Who wants to pool their money with me so we can amass $185K and register www.clownpenis.fart?

(Of course this was discussed in an article I linked three years ago and was supposed to start in '09 but a man can dream... And yeah, that's the best I got after disappearing for several weeks again.)

So Osama is dead. You may have heard about this. It's good that we finally got him after all these years -- until about 9PM last night I was pretty convinced dude was gonna die of old age or at least failed kidneys. But no, his time on the lam is over, after potentially living for years... In the 'burbs.

I would have to say I think it's a good thing when bad people die. If for no other reason just for the sake of them being gone. Is this really going to change anything or make things better? At bare minimum I certainly don't think it hurts matters. Well, OK, maybe I can't even say that just yet, because there is always the potential for retaliation. But long term?

With al Qaeda being so de-centralized and built on many loose affiliations maybe it won't change a lot of things from their standpoint. As far as what bin Laden has built goes, what happens there will come down to some of the most important driving forces behind terrorism -- marketing and money. If Steve Jobs died, would Apple go into the toilet? They could take a hit, maybe decline some, but probably won't completely die off. Bin Laden's death could be more about symbolism and retribution and catharsis than anything. None of which are necessarily bad. Al Qaeda is taking a hit, we just don't know how big of one yet (duh... Which could be added after nearly every statement I'm making).

Just as a quick aside, I'm pretty fucking proud of myself for bringing Steve Jobs and Apple into this. No, they are not as bad as bin Laden and al Qaeda, of course, but man, fuck Jobs and Apple. Actually, fuck their customer base more than anything. I do respect Jobs and Apple from a business and intellectual level though for what they have accomplished. Kinda like Dick Cheney.

Oh fuck I am on a roll here with the asides! Anyway, whether or not it is a major milestone from a practical standpoint of view remains to be seen. "Terrorism" isn't a fascist country, it's not a coherent group of miscreants, it's a tactic, a state of mind. Until we're living in a utopia there's work to be done and plenty of people out there still doing said work.

Although while I am not sad to see Bin Laden gone (as many of my more conservative buddies might think), I do have to admit that I'm at least mildly creeped out by much of the reaction. Late last night this country began celebrating as if we had all just won the World Series. Because somebody died. I understand the exuberance, from many angles, but it's just kinda weird when you think about it. Even to someone as fucked up as me.

You also certainly won't see me joining in any chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Not because I hate America, but because I've never been particularly interested in feeling the way I'm told I should feel by the media or politicians (particularly right-wingers but not exclusively) or just sheep. I can make up my own mind on things, thanks, and I don't need to hide behind a weak banner of "patriotism" because I have no need to prove myself to the mindless masses.

In summary: I'm not getting all hot and bothered by this, but at the same time, I quote Jack Nick as the Joker: "I'm glad yer dead."

Thanks, Google, for reminding me that it's time to go grab another beer and masturbate for several hours.

This has nothing to do with enticing kids to drink -- they're kids; they already want to drink and need no such encouragement. This beverage line is intended as a new means for guys to try and get chicks drunk easier and faster.

Also, Blogger's Andriod app is a piece of shit. I had this posted earlier, after giving up on the app and just going through the normal web login, and the app still managed to fuck me even after that.

Run, Rick, run!

Ma-sheen

Detroit: where the weak are killed and eaten. I think I might go to this out of morbid curiosity if I could get tickets for, like, ten bucks. Right now tickets are ranging from $50 to $575 (the latter for meet-and-greet with a raging cokehead) on TicketShitter so that's no good. But maybe closer to gametime we can find a deal.

I don't really see what the point of this is. Well, besides for Charlie to make some new coke money. That's what they should call the show -- Charlie's Coke Money. Shit, he should be going on tour with Scott Weiland. Or is that dude in jail?

"I want to be a part of history," Sheen fan Jeff Rezek told CNN as he stood in front of the theater trying to hock the second ticket neither his wife nor his son would take. "I missed Woodstock and I wanted to be here."

Jesus dude, what the fuck are you on? Charlie will probably want a hit of that shit.

Anyway, this whole Sheen thing was funny for about ten minutes. Whoah, is this dude really fucked up? Or just a genius? Is it real or an act? Tiger blood, holy shit! I really don't care anymore. Actually, I didn't really care to begin with, even if some of it was kinda funny for, well, again about ten minutes. So at this juncture the experiment in performance art/wallet rape is just forced and sad. I know, I know, my real problem is...

"Trolls need not apply," Sheen said. "You all suffer from 'Sheen-is' envy."

OK, I gotta admit, that is really fucking funny.

Dammit, I just had to go edit two back-to-back posts because I started them both out with the word "So." That's just poor fucking form right there. Maybe random shit like this I should be tweeting but I'm sober right now, and you know the rules.

Recently I was looking through my traffic log and saw an entry from army.mil. I'm always interested in when the government shows up here; it's just one step away from Chris Hansen showing up and telling me to take an e-seat right over there.

Anyway, upon probing I saw a couple of things. The visitor was from Ft. Meade, which among other things, is home to NSA HQ. Furthermore, the last thing they clicked on was the 'dreamgirl' tag. I don't know if NSA would show up as army.mil. But I like to think so, because it is hilarious to me that some G-man came here and ended up reading a handful of vague posts on my non-adventures with some dumbass girl. Maybe the NSA can help me crack the code there, if you know what I mean.

As you can see from the Twitter feed on the sidebar here I don't really take Twitter seriously. Who does? Assholes, that's who. I actually decided that my loose policy here will be that Twitter is for when I'm drunk and the regular blog will be for when I'm sober. Not that you'd really notice much difference.

Twitter finally has real purpose in my life. This makes me simultaneously joyous and depressed. Why? The latter because Twitter sucks. The former because I have found the Twitter feed of one of my favorite netizens (yes I'm embarrassed I just used that word), the crapmaster himself. Behold: @galvinchow.

Based on my cyberstalking that is for sure him, unless if they not only all look alike but also all live in Brooklyn and worked for JET.

(Yes, Brooklyn... Trying to ascertain why the fuck NOT Delaware).

She turned me into a newt

So Republicans hate Obama so much and are so scared of how he's ruining America that precisely no one will man up and say "Yeah, I'm gonna take down that commie-Nazi-Muslim-not-born-in-America-motherfucker." Yeah, OK, Palin is pretty much a lock, but she hasn't said anything other than her usual gibberish yet. And there's D-Trump who is so full of his own bullshit that he thinks we're laughing with him and he will probably give it a go since he can't see past his own terrible combover. But again, he hasn't said anything definitive either (unless I missed it because I wanted to).

And then there's Newt, who's said he's kinda-sorta thinking about maybe running. For awhile there, I was really on board with the idea of Newt running for a handful of completely pragmatic reasons. One reason was me thinking, god, just not Palin, alright? Yes, it would be a major embarrassment to the Republicans, and funny in that right, but I think right, left, or center, Palin shames us all by her very celebrity, to say nothing of a legit presidential run.

Newt, on the other hand, is someone I thought I could respect intellectually. Look, I'm not saying I like the dude, OK? I fucking hate Dick Cheney -- I frequently refer to him as one of the biggest pieces of shit alive -- but I do have a begrudging respect for him on an intellectual level. I don't think Newt is as big of a shitclown as Cheney (although still a pretty damn big one), but it's the same kind of deal. And at least I could say, "Hey, at least dude's smart, unlike many others."

And to further clarify, should he run, no, I'm not gonna vote for him. Or anyone else for that matter. If you're not part of the problem, well, you're not part of the problem. Voters on the other hand are part of the problem. I'm not saying we abandon the illusion of representative democracy, but I am saying that the electorate is fucking retarded.

Anyway, back to Newt. I also first thought that he is what the Republican party really needs -- a smart dude with some street cred. But then there's stuff like this.

"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists..."

What? Secular atheist radical Islamists? Is that like Jews for Jesus (which I thought were called Christians but no they're a separate group)? Newt is not going to get better. And neither are the rest of us.

I don't understand the whole notion of Islamists becoming a dominant force in this country, anyway. This is not the first time some scaremonger has ejaculated this on a group of sheep. Islamists. Really. A group with no current political power? A group of people who can't get on an airplane without making white people tremble? A group of people that many dumbfucks refer to as sand niggers? They're seriously going to be in charge in a handful of decades?

Sure, the scaremongers might not really believe that, and they're just doing what they can to rile up people who are dumb enough to believe anything. But shit, maybe they do believe their own nonsensical rhetoric. And besides, everyone knows that it's really the hispanics who are going to be in charge in the medium-term future. And, holy fuck, I just figured it out! That's what all this radical Islam shit is about -- it's just one big feint operation by all those illegals and other Mexicans to distract us from the fact that they're taking over!

Ya see how stupid shit like that sounds, Newt? Hey, not any dumber than acid wash, right? I close with this:

I'll be more than happy to take care of your daughter, especially if she continues to wear those short shorts.

JB FTMFW!

Looking at some stats on traffic to this 'blog revealed this hilarity:


Actually, fuck that guy still -- he's a loser.

I only had to click the previous comic button twice at this webcomic to get to one on assfisting so it's probably a pretty solid one to be following.

Um, no dude. You forfeited because you're a fucking pussy and you were afraid you would get your ass kicked by a girl. Or maybe just afraid to touch a girl in the first place who you don't call Mom. Well I suppose you could call her "Mom" but then, man, that's just fucked up. Get some help and grow a fuckin' pair, wouldja?

"Even though there’s no specific Scripture that addresses wrestling with girls, there is the biblical Christian principle of treating women with respect and dignity...”

It never ceases to amaze me as to how many people who profess to believe in the Bible have apparently never actually read it. Actually, that's a lie -- I'm never astounded with these types. I know how they roll.

Must've been something they ate.

Jack

Here's my foray into advertising:


Also:

"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
- Dave Attell

Bonus for using 'recalcitrant,' I guess

Blogger's comment spam detection officially sucks shit:

Definitely you make out the game's basic structure, you can act Texas coop up 'em and ordered some of its variants. Texas Holdem is an tranquil distraction to learn, just recalcitrant to master. The "mastering" part is the costly somewhat by, requiring office and practice. This website offers lots of articles and tools to get you started on the studying. You can practice all you poverty destined for freed in online poker rooms.

What?

HURRR

OK, you gotta follow this one through. It is entitled "9 Hottest Girls who Play Videogames." Although it's not that exciting it's nerd fare and and the host in the vid is adorable. Towards the end of that link you gotta click another link to get to the top three. Make sure you click on that link.

You can do anything (as long as you have sound turned up)

This site is 12 years old. How is it that I just found out about it?

In a row

Hey, so check out the logo for search engine DuckDuckGo:


Is it just me, or does that duck look like the victim of some surprise buttsecks?

Reich on

So I used to post all kinds of awesome links on here but now I just post them on ETP's Failbook page. Well, I need to start getting some of them out here. This is one of the best I've found in the past several months: Hipster Hitler. It is even more brilliant than it sounds.

Another seriously awesome comic that makes me laugh as much as it makes me envious of the comic's genius is Toothpaste For Dinner.

Quandary

So mentioning my all-time dreamwoman list got me thinking. The top two, Sasha and Danica, are always pretty quick to come to mind. But I always have to think, who is on the list after that? And then I'm like, oh yeah, I'd have to say Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens. After that I don't really know.

You'll notice a theme there -- petite, dark haired girls. They really are the best, celebs or otherwise. Give them light-colored eyes and freckles and glasses and that may be impossible to beat.

Considering I'm 5'3" in decent shoes my predilection for short women is not really a mystery. Really though it's partly a practical matter, and partly a matter that, at least in this case, smaller is just plain better. Why can't more of them be on board with that too?

