My personal politics are fun. In general, I lean left. I am hard-core pro-queer, pro-baby killing, anti-Jesus, etc. I've had some right-wing views though, such as being pro-death penalty, although in the past couple years I've even reversed on that. As I grow older, I do see myself becoming more conservative in some ways, though. I totally could have voted for McCain or Giuliani had I voted and they weren't total fucking bullshitters (Rudy insisted on straying from his more moderate views and McCain is no fucking maverick; effing screw that shit). Plus of course I drive a BMW, and that's not very liberal.

Seriously though, there are a lot of core issues that I'm just always gonna be left-wing on. As such, I was highly amused a couple weeks back when I was talking to a co-worker, and he said that after talking with another co-worker he was surprised to hear that I was left-leaning and not conservative. A good part of the reason was because we were on our way to the shooting range so that I could try out my new toy.

Settle down, everyone, I'm not planning on going on any rampages. If I haven't already it's just never gonna happen.

Anyway, I'd been toying with the idea of getting a handgun for quite awhile. I'd been out shooting with friends a couple times, and I was like, yeah, this is fun. Plus, I was like, well, I think being able to handle a gun properly would be a good skill to have, just in case. It's like knowing how to drive a manual transmission. Do I need to know how to drive stick? Well, yeah, but anyway, I'm not gonna be one of those morons who thinks that guns solve everything. But hey, you never know, right? After all I do live in like a super dangerous town (only not at all), so I gotta be prepared.

Originally, I had my heart set on a Walther P99. A few reasons. First, it was designed with military and law enforcement personnel in mind. Second, I've of course got the whole German stuff fetish going thanks to the car. And finally, I figured if anyone could make a quality product designed for killing people, it was the Germans.

I never got a chance to try out a P99 but I did get to play around with the aforementioned Sig P229 and a handful of other guns. Obviously I ended up going for the Sig since I was a decent shot with it but also due to Sig Sauer's reputation for quality and reliability. I damn near got a Springfield XD(M), as I was just ridiculously accurate with an older XD model that I tried out. Overall the Springfields are a bit easier to handle than the Sig, and the ones I've shot fit my useless-ass little hands better. Some more practice with the Sig and maybe a different trigger though and I'll be as awesome as I was with the Springfields.

As far as caliber goes, I went for a 9. I thought about a .22, since those are fun to shoot, plus ammo is relatively cheap and plentiful. I'll get one eventually. For now I figured I should go for a gun that will both be good for recreational shooting as well as an appropriate caliber for self-defense if the need ever arose (which it probably never will since I'm a shut-in, and again, not exactly in a "bad neighborhood," unless you count a lots of old people).

The thing that sucks about having a 9mm at this juncture, though, is trying to find ammo. As many of you already know, all the dumbass gun nuts have been going absolutely berserk for the past several months. Well, of course they were already nuts, but the shitty economy and the election and inauguration of Obama has made it even worse. So, not only have gun sales spiked, but the demand for ammo is just out of control. Of course, with all the crazies hoarding ammo, it then drives otherwise reasonable people to do the same. It's maybe calming down now, but it still sucks. I don't need to be as well stocked as the characters on LOST, but if I wanna go out to the range and practice, I A) want ammo and B) don't wanna pay through the fucking ass for it.

The application process is kinda funny. So like, you always hear about this waiting period shit, right? Not sure how it is state-to-state, but here in Colorado there is really no waiting period. Took me ten minutes to get approved; it really just depends on when it is you're buying the gun and how many people are out there working the background check system. In most cases I doubt it's more than a day max. On the application, of course, are a buncha questions about your history and stuff. My favorite: "Are you a fugitive from justice?" Who fucks that up? Probably someone who shouldn't have a gun, or be breathing air for that matter.

The next step for me is to take an appropriate class so I can get my concealed carry permit. Again, I figure I've got the hardware, I may as well get the skills and the certification just so I've got the option. Not planning to have a piece on me all the time, mind you. Of course, my Sig 9 may be a bit big as a carry gun for a small guy like me, but hey, not like I really needed an excuse to buy more guns anyway.

So, where does this leave me, with my ever-crumbling liberal street cred? Well, for starters, I really don't care, since I hate the left, the right, and the middle anyway. Even though statistically speaking I agree with the left more, I've always been pretty ambivalent about gun control. I was like, well, if gun laws help keep guns out of the hands of a few crazies, that's good. Then I was like, on the other hand, if someone is willing to do something illegal with a gun, they're proably willing to go the full nine and obtain it illegally, and the gun laws don't do shit. Do people really need assault weapons though? I dunno; I'll tell you if I ever end up wanting one.

In a final act of hilarity, I am also now a card-carrying member of the NRA. I haven't gone lifetime member yet, but eventually I think I will. May as well, right? Man though, you should see the rhetoric that comes from these people. After signing up, in my membership welcome letter, they "thanked me for my leadership" and all kinds of other nonsense. I love listening to gun people and all their reasons for supporting the Second Amendment. A lot of them really do think that they think that if the government ever goes tyrranical on our asses, that they're gonna fend them off with their guns. At a couple gun shows recently I saw some lardasses wearing t-shirts that said "Tyranny Response Team," and I just had to laugh. I mean, dudes. C'mon.

Clearly, gun nuts are not our finest legal minds and political philosophers. What they really think is nothing more than "I support the Second Amendment because I like guns." That's pretty much my reason at this point, as alluded to above. Sure, I do think that people have the right to defend themselves, and that they should have options, but in the end guns are just cool and you know it.

So yeah, there you have it. Super-lib BLM is now a gun owner. Welcome to guns.

"What kind of name for a gun nut... Is Wayne LaPierre?"
- Carlin

"Fuck that, I like guns. Cause when you have a gun, you don't have to work out. You got pecs? I got Tecs, motherfucker."
- Rock