Google search:
kitties are total bullshit
What? This doesn't even quite make sense. Kitties are bullshit? You mean, like, you don't believe in them or something? Either way, if you can't get on board with kitties, there's something wrong with you.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
So the awful saga of the bombings in London this week continues. Naturally, those in charge are meeting the challenge with more nonsense.
Meanwhile, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it was crucial to address terrorism's underlying causes, which he listed as deprivation, lack of democracy and the ongoing Middle East conflict.
Yeah, Tony, those things certainly aren't helping to curtail terrorism. But you know, those aren't the only things that foster terrorism...
London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the attack was not related to Britain's participation in the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. London, he said, is a symbol of the lifestyle terrorists despise, particularly its multicultural heritage.
Right. Once again, they hate us for our freedom, a completely nonsensical concept, but not for the shit we do to fuck with people around the world every day.
Now, I'm not saying that we're asking for it, but we're asking for it. Well, it's more the world leaders who are asking for it. Sure, we're all complicit in many ways since we live our comfortable lives and don't give a shit about anyone else, coupled with the fact that we elect the stupid leaders who cause all of this shit. But that's all pretty passive compared to "Hey, let's attack this place just because we want to."
While the leaders may be the ones who are really asking for it, the trouble is that they never have to worry about getting it, but that's the nature of war. Those responsible for starting them rarely ever have to suffer. Can we go back to they old school days where the leader (in those days, the king) was right there on the front lines? With the group of fucking cowards ruling the world today, if that were the standard, we'd see a lot less of this bullshit. That goes for parties on both sides, whether in a conventional war or a "war" on terror. Osama won't be strapping a bomb to himself any sooner than George Bush will actually fly a fighter jet into a war zone.
As they always do, The Onion put it best right after September 11th when, in talking about Bush and Osama, they had a headline that read "Privileged Children of Millionaires Square off on World Stage."
Meanwhile, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said it was crucial to address terrorism's underlying causes, which he listed as deprivation, lack of democracy and the ongoing Middle East conflict.
Yeah, Tony, those things certainly aren't helping to curtail terrorism. But you know, those aren't the only things that foster terrorism...
London Mayor Ken Livingstone said the attack was not related to Britain's participation in the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq. London, he said, is a symbol of the lifestyle terrorists despise, particularly its multicultural heritage.
Right. Once again, they hate us for our freedom, a completely nonsensical concept, but not for the shit we do to fuck with people around the world every day.
Now, I'm not saying that we're asking for it, but we're asking for it. Well, it's more the world leaders who are asking for it. Sure, we're all complicit in many ways since we live our comfortable lives and don't give a shit about anyone else, coupled with the fact that we elect the stupid leaders who cause all of this shit. But that's all pretty passive compared to "Hey, let's attack this place just because we want to."
While the leaders may be the ones who are really asking for it, the trouble is that they never have to worry about getting it, but that's the nature of war. Those responsible for starting them rarely ever have to suffer. Can we go back to they old school days where the leader (in those days, the king) was right there on the front lines? With the group of fucking cowards ruling the world today, if that were the standard, we'd see a lot less of this bullshit. That goes for parties on both sides, whether in a conventional war or a "war" on terror. Osama won't be strapping a bomb to himself any sooner than George Bush will actually fly a fighter jet into a war zone.
As they always do, The Onion put it best right after September 11th when, in talking about Bush and Osama, they had a headline that read "Privileged Children of Millionaires Square off on World Stage."
I fail to see where the "bad parenting" comes in with regards to this. Isn't Canada supposed to be better about stuff like that? Or am I just mixing them up with Europe when they're in fact as dumb as we are? I have it on authority that the age of consent there is 14 -- and I'm trying to refrain from the usual comments -- so that at least shows that they are a bit more liberal about things there. Oh, nevermind. It would help if I read the article thoroughly and saw that it happened here in the US of Stupid, not in Canada. Look, it's late, and I'm tired.
Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.
See? That's a pretty nice gesture. This kid, and his friends, had to be thinking "best mom ever!" Okay, it's kinda creepy when mom is getting her kid a stripper, but it could be creepier. Like one time when I was watching one of those "America Undercover" specials on HBO, and a mom took her son to a whorehouse in Nevada so he could lose his virginity. That's creepy.
Anyway, enough creepiness:
"We even had grandpa there," she said.
See? Everyone fucking wins! I honestly don't see the crime here. Weird, yeah, but what more does a 16-year-old boy want more than to see some titties? They got the kid what he wanted; leave them alone.
Speaking of 14-year-olds and sex, Google search:
is it illegal to fuck a 14 year old
You may as well just turn yourself in if you're looking to Google for legal advice. If nothing else, you should at least be hitting ageofconsent.com if you must insist on asking questions of this nature. I honestly can't believe I've never linked that site before.
Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.
See? That's a pretty nice gesture. This kid, and his friends, had to be thinking "best mom ever!" Okay, it's kinda creepy when mom is getting her kid a stripper, but it could be creepier. Like one time when I was watching one of those "America Undercover" specials on HBO, and a mom took her son to a whorehouse in Nevada so he could lose his virginity. That's creepy.
Anyway, enough creepiness:
"We even had grandpa there," she said.
See? Everyone fucking wins! I honestly don't see the crime here. Weird, yeah, but what more does a 16-year-old boy want more than to see some titties? They got the kid what he wanted; leave them alone.
Speaking of 14-year-olds and sex, Google search:
is it illegal to fuck a 14 year old
You may as well just turn yourself in if you're looking to Google for legal advice. If nothing else, you should at least be hitting ageofconsent.com if you must insist on asking questions of this nature. I honestly can't believe I've never linked that site before.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Unless if you've been living under some kind of rock, you know what the big story is. There's really not much I can say about that in and of itself since it's all pretty self-evident, but I can nitpick at irrelevant minutiae. For instance, Tony Blair:
"We know these people act in the name of Islam but we also know the vast and overwhelming majority of Muslims here and abroad are decent and law-abiding people who abhor this act of terrorism."
Tony, we know this. You know that we know this. Granted, there are a lot of idiots out there who don't know this, but they're not gonna have their minds changed by you, Tony. I just hate these useless statements that are made just because they feel that they have to make them. It's like whenever I put someone in charge of something, and just out of stupid obligation to myself, I tell them something like "Be careful," even though I know that A) they were gonna be anyway and B) my saying it changes nothing. It's just that there's this stupid part of me that tells myself that if I don't say it, A and B won't hold. It's retarded, and I should stop it. World leaders should especially stop it. The same goes for condemnation of attacks like this. We know that you guys (allegedly) don't approve of what's happened, so quit wasting all our time telling us about that. Maybe you guys could look into doing some actual work someday instead of just standing around reading useless prepared statements.
Speaking of meaningless statements, Jack Straw:
"There's an assumption that this is an al-Qaida-based organisation. It has the hallmarks of an al-Qaida-based organisation and also its ruthlessness."
I'm still very uncomfortable with this assumption business. Shit blows up, and it's automatically Osama. Yes, I know, a group calling itself Al Qaeda Fuckheads in Europe or whatever claimed responsibility, but it still seems dangerous to just be putting all these labels on immediately just so we have someone we can picture in our simple minds when something happens. I mean, al Qaeda affiliates seem to be so loosely tied together that I'm pretty sure all you need to do to get into the club is to say that you're in the club. Do we know that all these groups are really working together in terms of manpower, financing, equipment, etc.? Or is it just common goals and ideology that bind them together? If it's merely the latter in some cases, then we oughta be cautious of oversimplifying. Seems as if that's gotten us into trouble in the past.
It's just like the shit we keep hearing in Iraq. "Al Qaeda-type" fighters, or "Al Qaeda-based" organizations or blah blah blah. Basically, it's "we don't really know what the fuck's going on, but we're going to play fast and loose with the rhetoric so your simple minds have something you can latch onto so that you can get behind us without too much critical thought." For fuck's sake, people. This may have been al Qaeda to the core, and it may have just been some loosely affiliated group, but either way I'm pretty sure that people were blowing shit up and killing civilians long before al Qaeda ever existed. Wait six seconds until you have some facts, then you can start jumping to conclusions.
He said there was no intelligence about other devices but he warned people to be vigilant.
Why is this relevant? We see how good the intelligence was on the bombs that did go off, so...
Meanwhile, Stateside, the usual stupid bullshit is to be expected, and we're delivering. For instance, I was reading bits and pieces of this article, and contained within it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard:
Authorities have increased police presence at "United Kingdom-related locations," according to NYPD spokesman Jason Post, who did not elaborate on the locations.
A five-year-old must have thought this one up. Wow, since they bombed stuff in the UK, maybe someone will wanna make a statement and bomb something that's related to the UK that's not even in the UK! You know, I have this miniature of St. Stephen's Tower (the home of Big Ben and the Great Clock of Westminster) in the cabinet where the Girls reside -- maybe I should move it down to the lowest shelf right next to Jetfire just in case someone tries to blow it up.
I mean, really, if this is the kind of mentality that we have going with our security people, then we're fucked. Gas up the airliners, open the boarders and our airspace, and do whatever else needs to be done to give al Qaeda carte blanche to kill us all, because that's where we're headed if this is what's being done to protect us.
"We know these people act in the name of Islam but we also know the vast and overwhelming majority of Muslims here and abroad are decent and law-abiding people who abhor this act of terrorism."
Tony, we know this. You know that we know this. Granted, there are a lot of idiots out there who don't know this, but they're not gonna have their minds changed by you, Tony. I just hate these useless statements that are made just because they feel that they have to make them. It's like whenever I put someone in charge of something, and just out of stupid obligation to myself, I tell them something like "Be careful," even though I know that A) they were gonna be anyway and B) my saying it changes nothing. It's just that there's this stupid part of me that tells myself that if I don't say it, A and B won't hold. It's retarded, and I should stop it. World leaders should especially stop it. The same goes for condemnation of attacks like this. We know that you guys (allegedly) don't approve of what's happened, so quit wasting all our time telling us about that. Maybe you guys could look into doing some actual work someday instead of just standing around reading useless prepared statements.
Speaking of meaningless statements, Jack Straw:
"There's an assumption that this is an al-Qaida-based organisation. It has the hallmarks of an al-Qaida-based organisation and also its ruthlessness."