Moving on, I never really cared all that much about hair color, well at least insofar as stupid notions like "gentlemen prefer blondes." As far as I've always been concerned, if the hair color looks good, then it really does not matter to me. But still, there's something about dark hair -- particularly straight-up black -- that really is just +1.

OK, so the whole purpose of this post, well initially anyway, was something I came across while thinking about the dreamwoman list. I did not remember exactly how tall Selena is (turns out 5'4" or 5'5"). Enter celebheights.com, a site which once again shows that no matter how trivial of info you seek, you can find it on the internet.

This got me going along another line of thought that is of immense gravity. In my mind, what was the best thing to come out of 1984: Sasha Cohen... Or the first Ghostbusters movie?

That really is a tough call. Sasha has been my #1 celebrity crush since the Salt Lake games. For those of you keeping score at home, yes, she was only 17 at the time, and no, I don't care what you think of that. Anyone who has been here from "back in the day" (sad that there was one of those with regards to this 'blog) knows my fascination with the younger set anyway. I'm not some fucking ChiMo; I'm not gonna be doing anything but looking, OK? And any straight guy who says he doesn't like to at least check out younger girls, even (especially?) of the underage variety, is a fucking liar. Again, most will be look but don't touch, and I really don't see a problem with that as long as dudes aren't total creepers about it.

What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, 1984. Anyway, yeah, Sasha has been my fantasy for a long time, but man, Ghostbusters. That movie was a revelation for me. Easily my favorite movie of the 80s and one of the best of all time IMO. I was so enthralled by that movie that in 3rd grade I wrote a Ghostbusters story. Not some run-of-the-mill eight-year-old drivel, either. This story was a fucking magnum opus. It was thirteen pages. Handwritten. That's fucking War and Peace to a kid. In the story I was the fifth ghostbuster. I spent so much time crafting the story, honing it, that one quarter my teacher actually added comments on my report card that she was concerned that I was taking so much time on the story and not moving on to others. Well fuck her; good literature cannot be rushed.

I don't really have a resolution to this. Really I'm just glad that the world has both of them. I would almost say that the existence of things so sublime would almost make me believe that there is a benevolent god out there. But then I realize: I am not the fifth ghostbuster, and I am not having sex with Sasha Cohen. So fuck you, God who probably doesn't even exist.

Master of my domains

I used to have the domains bitterlittleman.com and bitterlittleman.net registered so that they would point to this 'blog. Well, when the domains were expiring back in like early May, I fucked up and failed to re-register before the deadline. I was under the impression that the domain names got scraped up by some other soulless cocksucker and that was that. Wasn't too big of a deal over the past several months due to my general apathy towards blogging.

Well, I just checked, and both were available and I was able to register them again. So from here on out in addition to the blogspot addy you can use www.bitterlittleman.com or www.bitterlittleman.net if you so desire (which you probably don't, so I just wasted $45, thanks dick). And yeah, some other asshole still owns fuckeverything.com so oh well to that.

Not that anyone cares (I could basically preface every post here with that, or, hell, just call the 'blog that if it wasn't even more emo than what I have), but I did the registration through GoDaddy. Really, that is the stupidest fucking name for, well, anything except maybe a site about incest, but it was the first to come to mind. Not because of the stupid name, but because of Danica Patrick, who is second on my all-time dreamwoman list just in case things don't pan out between me and Sasha Cohen. Yes, I fell prey to advertising, because I am a consumerist whore.

Why I am not a Christian, or anything else for that matter

The title of this post is with all due respect to Bertrand Russell, truly one of history's greatest badasses.

As I mentioned in a recent post I would like to try and push myself to write more often, in one way or another. I have been wanting to put the ideas spewed out below in writing somehow and I figured, hey, why not for a buncha strangers who aren't reading this anyway? I have no illusions about this being earth-shattering commentary or anything like that, but I just wanted to set it down for my own edification. I also wanted to try and interject more humour into this post before I put it out there and maybe I had some success there but either way fuck it. And yeah, I just went British on your ass.

