Damn, dude - now Saddam can go out and pick up chicks. Or, at very least, he can probably hang out with Barry Bostwick, who has a nice ass. Saddam also needs to put together his own workout tape. Or how about "Saddam's Gym" muscle-ts? The possibilities are endless.

This isn't exactly new, but just how much evil shit does the Bush administration have to try before people wise up and all that shit ends up backfiring?

Nice to see that Bill Cosby is done being a "pushover mom."

Hey, all throughout that CNN article, there's a word they keep censoring as 'n-----.' It's really bothering me because I don't know what the word is and I'm too dumb to figure it out.

God, I am so sick of this kind of stupid bullshit. As if somehow people are going to think CNN is racist for quoting someone who used the word 'nigger.' I mean, Jesus Christ, they're even quoting someone who's using it in a completely non-racist way. But, yeah. Some people (guilty white liberals) probably would call CNN racist if they just printed the word. Some would probably call me racist just for peeling away those dashes. Some people are really fucking stupid. Hey, maybe CNN is racist and I'm racist and we're all fucking racists, but if we are it's not just because we printed a word.

We, of course, do this with other words, typically swear words. It's really two different uses of the same technique - one because we're uptight fucking cunts, the other because we're somehow trying to pretend that by covering up racist words we can cover up racism itself. In the end, it's a symptom of the same disease - bullshitting ourselves. Does anyone see 'f---' or 'n-----' or whatever printed somewhere and not know what the underlying word is? Does anyone hear "f-dash-dash-dash" in their head as they read as opposed to "fuck"?

Oh, and don't EVEN give me any fucking crap about "the children."

Why we waste time with this nonsense is beyond me. Oh, well, except for the fact that Americans have a hard time dealing with reality, so we run from it whenever we can. Hey, escapism is one thing, but this is something completely different. Grow the fuck up.

Hmmm, I honestly didn't mean to get off on such a rant here. I just wanted to push the "Bill Cosby" inside joke when an opportunity arose. But while we're on the subject of racism, I think we need a racist term to describe humans. One all-encompassing word or phrase that degrades us all. I think that could do wonders to bring us all together. Personally, I'm a big fan of Megatron's use of "flesh creatures." But again, that's just me.

"White nigger."
- One of Chris Rock's suggestions for new racist names for white people

I'm not sure if most people would consider this to be a boost in Colin Powell's credibility or a further decline. Me, I give the guy some points for it. But, of course, that's me.

"Three years ago, a skit... prompted harsh words from his wife Alma."

Colin Powell could at least save some face by standing up to his wife every now and then. Look, I know that marriage is a give and take (namely, the man gives and the woman takes... in straight relationships, at least; I don't know if gay couples bother with this paradigm), but Jesus Christ.

"You need to slap her in the face and tell her 'That's enough of your shit!'"
- How Cartman says he would deal with women problems; and no I'm not suggesting that Colin Powell abuse his wife. Maybe she really is asking for it, just don't do it.

I... I didn't even know there was some kind of "community" centered around doing tricks with lighters. Like always, it's pretty hypocritical of me to criticise the hobbies of others, but...

"My oldest son who is 11 is currently considering whether he should focus on football, the guitar or lighter tricks."

I think you should push him towards the lighter tricks thing, because we all know there's no money in football or music. Yeah, it's not like this kid is going to grow up to be John Elway or BB King (THAT'S BB KING!!!!! LUCILLE!!!!!!), but still. At least there's some infinitesimally small yet still finite chance that he could make something of himself doing pretty much anything besides lighter tricks.

I just can't see how something like this could end badly.

Okay, people are literally, penultimately, going apeshit over that story about the teacher fucking her 14-year-old student. I have gotten so many goddamn Google hits thanks to that over the past couple of days. The main reason I'm getting so many hits, though, is because I'm pretty sure that the JFR take I posted (which I just copied from his website and fixed obvious spelling errors) misspelled the teacher's name. So there you have it; people love teachers and students knockin' boots, and people can't fucking spell.

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney continues defecating from the mouth. He really oughta have that problem looked at.

And unless if you've somehow avoided all news today, you already know that Saddam was in "court" today, sportin' a new look.

I sure hope so, because I've had just about enough of this stupid bullsit. I can barely contain my excitement over who will be chosen to not be the next vice president of the United States.

Something in case you're not getting your fill of campaign ads this year.

Kind of a theme

Google search:

guy who fuck retarded girls

You mean a modelizer?

In addition to Ted Rall's comic, I also enjoy his weekly column a great deal. Rall is obviously pissed, but unlike some people on the left (Michael Moore, me...), Rall manages to lay his thoughts out in a manner that's calm and concise. We could use a bit, err, a lot more of that. Well, okay, the comic can get a bit out of hand, but it is, after all, a fucking comic.

Just to make sure things don't get too positive with all the "progress" going down in Iraq.

Horrible

Yahoo search:

girls under 18 found on street that will fuck for money

God fucking damn it, I hate people. Dude, if you play your cards right, you can probably get them to do it for food. Or shelter.

Britney, you wouldn't know love if it came up and hit you in those fake-ass tits of yours.

Google has had just about enough of your shit

Unsurprisingly... Google search:

find me something cool, google, you fucking bitch

And you wonder why you're getting unsatisfactory search results.

