Wednesday, November 05, 2003

As promised, I'm here to send out big ups to fellow 'bloggers who have linked to the wasteland that is Fuck Everything.

First we have The Taxman who has a cool site name and, I could be wrong about this, likes sports.

Next is Tales of a Griffon savant. I just love this line in his colophon: "It is my sincerest intention that this website looks like shit in InternetExplorer 5.x since that particular line of browsers do not support common web standards that all other browsers adhere to." Preach on, brother.

Finally this morning is Lucky Eleven.com. Upon browsing this site, I saw some mention of Church, and not in the horribly derogatory manner as one would be accustomed to here. As such, I was kinda puzzled by the presence of a link to Fuck Everything, or at least a link that isn't in flaming red and says SINNER!!!!. Of course, not everyone is an asshole like me, and I'm certainly not complaining that my pathetic site has gotten recognition. Upon reading some more, I found that the 'blogmaster, Andrea, has an affinity for curling, which is so fucking cool that I can't even begin to describe.

I'm not being sarcastic, either. Curling is fucking awesome. I was totally getting into it when the Olympics were on last year. I was especially stoked upon hearing that one of the teams (I think it was Finland) was captained by this math whiz who could do a Rubik's cube in 27 seconds. That is bad fucking ass. Finally, a sport that people with math skills can excel at. That's something I'd like to get into.

In fact, a friend of mine and I were totally going to get into curling. But like the 843 other great ideas we've come up with during the 10+ years we've been friends, we never did shit about it. Yes, 843. Probably 5 to 6 of those ideas were to start a pay porn site, which obviously never happened. Oh, and then there was when we were freshmen in college, and we were totally convinced that we could bust out "the college guy card" and easily get with some high school chicks. How this worked was we were going to start going up to high school girls and say "we're in college," and they would immediately be on their knees and going to town.

Of course, we were totally full of shit, so it's just as well we had next to no social life and never tried this idea out. Now, this friend is dead married. And me? I'm still fantasizing about high schoolers, because I... Am a sexual predator. Fuck.

Oh, and as for the dead/married comment, I kid the wife. I really do like 'er (unlike some people's wives I could name...), and I don't want my throat slit. You got Noir disc 7, right?

Ooooooo-kay, so it's been a fucked up couple of weeks for me, and I think it's really starting to show, so I'll be going now. I'm sure the fine 'bloggers mentioned above were not expecting this when they linked to me. So, sorry about that, and thanks.
You know what I just realized is the biggest bullshit sales scam ever? "Supplies are limited!" No fucking shit, douche. Of course supplies are limited. Lotsa luck on that whole "infinite supply" thing. Seriously, if someone could create unlimited supply of a product, I'd be willing to pay for it. I'd give the guy five bucks. And just to clarify, it would be a guy, because only a man would be stupid enough to go through all that trouble for five dollars.
I didn't read this, because I didn't need to. Gideon, or that Asian girl, or what the fuck's his name (Sway?), don't know shit about shit. Fuck, I haven't watched that assfest in so long that I don't know if those stupid fuckers are even still doing the "news" or not, but I don't care. No one from MTV should be telling anyone about anything at any time. Except maybe Loder. Mainly because Kurt Scroter is about a hundred years old. Or at least he's older than everyone else on that network by at least 40 years. Is he still on MTV? Is he even still alive?

Rock the vote? How many of your viewers can even spell "vote," MTV?

MTV, please put your people to sleep, and just go back to playing whatever total bullshit you're playing nowadays, and quit trying to do anything important, because you can't.

Of course, all this is to say nothing of the fact that CNN for some reason is actually talking to MTV assrammers. Why don't you fuckers come talk to me? I'm not cute or famous (I don't think Gideon's all that cute, either, for that matter), but I guarantee you I know more than anyone at MTV.
John appropriately refers to JList as a "financial drain." It can take no time at all to quickly put together a shopping cart that will put you in Chapter 11. And if your order isn't expensive (which it will be, and not because their prices are outrageous), shipping will be if you choose EMS. EMS stands for "Expensive Method of Shipping." It's trackable and fucking fast (I've gotten orders from fucking Tokyo shipped via EMS that took less than a week), but you take it up the ass for it. A recent order had nearly 25% of the cost in shipping alone.

However good/bad shopping there can be, you don't have to spend any money to look at their glossary of terms, presented in usual awkward JList fashion. Still, you haven't seen "awkward" in terms of written communication until you get their newsletter. A recent example had the guy who primarily runs JList talking about his daughter in Japanese girl scouts in the beginning of the message where he has a blurb about life in Japan, and then talking about DVDs with girls "fucking up a storm," bukkake, and whatnot in the second half of the e-mail dealing with webstore stock updates.
Interesting news for anyone thinking heart problems might kill them (like me).

