You know what really pisses me off about things like this? Not the fact that it can be perceived as mildly offensive. No, it's the fact that a company and its ad company can be stupid enough to actually put out an ad like this. How does no one in a meeting raise their hand and say, "Ummm, yeah, let's not do this one, because deserved or not, we're going to catch hell for it."
"Adding Nivea to the list of companies that will not be getting my money," tweeted blogger Septembre Anderson...
Get off your high horse. You're a fucking blogger and your name is September and you spell it wrong.
Imagine if it was a white dude with scraggly ass hair and a playoff beard. Crickets.
Look, I know that's somewhat different and it's not as if I don't see why people would be bothered by this. But to me people these days are just always way too anxious to puke out their forced indignation. This irritates me because they're not doing anything to advance the dialog, they're just making noise and trying to feel good about how righteous they are. Oh, and another thing: afros and beards aren't civilized... That's why they're cool.
Even more sickening is the typical, unimaginative response from the offending company:
"Diversity and equal opportunity are crucial values of NIVEA: The brand represents diversity, tolerance, and equal opportunity."
Your brand represents helping people relieve dry skin and masturbation. That's it.
In conclusion: WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS WHO CAME UP WITH THIS ONE?!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
So Michele Bachmann won the Iowa corn hole, ERRRR, the Iowa straw poll. Irrelevant political theater won by irritating political actor. Even more irrelevant as all the Republican candidates are in trouble now with Rick Perry in the race. There's a "real" Christian running (sorry Mitt) who so far doesn't have that crazy vibe (sorry Michele) who is governor of a state people have heard of (sorry Minnesota).
I think Perry is a very interesting candidate in the sense that he is quite possibly exactly what the Republicans have been in need of. I used to think that Newt was what the Republicans needed but that dude's campaign is in such disarray and thinking back he is probably too cerebral for the Republican electorate. OK, that's partly unfair; he's probably too much of a thinker for the voting population at large. Keep in mind this is a country that wants a president that they could theoretically sit down and have a beer with. Fuck that; I want a president who is too busy studying to be doing fucking keg stands and shit.
Again Perry is like Newt -- not someone I would back in reality but if I put myself in Republican shoes I think I would. Along those lines I can't say Perry won brownie points with me after the recent prayer rally controversy; as I said in my long religion rant it's not that I automatically discount someone because they like Jesus, but when you're a sitting governor and you're a really really big fan of Jesus and you're blurring the line of separation between church and state, well, that's not helping.
Here are some interesting perspectives on the debate over that event. Some of this I can get on board with, such as the fact that we can't just bar politicians from exercising their faith or expect it to become totally private for them. But I don't see how "use of official resources, including a gubernatorial proclamation, to promote the prayer service" is not a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment.
It's a pipe dream, but I really just wish people didn't need for the president -- you know, the most powerful person in the world -- to believe in not just an invisible man in the sky, but a very particular invisible man in the sky. It's required for a person to believe in ghosts and fairy tales to hold the highest office in the land. That just bothers me, but I'm getting off on a tangent.
This does allow me to come back to what I was originally talking about, and that's Rick Perry. I think religious conservatives really will breathe a sigh of relief with Perry in the race. They don't have to bullshit themselves anymore that they can accept Romney's Mormonism, which, let's face it, is weird to "mainstream" Christians even though they all believe in god and Jesus. OK sure, there's Bachmann, who has staunch religious street cred. But let's face it, conservatives will be way happier with a male Christian candidate than a female one.
So, he's got the religious and social conservative check boxes checked. As mentioned before he's not a nutcase like Bachmann, although of course that craziness she exudes really does resonate with a lot of stupid people who are yearning for a true moron to get behind.
Okay sorry but that brings me to a quick aside on Bachmann:
There was much ado about nothing with regards to this Newsweek cover this past week. It was slammed as sexist, liberal media bias, blah blah false indignation blah blah blah. I agree that the pic chosen was not exactly the most flattering. But people don't want to admit one thing: that's pretty much what she looks like. Michele Bachmann is a weird looking woman and I wish people would quit fucking pandering to the notion that she's some kinda MILF.