I just can't understand why I get so many pedophiles coming here via Google

Just since we like to build on themes - especially when it comes to sex with kids - here's another story. Hey, at least this one's about sex with an underage boy for a change. Let it never be said that Fuck everything isn't fair & balanced. Whatever. Oh, and as far as that 14-year-old boy is concerned, he is a fucking hero to so many guys right now, guys of all ages. Even if that teacher is pretty fucking scary looking.

Here's what JFR had to say about it:

Middle school teacher Debra Lefave has turned herself into authorities to face charges on having sex with a 14-year old student. She was already facing other charges for having sex with the same kid. Apparently, they are touching her up with additional charges because this time she went to see the boy who was visiting his cousin, and they drove around while she gave him a piece. The 15-year old cousin drove her car around Ocala, FL, while the two of them got after it in the back. Then, the student says that they stopped at a Best Buy electronics store so she could buy her husband a Ipod. Well, that was nice of her. Good to see that she is still thinking about her husband back at home.

She may be tagging her students, but at least she is buying him some nice gifts. And how do you think that old man feels? He isn't able to get business taken care of at home, and she has to go to the playground to get satisfied? That's no good. That has to be a little damaging to the self esteem. The student has also detailed her lower anatomy "in detail" so the cops believe his story. He was also caught bragging in school that he was having sex with a "hot teacher". Nice.

Nothing like having a 14 year old going out to recess and telling everyone that he is getting some from a teacher. And I am sure no one believed him, right up until the point that Lefave was arrested. Again, I'll ask the question. Where were these teachers when I was a student? All of my teachers were fat old bats that had nothing to offer. This kid is getting with the hot blonde teacher? And they are arresting her? For what? Making the kids life? Making him the most popular kid in school? So maybe she has totally taken his innocence and distorted his view of sex and reality for the rest of his life. At least he got to roll with that in the back of the car for a few weeks. Give him credit for that.

My guess, though, is that this kid will never bemoan his "loss" of innocence. And his view of reality will only be distorted until he realizes that he can't get any like so many other guys. Unless, of course, if he's able to capitalize on this momentum.

Nudist camp for teens? I wanna go. Seriously, like, right now.

"There was no good reason to enact this law, and there is no reason to believe that these camps are harmful to children in any way."

Who's saying these camps could be harmful? That's bullshit. How could they be harmful? Oh, yeah, I suppose if I'm lurking around. Because, yeah, what am I gonna do? Sit off in a corner away from everyone else trying to avoid even looking at anyone like I normally do in any situation where I'm around people? Yeah, huge fucking threat.

Can I call the camp ahead of arriving and put in a "no fat chicks" request? Okay, okay, I'm stopping now before this gets out of (or into) hand. I'm already not going to be able to sleep tonight.

In case you're wondering how I heard about this, I saw a blurb about it on the crawl on CNN. No, really. CNN. That fucking liberal media is dirtying my pure mind!

Okay, so I saw an ad on TV for a new bullshit website intended to keep kids from booze and drugs that won't do a fucking thing: Check Yourself. Yeah, that's right bitch - you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Probably the best chance I'll get to bust out that phrase.

The first thing I did was hit the alcohol quiz. I just love that first question - "Do you drink because you have problems?" Hey, shitcocks, we ALL drink because we have problems. For those of us who drink, that is.

Then my eye caught the games. And I was like, fuck yeah! I immediately went and played the first one, entitled "Going out for the team." From the description, I knew it was going to be about steroids. Totally, dude, I know what a HUGE problem 'roid use is when it comes to high schoolers. Man, I couldn't go fucking anywhere back in those days without some buff dude popping out from behind corners trying to get me to pump up and ball down.

The 'roids game started out so fun! I started taking roids and I was totally busting out. Chicks wanted me. I beat up my girlfriend, then dumped her because she was a total bitch. Then I went to a party with some other hot skank and had a beer! But I didn't get to beat her up and that pissed me off. It was at that point that I grew tired of the site, and I don't think I'll be going back after that.

New Get Your War On.

Having the hiccups for two years would definitely suck. The worst thing about hiccups, though, is that once they finally go away, you're still sitting there waiting for the next one. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm always there for about five minutes saying "Alright, you fucker. Where are you?" Once enough time has gone by without another hiccup you're good, but that post-hiccup waiting period pisses me off.

We are so going to have a draft sometime soon.

Yahoo search:

ten dog grill porn

What? I'm not sure what the fuck this is about, but the first and pretty much only thing that comes to mind is ten hot dogs on the grill. An image which I just cannot figure out how to make pornographic on its own. Innuendo maybe, but stroke material? Okay, I'm one to talk about questionable tastes, but still.

Good news for porn and First Amendment fans. More or less. I have fucking had it with this stupid bullshit of pushing conservative ideas and values all in the name of "protecting children." It's a bunch of shit, but we've been over this. Yeah, that normally doesn't stop me from repeating myself, but I'm just not in the mood at the moment.

The end of that article brings up a huge campaign issue that's always on our minds that we never make a big deal of, even though we should. If indeed none of the Supreme Court justices are retiring this year, then we've somehow managed to dodge that bullet for four years of Bush. There's most likely no way we can get through another four years like that, which means Bush is going to have a field day packing that court with, shall we say, right-of-center appointees. That'll pretty much be the end of everything.