I'm still very uncomfortable with this assumption business. Shit blows up, and it's automatically Osama. Yes, I know, a group calling itself Al Qaeda Fuckheads in Europe or whatever claimed responsibility, but it still seems dangerous to just be putting all these labels on immediately just so we have someone we can picture in our simple minds when something happens. I mean, al Qaeda affiliates seem to be so loosely tied together that I'm pretty sure all you need to do to get into the club is to say that you're in the club. Do we know that all these groups are really working together in terms of manpower, financing, equipment, etc.? Or is it just common goals and ideology that bind them together? If it's merely the latter in some cases, then we oughta be cautious of oversimplifying. Seems as if that's gotten us into trouble in the past.
It's just like the shit we keep hearing in Iraq. "Al Qaeda-type" fighters, or "Al Qaeda-based" organizations or blah blah blah. Basically, it's "we don't really know what the fuck's going on, but we're going to play fast and loose with the rhetoric so your simple minds have something you can latch onto so that you can get behind us without too much critical thought." For fuck's sake, people. This may have been al Qaeda to the core, and it may have just been some loosely affiliated group, but either way I'm pretty sure that people were blowing shit up and killing civilians long before al Qaeda ever existed. Wait six seconds until you have some facts, then you can start jumping to conclusions.
He said there was no intelligence about other devices but he warned people to be vigilant.
Why is this relevant? We see how good the intelligence was on the bombs that did go off, so...
Meanwhile, Stateside, the usual stupid bullshit is to be expected, and we're delivering. For instance, I was reading bits and pieces of this article, and contained within it was the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard:
Authorities have increased police presence at "United Kingdom-related locations," according to NYPD spokesman Jason Post, who did not elaborate on the locations.
A five-year-old must have thought this one up. Wow, since they bombed stuff in the UK, maybe someone will wanna make a statement and bomb something that's related to the UK that's not even in the UK! You know, I have this miniature of St. Stephen's Tower (the home of Big Ben and the Great Clock of Westminster) in the cabinet where the Girls reside -- maybe I should move it down to the lowest shelf right next to Jetfire just in case someone tries to blow it up.
I mean, really, if this is the kind of mentality that we have going with our security people, then we're fucked. Gas up the airliners, open the boarders and our airspace, and do whatever else needs to be done to give al Qaeda carte blanche to kill us all, because that's where we're headed if this is what's being done to protect us.
Monday, July 04, 2005
When I fired up my browser the other day and saw that Sandra Day O'Connor is retiring, I immediately said "Oh shit." And we're only in the pre-game warmups now; I can't wait for the real fun to begin. And by "can't wait," what I actually mean is "I wish everyone would die."
Okay, so check this out. There's pretty much no chance that Bush will nominate someone who is anywhere near center. Definitely no one who isn't a hardcore Christian on a mission against things like abortion and gay rights. So we're pretty much fucked on that front.
But would it matter even if the world turned itself inside out and he did nominate a centrist? Who wants to bet that no matter who Bush nominates, every Democrat and liberal will be dead-set against it. Bush could nominate Clinton and the left would go up in flames saying that they're going to try and stop it. And that's exactly what it'll be; nothing but talk about trying to stop it. The most the Democrats can do is filibuster, and we all know that they will, but in the end, I'm all but certain that Bush will get his way.
Okay, so check this out. There's pretty much no chance that Bush will nominate someone who is anywhere near center. Definitely no one who isn't a hardcore Christian on a mission against things like abortion and gay rights. So we're pretty much fucked on that front.
But would it matter even if the world turned itself inside out and he did nominate a centrist? Who wants to bet that no matter who Bush nominates, every Democrat and liberal will be dead-set against it. Bush could nominate Clinton and the left would go up in flames saying that they're going to try and stop it. And that's exactly what it'll be; nothing but talk about trying to stop it. The most the Democrats can do is filibuster, and we all know that they will, but in the end, I'm all but certain that Bush will get his way.
Like usual, this is nothing but Puritanism that wastes a bunch of fucking time. If a female teacher shows up with her breasts totally exposed or a male teacher shows up with his schlong hanging out, that might be a problem. Well, except in the case of the female teacher and her male students should the teacher be attractive.
District 11 in Colorado Springs, Colorado...
Big shocker finding the Springs involved in this article.
... hair curlers are disallowed in Harris County...
What?
School administrators say inappropriate dress is most often an issue with younger teachers, whose trendy clothing and casual style can make it hard to distinguish them from their students.
Uhhh, you can usually distinguish teachers -- even the younger ones -- from their students by picking out the lone adult amongst a bunch of kids. The only place this could almost be relevant is with a very young teacher or student teacher who's in charge of older high schoolers. Really, though, this one is just a pathetic excuse for being uptight.
"I don't think I'm taken as seriously if I'm dressed down and I don't think I take my job as seriously if I'm dressed down," he said. "When I dress more professionally, I think I teach better, I think I'm received better, and I think I show more respect for my profession."
When I first read this particular quote, I was like, that's all fucking stupid. Your teaching ability is based on what clothes you're wearing? Wow, if that's not the sign of a shitty teacher, then I don't know what is. I dunno if you're going to be "received better" since these are kids you're dealing with and not other professionals. And the notion of showing "more respect" for your profession is just some arbitrary nonsense that you and a bunch of others just made up. But once I got through all that, I went back and re-read that he's a fucking BAND TEACHER, which means that the man is a total joke to begin with.
But the school board still does not allow Capri pants because those stop only around the midcalf.