What the fuck was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Perry. Republicans have fucked themselves in the ass by focusing so much on national debt, in particular with the recent debt ceiling crisis. On the surface, tackling the debt/deficit looks like a win-win for republicans: it allows them to look like serious fiscal conservatives while at the same time cutting funding for stuff they don't like. Like programs that help the poor and the middle class.
Meanwhile, the biggest problem in this country isn't the deficit, it's jobs. Particularly for the poor and middle class. Yes, government spending is absolutely something that needs to be addressed. This includes things that are near and dear to the left, such as Social Security and Medicare. But right now, jobs and the economy are the most important things that need to be taken care of. Deficit reduction is not going to create jobs, and cutting government spending during a time of recovery is a dubious measure at best if you want to keep the recovery going.
Rick Perry can claim that he is a fiscal hawk as he has done things in office such as balance the state budget (as always, there is more context). Even more one thing he can and will push hard is how he's a job creator (I don't just mean in the sense that he's rich, as all rich people are job creators now). Again, there is some context here too. High numbers of low-paying jobs, a good deal of the jobs not necessarily due to his actions, etc.
Still, Rick Perry appears to be a formidable candidate although not an unbeatable one. I know Republicans would be more than willing to fight dirty and go after him, but in the end I don't know if any of them have anything substantive to counter with. And should he get the nomination, I don't know that the Democrats have the balls to really go after him in ways that are completely legit.
In other words, will anyone really add the necessary context to Perry's rhetoric? They need to do Perry up Karl Rove style and tear him down on his strengths. In fact, if Perry becomes the Republican candidate for the general election, the Democrats need to just go balls out and just hire Karl Rove. Seriously. He'd do it, too; give the man enough money and he would suck off James Carville.
I have no ending for this other than leaving you with that image. You're welcome.
I think Perry is a very interesting candidate in the sense that he is quite possibly exactly what the Republicans have been in need of. I used to think that Newt was what the Republicans needed but that dude's campaign is in such disarray and thinking back he is probably too cerebral for the Republican electorate. OK, that's partly unfair; he's probably too much of a thinker for the voting population at large. Keep in mind this is a country that wants a president that they could theoretically sit down and have a beer with. Fuck that; I want a president who is too busy studying to be doing fucking keg stands and shit.
Again Perry is like Newt -- not someone I would back in reality but if I put myself in Republican shoes I think I would. Along those lines I can't say Perry won brownie points with me after the recent prayer rally controversy; as I said in my long religion rant it's not that I automatically discount someone because they like Jesus, but when you're a sitting governor and you're a really really big fan of Jesus and you're blurring the line of separation between church and state, well, that's not helping.
Here are some interesting perspectives on the debate over that event. Some of this I can get on board with, such as the fact that we can't just bar politicians from exercising their faith or expect it to become totally private for them. But I don't see how "use of official resources, including a gubernatorial proclamation, to promote the prayer service" is not a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment.
It's a pipe dream, but I really just wish people didn't need for the president -- you know, the most powerful person in the world -- to believe in not just an invisible man in the sky, but a very particular invisible man in the sky. It's required for a person to believe in ghosts and fairy tales to hold the highest office in the land. That just bothers me, but I'm getting off on a tangent.
This does allow me to come back to what I was originally talking about, and that's Rick Perry. I think religious conservatives really will breathe a sigh of relief with Perry in the race. They don't have to bullshit themselves anymore that they can accept Romney's Mormonism, which, let's face it, is weird to "mainstream" Christians even though they all believe in god and Jesus. OK sure, there's Bachmann, who has staunch religious street cred. But let's face it, conservatives will be way happier with a male Christian candidate than a female one.
So, he's got the religious and social conservative check boxes checked. As mentioned before he's not a nutcase like Bachmann, although of course that craziness she exudes really does resonate with a lot of stupid people who are yearning for a true moron to get behind.
Okay sorry but that brings me to a quick aside on Bachmann:
There was much ado about nothing with regards to this Newsweek cover this past week. It was slammed as sexist, liberal media bias, blah blah false indignation blah blah blah. I agree that the pic chosen was not exactly the most flattering. But people don't want to admit one thing: that's pretty much what she looks like. Michele Bachmann is a weird looking woman and I wish people would quit fucking pandering to the notion that she's some kinda MILF.
