This shit is fucking gay. But not really unexpected. I mean, c'mon.

... Obama -- who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage -- declared himself "a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans."

You can't be a "fierce advocate" if you are opposed to something so basic that everyone should be allowed to do.

This is just awesome:

This just in: Oprah fans are fat, stupid losers. Oprah Winfrey enthusiasts are advised to keep their poor germs away from the rest of society.

So I was in the grocery store the other day picking up some random shit and on my way out a stack of soda caught my eye. I saw 12-packs that said "Mountain Dew throwback" and "Pepsi-Cola throwback." At first it just looked like cans with old-school logos but then I took a second look: "made with natural sugar."

Epic win.

Gotta stock up, though, 'cause there's less than two months before it goes bye-bye. Hopefully it will catch on and Pepsi will realize people want this stuff and they'll either keep it around or at least bring it back periodically. Furthermore, maybe it will help bring down the evil corn lobby. Man, fuck corn -- fuck it right in the ear.

Another mindless, entertaining site full of pics. This one in particular deserves special mention, but there are shitloads more.

And one more quick hitter.

And in keeping with the misery thing...

That's funny. Courtesy of motivationalz.com.

If you are here (and not just because of some Google search you made 'cause you're a pedophile) you are either miserable and/or you like to see misery in action. Along those lines, fmylife.com. Why they're so afraid to just write out "fuck" however is beyond me.

Another new webcomic: Cyanide and Happiness. Pretty much all just quick hitters full of any goofy or crude or offensive thing that they feel like joking about (like cancer). You know, sophistocated shit.

Dudes. I've got a handful of shit that I've been too lazy to post but this is so epic I gotta get it out there. I present to you the official CafePress store of North Korea. Take a look at some of those designs -- that shit is fucking harsh.

Also be sure to check out the DPRK's official website.

Came across all this via a Cracked article which pretty much lays out why we never should have been worried about North Korea in the first place.

So I was just reading BOETP's blog, which has not been updated in years, and was reminded of how fucking epic it was. In addition to being awesome it's also interesting to me 'cause her blogging style is slightly different from her normal speaking style. This is not a bad thing though because, again, epic. I am totally gonna start peer pressuring her into blogging again. Yeah I know you have a job shit going on blah blah blah we all do. Get on it.

Recent incident be damned, she also needs to chug it.

Along the lines of FactCheck, another site that does a decenter job of cutting through the bullshit than a lot of other sites that claim t cut through the bullshit: PolitiFact.

Suck it, liberals!

Okay yeah this is coming from a comedy writer who has also taken it upon himself to call out a Nobel Prize winner but c'mon, there are still some good points in there even if there are faults with others. If nothing else I'm on board because I always thought the whole organic food thing was bullshit (personally I prefer my food to be non-carbon-based anyway).

No time for love, Dr. Jones

Interesting. I don't remember Wanosky giving us quite this perspective on the subject. Fuckin' showboatin' lib. Not to say that we weren't still fucked up, which of course we were, and still are.

We thank thee O Lord that in thy mercy thou hast bestowed upon us Dick.

Fucking awesome new webcomic discovery: The Adventures of Dr. McNinja. The current running storyline is here, and archived storylines here. The "So What Is A McNinja?" storyline also has one of the best lines ever from anything.

If I ever meet a pair this fucking lame, I will punch them both in the face. The chick? I will punch her twice.

Interesting, yet creepy. Or maybe just very very HOT. Assuming you ignore the pic of that woman and her dad. And reality.

If you're like me, meaning you pay marginal attention to shit and you're kinda crazy, then you are pissed off about this. At first, it's like, you have six fucking kids. Why are you on fertility treatments for anything? It's bad enough when a couple has serious difficulty conceiving and then the woman ends up shitting out six kids as a result of some kind of fertility treatment.

So anyway, yeah, I was pissed. That was before I knew this tidbit:

Suleman, a 33-year-old single mother...

WHAT?!

Suleman, in the NBC interview, complained that she is being judged differently from how couples are judged, because she is a single mother.

Yeah you're goddamn right you are you stupid fucking bitch. Look, I have precisely jack against single mothers. Quite the opposite in fact. I know that shit happens and sometimes a woman has to go it alone because the father is a piece of shit. I know this from my own life, and I know this from seeing others close to me. I have nothing but respect for single mothers. What I don't have respect for is single mothers who have no goddamn common sense. I mean absolutely none.

Let's trace through this simple-ass minefield just a bit more.

The mother of octuplets, whose story has sparked controversy around the world, rejects suggestions that she may not be able to care adequately for all 14 of her children and that her decisions have been selfish.

...

... while already having six young children and no clear source of income.

...

All I wanted ... was to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life.

Shut the fuck up junkie. Do I really even need to say anything? I mean, Christ. I am pretty gorram selfish. But this is just stupid. So anyway, any idiot could come to that conclusion.

Reflecting back on my childhood, I know it wasn't functional. It was pretty dysfunctional, and whose isn't?

Clearly your parents should have worked just a little bit harder to damage you psychologically to put you off from all this having kids nonsense in the first place.

As always, The Onion delivers.

While I'm probably getting myself accused of being racist, I was never quite sure where to come out on the whole "Barack the Magic Negro" thing. On one hand, it was like, dude. You're a white guy passing out a CD to other white people with this song on it 'cause you think it's funny and you think they'll think it's funny. You're also a Republican, which puts you in with a group that -- fairly or unfairly -- is not exactly associated with racial tolerance and inclusiveness. Are you kidding me. How do you not expect that to go over poorly?

And while of course there was all the false indignation from white people, well some of them anyway, there were also a lot of black people who were like "whatever." So in the end, stupid white dude, no one cares. Let's move on.

I did find this to be an interesting take on the situation. Haha, fuck you liberals. Also, could there be a better name for an internet column? Robert Brockway: Word Puncher.

Solid.

Larry King: negro.

A smattering of random crap for ya.

A webcomic I discovered a few weeks back that somehow I have not linked yet. Maybe cause it's just kinda okay-ish, but it does have its moments. Wonder what they'll do moving forward.

Ted Rall: badass.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it.

And finally, I complain, 'cause I've dealt with some stupid shit, mostly but not entirely of my own making, but I haven't gotten it as harsh as this guy. Yet. Damn.

At last our long national nightmare is finally over

I wonder which left-wing publication will be the first to use that after Tuesday. Or maybe it's better to ask which ones will be able to refrain. Either way, of course, The Onion was way out ahead when it came to milking that shit. Pretty fucked up just how accurate that headline was back in January of '01. Le sigh.

Anyway, in a few hours we'll be past all that shit and everything will immediately be kittens and roses. In honor of today's historic event, I offer this which I found online: