Fatty fatty bo batty

OK, this is just sad. Alright, alright, there is one positive thing, but let's at least get that out of the way first.

They found that weight misperception tended to decrease among women -- meaning women with normal BMI who were surveyed in 1999-2004 were less likely to say that they're "overweight" than women with normal BMI in 1988-1994, especially among 17 to 19-year-olds.

That's definitely news to me, as I have spent way too much time over the years listening to girls unnecessarily bitch about their weight. But if it's true, that's good. Of course...

Rather, it is the relative increase in weight of the general population that makes people with normal BMI feel more normal, she said.

So it's the old adage that a group of friends has to have one fat friend to make all the rest feel better. Now, all the women out there have a world of fatass friends to make them feel better about themselves, which is how they should have felt in the first place.

Anyway, this whole notion of changing the size labels is just retarded and only works on retarded people, which is to say damn near everyone. You know, I remember shopping for some slacks several years back. These pants, my normal waist size, were fitting pretty loose. And at first I was like, whoa, have I actually slimmed down a bit? Then I realized what it meant when it said that they had an "individual fit" waistband or some shit. See, that initially made me think that the waistband had some elasticity to it (without being all-out elastic waistband fat people pants), but upon playing with these pants I found this to not be the case. I soon realized that "individual fit" meant that these size 30 pants were actually a size 32. These pants were true fatass Docker pants.

Being mildly retarded, I was only confused for a short amount of time. However, most other people, being completely retarded, will actually think that they can drop several sizes without doing shit. This is yet another reason why I hate everyone. See, for those not already aware, I am a small person, but my midsection could still use some work. And when I look down and see something I'm not happy with, I leave myself two choices: eat better and exercise, or shut the fuck up. I wish everyone else could do the same; preferably option A because I am sick of looking at fat people.

OK, so I'm trying to figure out WTF to do with this blog. I've been mostly unmotivated to post, as you can see. And then when I fucking try to post, Blogger tells me, no bitch, your shit be spam. Well fuck.

Anyway, I'm thinking I should blog more now that ETP and BOETP are in the middle of fucking nowhere in the deep south and this is one way to keep in contact with them. Of course, we have Failbook, but I think it's gonna take ETP awhile to adapt to FB and its shitty interface.

In the meantime, I'll just try to post some random shit, as usual. For instance, via Cracked, Retro Comedy has put together a list of what they feel are the 15 creepiest vintage ads of all time.

Hey, so did everyone hear that Michael Jackson died? Weird. You'd think it would be on the news or something.

Welcome back

So, a couple days ago I logged in because I was actually gonna make a post. And when I attempted to do so, I saw that my blog had been locked from posting -- because it had been flagged as a potential spam blog. Blogger apparently has an automated tool that scans blogs and tries to find ones that are spam. And I was like, oh really.

I don't really get this. Sure, I'm impotent in so many ways, but it's not like I talk about Viagra or other fake dick meds or anything all the time. I'm not trying to pull off any Nigerian bank scams. So WTF? If it had been a shitty blog detector, then yeah, OK. You got me. But spam? Dude.

Anyway, once I submitted the request for review, it got unlocked pretty quick. I guess I'm lucky they didn't just say, dude, we're killing your blog anyway, 'cause it sucks. So it the end, a minor annoyance, and all around it was retarded.

This shit is fucking gay. But not really unexpected. I mean, c'mon.

... Obama -- who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage -- declared himself "a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans."

You can't be a "fierce advocate" if you are opposed to something so basic that everyone should be allowed to do.

This is just awesome:

This just in: Oprah fans are fat, stupid losers. Oprah Winfrey enthusiasts are advised to keep their poor germs away from the rest of society.

So I was in the grocery store the other day picking up some random shit and on my way out a stack of soda caught my eye. I saw 12-packs that said "Mountain Dew throwback" and "Pepsi-Cola throwback." At first it just looked like cans with old-school logos but then I took a second look: "made with natural sugar."

Epic win.

Gotta stock up, though, 'cause there's less than two months before it goes bye-bye. Hopefully it will catch on and Pepsi will realize people want this stuff and they'll either keep it around or at least bring it back periodically. Furthermore, maybe it will help bring down the evil corn lobby. Man, fuck corn -- fuck it right in the ear.