What the fuck was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Perry. Republicans have fucked themselves in the ass by focusing so much on national debt, in particular with the recent debt ceiling crisis. On the surface, tackling the debt/deficit looks like a win-win for republicans: it allows them to look like serious fiscal conservatives while at the same time cutting funding for stuff they don't like. Like programs that help the poor and the middle class.
Meanwhile, the biggest problem in this country isn't the deficit, it's jobs. Particularly for the poor and middle class. Yes, government spending is absolutely something that needs to be addressed. This includes things that are near and dear to the left, such as Social Security and Medicare. But right now, jobs and the economy are the most important things that need to be taken care of. Deficit reduction is not going to create jobs, and cutting government spending during a time of recovery is a dubious measure at best if you want to keep the recovery going.
Rick Perry can claim that he is a fiscal hawk as he has done things in office such as balance the state budget (as always, there is more context). Even more one thing he can and will push hard is how he's a job creator (I don't just mean in the sense that he's rich, as all rich people are job creators now). Again, there is some context here too. High numbers of low-paying jobs, a good deal of the jobs not necessarily due to his actions, etc.
Still, Rick Perry appears to be a formidable candidate although not an unbeatable one. I know Republicans would be more than willing to fight dirty and go after him, but in the end I don't know if any of them have anything substantive to counter with. And should he get the nomination, I don't know that the Democrats have the balls to really go after him in ways that are completely legit.
In other words, will anyone really add the necessary context to Perry's rhetoric? They need to do Perry up Karl Rove style and tear him down on his strengths. In fact, if Perry becomes the Republican candidate for the general election, the Democrats need to just go balls out and just hire Karl Rove. Seriously. He'd do it, too; give the man enough money and he would suck off James Carville.
I have no ending for this other than leaving you with that image. You're welcome.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Hey asshole: your article starts out great by pointing out the power of perception but you clearly don't grasp how your plan will actually be perceived. To non-believers in Jesus encouraging them to learn about him and follow his teachings is going to come across as the exact same thing as trying to evangelize and convert. Especially because, in the end, that is exactly what you are trying to do. You don't understand that people don't want to listen to your stupid crap, because, hey, they already have a bunch of stupid crap that they already believe in.
Funny thing is, Jesus never said, “Go into the world and convert people to Christianity.”
Funny thing is, that's because Jesus wasn't a Christian, idiot. A simple fact lost on a lot of people is that Christianity is the religion about Jesus, not the religion of Jesus.
Dude, you really are everything that is wrong with the world. Well, you and everyone else.
"If Jesus were alive today, the last thing he'd be is a Christian."
- Twain
Funny thing is, Jesus never said, “Go into the world and convert people to Christianity.”
Funny thing is, that's because Jesus wasn't a Christian, idiot. A simple fact lost on a lot of people is that Christianity is the religion about Jesus, not the religion of Jesus.
Dude, you really are everything that is wrong with the world. Well, you and everyone else.
"If Jesus were alive today, the last thing he'd be is a Christian."
- Twain
When I saw a headline for this "news" article which said "Kardashian's disease: What is it?" my initial response was, ummmm, it's the condition where a woman is not very attractive but has big tits and based solely on that she gets a ton of attention. Turns out she has psoriasis, but from now on I will refer to women like her as having Kardashian's disease. Which, let's face it, plenty of women would love to have.
Almost always I fully read any article that I post here but in this case I'm making an exception because I get extremely irritated if I have to read more than a sentence or two about Hollywood cunts and furthermore there are more important matters to get to. I've probably blogged about this before but I've never understood the fascination with big boobs. Well, OK, I understand the fascination; people (particularly men) are simple and stupid. Regardless, they simply have never impressed me. Sure, I really do have a predilection towards small and medium sized-ones. I even say "Yay for double-A!" Initially one would say all of this is because I'm a little person and biased towards smaller sized things in general. Maybe that's part of it, but that certainly isn't all of it.
One of the biggest issues I have? Gravity. Say you see a naked woman with big jugs and they're down to like her waist. And she's 20. C'mon, what's hot about this? Of course they won't sag if they're fake and reasonably new, but fake breasts are another conversation for another time.
