Friday, September 10, 2004

He came here a boy, and left a man

Since some sissy was playing Sims -- ERRR -- doing homework, tonight was boys' night out . For once, it was actually spent out, as opposed to just sitting around at someone's house playing videogames. Okay, there was some Kart action towards the end of the night, but that was after the running around. And what did we do while we were out? Drive.

First up with ETP's RSX. Since I'm still shaky on a real manual, I toyed around with it for awhile. Then the real fun (mostly for him, some for me) began. See, where I live, I'm on the edge of some farm country. Which means there are lots of straight, narrow roads that aren't patrolled by cops. He got her up to 110 and... Yeah. That just sounded pretty. Felt neat, too. You could tell just by the wet spots in both our pants.

Next up was the Audi. Yeah, I've still got the PussyStick Wagon. Of course, that thing doesn't have the raw power of the RSX. It can move pretty well, but it's still fucking crippled thanks to the automatic, even especially with Audi's PussyStick implementation. Instead of speed trials, it was time to try out the handling. Hey, I don't have all-wheel drive on a regular basis, so fuck it. Let's try out some windy roads. Oh, and throw in hand brake turns just for good measure.

Hey, even if we were being... Somewhat reckless, we're still the smart kids. We're out where no one else is, and we saved the drinking for afterwards. Now I just need to get myself a fast car with a real transmission and actually learn to drive the fucking thing, and we can troll around town fucking with high-schoolers in their souped-up rigs. Yeah, that won't end badly.

Ahhh... Hot engines and warm tires. Nothing quite like it.
This appears to be the Neocon weapon of choice for when they get caught. "Hey, I didn't do anything wrong. I was misled." That's rapidly becoming the "Hey, she told me she was 18" of business and government crime denial.

You're not from Brighton

Last weekend we found ourselves wondering what Norman has been up to for the past few years, and now we know.

Well, fuck. There's one more thing I'll have to buy in October. Hopefully Palookaville will be better than his last effort, Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars. Which wasn't bad, it's just that it was nowhere near as good as Better Living Through Chemistry or You've Come a Long Way, Baby. But of course, HBGS did produce "Weapon of Choice," and, more importantly, the video with Christopher Walken. A video that is nearly the best ever, second only to Norman's video for "Gangster Tripping." That video literally has everything. Well, everything you need, anyway. "Exploding furniture, an exploding toilet... All this video needs is a hot chick. Oh, and there's a hot chick. Thank you Norman!"
The validity of some of the documents recently released about Bush's service has come into question. From what I understand, though, Team Bush hasn't really said much to refute the supposed forgeries. You'd think they'd be all over that shit, so someone is up to something. As if that wasn't obvious.

Yeah, the Vietnam shit just won't die, and it's fucking retarded. Even if the 60 Minutes documents are fakes, it doesn't really matter, does it? It should be plainly obvious to anyone who gives it more than two seconds of thought that Bush avoided fighting in 'Nam by going into the Guard. And hey, I don't exactly blame Bush -- I'd do the exact same fucking thing if I were faced with that situation and I had his options. Of course, likening someone's actions to what I would do (WWBLMD?) under those same circumstances isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of someone's patriotism or heroism.
Krugman gets shrill.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

It's not Saturday yet

Nice to see congress wasting time on shit like this. I don't even care if it's a nice gesture, stuff like this doesn't do a fucking thing. Seriously, the House better not have spent more than five minutues on that resolution, because it's not like our intelligence system needs to be overhauled or anything.
Alright, so the 9/11 anniversary is coming up. I know, dooode, you nearly totally forgot about it! Because it hasn't gotten any coverage lately (The Onion put it most succinctly in this week's edition).

Here's my challenge to everyone out there: just avoid as much media coverage as you can. TV, radio, newspapers, whatever. No, I'm not trying to be all clever with some kind of boycott here. A) The six people who read this site aren't a big enough force to make any kind of impact and B) even if I did reach what you could call a "sizable audience," a one-day boycott isn't going to do a fucking thing in terms of "hitting them where it hurts." Can we get another bullshit phrase in quotes here? "Sure."

No, don't do it to be clever or to have a meaningless impact, do it for the same reason I do it every 9/11: for your own sanity. Go do something productive and non-exploitative: look at some porn, shoot someone in the ass with a dart gun, molest a child, do what you gotta do. Just don't blame me if you do something stupid like, say, molest a child.

Oh, but wait! We have to "Remember." Yeah, because we're all going to forget that horrific day that changed oh-so-much without some dipshit redneck's or soccer mom's bumpersticker. Or, in case if that's not enough, wall-to-fucking-wall coverage containing images that are already burned into our fucking minds.

