He wanted to marry and have children, huh? So, basically, he was looking into becoming some kind of alternative farmer.

I just can't understand why people are always making fun of Wisconsin.

Why don't you fuckers get a hobby or something?

The Supreme Court keeps busy.

I just realized a HUGE campaign issue that I hadn't thought about before: do any of the candidates have hot daughters? I'll support anyone who can get some hot poon into the first family. Except for Bush. I have principles, you know.

Separate from anything else, Wes Clark wins mad points this week for running around in a Belushi-esque "COLLEGE" sweatshirt. It would be so much cooler if he also had a bottle of Jack on hand, but I understand how that might be frowned upon. Visiting date-rape clubs (frats) is of course OK.

So I take it that Dell will be remaining at orange alert?

Speaking of orange alert, are there any Trekkies out there who think it would be interesting if the nation were at the red level? Sure, we don't actually want that since it means we're gonna die (supposedly), but if it happened, we'd at least have a legitimate excuse to run around saying that we're at "red alert." For once, it wouldn't be just because we're playing Star Trek in our heads. Not that I do that.

I've made my opinions on the file-sharing debate known before. If this is true, it's just one more example as to how the RIAA is a bunch of cocksucking assholes.

Music piracy is illegal, and the record companies have a right to do work to put a stop to it. However, their methods leave a lot to be desired. We have a word for people who take the law into their own hands: vigilantes. Vigilantes are generally frowned upon since, at least technically, we have groups of people devoted to fighting crime. Until the RIAA becomes a division of the LAPD, they should not be allowed to do shit like this.

This isn't the first time the RIAA has deemed itself judge, jury, and executioner. Like remember that plan to allow the RIAA to break into suspected offenders' computers and fuck them up? It even had the support of some real bright pennies like Orrin Hatch.

While we're at it, I'm going to send up a call for Orrin Hatch to be raped by an eight-dicked walrus.

If the RIAA wants to keep an eye out for pirates, that's fine. But when it comes time to propagate threats or take action, they need to at least be doing it through official channels. Of course, when they do use the criminal justice system, that often opens up a whole new can of worms, but we'll leave it alone for now. At least until they decide to start suing 12-year-olds again.

Bush is just kissing ass with Martian voters. Either that, or some people in the aerospace industry have given him some money. Either that, or he's just trying to make himself look progressive and visionary in an election year.

But how "visionary" is this? "We'll be on the moon in, I dunno... 2018, maybe?" Who the fuck is coming up with that timetable? Me? Christ, remember when Kennedy said we'll be on the moon by the end of the decade, and we were? Now, though, it's gonna take us around a decade and a half.

Of course, if this is just a ploy to make Bush look cool, it's a decent ploy. By setting the proposed mission dates out so far, it's a very safe thing to do. Bush won't really have to commit much in terms of money or resources for awhile, and there's plenty of time for the plans to be scrapped.

Unraveling.

Excuses, excuses.

Look, I don't know the details of all the maneuvering Grasso did to hide the money he was making or who was involved in helping him hide it, but maybe if the rest of you board fuckers had been paying some attention this wouldn't have happened.

Of course, there's probably more than a decent chance that a lot of these guys knew what was going on, and they're just covering their asses now. Seems kinda interesting that Spitzer and the SEC are only going after former board members, as well. How convenient that it's only guys who left that were involved in possible wrongdoing.

And yeah, letting securities guys self-regulate is a real good idea. Why don't we just let sex criminals and known alcoholics self-regulate themselves while we're at it? Only the business criminals could get away with a neat little arrangement like that, considering that this country has for all too long been owned and run by business criminals.

Thanks, Joe.

"Lieberman said he would install a systematic review of the new powers under the Patriot Act to determine their impact on civil liberties before supporting their extension." How about a systematic review to decide what needs to be rescinded before even thinking about extending shit?

"Lieberman would direct the Justice and Homeland Security departments to disclose as much information as possible about how they are using the Patriot Act and about those arrested and detained in the war on terrorism." That's a big part of the fucking problem with the PATRIOT Act, Joe - they don't have to fucking tell us what it is that they're doing.

"Industry-funded research would be disclosed under the plan." This WOULD be nice, so when when we have things like scientists funded by Exxon-Mobil telling us garbage like global warming "needs more study," we can get an idea as to how full of shit they are.

