Here is a blog that is getting linked solely because of its title.

Europe, you can continue laughing now

This shit has gotten way out of hand. Terrell Owens (pronounce it Tuh-rell, because that pisses him off) is even apologizing over this non-issue? Has anyone else been following this saga? I wish I hadn't, but it's been ALL OVER all goddamn week. Look, I know this country is all uptight and shit, but this is insane. No, I did not see the promo, because I can't get motivated to watch my home team play, nonetheless any other teams on Monday night. Still, I cannot see how it was in any way offensive. The only thing that might offend me is Nicollette Sheridan. I don't know what she's looking like these days, but isn't she like 135 years old now?

Michael Powell is "disappointed" in the promo. ABC wishes it "hadn't aired." Fuck all of you pieces of shit. Michael Powell is officially on the list of people who we're going to throw a party over when they die. Fuck you and your puritanistic bullshit, fuck your need to turn this country even lamer than it already is. And fuck ABC for pussing out and not sticking to their guns. What, you guys are backing down because some tight-assed white Christians from middle America made a phone call to fill the voids in their empty lives? Fuck you, all of you, you goddamn pieces of shit.

I hadn't heard Tony Dungy's take on things, that it was "racially offensive." Racially offensive? How? Does Tony not like us mixing races or something? The only people I know who would find this shit offensive are insecure white guys who are all pissed off and jealous because they know that white bitches love that big, black cock. See? Now that was kinda racially offensive, Tony.

Jesus Christ I hate this place. And, oddly enough, I have Jesus to thank for this moronic bullshit. Of course, it's not directly His fault; it's His followers and the mindset that they're pushing. But fuck Jesus all the same. Fuck Jesus, fuck Michael Powell, fuck ABC and Tuh-rell Owens, and fuck Americans. God damn it I hate everything.

God damn it, can we just burn Texas down? And can we start by setting that one fucking parent who complained on fire? Jesus. This is what pisses me off about this country, because there are millions of people who are that fucking dumb. I can't tell from that article whether or not any kind of cross-dressing was actually part of the homecoming festivities, but it's all irrelevant. Cross-dressing has nothing to do with homosexuality. Is there some overlap there? Are there some gays who like to cross-dress? Yeah, of course. But there are plenty of straights who like to do it, too. Shit, how many women out there right now are wearing something made for men? I guess you're all a bunch of lesbians now, aren't 'ya? Well, one can hope, because that could be hot. Seriously, anyone who's taken three seconds of a basic psych course will hear the following: correlation does not imply causation. Try telling that to ignorant Christians (but I repeat myself).

As far as the other side goes, I can't say I'm a huge fan of men in women's clothing, but if you want to do it, then you do what you gotta do. I don't give a shit. Hell, I'd probably dress up in skirts and dresses myself if I thought I'd look good in them (which I wouldn't), especially since I'm already so feminized as it is.

Who cares about a list of dangerous toys? How about a list of shitty toys? Hell, I could bang that out in about three seconds: all of them. All of them except for the toys that I'd buy. Yeah, if you're out toy shopping, just ask yourself: what would Bitter Little Man Buy? Make yourself a WWBLMB wristband if you need to, because I have the best taste in everything.

Furthermore, I don't see how a product called "carpet skates" could be considered dangerous. Also, I find no end to the amusement over the Pocket Rocket Miniature Motorcycle. Yeah, the "pocket rocket," a toy undoubtedly marketed at boys. "Hey Butthead, I've got a pocket rocket. Check this out."

Law & Order: Criminal Intent just isn't that good. Especially not when compared to the original Law & Order or Law & Order: Sport Utility Vehicle (AKA Sex Crimes Unit). Have you ever noticed that every preview for L&O:CI could read as follows: "Watch as Vincent D'Onofrio yells at a perp in the interrogation room on the next Law & Order: Criminal Intent!" All that yelling is probably why he keeps landing himself in the hospital.

So Condi Rice has been tapped to be the next Secretary of State. Even though he just turned into the Administration's prison bitch (not to detract from Tony Blair, their overseas prison bitch), it was nice having Colin Powell as our chief diplomat since he was, you know, interested in diplomacy. Despite the fact that he was a huge pussy, it sure beats what I can only describe as the latest move in Bush's consolidation of power.

I guess I'm okay at this point with Stephen Hadley being next in line for National Security Advisor, if only because now when he's mentioned on the news I can just go "*sigh* Hadley..."