Yeah, this Saturday, I'm out. In fact, I think I'll "celebrate" by going out and doing one thing that 9/11 was supposed to teach us to migrate away from but in the end didn't: I'm going to hang out with my friends making fun of America and being a selfish, self-centered, consumer asshole. Nevermind the fact that Bush himself advocated going out and being a consumer asshole in the wake of 9/11. Whaddya want from that guy, leadership and inspiration?
This is really fucking stupid. Here are a handful of reasons as to why this is a fucking waste of time and money (and yes, time is money); I'm sure you can come up with more:
  1. If the scanner goes off, you can talk your way out of it. Damn, just when I thought that the three biq questions were tough enough, they show me that we can go way further.
  2. We'll scan residue from people's hands, but we still won't bother scanning checked-in luggage.
  3. The time wasted questioning all those false positives could be spent, I dunno, doing "security" things.
Don't worry everyone, we're really safe.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Note to Team Kerry: whenever Dick Cheney starts saying things like this, don't start whining that he "crossed the line" and is being "un-American." Just tell everyone "That's bullshit" and then proceed to explain why it's bullshit.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Conservatives everywhere have got to be pissed. "Dammit! We were so close!"

If Clinton does end up coming though this just fine, I have one question to ask of the Religious Right: where is your God now, motherfuckers? If God were the good Christian you've made him out to be, wouldn't he have struck Clinton down? Clinton vs. God: Clinton wins! Now, it's not like I worship the guy or anything, but maybe the reason Clinton avoided a coronary is because the man is god.

Nah, nevermind, that joke doesn't work, because I would hope that god could get better chicks than Monica. Clinton would have gotten some hotter tail, but he was BUSY.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Yeah, and fuck them for performing a function that might save my life someday

I don't think there's anything I hate more in this world than home smoke detectors. Let's face it; those things are fuckin' worthless. I mean, really. Has one ever gone off in your house for a legitimate reason? I didn't think so.

Alright, fine. It's nice "just in case." That's not what I'm really pissed about, I'm just making shit up to bolster my case. No, what pisses me off is the battery. Why the fuck do those things lose their charge? Shouldn't it just be in there as a back-up for in case the power goes out? Unless your power company is supremely shitty, the fucking thing should be running off of AC pretty much non-stop. So again, why the fuck is the battery getting run-down? Sounds like a a conspiracy between smoke detector manufacturers and battery companies to me. Don't give me any shit; I know there's dirty shit afoot when it comes to battery companies. Why the fuck else would so many electronic devices require three batteries, when batteries always come in minimum-sized packs of two or four? I'm a EE; I know they could work on that shit.

I also hate those fucking things because they're timed to run low on battery life at a time when you're asleep. They'll never start that annoying fucking beeping when you're perfectly alert and wide awake; no, they want you to get up on a ladder when you're still too groggy to even focus and see yourself in the mirror. Fuckers.
Speaking of rigging shit...
Yeah, we already know this. The election is less than two months away, after all; it has to happen sometime before then. I'm not saying that this shit is rigged, but this shit is rigged.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I've complained time and time again about people telling their bullshit sob stories on eBay as to why they're being forced to sell something that's oh-so-cool (supposedly). The worst was some dooshebag who said that he was buying a BMW and needed the extra cash. And I'm like, hey, fuck you buddy. I don't need to know that you're buying yourself a yuppiemobile (which, of course, I now want, but didn't at the time). I find it further offensive that he was selling off his toys to finance the new Bimmer. Selling off toys to buy other shit is bad times. I learned this lesson the hard way.

I wasn't planning on getting of some bullshit nostalgic rant, especially not one that I'm all but sure I've covered before, but fuck it.

Growing up, I was pretty much the same spoiled little shit that I am now. Being an only child helped foster my materialistic attitudes, and as such I had quite a few toys. I had tons of good shit -- Transformers, Ghostbusters, MASK. Yeah. So what did I do? I sold virtually all of it at a garage sale that my family held. What did I do with the, like, $50 (no exaggeration) I got for selling off my childhood? I bought a NES Advantage, which I hated, and then exchanged it for Guerilla War for Nintendo.

I don't know how many of you out there have played Guerilla War for the NES, but it sucked. You see, the arcade version was fucking kick-ass -- especially when you got a tank. My stepsister and I killed hours playing that fucking game at this one pizza joint my family used to go to. As we all learn with videogames at some point, the console version never lives up to the arcade version (maybe there are some counterexamples of this out there; I don't know).

I doubt that even having the arcade version would have compensated for, again, my entire childhood. I kicked myself in the ass over that bloody garage sale for well over a decade. Sadly, it was one of the only things in my life that I truly regretted. Yeah, spending years being an asshole and treating people like shit and running off friend after friend didn't bother me, but giving up my toys did. Again, we see the quality human being that I have become.

Regardless, I regretted that shit, making matters worse once eBay came along, allowing me to buy back bits and pieces of my childhood for probably ten times the price. It was all made worth it, though, when I got the so-called "New Year's" Optimus Prime. This wasn't an original from the 80s, but a remake by Takara, a Japanese company that I'd worship if I had religion. Their remakes are pretty much exactly like the originals, which makes sense since Takara distributed Transformers in Japan back in the day. Unlike those cocksuckers at Hasbro, though, they have standards and their remakes are just like the originals. Meanwhile, fuck Hasbro and their shortened smokestacks.

The day I got New Year's prime was fucking great. The toy was so cool, so faithful to the original, that I cried. Not a total little bitch crying session, but yeah, I got choked up over that little (if you call $100 "little") piece of the past. At that point, I was like, you know, if I hadn't sold my shit all those years ago, I wouldn't be having this moment right now. Stupid, yeah, but I didn't regret the garage sale anymore. I still don't, nonsensical as it is, because as I've said before (and as anyone else into it knows), this shit is fucking expensive. The remakes can be bad enough, and forget about vintage. Doesn't stop me, though (as we all know), since I'm all too willing to continue my lifelong quest to fill real holes in my life with pieces of metal and plastic that I don't need. But oh effing well; it all keeps me entertained.

So, how the fuck did we end up here? Oh yeah, the latest asswipe (I don't call enough people "asswipe," 'ya know?) on eBay who pissed me off:

Well friends the time has come, like so many before me. I am married now and have two great children. I can no longer take up a whole room of our house for my toys.

First off, I'm not your friend. No friend of mine would be this big of a stupid shit. When faced with this situation, I see two choices and two choices only:
  1. Get rid of the kids
  2. Get a bigger house
Don't give me any of that weak "but houses are expensive!" shit. That's why I gave you two options, dickhead.

Seriously, I don't want to hear this shit that you can't spare a room. That's why I have a three-bedroom house for one lousy person: a bedroom for me, a bedroom to act as an office, and room for The Girls. Well, The Girls and all my other stuff, but it's pretty clear who that room is centered around.

Oh, and I don't care how badly I want that 330 -- I'm not auctioning off the Girls or any of my other cool shit to get it. I may not regret the garage sale anymore, but I sure as hell am not going to risk a repeat. I'll just have it all (at some far-off future point, maybe), thank you very much.

Wow, growing up is neat. I get older so that I can still be the same selfish, material-driven asscock that I was as a child. But at least I'm not some soulless cocksucker who sells his toys just because of two crummy children. I mean, that there is an asshole.
One of the neat things about the past few weeks has been that Maureen Dowd has been out making the rounds on the talk shows. I thought that run was over, but she showed up on Newsnight last night. Of course, this all means that columns are few and far between, but, yeah, tradeoffs.

God damn it I love Maureen Dowd. And not in that bullshit way that I "love" the Bush twins; this is real (just in case this hadn't gotten "schoolboy crush" enough for 'ya). Maybe she doesn't come across as smart to others since I'm A) often inclined to agree and B) not that smart or savvy on things myself, and maybe she doesn't come across as funny since others have no sense of humor. But man, if I ever find myself a Maureen, we will rule the fucking world. You know, that, or, sit around and complain about everything and make fun of everyone. One of the two.

Meanwhile, Paul Krugman (my backup in case Maureen won't marry me) has mostly been stuck in the office.
Looks like all those late nights of pizza 'n' blowjobs caught up to him.

Let's get it on

this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, September 02, 2004

New GYWO.
Something that may be of interest to some of you out there: Bill Maher is going to show up on Bill O'Reilly's show sometime tonight (airs at 6:00 MT). Should be fun.
An interesting story on what Dubya was up to while he was avioding service in Vietnam. Now, granted, this tale may very well be coming from someone with an axe to grind, but it still doesn't change what we all know: that George W. Bush was a total fuck-up who dodged the draft. Kerry was in undisputedly in Vietnam, and even if (once again: IF) he was self-inflicting wounds and telling other lies to get medals, that's still more impressive than whatever Bush was up to.
Like usual, I was probably panicking for nothing last night. But, you know, that's what I do. We'll just have to see what happens in the aftermath of the convention. So far, some more leftist outlets are just dismissing Zell Miller. Cheney, again, was just doing what he was expected to do.