I'm almost OK with this since Capri pants are fucking stupid. What are you, preparing for the flood, lady? Either pick out some pants or pick out some shorts and get on with it already.
In Houston, the Aldine Independent School District's policy is cut-and-dried... Their sideburns cannot extend beyond the earlobe.
But can they be triangle shaped?
I'd love it if one of these days this country stopped getting hysterical over irrelevant shit just for the sake of getting hysterical. Maybe we oughta be more concerned with how teachers are teaching as opposed to what they're wearing. I don't think it takes a genius to see when something really crosses the line (as with the aforementioned cock example), but otherwise, leave these fucking people alone and let them do their jobs. Hey, I know what'll make these cretins happy: just force all teachers to wear burqas. Freedom is on the march!
District 11 in Colorado Springs, Colorado...
Big shocker finding the Springs involved in this article.
... hair curlers are disallowed in Harris County...
What?
School administrators say inappropriate dress is most often an issue with younger teachers, whose trendy clothing and casual style can make it hard to distinguish them from their students.
Uhhh, you can usually distinguish teachers -- even the younger ones -- from their students by picking out the lone adult amongst a bunch of kids. The only place this could almost be relevant is with a very young teacher or student teacher who's in charge of older high schoolers. Really, though, this one is just a pathetic excuse for being uptight.
"I don't think I'm taken as seriously if I'm dressed down and I don't think I take my job as seriously if I'm dressed down," he said. "When I dress more professionally, I think I teach better, I think I'm received better, and I think I show more respect for my profession."
When I first read this particular quote, I was like, that's all fucking stupid. Your teaching ability is based on what clothes you're wearing? Wow, if that's not the sign of a shitty teacher, then I don't know what is. I dunno if you're going to be "received better" since these are kids you're dealing with and not other professionals. And the notion of showing "more respect" for your profession is just some arbitrary nonsense that you and a bunch of others just made up. But once I got through all that, I went back and re-read that he's a fucking BAND TEACHER, which means that the man is a total joke to begin with.
But the school board still does not allow Capri pants because those stop only around the midcalf.
I'm almost OK with this since Capri pants are fucking stupid. What are you, preparing for the flood, lady? Either pick out some pants or pick out some shorts and get on with it already.
In Houston, the Aldine Independent School District's policy is cut-and-dried... Their sideburns cannot extend beyond the earlobe.
But can they be triangle shaped?
I'd love it if one of these days this country stopped getting hysterical over irrelevant shit just for the sake of getting hysterical. Maybe we oughta be more concerned with how teachers are teaching as opposed to what they're wearing. I don't think it takes a genius to see when something really crosses the line (as with the aforementioned cock example), but otherwise, leave these fucking people alone and let them do their jobs. Hey, I know what'll make these cretins happy: just force all teachers to wear burqas. Freedom is on the march!
Okay, this article is worth it just for the joke about the Air Force in one of the opening paragraphs, but it also gives me yet another chance to make fun of fat people. I mean, seriously, who cares if people are too fat to join up? Or too fat to stay in service? These people sound like perfect front-line candidates to me. Then everyone else can be a part of Operation: Get Behind the Fatties.
USARIEM, as it is known...
Is US'ARIEM run by a guy they call Dr. Van Gelder, by any chance? I'm just asking.
"We now try to return them better than when they joined the Army with the promise that they will 'be all they can be."
Yeah, assuming that you don't send them home dead. What they've got going thanks to shit like Iraq is one helluva weight loss program.
USARIEM, as it is known...
Is US'ARIEM run by a guy they call Dr. Van Gelder, by any chance? I'm just asking.
"We now try to return them better than when they joined the Army with the promise that they will 'be all they can be."
Yeah, assuming that you don't send them home dead. What they've got going thanks to shit like Iraq is one helluva weight loss program.
It is July 4, 2005. But where are the flying cars? I was promised flying cars. I don't see any any flying cars. Why? Why? Why?
It seemed like something was up when KOC showed up in late June without giving the Doteasy page for having exceeded bandwidth on a free account, but nothing new has shown up, so right now Galvin is looking like nothing more than a cockteaser.
It seemed like something was up when KOC showed up in late June without giving the Doteasy page for having exceeded bandwidth on a free account, but nothing new has shown up, so right now Galvin is looking like nothing more than a cockteaser.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Fireworks
Spam:
Wanna Cum Like Pornstar?
Um, no. If you've watched enough porno, at least the standard shit, you will have noticed that many porno guys are fucking with a semi-flaccid cock, and then when they pull out to cum on the chick (which they ALWYAS do... for some reason, we've gotta have visual ID that he has indeed cum) it's this weak-ass load. I'm always sitting there thinking "That's not enough!" Okay, I've never actually thought that particular line, but looking back, I should have. But really, I am always disappointed. You have this monster cock and that's all that you can muster in the semen department?
Now, I guess I can understand why the cocks never seem to be fully hard and why the load is always miniscule. If you've fucked 15 women over the past several hours, all to orgasm, well, it's gonna get tired. Hey, I know when I've been beating it for several hours straight or something, it just quits. That doesn't make porno guy any less impressive; it must be the big cock that has me expecting more, even if the cock can't get fully hard. To get back to the impetus for this impotent post, when I haven't been totally abusing my cock, I can put out a load that puts any porno guy to shame. So no thanks.