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Most unnecessary and inappropriate use of rhyming:

Have you seen ads for those flashlight-looking sex toys that are supposed to be a fake vagina/pussy/snatch/cunt/twat/cooter (choose whichever word you prefer; I try to keep everyone happy)? I think there's one even called the "Fleshlight." Anyway, hit enough pr0n sites, and you'll find ads for 'em.

Anyway, I came (no pun intended... Okay, maybe a little intentional) across one tonight, the ad reading "Super Tight - Just Like Prom Night."

A little somethin' for 'ya before bed.
This guy left a comment, and upon checking his site, I think I may have found someone just as if not more irritable than me. As we all know, that's really saying something.
I really wish there would be a serious investigation of intelligence and the Iraq war, just like I'd love to see a real CIA operative leak investigation or 9/11 probe. In all cases, I'm not holding my breath.
I can already see drug companies getting huge erections just ready for anal rape at the mere sound of this.

Look, I understand that the drug companies are in business to make money. But for christ's fucking sake, they're already loaded. Do they need to be so nauseatingly evil just to make even more money all the time?
Krugman comes about as close as possible (in the Times, at least) to using one of my favorite phrases.
You know what I think is a fun word? "Blowback." Not sure why; it's just fun to say. Some of my other personal favorite words & phrases:

morally bankrupt
strapped for cash
knockin' boots
shackin' up
unreasonably hot (with reference to physical attractiveness)
unquenchable rage
bullshit [macho, elitist, etc.] posturing
This is great, because it's so true. Fuck people in BMWs - they always act like they own the fucking road. When will they learn that I own the fucking road?

BMW drivers have as well-established an identity as people who drive Acura Integras. Integra drivers, I've noticed, are all assholes. I'm talking about the older Integras, when it was called the Integra, and not the RSX. Also, it has to be a coupe and not the four door - those people are just pussies.

I had a friend who had a flaming asshole red Integra, and this kid was a prick on the roads. He would pass people on the on ramp to the highway. He'd drive in lanes that had been coned off for construction, then cut back into regular traffic when running out of real estate. He'd do some fucking trick whereby he could practically stall the car on the highway when he was being tailgated (but, let's face it, tailgaters deserve shit like that... just not when I'm in the back fucking seat of a hatchback-turned-deathmobile). He was only one of many assholes driving an Integra.

In addition to having to deal with these misfits on the road, I was always additionally pissed about the Integra thing because I was like "Hey, I'm an asshole... Where the fuck is my Integra?" I've been planning on getting an RSX at some point in the future (which will probably be whenever my trusty Civic finally dies... not because it's a bad car, but because I have driven the living fuck out of that poor thing), and I'll see what I can do about restoring its asshole legacy.
Oh, this is just fucking great to hear.

Yeah, I know it's not time to start panicking yet, because firing up a draft would be political suicide. Still, I can't help but be a little nervous anytime they bring this shit up.

Also, I think the "October 5" date in that article is a typo, because there are a handful of Guardian articles in their Special Report: United States section that are recent yet have the Oct. as opposed to Nov. date.
Amongst other good stuff, there's a great "News in Brief" in this week's Onion:

Undercover Agents Talking To Each Other In 'Under 12' Chatroom
WASHINGTON, DC - In an effort to weed out pedophiles, two FBI agents, identified only as "Cutiepie1994" and "KoalaLover," unknowingly communicated with one another in the under-12 chat room of TweenTalk.com for almost two hours Tuesday. "You should see me in my new bathing suit. It's really rad," Cutiepie wrote. "Kewl. Guess what? My parents aren't home right now," KoalaLover responded. Two minutes after their lengthy Internet conversation ended, KoalaLover unknowingly passed Cutiepie on the way into the bathroom.


That pretty much says it all when it comes to IRC. Despite my lolicon fantasyland, under 12 is too young even for me. I'm sure that's a comfort. However, whenever I talked to anyone claiming to be female, I was convinced they were either A) a guy or B) The Feds. The feds especially with any "teens."

If you're wondering why I would waste all that time mostly convinced it was a dude or the FBI or both, I'm not really sure. For some reason, if I kept a decent fantasy going in my head, it was fun, and could somehow block out the penis and/or arrest warrants on the other side. Fun as far as beating off goes, of course. Plus, you never know - it may have been some hottie on the other side who totally dug all of my sick fantasies. As if.

Speaking of "lolicon fantasyland," I've been thinking that I totally need to open up a Fuck Everything theme park. And yes, it would be the angriest place on Earth. "Lolicon Fantasyland" would be a great attraction in this park, right along with the "Neocon House of Horrors."
If you're looking for Volume 8 of the Chobits manga series that comes with the box and Chi figure, I'd suggest checking Borders retail stores. I placed an online order for one well over a month ago on Amazon/Borders/Waldenbooks, and I haven't heard shit about it since.