Ever since I started this 'blog, Jesus, almost eight years ago? Anyway, yeah, ever since then (and well before for those who know me outside of this 'blog) it was pretty clear that I hate religion. But why, Bitter Little Man? What did religion ever do to you?

Sorry to report that there's nothing really juicy to report. I didn't have biblethumping parents who raised me on a strict diet of religion and bullshit (but I repeat myself). I didn't have it beaten into me, literally or figuratively, that I was a sinner and destined for Hell. I was not molested by a clergyman.

To clarify up front, I am what Richard Dawkins calls a de-facto atheist. At my core I am agnostic because I can flat out say: I don't know. But I live my life in a way that is consistent with there being no god, and I think the odds of there being a god are pretty slim. I could go into this further, but just do yourself a favor and go read The God Delusion by Dawkins because it is much more insightful than this drivel. But by all means, read the rest of this too; you've already invested too much to quit now!

Now, I didn't get my religious standing from reading Dawkins (in fact I only managed to get around to reading Delusion a few months back). I was raised mildly Christian. The most religious person in my family is my grandmother, and she was very influential to me growing up. She taught me to believe in God and Jesus (well they are the same really, but they're not... Christ what a mess) and the Bible. We didn't go to church regularly or anything, but I did have a basic belief in Christianity since that is what I was taught from a young age.

Once I got to be, oh around 15 I would suppose, I of course knew everything, as all teenagers do. In all seriousness though, I did at least know enough to know that there are a lot of religions out there. I mean a fuckload. Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism... The list is as endless as it is annoying. For the most part, they are all mutually incompatible, by design. If they weren't incompatible, there would have been some mergers and acquisitions along the way and we'd have a lot fewer of them.

Even discounting religions that are totally different in their fundamentals, how about the religions that have some common core beliefs (such as Jesus Christ being the lord and saviour of mankind) and they STILL can't fucking get along? Forget about any mergers, the history of many if not all religions is the splintering off into new factions when people can't bloody agree on the stupid set of ideas they want to believe in and how they want to go about executing their belief.

With all these religions -- many of them vastly different -- I also realized the simple notion that they of course can't ALL be right. Even though every one of them has decided that they are indeed correct and everyone else has it wrong. Aside from that notion, it further occurred to me that what if maybe -- just maybe -- none of them were right?

I would say that that was the first cornerstone of my religious undoing. But as I had already learned, and would continue to learn, religion has been pretty horrific to mankind over the years. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. So much shit has been perpetrated with religion as the underpinning. To wit: the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the partition of India, the Holocaust, the Middle East situation for the past sixty years, the Middle East for a solid chunk of history prior, 9/11 (and 3/11 and 7/7 just so you don't think I'm all Ameri-centric), the oppression of women, discrimination against homosexuals... The list is long as it is depressing.

It may seem strange to some that I include things such as India and the Holocaust in there since those weren't Big Bad Religion going out there and fucking with someone, they were something terrible perpetrated on a group of people because of their religion. But that's exactly my point. What if people had no religious identities? How would the partition of India, truly one of history's greatest humanitarian disasters, have gone down if they didn't have Hindus and Muslims to separate? What group would Hitler have used as the scapegoat for Germany's problems?

Yes, I know that Hitler went after lots of other groups, but of course Jews were public enemy #1 for him. I further realize that people are persecuted for lots of other reasons besides religion, but religion is what we're discussing here so stop trying to change the subject, gorrammit. The point here is that without religion, there is one less gigantic reason for people to be killed or oppressed or just have to face unnecessary strife.

What's that you say? Not all people of faith perpetrate horrific crimes against others? Yeah I know. Much like specifically most Muslims are not terrorists, generally speaking most religious people are not major troublemakers. Sure, they may be annoying, hell VERY annoying lots of times, but hey, they aren't really bothering anyone and certainly not bringing questions of mortality into play (morality being another story). Still though, based on history, mankind clearly cannot keep its shit together when it comes to religion. A handful of miscreants have simply made the whole endeavour not worth it.