Oh, and if any ladies are getting wet over the "several hours straight" comment, you can dry yourselves up now. I'm pretty sure that my masturbatory stamina doesn't translate to real-world results.
Wanna Cum Like Pornstar?
Um, no. If you've watched enough porno, at least the standard shit, you will have noticed that many porno guys are fucking with a semi-flaccid cock, and then when they pull out to cum on the chick (which they ALWYAS do... for some reason, we've gotta have visual ID that he has indeed cum) it's this weak-ass load. I'm always sitting there thinking "That's not enough!" Okay, I've never actually thought that particular line, but looking back, I should have. But really, I am always disappointed. You have this monster cock and that's all that you can muster in the semen department?
Now, I guess I can understand why the cocks never seem to be fully hard and why the load is always miniscule. If you've fucked 15 women over the past several hours, all to orgasm, well, it's gonna get tired. Hey, I know when I've been beating it for several hours straight or something, it just quits. That doesn't make porno guy any less impressive; it must be the big cock that has me expecting more, even if the cock can't get fully hard. To get back to the impetus for this impotent post, when I haven't been totally abusing my cock, I can put out a load that puts any porno guy to shame. So no thanks.
Oh, and if any ladies are getting wet over the "several hours straight" comment, you can dry yourselves up now. I'm pretty sure that my masturbatory stamina doesn't translate to real-world results.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
How to make friends and influence people
Google search:
fleshlight pete
Okay, I totally want us to make friends with a guy named Pete and then buy him a Fleshlight just so that we can call him "Fleshlight Pete." I dunno why, but that nickname has a good ring to it.
We'll add ol' Pete here to the growing list of friends that we wanna make for completely illegitimate reasons. Since we're so bad at making and then subsequently keeping friends, we've decided that we should just give up on the whole "keeping" part and roll with what we're good at. As the Demotivator says, if you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly. So we just want to make friends from here on out with the express intent of eventually driving them off. We definitely want to make at least one of those new "friends" cry right before the end.
I can't really imagine how things have gotten to this point, but this all reminds me of a story.
You have no idea what we're capable of, just by being us. Take for example this one kid we knew several years back. He was kind of a jackass, but he was a decent enough guy. A good drinking buddy; you know, not someone you get real deep with, but someone you can hang with and shoot the shit with. One shining example of what we were capable of was when he made known his desire to get a Lincoln Navigator. I find the Navigator to be an appallingly stupid choice in automobile purchasing, and I let my feelings be known. We gave him so much shit over the Navigator that it actually got to the point that he didn't want one anymore.
That wasn't the best thing, though. You see, this guy was a typical guy in his early 20s. Go out, party, do that bullshit; he could even get some poon if so desired. But we pretty much ruined that. By the time we were done with him, he was pretty much as big of a sad-sack loser as ETP and I. Our lack of desire to interact with others and our general disdain for life really rubbed off on him. It was hilarious.
Before you get the waterworks going for this poor soul, let me tell you what he was capable of and why it's not really such a big tragedy. BOETP introduced this guy to a friend of hers from college. She was decently attractive, but had had issues with her weight in the past. She had been bulimic, and this guy was full well aware of that. One night at dinner, he referred to her as -- and I kid you not -- "Butterball." If that were me in her position, the earth would be splitting open beneath him with flames shooting out and pulling him down to a fiery death. But you know what? She cried it off, and they stayed together. So he was a dick, she was a dipshit, and they pretty much deserve each other. She has a guy who is an ass, and he is stuck with one non-noteworthy girl and really isn't having fun like he used to.
Working in concert, the three of us totally ruined that kid's life, and it was awesome.
fleshlight pete
Okay, I totally want us to make friends with a guy named Pete and then buy him a Fleshlight just so that we can call him "Fleshlight Pete." I dunno why, but that nickname has a good ring to it.
We'll add ol' Pete here to the growing list of friends that we wanna make for completely illegitimate reasons. Since we're so bad at making and then subsequently keeping friends, we've decided that we should just give up on the whole "keeping" part and roll with what we're good at. As the Demotivator says, if you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly. So we just want to make friends from here on out with the express intent of eventually driving them off. We definitely want to make at least one of those new "friends" cry right before the end.
I can't really imagine how things have gotten to this point, but this all reminds me of a story.
You have no idea what we're capable of, just by being us. Take for example this one kid we knew several years back. He was kind of a jackass, but he was a decent enough guy. A good drinking buddy; you know, not someone you get real deep with, but someone you can hang with and shoot the shit with. One shining example of what we were capable of was when he made known his desire to get a Lincoln Navigator. I find the Navigator to be an appallingly stupid choice in automobile purchasing, and I let my feelings be known. We gave him so much shit over the Navigator that it actually got to the point that he didn't want one anymore.
That wasn't the best thing, though. You see, this guy was a typical guy in his early 20s. Go out, party, do that bullshit; he could even get some poon if so desired. But we pretty much ruined that. By the time we were done with him, he was pretty much as big of a sad-sack loser as ETP and I. Our lack of desire to interact with others and our general disdain for life really rubbed off on him. It was hilarious.