I will give big boobs an edge in clothing; they will fill out a sweater or tight top or whatever in a very pleasing fashion like smaller boobs can't. However, smaller breasts look way better naked and the whole point is to get the girl naked so small breasts win.
Also, I think my favorite thing about boobs, no, I don't think it, I know it, is cleavage. You don't need big breasts to have awesome cleavage, and you don't have any of those gravity issues either.
OK it's another time now so we can have the convo about fake tits. Under almost any circumstances I deplore breast implants. If you've had a mastectomy and you're just looking to get things back to where they were, that's understandable. I suppose I can also understand if a woman is fully flat. Or has concave cans. But otherwise, I just can't allow them. Lucky for women out there that I'm not in charge of anything and so they're allowed to perpetrate a boob holocaust whenever they want.
I despise phoniness in whatever form it comes and that is a huge part of the prejudice against fake ones. Probably the biggest part. I also don't like the notion of messing up something that is perfectly nice to begin with for no truly good reason. Oh and then there's the fact that fake boobs just don't look right. Not only do they look bad but they apparently can feel bad too; I have never felt fake breasts myself but once heard them described them as feeling "crunchy." Gross.
I have heard plenty of explanations from women as to why breasts implants are OK. It's not just for attention from guys or to one-up other women or blah blah blah. Bullshit.
What's the point of doing it just for the attention, anyway? Do you really want the attention of people who wouldn't pay attention to you otherwise? And fuck other bitches, if all you've got to win on is boob size then you have nothing at all.
I know what every woman wants to bring up now: dick size. I think the phallic comparison is totally fallacious. Even if any of those pills actually worked or there was effective cock enhancement surgery none of it would translate to automatic increased attention and attractiveness because you can't just let it hang out like a woman can with her breasts without getting arrested. And you know, the interest in bigger dongs actually makes some sense for simple physiological reasons. Would I do it if I could? I dunno, maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure it's worth the risk of messing up what little I have, and since I can't just put it on display it would do precisely nothing to overcome my crippling insecurity or social issues.
I know the notion of "be happy with what you have" is easier said than done. I really do; I clearly have a metric fuckload of inadequacies -- real or imagined -- that I'm carrying around. But in the end, just deal with it, and please don't be an asshole and ruin a perfectly nice pair of hooters, alright?
Almost always I fully read any article that I post here but in this case I'm making an exception because I get extremely irritated if I have to read more than a sentence or two about Hollywood cunts and furthermore there are more important matters to get to. I've probably blogged about this before but I've never understood the fascination with big boobs. Well, OK, I understand the fascination; people (particularly men) are simple and stupid. Regardless, they simply have never impressed me. Sure, I really do have a predilection towards small and medium sized-ones. I even say "Yay for double-A!" Initially one would say all of this is because I'm a little person and biased towards smaller sized things in general. Maybe that's part of it, but that certainly isn't all of it.
One of the biggest issues I have? Gravity. Say you see a naked woman with big jugs and they're down to like her waist. And she's 20. C'mon, what's hot about this? Of course they won't sag if they're fake and reasonably new, but fake breasts are another conversation for another time.
I will give big boobs an edge in clothing; they will fill out a sweater or tight top or whatever in a very pleasing fashion like smaller boobs can't. However, smaller breasts look way better naked and the whole point is to get the girl naked so small breasts win.
Also, I think my favorite thing about boobs, no, I don't think it, I know it, is cleavage. You don't need big breasts to have awesome cleavage, and you don't have any of those gravity issues either.
OK it's another time now so we can have the convo about fake tits. Under almost any circumstances I deplore breast implants. If you've had a mastectomy and you're just looking to get things back to where they were, that's understandable. I suppose I can also understand if a woman is fully flat. Or has concave cans. But otherwise, I just can't allow them. Lucky for women out there that I'm not in charge of anything and so they're allowed to perpetrate a boob holocaust whenever they want.
I despise phoniness in whatever form it comes and that is a huge part of the prejudice against fake ones. Probably the biggest part. I also don't like the notion of messing up something that is perfectly nice to begin with for no truly good reason. Oh and then there's the fact that fake boobs just don't look right. Not only do they look bad but they apparently can feel bad too; I have never felt fake breasts myself but once heard them described them as feeling "crunchy." Gross.