Don't get suckered into paying $50 for one on eBay, because apparently they're actually making appearances in the stores. Of course, you've gotta check Borders and Waldenbooks, since Tokyopop decided to be cocksuckers and make them exclusive to those stores at the last minute.

Pretty much anyone who cares that I know if is already aware of this shit, but since I've actually gotten hits over this fucking thing before from Google searches I thought I'd try and be useful. Which would be a first.
From a city known for being able to blow someone to get a part in a movie and lots of riots, this is pretty obscene.

Yeah, when it comes to those "VIP" rooms, you will get fucked back there. And not fucked in a good way, because as we all know, there is NO sex in the champagne room. Yes, I have personally collected data on this fact.

Still, if you're going into the titty bar, what's the point with this no-touch bullshit? And furthermore, you should know better than to get suckered into the champagne room. I did, and look what happened. I deserve what I got, which was still kinda fun. Just not that much fun.
Fuck you, Roy.
Here's another amusing Google search from today:

girls that can't pay rent

I'd love to know what that one was about. Is it a girl who's having trouble paying and is looking for a way to, er, supplement her income, or an asshole guy looking to take advantage of a girl who is having rent issues? Maybe it's something completely innocent, but there's no way in hell my sick mind can see those options.

I just found this extra amusing since I've spent the last two days hunting for an apartment. And it's able to be amusing since I managed to find a nice place today after not having terribly high hopes.

I'd been looking at two bedroom apartments, which sounds kinda stupid since it's just me. Sadly, however, I decided to get the Girls their own room. Well, okay, it's not just for them - but the second bedroom was pretty much going to be the toy room. I've got tons of Legos, and Micro Machines, and all sorts of other playsets I've been dying to set up somewhere and just totally litter a room with. This on top of all sorts of other crap that would do nothing but overfill my closet in a one bedroom rig.

In the end, I decided to get a one bedroom plus loft, and the loft is going to be motherfucking playland, my friends. And it is going to be good.
Okay, I was right to think along fucked up lines, and now I get that last post (the original is here, but I couldn't get to it and that's why I busted out the Google cache).
Even though it's well before noon, I'm going to declare the Google search of the day:

nambla sims

Yeah, maybe they're not referring to the game The Sims, but maybe they are. Regardless, that's how I'm gonna interpret it, because that's just fucked up.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Not surprisingly, a few reciprocal links have disappeared. In an attempt to clean up the "das 'blogs" section, I decided to remove some of the links that were no longer linking back. I don't think it actually did much to improve the aesthetic situation, but oh well.

If I've deleted your 'blog's link by mistake, let me know. Assuming, of course, that you give a flying fuck. Also, I've noticed a couple of new links to this 'blog, and like always I'll post them... Sometime.
Despite the posting dry spell, I did find one thing that has me pissed off enough to rant about it, and it is this.

Look, I have no idea as to the whether or not the miniseries is accurate. But since when has Hollywood ever been required to sumbit any work to the Republican National Committee for historic accuracy approval? Or anyone else with any other artistic work, for that matter (yes, I'm using "artistic" very loosely here with regards to a TV miniseries)?

Can anyone else say "single-party state"?
For anyone who has A) noticed and B) gives a shit, yeah, things have been slow here in the past couple of days. Most people probably wouldn't think much of it with their 'blogs, but it feels weird to me considering the amount of drivel I'm capable of putting out and often do put out.

Right now, I'm in the middle of a two-day apartment hunting extravaganza, and then the next several days will involve packing. And holy hell, do I have a ton of shit for just one person. Even though I will be packing to go somewhere I want to be going, packing is always still a bitch, and procrastination will undoubtedly lead to a post or two.

Even after the move, which will hopefully go down this weekend, there's still the piecing my apartment together shit, and of course, the new job, which starts next Monday. I have no idea what things are going to look like at Fuck Everything with the new job in the picture. My guess is that the job is going to be as hard as I want it to be - the primary thing I've been hired to do is probably going to be pretty easy. However, there's all sorts of other shit that I can get involved with in this job, and I'm hoping I don't fuck up and instead take advantage of things.

I suspect that if nothing else, I will actually have shit to do during the day at the new job, unlike my semi-real job which ended in April (towards the end, at least, when this 'blog came into being) or my summer job. Both of those allowed plenty of ample time for 'blogging. I suspect that if any 'blogging during the day takes place, it will be diminished from it's previous form. This, of course, coming from the guy who said he was going to step up the 'blogging when he was unemployed at the beginning of May. I was unemployed for about two weeks, during which I did virtually no 'blogging.

I'm planning on ending the long national nightmare of not having broadband ASAP, so when I'm home at least I will probably be spending a decent amount of time. There is going to be so much fucking porn and anime that I'm going to be downloading, and undoubtedly, I will get the urge to do some 'blogging somewhere in there. Statistically, it doesn't look too bad.

So yeah, we'll see where things go. I feel awkward posting this, even narcissistic, but I feel like I should be saying something, since I know that for some fucked up reason I actually have regular or semi-regular readers. Oh well. It's not as if I'm not allowed some narcissistic license every now and then, and it's not like it hasn't happened before.

I have no conclusion for this, so I will end it with a small bow.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Just saw a commercial with Kevin Smith (of Mallrats fame... Fuck you, 'Rats was fucking great) advertising for Panasonic's DVD recorder. This coming from the guy who once loudly pronounced "Fuck DVD!" on a LaserDisc commentary track. Apparently, it really is a "format and a half" to him now.

Seeing this commercial was almost as surreal as browsing video games and seeing Sonic the Hedgehog for Nintendo Gameboy.
The inflamatorily-named partial-birth abortion debate rages on. Take a good look at it, America. This is how it is, and how it's going to continue to be if we don't get our shit together and get these cocksuckers out of office next year.

This bill that's about to be passed is such fucking horseshit. There are plenty of insidious things about it, but three things in particular strike me. First, there's the fact that the Bush administration knows that it is unlikely to get Roe v. Wade overturned anytime soon. As such, they're going to do every thing they can to chip away at abortion rights. Piece by piece, they're going to whittle away at abortion rights, doing it slowly enough that people won't be able to see the long-term effects until it's too late.

The next thing that pisses me off about the bill is the fact that the bill itself contained a graphic description of the procedure. To paraphrase someone else's thoughts on this from a comment several weeks back, you could get just about any medical procedure banned if you wrote a bill which included a description of the procedure in all its gory details. The inclusion of a description is nothing but marketing spin, and I think it's particularly scummy. There was no reason for the description to be included, because it's not like people don't have an idea as to what this is about.

Finally, there's the fact that there is no provision for performing the procedure when the mother's health is at stake. Now, I'm no medical expert here. Opponents say that there's never a reason for this procedure to be performed. However, I can't see any other reason as to why the fuck it would be performed.

On top of not caring about the mother's health, there will be harsh penalties for doctors who perform the procedure. Last I checked, a doctor's primary concern is the well-being of the patient, but now they can be punished for doing their fucking job. You know, unless if your OB/GYN is Josef Mengele, the procedure probably isn't being performed on a whim.

The good news is that there's a decent chance that this procedure will be shot down. As has been pointed out several times, a Nebraska law was struck down primarily because it did not have a woman's health provision. Here's to hoping that precedent is upheld, and that it's done soon.

I think that the ban in general, and the lack of a provision for the mother's health in particular, really drives home a point that George Carlin made: that these anti-abortion activists hate women. Apparently, they care more about some bullshit that the Bible supposedly told them than a human being who's already fucking living. If that isn't misogyny, then I don't know what is.

Some of you will be quick to point out that a lot of those "misogynists" are women themselves. Well, I just do not understand a lot of these women. Okay, I do understand them; they're ignorant. Still, all I can ask them is the question: Why the hell do you want some creepy old man telling you what to do with your body? If you're against abortion, don't fucking have one.

The only group I can somewhat understand is the women who are against abortion due to the fact that they themselves have had an abortion, which they now regret. Look, lady, I have nothing but sympathy for what's obviously a tough situation. But just because you made a decision that you're now unhappy with doesn't mean that you should be allowed to take that decision away from other women.

This brings me to another point, that being the decision itself. This is coming from a no-uterus-whatsoever position, but my guess is that it's never easy to make the decision to have an abortion. In the case of partial birth abortion/intact dilation and extraction, I sincerely doubt it's easy for a doctor to make the decision to just suggest or recommend the procedure, nonetheless actually perform it, or for the mother to give permission for the procedure. These fucking anti-abortion people, though, act as if these decisions are made lightly. Furthermore, unless if you're Marla from Fight Club, it's not like anyone ever sets out to get pregnant and then have an abortion. It's a tough decision, but for some women, it's the right one. For other women, it seems like the right one at the time, but later turns out not to be. That's life. It sucks, but shit happens.

In the end, some people won't even bother with religion, and just say that "It's a child. You're killing a baby, for chrissakes!" Well, to be honest with you, I just don't care. Taking a look at the fact that scores of people die every day, I just can't give the unborn any sort of special treatment just because they're unborn and we for some reason have a huge obsession with that.

Here's a couple of definitions for 'ya, courtesy of Merriam Webster Online:

parasite: 2: an organism living in, with, or on another organism in parasitism

parasitism: 2: an intimate association between organisms of two or more kinds; especially : one in which a parasite obtains benefits from a host which it usually injures

Technically, a baby is just a parasite living within its mother's body. If we can kill ticks and heartworm, we can kill unborn baby parasites. And, tough as the decision to do it may be, we can take that little fucker out even at a late stage if there's still danger to the mother.