Before you get the waterworks going for this poor soul, let me tell you what he was capable of and why it's not really such a big tragedy. BOETP introduced this guy to a friend of hers from college. She was decently attractive, but had had issues with her weight in the past. She had been bulimic, and this guy was full well aware of that. One night at dinner, he referred to her as -- and I kid you not -- "Butterball." If that were me in her position, the earth would be splitting open beneath him with flames shooting out and pulling him down to a fiery death. But you know what? She cried it off, and they stayed together. So he was a dick, she was a dipshit, and they pretty much deserve each other. She has a guy who is an ass, and he is stuck with one non-noteworthy girl and really isn't having fun like he used to.
Working in concert, the three of us totally ruined that kid's life, and it was awesome.
Some more random shit. First, on Slashdot, the current poll is on pagers. Why the fuck they're talking about pagers now that everyone has a cell phone I'm not sure, but oh well. Anyway, I found this comment highly amusing:
I lost my pager years and years ago. An extraterrestrial intelligence found it and began the long voyage to return it to me here on Earth.
Funniest thing, though, was how the alien mind kept referring to my little gadget as "P'ger."
Second and finally, there is this great joke I heard over the weekend:
Why doesn't Jesus like Tic-Tacs? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
I lost my pager years and years ago. An extraterrestrial intelligence found it and began the long voyage to return it to me here on Earth.
Funniest thing, though, was how the alien mind kept referring to my little gadget as "P'ger."
Second and finally, there is this great joke I heard over the weekend:
Why doesn't Jesus like Tic-Tacs? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Discharge
I've been waiting a long time to say this, but it's official: The U.S. Military can go fuck itself. Why? Because as of about an hour ago, I am no longer eligible for the draft should they ever get one going. ETP and I can now go around to recruiting offices yelling "We're untouchable, baby!" right before giving them the finger and then leaving. Hey George Bush, go ahead and start whatever fuckin' wars you want, because I won't be fighting in them. Well, unless if I enlist, which I'll do because I love my country.
Oh, I know what you're saying. "Dude, don't make jokes about Bush starting wars. He's gonna do it now that you said that." Well, that's stupid, because it's not like President Dumbfuck wouldn't do that on his own anyway. I mean, of course he wouldn't do it on his own -- the man probably can't take a piss without Cheney holding his dick for him -- but you know what I'm talking about.
Another thing you might be saying: "You know that they're just gonna change the rules or something now, don't 'ya?" I figure that the chances of them firing up the draft are remote as it is; the chances of them extending the age range beyond 18-25 is probably even less likely. But if they did some stupid crap like that, I guess I actually wouldn't be surprised.
"You know what, you arrogant little shit? Maybe you can't get drafted, but someone you care about will be." I sat there thinking about this earlier. Who else do I know that I'm close enough to be bothered by this over? As far as my immediate and near-immediate family goes, there are my cousins, but they're all girls. I don't see them drafting any women even if they do start that nonsense up. For that reason, BOETP and ETP's sister are probably safe as well. ETP turned 26 last month. And he knows that he had a birthday, too, thanks to the heaping mound of presents I gave him. And that's about it. So yeah, what it boils down to is that I don't care. If someone wants to start some shit and a bunch of stupid kids get sent off to get killed, I don't give a fuck. Better them than me. They'll probably find some other way to get me killed (because it's them... they're the ones who are doing it), but it won't be on the front lines in a goddamn war zone.
So, how am I celebrating my newfound freedom from something that never even imprisoned me? Uh, by doing nothing, really. Maybe I'll mix in some masturbating or something, but that's really about it. Well, that won't be happening right now, because I need to go to bed since I need to get up in the morning and go to the bloody DMV, or as Dane Cook aptly refers to it, Satan's Asshole. I need to get my license renewed, and for absolutely no reason I was denied doing renewal by mail. Yes, I'm planning on getting up early, but I know it's futile. Maybe there will at least be a guy there to punch me in the face when I first walk in.
The only thing I can hope for is that there will be some hot girl there getting her license like there was the last time I was at the DMV. That was kinda nice even though it does nothing from a practical sense, but after years in engineering and generally being me, I'm all about just improving the view. And yes, I know I'm trying to knock it off with the underage girl thing, but c'mon. It's gonna take some time, and you know, 16 isn't that bad anyway. So 16 is still on the table (yeah, don't I fucking wish).
"9 SECONDS?! C'MON!!! I'VE GOTTA BE AT WORK IN THREE SECONDS!!!!!"
- If you haven't heard Dane Cook's whole spiel on the DMV, you really oughta
Oh, I know what you're saying. "Dude, don't make jokes about Bush starting wars. He's gonna do it now that you said that." Well, that's stupid, because it's not like President Dumbfuck wouldn't do that on his own anyway. I mean, of course he wouldn't do it on his own -- the man probably can't take a piss without Cheney holding his dick for him -- but you know what I'm talking about.
Another thing you might be saying: "You know that they're just gonna change the rules or something now, don't 'ya?" I figure that the chances of them firing up the draft are remote as it is; the chances of them extending the age range beyond 18-25 is probably even less likely. But if they did some stupid crap like that, I guess I actually wouldn't be surprised.
