do you sour that taste, anyway? If I were an optimist I could say that maybe the news made him critically analyze what he was putting into his mouth, making him realize "Hey! This tastes like shit!" Yeah. Optimist.

"I was proud to drink Budweiser, not any more"

What? Why? This may be the dumbest fucking thing ever uttered.

... who said the brew is "a great piece of American history."

Then American history is finally, officially, total shit.

And of course some asshole has to come up with a song:

"America is not for sale..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"All you hard-working Americans stand up and show some class," the song continues, "Have a drink with Mother Freedom, and tell InBev to kiss your glass."

Yeah, wow. Class. Toby Keith would be is proud. If you want to brew your own Budweiser (AKA puking in a glass), be sure to click the link and watch that d-bag sing his song.

"You don't mess with a good thing"

Nah, forget it, that one's too easy.

"I think there will be somewhat of a backlash; I would anticipate initially that people will be furious and stop drinking it. Maybe after six months, though, they'll switch back."

We can only hope that some of them will discover what actual beer tastes like in the meantime. Actually, no, fuck that. If you want to drink shit, fuck you. You deserve it.

"There's nothing inherently wrong with the taste of Budweiser.

...

"We've kind of lost a part of our history here and all across the United States," he said.

Shut the fuck up honky. It's freaking beer. EXCEPT THAT IT ISN'T.

There's no better way to close out this post than with one of my favorite jokes:

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Anheuser-Busch orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda.

"Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks.

Guinness replies, "If you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I."