Another mindless, entertaining site full of pics. This one in particular deserves special mention, but there are shitloads more.

And one more quick hitter.

And in keeping with the misery thing...

That's funny. Courtesy of motivationalz.com.

If you are here (and not just because of some Google search you made 'cause you're a pedophile) you are either miserable and/or you like to see misery in action. Along those lines, fmylife.com. Why they're so afraid to just write out "fuck" however is beyond me.

Another new webcomic: Cyanide and Happiness. Pretty much all just quick hitters full of any goofy or crude or offensive thing that they feel like joking about (like cancer). You know, sophistocated shit.

Dudes. I've got a handful of shit that I've been too lazy to post but this is so epic I gotta get it out there. I present to you the official CafePress store of North Korea. Take a look at some of those designs -- that shit is fucking harsh.

Also be sure to check out the DPRK's official website.

Came across all this via a Cracked article which pretty much lays out why we never should have been worried about North Korea in the first place.

So I was just reading BOETP's blog, which has not been updated in years, and was reminded of how fucking epic it was. In addition to being awesome it's also interesting to me 'cause her blogging style is slightly different from her normal speaking style. This is not a bad thing though because, again, epic. I am totally gonna start peer pressuring her into blogging again. Yeah I know you have a job shit going on blah blah blah we all do. Get on it.

Recent incident be damned, she also needs to chug it.

Along the lines of FactCheck, another site that does a decenter job of cutting through the bullshit than a lot of other sites that claim t cut through the bullshit: PolitiFact.

Suck it, liberals!

Okay yeah this is coming from a comedy writer who has also taken it upon himself to call out a Nobel Prize winner but c'mon, there are still some good points in there even if there are faults with others. If nothing else I'm on board because I always thought the whole organic food thing was bullshit (personally I prefer my food to be non-carbon-based anyway).

No time for love, Dr. Jones

Interesting. I don't remember Wanosky giving us quite this perspective on the subject. Fuckin' showboatin' lib. Not to say that we weren't still fucked up, which of course we were, and still are.

We thank thee O Lord that in thy mercy thou hast bestowed upon us Dick.

Fucking awesome new webcomic discovery: The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. The current running storyline is here, and archived storylines here. The "So What Is A McNinja?" storyline also has one of the best lines ever from anything.

If I ever meet a pair this fucking lame, I will punch them both in the face. The chick? I will punch her twice.

Interesting, yet creepy. Or maybe just very very HOT. Assuming you ignore the pic of that woman and her dad. And reality.

If you're like me, meaning you pay marginal attention to shit and you're kinda crazy, then you are pissed off about this. At first, it's like, you have six fucking kids. Why are you on fertility treatments for anything? It's bad enough when a couple has serious difficulty conceiving and then the woman ends up shitting out six kids as a result of some kind of fertility treatment.

So anyway, yeah, I was pissed. That was before I knew this tidbit:

Suleman, a 33-year-old single mother...

WHAT?!

Suleman, in the NBC interview, complained that she is being judged differently from how couples are judged, because she is a single mother.

Yeah you're goddamn right you are you stupid fucking bitch. Look, I have precisely jack against single mothers. Quite the opposite in fact. I know that shit happens and sometimes a woman has to go it alone because the father is a piece of shit. I know this from my own life, and I know this from seeing others close to me. I have nothing but respect for single mothers. What I don't have respect for is single mothers who have no goddamn common sense. I mean absolutely none.

Let's trace through this simple-ass minefield just a bit more.

The mother of octuplets, whose story has sparked controversy around the world, rejects suggestions that she may not be able to care adequately for all 14 of her children and that her decisions have been selfish.

...

... while already having six young children and no clear source of income.

...

All I wanted ... was to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life.

Shut the fuck up junkie. Do I really even need to say anything? I mean, Christ. I am pretty gorram selfish. But this is just stupid. So anyway, any idiot could come to that conclusion.

Reflecting back on my childhood, I know it wasn't functional. It was pretty dysfunctional, and whose isn't?

Clearly your parents should have worked just a little bit harder to damage you psychologically to put you off from all this having kids nonsense in the first place.

As always, The Onion delivers.