So the crimes of religion form the second cornerstone. Even if the myriad religions all thinking they have the answer (or final solution, you might say) to certain quandaries wasn't totally retarded, even if religion hadn't led to countless problems throughout history as well as the everyday lives of people, there still remains one reason why I despise religion: it discourages critical thought. You could easily argue that it requires you to suspend critical thought. And what takes the place of thinking about stuff? Blind faith.

Please note the critical modifier: blind. I don't do well with blind faith. Oh, I can have faith -- in myself, friends, family, co-workers, science. That faith isn't blind though; it is based on facts, experiences, experiments, etc. Maybe I can't guarantee some things or say that I know them with absolute 100% totally indestructible certainty, but I can say that for all practical purposes I know some things. I can have faith in another person, for instance, based on the experiences I have had with them, getting to know them as a person, etc. I can have faith in scientific knowledge because it is based on study and experimentation, peer review, etc. Sure, someone I thought I knew could turn out different from what I was expecting. Sure, science can be manipulated for politics or personal gain, and scientific knowledge evolves over time. That evolution is a huge part of my point, though -- by simply thinking about stuff, ideas we have, either individually or collectively, can change as new data becomes available.

Religion, by and large, does not really change much. Oh sure, every now and then the Pope decides to quit being an asshole over something, or in the face of disgustingly overwhelming evidence the Church has to change their stance on something, but that's not exactly the same as the progression of science. In the end, religion says, hey, don't think about this -- listen to what this old dude standing up in front of the congregation while wearing Liberace's Snuggie tells you and just believe because it is the word of God. Why is it the word of God? Because it just is! Jesus, were you not listening?

I'm not saying that everyone who is religious never thinks about their religion. There are plenty of people out there who question their faith, many who question it a lot. But if that questioning doesn't lead to the abandoning of religious belief, then it's all for naught.

OK His Bitterness, so you think everyone who holds religious beliefs is a ratard? This is one area that I struggle with a bit. I know, and am friends with, many very smart people who I like, respect, and admire, who are religious in one way or another. I don't automatically think that someone is stupid just for believing in god or whatever, but I do think that that one part of them is retarded. I seriously do have low regards for religious beliefs and practices. But I can still like a person who is religious just the same as I can like a person who roots for a sports team I hate. Granted, religion is a bigger deal to people than sports, but, wait, no it really isn't. That was the perfect thing to pick for comparison.

In the end, I do strongly believe in everyone's right to their own religious beliefs, and right to practice those beliefs, just so long as they aren't being a pain in the ass about it. Yeah it is hard to draw the line between "Well, OK" and "Knock it the fuck off" but I know it when I see it. And also, hey, what if I'm wrong about everything? I'm fully willing to admit that I could be. Let's just agree that I think your beliefs are dumb and you believe I'm going to Hell and we'll call it a day.

Alright, so that's it: too many religions that can't agree, too much ugly shit, and you have to stop thinking to believe in that nonsense. We don't need religion to be good and would be a lot better off without it. Maybe simply just putting out this concluding paragraph would have made for a cleaner post. Amen to that.

And there was much rejoicing

OK so someone left a pretty encouraging guestbook entry (thanks for that; and in case it wasn't obvious to everyone in addition to being just a plain lil' bitch I am also continually needing some kind of validation) I got my shit together and figured out how to get comments back. I used Haloscan comments because I just thought they were cleaner and simpler to use than Bloggers built-in commenter. I was also able to title it "Fuck everything: The Commenter."

Well, as mentioned previously, once Halsoscan went titsup I had to yank the Haloscan code out of the HTML for my 'blog page and I couldn't figure out how to get the Blogger comments in there. I've never had a real burning desire or need to learn HTML or any associated web coding but it actually turned out to be pretty simple when I just paid some fucking attention to the page where you edit the HTML which allows you to re-set the widgets without even having to do any code work. I'm glad I noticed that because I was about to start over using a totally new Blogger template and all of the ones available are shit.

Anyway, long story short, for anyone out there, comment to your heart's desire. Real posts to follow (?).