President Bush has instructed his new national security team to end the running battles between the State and Defense departments and the Central Intelligence Agency...

Yeah, that oughta be somewhat easier now since he has his man installed at the CIA, and his woman will be installed at State.

If a large-scale migration takes place, it could mark a transition between the institutions not seen since Henry Kissinger controlled both of them...

Things are always good if you can make comparisons to Kissinger.

You know what? Fuck kids. And no, not like that, you sick pervert. I don't care about their glass blowing and dildo practice, kids don't have any fucking idea what "busy" is. Shit, I don't know what "busy" is, and I'm coming off a two-month bender at my job. Couple that with what might be qualified as heavy masturbating, and I'm getting a small inkling of what "busy" is, but these kids are (literally) years behind even me.

Google search:

getting money to see your wife getting fucked

What, you wanna get paid to watch your wife go jewelry shopping? Oh, wait -- that'd be getting paid to watch yourself get fucked. Sorry, pal.

Just in time for Thanksgiving or Mideast warfare

Yahoo search:

people who fuck turkey

Are they talking about the country or the animal?

Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm saying. Okay, well, not exactly.

Since we're so sick of Democrats and pussy-ass liberals in general, we've decided that we need to start a new movement. A third way, if you will. It's mostly liberal, formed on the basis of things like abortion and gay marriage, along with the concept of a bunch of money for a small group of people (namely, us; then it, uh, trickles down from there). Basically, a merging of our liberal mindset with our inborn sense of greed. Who's in? Better get some lovin' while the gettin's good.

Damn, that's a lot of cash.

You just don't expect to see this kind of stuff from good, honest god-fearin' folks.

A judge ordered Mancini to undergo a mental evaluation.

The sooner we order this for all those of faith, the better.

The joys of the Blogger Navbar and random linkers

Look, I know it's not that simple. Blah blah blah. But why the fuck did you marry him in the first place?

Gays marrying! Gays marrying! It's going to destroy the institution of marriage! No, it's stupid fucks like this who have ALREADY destroyed your stupid precious "institution."

Yahoo search:

i want to fuck a goat

I always make idle chit-chat about how I should shut this place down, and I'm always served with constant encouragement to do just that. I mean, c'mon. I've made it clear that if you need to fuck a goat, I don't care. You do what you gotta do. But why the FUCK do you need to tell Yahoo about it?

A bunch of you don't even know what MLS is (it's some kind of disease, isn't it?), and that's good

I just read a blurb that the MLS championship is tomorrow. And you know what? No one cares.

The other night, we couldn't remember when the next gen XBox was supposed to come out. Well, it looks like Microsoft may have plans for XBox 2.

Out here in Colorado, some of the State Patrol officers drive a Camaro. We always thought that would be a pretty good deal -- a Camaro and a shotgun. Sure, the Camaro isn't that great, but combine that with the gun and you're good to go. Colorado State cops haven't got shit on the Italian Police, though.

"It's not for fun."

Bullshit.

"... Superintendent Bizzarro had to push the car up to about 185 miles an hour to stop a Porsche going about 155..."

Okay, first off, Superintendent Bizzarro. That has got to be the best combination of title and name ever. Second of all, how do you catch an asshole doing 155 in his Porsche? With a fucking Lamborghini, that's how.

Dead baby

So John Asscroft is stepping down. Many of us won't be sad to see that guy go. In the wake of his pending departure, White House counsel Alberto Gonzales has been nominated to take his place. Yeah, the guy who said that parts of the Geneva Conventions were "obsolete" and "quaint" will be in a position to influence what happens to our civil liberties. So I'm not real worried on that front; at worst it'll (hopefully) just be more of the same. This, of course, isn't a good thing, but at least I'm used to it.

What I'm really hoping for is that he'll at least back off on the whole porn thing. Do whatever the hell you want to prisoners since you're going to anyway, just let me jerk off in peace, okay? Leave me something, for fuck's sake.

Some anti-woman groups aren't happy with some of the actions he's taken with regards to abortion. For instance, while on the Texas state Supreme Court he ruled in favor of not requiring some teenage girls to get parental consent for an abortion. I like that. I like that a lot. Hey, they may be poised to expand the gulag, but at least that's one point over Asscroft.

Seriously, though, at least he's pissing off the anti-womanist groups, and that makes me smile. Sure, it's a small consolation, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Also, we know that there are valid reasons for not requiring parental permission for an abortion (incest), so at least the guy might capable of some sort of rational thought.