Well, the jobs aren't there. Guess we'll have to look a little harder.

I'm going to re-new my claim that econ is nothing but total fucking bullshit. What is that "downwardly revised gain" bullshit? I have never seen that explained. Did someone fuck up, and that's why they had to revise the numbers? It seems like this ALWAYS happens. Every fucking month we hear these numbers, and then the next month the revision fairy comes along and changes those numbers. I can't help but feel I'm being lied to, which is strange because I never get that sense from anything else.

What would Brian Boitano do?

God effing damn it. So it's just after midnight (and no, my dick isn't stuck in a cow this time), and I go to check my mail, only to find a message from Matt letting me know that the U.S. figure skating championships are on at 7. Last night. That's what I get for not being compulsive enough with checking my stupid hotmail account.

Naturally, I missed Sasha coming in first in the short program. Now I've gotta make sure I don't fuck up and miss the free skate on Saturday which, unless if the schedules are lying to me, is on ABC at 2 PM Mountain. Hopefully this post and the alarm I set on my phone will be ample reminders. Yes, the alarm on my phone.

Brian Boitano would remember to fucking watch figure skating; that's what he'd goddamn do. And he wouldn't need to have his bloody cell phone tell him to, either.

Google search:

fleshlight ebay

For anyone unfamiliar with the Fleshlight, it's a male masturbatory tool shaped kinda like a flashlight that guys stick their dicks into. This search raises a couple of questions.

Was this person looking for a Fleshlight on eBay? Unless if it's brand new, yuck. Okay, technically this really wouldn't be much different than having sex with a woman who has had sex with other men before, but still, there's just something not right about the whole affair.

I suspect that this person may not have been looking for a Fleshlight on eBay, because if they were, why the fuck would they do a Google search instead of just going directly to eBay? Of course, if someone is potentially willing to buy a used sex toy, my guess is that they aren't horribly bright and as such might not make that connection.

Even I am not this hard-up to spend money.

For anyone previously unaware of the Club For Growth, they're a far-right group (fiscally, at least) hell-bent on cutting taxes. They sometimes scare even Karl Rove for being too conservative. Here's a handful of selections from CFG's "News and Commentary" section.

Insane psycho-Christian ranting.

I'm presuming that most of this is a joke, but I wouldn't be surprised either way.

Um, you know, even if that 25% figure is correct, $125 billion is still a lot of fucking money. I will give Moore credit for calling the government out on rampant spending; that certainly IS a huge problem. But to imply that all of the costs in the war on terror are justified while other federal spending isn't is nonsense.

In continuing the government spending theme, here Moore gives his opinion on Iraqi reconstruction financing. Some of this I again agree with, up to a point. Yes, it does suck that we (the taxpayer) should have to foot the bill for reconstruction. On the other hand, it would have been shitty to force reconstruction on Iraq, and then tell them to pay for our decisions. Also, we (again, the taxpayer), are the ones who are allowing the administration to get away with all this shit. In the end, Moore loses me when he starts ranting about the French and Germans, but we've been over that before.

The CFG is known for viciously attacking anyone who opposes the Bush tax cuts IN ANY WAY, both D and R alike. This article wasn't written by the CFG, but it's linked off their pages. It talks about one of these attack campaigns against senators who merely wanted to limit the tax cuts to $350 billion, a campaign in which the "traitors" were compared to the French at a time when anti-French sentiments were peaking last year.

No, wait, they can't be far-right after all, what with their ardent support of Rush Limbaugh and all.

I also like how their "Hey, Howard Dean" section includes "Independent" analysis from the totally centrist Wall Street Journal.

I don't think the CFG is real well known, but whether or not one agrees with their methods and goals, I think people definitely need to be aware of them. They are most certainly a force to be reckoned with. Oh, and they don't resort to negative campaigning.

If the CFG were more focused on the "controlling government spending" agenda, I might be a little more in tune with them. However, their primary motivations seem to be tax cuts, tax cuts, and tax cuts. They are rabid in pursuing this goal, which quite frankly, I find troublesome. Plus, seeing Moore speak makes me wonder what planet he's receiving instructions from.

Yeah, campaign finance reform sure did a lot to clean up American politics.

Also, the very notion of The Club For Growth helping determine the outcome of this next election scares the piss out of me. Have you ever seen its president, Stephen Moore, in interviews? That man is fucking insane.

And speaking of the liberal media...

And speaking of Colin Powell...

This is definitely good to hear. Hey, when's Ken Lay going to prison? Oh, never? That sucks.

I think the word you're looking for is "unraveling," Colin.

For anyone interested in checking out the Carnegie Endowment's report, it can be found here.

Ingrates. "What's Britney done for Kentwood lately?" You mean, other than letting people know that Kuntwood exists? Some fucking people - never happy.

Yeah, I don't know if that line is a direct quote from someone in the town or not, but it does allow me to point out that there is also no ring on Kentwood's finger. "Eddiieeeeeee!!!"

Spears is "just a very nice, hometown country girl." And a whore. You forgot to mention whore.

That damn liberal media, always doing what the liberal agenda tells them to.

Apparently, Ann Gerhart wants to paint a picture of the Bush twins as these horrible, awful little whores. Well, that may be an accurate portrait, but I don't see what the big deal is or where the surprise comes in. You won't often hear me coming out in defense of members the Bush family, even if that defense does sound strangely like criticism, but here we go.

Okay, first off is the basic case being made that Jenna and Barbara are spoiled brats. Gee, you wouldn't expect that coming from a rich family. Christ, my parents and grandparents were far from rich, and they spoiled me rotten. Some parents spoil their kids, others don't. It's oftentimes helped along when those parents are fucking loaded.

Next up is all the drinking and partying. Teenage and college-age girls going out drinking and partying. I've never heard of that before. Lighten up, everyone, this is just what fucking kids do. Sure, it's not exactly the healthiest way to live, but it's actually pretty fucking normal. That's part of what your teens and twenties are for: fucking around. Hell, I can recognize this as normal behavior, despite being the world's biggest square who never went to a frat party despite making it all the way through college.

As a side note, the notion that Jenna called her father, the recovered alcoholic, to complain that her Secret Service bodyguards were "interfering" with her drinking is just fucking HILLARIOUS.

Finally, there's the fact that the girls are generally uncomfortable with being in the limelight. Despite never having been under public scrutiny like this, I think I can still understand it. I mean, who the hell would want to have this thrust upon them when they're in their teens or twenties? They didn't ask for this. Their daddy just decided that he wanted to play president (or, more appropriately, someone decided for him, Mr. "I never really was that worried about the career path"). In addition to having to deal with all the regular nonsense of growing up, they've gotta do it with the Secret Service watching their every move? Talk about a buzz kill.

As one more side note, I'm feeling real good about the secret service, what with their not thinking ahead to get one of those automatic toll passes and losing the President's daughter for FOUR FUCKING HOURS.

So of course, people are like "Well, Chelsea handled things much better than the Bush girls." Yeah, no shit she did. She handled it remarkably well, especially considering all of the vicious shit she had to take. But you know what? That's Chelsea. I find no surprise in the fact that Chelsea was smart about things, even when she fucked up, considering her parents are bright fucking people who know how to keep their shit together. Jenna and Barbara's parents are a former alcoholic who's still a dumbass and, well, an idiot. So it's no surprise that they turned out drunken idiots as well.

Furthermore, Chelsea's behavior and tendency to not treat people like shit is going to pay off for her. It already is. I suspect the Bush twins will also get theirs, whatever that may be.

Like I said, their behavior isn't model, it's just not unexpected. Take a look at their situation, factor in the age they're at, and throw into the mix one of their role-models - their cocaine-snorting, alcohol-addicted, frat boy fuck-up father - and it's pretty obvious how the Bush twins got to be the Bush twins. A lot of what they're doing isn't rebelling against their father and his position, they're just being kids. Just because their whole family is (supposedly) a bunch of model citizens who have dedicated their lives to making money public service doesn't mean they're going to choose the exact same path (of course, with all the debauchery, they are looking like they're on their dad's path). They'll probably get their shit together eventually. So to everyone, just fucking lighten up already.

Quick note to the Bush twins: if you are, in fact, rebelling against your father, having sex with me would really, really piss him off. Just a thought. I'm sure they'll be jumping at the chance seeing as how I called their father a dumbass, their mother an idiot, and them a pair of stupid drunks.