Al Franken has been going after Zell Miller and other shit from the convention all morning, so at least one liberal out there is getting after it. Yeah, of course, there's all kinds of talk about the bitter demeanor that Miller put forth, but also a point-by-point counterargument of what was said in the speech. Hopefully we'll see more of this over the next couple of days to rebut the bullshit coming out of the RNC. After that, phase two. This is no Underpants Gnomes bullshit, we know what phase two is: going on the attack. Do what you were too afraid to do at the DNC. Do what the Republicans scared you away from doing, only so that they could turn around and do that, do exactly that, at their convention.

Also, if there is any kind of fallout from this Zell Miller shit for the Democrats, it seems like there's an easy way to not only put it to rest, but fully turn it in their favor: interview the guy. From the sounds of it, if you get a microphone in his grill and start asking some even remotely left-leaning questions, he will fucking come unhinged. Al Franken played a clip of Chris Matthews (who still needs a good cock punching) questioning Miller after last night's speech, and, not surprisingly, Miller started ranting and raving. He was so pissed at Matthews, whose questions weren't tough or offensive, that he even said he wished we still lived in the days where you could challenge a man to a duel. Again, not like this comes as any surprise if you saw the speech last night, but that right there is the ticket out if the Democrats need it.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Get your RNC on, Part II

Fuck. I'm not feeling real good right about now. The first two nights of the RNC were filled with headliners who offered stuff that did a great job of exciting the crowd but didn't have much substance. Well, tonight they brought the substance.

This being politics, a world based on distortion, I use "substance" quite loosely. I mean, looser than Sylvia Saint's asshole. The reasons why I'm discouraged after day three are two-fold. One is that most people don't take the time to inform themselves to realize when things are being misrepresented, taken out of context, or just plain lied about. The other is because the Democrats never seem to do a god damn thing to make matters better. They could easily counter a lot of what happened tonight by getting up tomorrow and coming out swinging. Will they? I doubt it.

For starters, they could debunk so much of the shit Zell Miller had to talk about, but instead they'll probably just rant about how "angry" he was. And, of course, they're right on that front -- Miller was fucking belligerent, going against the supposed mood of positivity and optimism that this convention is supposed to be about. Miller came across as a bitter, angry, fucked up old man. Shit, he was me but with about a hundred years of life and political experience behind him. Bitching about how angry he was isn't going to be enough, though; they need to point out what a load much of what Miller said was. Maybe they'll get it right; again, I'm not holding my breath.

So yeah, Zell Fucking Miller. He's mad at the Democrats, even though he's a "Democrat." Yes, he has been a lifelong D, but he has most definitely been moving to the right. Despite that shift in position, people will see "Democrat" and "really angry at the Democrats and speaking at the Republican convention" and the intended effect has been achieved.

If it hasn't been achieved just with positioning, then rhetoric should help seal the deal. So much of what Miller had to say was in direct support of Team Bush's "If you're not with us, you're against us" attitude. He all but called every dissenter against Bush's policies a traitor.

Zell Miller: I've railed over and over again as to how pissed I am that Republicans time and time again have allowed their party to be dragged far to the right all in the name of "party loyalty." Your switching sides and criticizing your old party doesn't bother me. But accusing your once fellow Democrats of playing nothing but partisan politics at the expense of national security? That's fucked up.

I find it fucked up because it's an attempt at not just indicting Democrats in congress, but all those who oppose Bush -- both on the left and the right. This passive (i.e. by rhetorical as opposed to legal means) quashing of dissent is one of the many disgusting legacies that the Bush administration will leave behind, and for someone to come out pretending to still be on the left while supporting this blatantly fascist mode of operation is fucking sick.

Before anyone starts in, yes, the Democrats do play politics when it comes to national security issues. But so do the Republicans. THAT'S WHAT THEIR WHOLE FUCKING CONVENTION IS ABOUT. Jesus, one of the major themes is that Team Bush is the only one capable of successfully waging the war on terror. And, hell, just by making it the issue that he did, Zell Miller was using national security as a partisan pawn. Man, if the RNC isn't a fucking clinic in politicizing 9/11 and the war on terror, then I don't know what is.

It was kinda stupid for Miller to complain about Democrats opposing Bush, anyway. I mean, Democrats have so often gone with Bush on things. We all remember right after 9/11, where in the spirit of "being Americans," Congressional Democrats helped rubber stamp so much of what Bush wanted. Let's not forget many Democrats voting for the Iraq war. The list goes on.

So often it seems like the Democrats only stand up to Bush when they either have to in order to maintain some semblance of party ideals (like going against the gay marriage amendment), or when it's something that doesn't get a lot of attention (like fighting far-right judicial nominees). So Zell Miller's complaints about the Democrats opposing Bush aren't just infuriating, they're, in many instances, inaccurate.

Another load of total horseshit was when Miller talked about Kerry's drive for getting more international involvement when waging war abroad. Of course, in Miller's speech, it came out as something to the effect of "getting permission from Paris" to defend ourselves. That was A) a lie and B) bullshit pandering to the nonsense anti-French sentiment that just will not die in this country.

Another thing that stuck out was a long list of defense-related items that John Kerry has voted against through the years. This has come up time and time again, and many of those things that Kerry was against, Cheney was also against when he was secretary of defense. No, Cheney and Kerry haven't been side-by-side on all of it, but there is overlap. The point I'm making here is that just because you're anti-some stuff, it doesn't mean you're anti-defense. This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about -- the Democrats can point to things that, while they won't completely remove the sting of what critics like Miller have to say, could help deflate a lot of what's in speeches like the one we saw tonight. But, again, we'll hear a lot about his anger.

And this brings us to Cheney. Cheney is in some ways coming from a standpoint of no credibility in supporting Team Bush. He is Team Bush -- or, at least, one of its bigger players -- so it's no surprise that he's supporting the Administration, much that it's no surprise that Laura Bush supports her husband. As opposed to, say, a "Democrat" who's supporting Bush, which is going to have much more of an impact on people.

Still, Cheney put on a good show. Well, an adequate show. His speech got nods and applause from people who were going to nod and applaud no matter what. He praised Bush, he reminded us how important things are, he attacked Kerry.

The beginning of Cheney's diatribe on Kerry contained quite possibly the biggest moment of hypocrisy we're going to see at the RNC: saying that "we honor him" for his Vietnam service followed by tepid applause from the audience. FUCK YOU. All of you. You fucking shitheads have done nothing but revel in the Swift Boat guys shitting all over Kerry's service record. There's nothing else I can say, so again: FUCK YOU.

Cheney played the favored card of taking things out of context when he once again talked about how John Kerry wants to fight a more "sensitive" war. He's been doing this for several weeks now, and I was almost surprised that he actually used it in his convention speech since it's such a weak stance. Anyway, he punctuated it by talking about how the terrorists aren't going to be impressed by our sensitivity, blah blah blah, again, as he's been doing for weeks.

Kerry did indeed use the word "sensitive" to describe the terror war he would wage, in addition to about eight other adjectives (such as, if I recall correctly, "proactive" and "strategic"). So there's one reason why continual use of this "sensitive" comment is bullshit. Then we can add in the fact that Bush himself talked about being "sensitive" in the war on terror right after Cheney started this campaign. Then, to top it all off, Cheney finished his speech tonight by talking about Dubya's "kindness" and his sympathy for the downtrodden. Make up your mind, Dick: either sensitivity is bad or sensitivity is good. Also, I don't think that the terrorists will be impressed by George Bush's "kindness." Be careful when you say stupid shit like this; it may come across as flip-flopping.

Okay, after writing this and listening to bullshit commentary from both the left and the right, I don't feel as bad as when I started. But I'm still not in the best of moods. I just can't help but be discouraged since I know how easily people will buy into the mock substance that showed up tonight. Of course, the mock substance really doesn't matter when it comes to those people who have already made up their minds. Sure, it'll serve to further galvanize them, but at this point I don't know how much more you can pump up the base. There are those who are, or were, undecided, and that's still what worries me.
Mel Gibson's slasher flick, The Passion of the Caviezel, came out on DVD this week. I think a bunch of us need to get together and make a follow-up film, entitled The Passion of the Mel Gibson.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

It's looking more and more like something fairly drastic needs to be done. Don't do it right now during the RNC, but fucking do something. Personally, I, who doesn't know shit about shit, thinks that they need to beg Clinton to do what he can. Not Clinton's people, Clinton himself. Mix in some Hillary. What would the Clintons do? I don't fucking know, but they're fucking smart, and they're the only ones in the entire goddamn party that I have some faith in. It's probably too late for even the Clintons to do anything, but shit, we don't have much else.

If Bush does get any kind of sizable jump in the polls (yeah, those worthless polls), then it may be time to do something else: gamble. Part of the reason why we're staring down the face of this shit is because the Ds are perpetually playing it safe. Ted Rall put it best in a recent comic, and that's really about it.
Yahoo search:

fuck jesus

#7 in Yahoo's results; not bad. But, let's face it: I'm bent because I'm not #1 on that one.

Found as a result of trying this search on Google was this, which I found at least somewhat amusing.