"You know what, you arrogant little shit? Maybe you can't get drafted, but someone you care about will be." I sat there thinking about this earlier. Who else do I know that I'm close enough to be bothered by this over? As far as my immediate and near-immediate family goes, there are my cousins, but they're all girls. I don't see them drafting any women even if they do start that nonsense up. For that reason, BOETP and ETP's sister are probably safe as well. ETP turned 26 last month. And he knows that he had a birthday, too, thanks to the heaping mound of presents I gave him. And that's about it. So yeah, what it boils down to is that I don't care. If someone wants to start some shit and a bunch of stupid kids get sent off to get killed, I don't give a fuck. Better them than me. They'll probably find some other way to get me killed (because it's them... they're the ones who are doing it), but it won't be on the front lines in a goddamn war zone.
So, how am I celebrating my newfound freedom from something that never even imprisoned me? Uh, by doing nothing, really. Maybe I'll mix in some masturbating or something, but that's really about it. Well, that won't be happening right now, because I need to go to bed since I need to get up in the morning and go to the bloody DMV, or as Dane Cook aptly refers to it, Satan's Asshole. I need to get my license renewed, and for absolutely no reason I was denied doing renewal by mail. Yes, I'm planning on getting up early, but I know it's futile. Maybe there will at least be a guy there to punch me in the face when I first walk in.
The only thing I can hope for is that there will be some hot girl there getting her license like there was the last time I was at the DMV. That was kinda nice even though it does nothing from a practical sense, but after years in engineering and generally being me, I'm all about just improving the view. And yes, I know I'm trying to knock it off with the underage girl thing, but c'mon. It's gonna take some time, and you know, 16 isn't that bad anyway. So 16 is still on the table (yeah, don't I fucking wish).
"9 SECONDS?! C'MON!!! I'VE GOTTA BE AT WORK IN THREE SECONDS!!!!!"
- If you haven't heard Dane Cook's whole spiel on the DMV, you really oughta
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Do you have other big watches or just that one?
Random shit:
- You know what I just downloaded? The video for "Sledgehammer." Holy shit is that a crappy video. All videos from back then blew ass. Most videos from now blow ass, too, even though someone was obviously trying and a bunch of money was spent. Except for that Ludacris video. You don't know me like that!
- Fuck, why did it take until just now to think to go and download that video?
- EDIT: Holy shit, that video is even better with all the fucking swearing in tact! Fucking hate MTV.
- I was just reading that Midway's upcoming Blitz football game is going to include, as a playable character, none other than Ron Mexico.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Oh yeah, I could have not been a dick and maybe made mention of the fact that The Ides is back in action. Always good to see a quality 'blog make a return. Now if we could just get Marcellus Wallace's Bloody Gitch up and running once more, we'd totally have the band back together and, uh... Well, that's pretty much it.
Okay, maybe I was just retarded (unlikely since that never happens) or they just fixed things, but Technorati does tell me how many 'blogs link to mine with their new setup. That's pretty much the only number I care about -- aside from daily traffic numbers from pedophiles -- to see how my shitty 'blog is doing. Now if they could just knock off the addition of useless features and make their search run fast on a consistent basis, we'd be set.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
For any newcomers, I seriously don't make this Google nonsense up -- it actually shows up in my traffic log. Google search:
i need to get some pussy or i will probably eat shit and die
You know what, dude? A lot of us have got it bad, but... Oh, fuck it. Just kill yourself. I don't really know how you go from a dearth of pussy to eating shit, and I don't wanna.
i need to get some pussy or i will probably eat shit and die
You know what, dude? A lot of us have got it bad, but... Oh, fuck it. Just kill yourself. I don't really know how you go from a dearth of pussy to eating shit, and I don't wanna.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Okay, we can give the kid credit for surviving four days alone in the wilderness. But that's about it. I mean, get this shit:
"We've also told him don't talk to strangers. ... When an ATV or horse came by, he got off the trail. ... When they left, he got back on the trail."
Sooooo... He avoided being rescued. Yeah, that seems pretty smart. Sure, I can understand, I guess, but still. He would have been found earlier if he hadn't been trying to evade rescuers. But that's ok; his parents are "amazed" by their little boy. Especially the father:
"You know, his ability to deal with this initially, I made the comment that I thought that he was the most ill-prepared out of our five children to deal with it..."
and
"He doesn't have any disabilities; he's just immature."
Yeah, way to build the kid's confidence, dipshit. Because I'm sure he doesn't say anything like this -- or worse -- as part of the normal family routine. Of course, I really don't expect much from anyone actually named "Toby." Is Dad gonna write a country song about the whole ordeal?
"We've also told him don't talk to strangers. ... When an ATV or horse came by, he got off the trail. ... When they left, he got back on the trail."
Sooooo... He avoided being rescued. Yeah, that seems pretty smart. Sure, I can understand, I guess, but still. He would have been found earlier if he hadn't been trying to evade rescuers. But that's ok; his parents are "amazed" by their little boy. Especially the father:
"You know, his ability to deal with this initially, I made the comment that I thought that he was the most ill-prepared out of our five children to deal with it..."
and
"He doesn't have any disabilities; he's just immature."
Yeah, way to build the kid's confidence, dipshit. Because I'm sure he doesn't say anything like this -- or worse -- as part of the normal family routine. Of course, I really don't expect much from anyone actually named "Toby." Is Dad gonna write a country song about the whole ordeal?