"Why is President Bush betraying the babies?"

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. The poor wittle babies. I've basically made this stance before, but I'm going to make it again: fuck the babies. And no, not like that, you sick pervert. Sure, maybe the baby was asking for it, but I digress. Look, I'm sick of this bullshit about the unborn. Everybody's all up in arms about it. You know, you try and point out that abortion, while no one (except maybe Marla from Fight Club) strives for it, is a necessary option for women to have. Even if you make a strong case, they always throw that "but you're killing babies!" shit in your face. And to that I say, funk 'dat. I don't give a damn about babies and how do you like that?

Maybe it's because I'm not a parent or whatever, and as such I haven't experienced the supposed "miracle" that's happened billions and billions of times (I guess miracles were on sale at Sam's Club), and that's why I don't go all soft (or hard; these religious groups have a huge hard-on when it comes to them) over babies. But I'm sorry, when it comes to choosing between a pile of goo that isn't even alive yet and a woman who's put up with me and given me compantionship and (apparently) even had sex with me, I'm going to side with her. Shit, you make the sacrifice of having sex with me, and you can do whatever the hell you want. You can go out killing other people's babies -- pre-born or otherwise -- for all I care. You had sex with me and that makes you a wonderful person.

Where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah. The "baby killing" shit doesn't work on me. Go try emotionally manipulating someone else, Christfucker.

"If you think a fetus is so important, try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of your underwear -- for no pay and no pension."
- Carlin

Yahoo search:

how to find objects around the house to fuck yourself with

I dunno... Get up and fucking look for them? God damn it people are lazy.

While looking through the search results, I found the following probably-not-work-appropriate site which amused me greatly: How to Bang Just About Any Object in Your House.

Is there anything better than masturbation? Sure, it's not as good as real sex (theoretically, at least), but it's almost always available and fun unless if you're some kind of real fuck-up. In addition to the pleasure factor, it also provides us with all this great humor. Sure, sometimes the joke's on you, but hey, shit happens.

"If you ever get caught masturbating, the first thing to do is act surprised. And don't worry, you will be surprised. Just start yelling 'Help! Help! My hand and peeny are fightin'! Get some help, a hot towel, and a chicken burrito 'cause this is a battle royale!"
- Dave Attel

"But you know what I like even better than women? Pornography. 'Cause I can get pornography."
- Patton Oswalt

Okay, maybe it's just because it's 7:30 AM and I've been up all night for work once again (this time because I pretty much had to, though), but I can't quite digest the point of this right now. Some big long history lesson as to why us liberals crying "fascism!" are just getting our panties in a bunch over the wrong thing. Not that we aren't being overly hysterical, but c'mon -- we're liberals. Doesn't mean we don't have a valid point or two. Maybe the article will make more sense later, but I'll post it now so I can pretend to be all fair 'n' balanced and shit.

Yeah, I just can't wait.

Spam:

Brand New Teen Eating Cum

Brand new? This makes it sound like they can just manufacture them now. Because if that's the case, I'm in.

Oh, geez. Now the World Trade Center is going to have some kind of weird stigma attached to it.

Seriously, dude, I can understand being unhappy with the results of the election. A lot of us were feeling pretty down last week, then it turned, oh, about noon on Wednesday, and we were over it and were moving on. Okay, some of us accepted it and got over it; undoubtedly some out there will never get over it. But oh effing well.

Like I said, I don't have to be happy with the results to respect the accomplishments. And pending those pay raises, I'm not going to become a bloody conservative. I'm just confused right now, and having lots of bipartisan-curious feelings.

More and more, Karl Rove is becoming my fucking hero. This may seem odd at first seeing as how I hate the man he's gotten into office for two terms now, or it may make perfect sense if you know me at all. Hey, I may not be happy with the results, but I've gotta give the man big props for doing what he's done. And besides, I'm a conservative now, remember? Flip, flop! Flip, flop!

The left really needs a Karl Rove of their our own. Yeah, a Rove of our own. Someone to say, "No, fuck that. We're going to do it my way, we're going to do it simple, and we're going to fucking win." Someone who's not as weird looking as Carville, maybe the closest thing we've got (not that Rove is any prize package himself). Someone who sits in their office all day and thinks. Someone who can be vicious, or, more appropriately, someone who can delegate responsibility to go out and be vicious. And above all, someone who's fucking smart. I could handle some of those qualifications, but I am just nowhere near that goddamn smart.