Why does Technorati have to suck so bad? First, they're always changing shit so that they can add new useless features. So periodically, the site is broken because of that. This couples nicely with the fact that the site is always flaky to begin with. Then there was that period where the list of links to my 'blog was virtually useless since it kept picking up all of the archive links to myself. They finally fixed that, but now? Now they've changed their search so that it only shows the total number of links to my 'blog, and not the number I really care about, which is the number of individual 'blogs linking to mine. Technorati can officially go fuck itself.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
You won't care about this, but I do. I never knew that the concept of integrated circuits was, essentially, developed out of the desire to avoid doing other work.
Okay, I, hell, we, are slipping our old age. How did we let this slip by? It had better not be a box of blank discs, too.
Pussy. I know I'm just wasting my breath here, but stick to your fucking guns, you god damn pussy.
Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois said he "never intended any disrespect" to U.S. troops with his June 14 comments...
Why not? If the troops are doing shitty things, then fuck 'em. It's not disrespect if you're calling assholes on being assholes. Yeah, okay, so some of them are doing bad things, but not necessarily Mengele-type bad things. Actually, I take it back; those troops aren't really responsible for the prisoner abuse, and they shouldn't be maligned for what they've done. After all, they were just following orders.
Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois said he "never intended any disrespect" to U.S. troops with his June 14 comments...
Why not? If the troops are doing shitty things, then fuck 'em. It's not disrespect if you're calling assholes on being assholes. Yeah, okay, so some of them are doing bad things, but not necessarily Mengele-type bad things. Actually, I take it back; those troops aren't really responsible for the prisoner abuse, and they shouldn't be maligned for what they've done. After all, they were just following orders.
Google search:
"too young even for me"
Big shocker that I'm on page one of the results for this. I've seriously thought about considering maybe de-listing my site from Google one day because I'm tired of searches along these lines. Probably my most common search hit nowadays is for "underage" coupled with another word that I'm particularly fond of (I don't wanna use the actual phrase just so I can avoid seeding Google any more), but again, that's one of many. Whatever; it's just getting old.
Oh, and I love how the post that comes up in that Google search is this one, which only makes ones like this gem look even more troublesome. Once again, for myriad reasons, we need to find something else disturbing and offensive for me to latch on to.
"too young even for me"
Big shocker that I'm on page one of the results for this. I've seriously thought about considering maybe de-listing my site from Google one day because I'm tired of searches along these lines. Probably my most common search hit nowadays is for "underage" coupled with another word that I'm particularly fond of (I don't wanna use the actual phrase just so I can avoid seeding Google any more), but again, that's one of many. Whatever; it's just getting old.
Oh, and I love how the post that comes up in that Google search is this one, which only makes ones like this gem look even more troublesome. Once again, for myriad reasons, we need to find something else disturbing and offensive for me to latch on to.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Why would God design fat people, anyway?
We already know that Leonard Nimoy likes boobs, and apparently, he's a chubby chaser as well. Look, I don't exactly go for the malnourished look with people, but big... Isn't beautiful. In fact, it's pretty ugly. Sorry, but that's how it is. If you're fat and you're cool with that, more power to 'ya. Of course it doesn't make you less of a person since, technically, it makes you more of a person. You really shouldn't be treated poorly or discriminated against just for being fat, but you're gonna face that -- both in this post and in this society. Either way, you need to quit being all uppity about it. All those people who are "celebrating" being tubs? Denial. And stupid, because it's not like being overweight is a healthy thing (fuck what any of those "studies" about obesity being OK have to say). So nevermind, we can discriminate against these people for being morons. Hey, Antiwang knows what I'm talking about.
And you know, at least if you're fat, you can do things to get rid of that fat. No, it may not be easy, and yes, some people may have legitimate troubles slimming down, but at least there are options. It's not like just plain unattractive people can melt away their ugly by hitting the treadmill, but you can, so shut up already. If there's an unattractive slim person hiding under all that flab, well, you'll just have to do what the rest of us ugly people do -- get used to it. At least you're not fat on top of being ugly anymore! And if you wanna stay fat, that's fine, too, since we know there are a handful of Leonard Nimoys out there.
Man, we almost have some kind of God theme going (only we don't) since I just made that post about intelligent design and God while the old post of mine mentioned above linked that "100 Artists See God" exhibition. #6 still kicks the ass out of everything; I'm down with worshipping a ping-pong ball with black dotted eyes and some kind of bird's feet. Hey, not any dumber than acid wash.
"It's like an entire country with a 'no fat chicks' bumpersticker."
- Greg Proops on Australia which is, apparently, "Arkansas with a beach."
And you know, at least if you're fat, you can do things to get rid of that fat. No, it may not be easy, and yes, some people may have legitimate troubles slimming down, but at least there are options. It's not like just plain unattractive people can melt away their ugly by hitting the treadmill, but you can, so shut up already. If there's an unattractive slim person hiding under all that flab, well, you'll just have to do what the rest of us ugly people do -- get used to it. At least you're not fat on top of being ugly anymore! And if you wanna stay fat, that's fine, too, since we know there are a handful of Leonard Nimoys out there.
Man, we almost have some kind of God theme going (only we don't) since I just made that post about intelligent design and God while the old post of mine mentioned above linked that "100 Artists See God" exhibition. #6 still kicks the ass out of everything; I'm down with worshipping a ping-pong ball with black dotted eyes and some kind of bird's feet. Hey, not any dumber than acid wash.
"It's like an entire country with a 'no fat chicks' bumpersticker."
- Greg Proops on Australia which is, apparently, "Arkansas with a beach."
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