I have heard plenty of explanations from women as to why breasts implants are OK. It's not just for attention from guys or to one-up other women or blah blah blah. Bullshit.
What's the point of doing it just for the attention, anyway? Do you really want the attention of people who wouldn't pay attention to you otherwise? And fuck other bitches, if all you've got to win on is boob size then you have nothing at all.
I know what every woman wants to bring up now: dick size. I think the phallic comparison is totally fallacious. Even if any of those pills actually worked or there was effective cock enhancement surgery none of it would translate to automatic increased attention and attractiveness because you can't just let it hang out like a woman can with her breasts without getting arrested. And you know, the interest in bigger dongs actually makes some sense for simple physiological reasons. Would I do it if I could? I dunno, maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure it's worth the risk of messing up what little I have, and since I can't just put it on display it would do precisely nothing to overcome my crippling insecurity or social issues.
I know the notion of "be happy with what you have" is easier said than done. I really do; I clearly have a metric fuckload of inadequacies -- real or imagined -- that I'm carrying around. But in the end, just deal with it, and please don't be an asshole and ruin a perfectly nice pair of hooters, alright?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Who wants to pool their money with me so we can amass $185K and register www.clownpenis.fart?
(Of course this was discussed in an article I linked three years ago and was supposed to start in '09 but a man can dream... And yeah, that's the best I got after disappearing for several weeks again.)
(Of course this was discussed in an article I linked three years ago and was supposed to start in '09 but a man can dream... And yeah, that's the best I got after disappearing for several weeks again.)
Monday, May 02, 2011
So Osama is dead. You may have heard about this. It's good that we finally got him after all these years -- until about 9PM last night I was pretty convinced dude was gonna die of old age or at least failed kidneys. But no, his time on the lam is over, after potentially living for years... In the 'burbs.
I would have to say I think it's a good thing when bad people die. If for no other reason just for the sake of them being gone. Is this really going to change anything or make things better? At bare minimum I certainly don't think it hurts matters. Well, OK, maybe I can't even say that just yet, because there is always the potential for retaliation. But long term?
With al Qaeda being so de-centralized and built on many loose affiliations maybe it won't change a lot of things from their standpoint. As far as what bin Laden has built goes, what happens there will come down to some of the most important driving forces behind terrorism -- marketing and money. If Steve Jobs died, would Apple go into the toilet? They could take a hit, maybe decline some, but probably won't completely die off. Bin Laden's death could be more about symbolism and retribution and catharsis than anything. None of which are necessarily bad. Al Qaeda is taking a hit, we just don't know how big of one yet (duh... Which could be added after nearly every statement I'm making).
Just as a quick aside, I'm pretty fucking proud of myself for bringing Steve Jobs and Apple into this. No, they are not as bad as bin Laden and al Qaeda, of course, but man, fuck Jobs and Apple. Actually, fuck their customer base more than anything. I do respect Jobs and Apple from a business and intellectual level though for what they have accomplished. Kinda like Dick Cheney.
Oh fuck I am on a roll here with the asides! Anyway, whether or not it is a major milestone from a practical standpoint of view remains to be seen. "Terrorism" isn't a fascist country, it's not a coherent group of miscreants, it's a tactic, a state of mind. Until we're living in a utopia there's work to be done and plenty of people out there still doing said work.
Although while I am not sad to see Bin Laden gone (as many of my more conservative buddies might think), I do have to admit that I'm at least mildly creeped out by much of the reaction. Late last night this country began celebrating as if we had all just won the World Series. Because somebody died. I understand the exuberance, from many angles, but it's just kinda weird when you think about it. Even to someone as fucked up as me.
You also certainly won't see me joining in any chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Not because I hate America, but because I've never been particularly interested in feeling the way I'm told I should feel by the media or politicians (particularly right-wingers but not exclusively) or just sheep. I can make up my own mind on things, thanks, and I don't need to hide behind a weak banner of "patriotism" because I have no need to prove myself to the mindless masses.
In summary: I'm not getting all hot and bothered by this, but at the same time, I quote Jack Nick as the Joker: "I'm glad yer dead."
I would have to say I think it's a good thing when bad people die. If for no other reason just for the sake of them being gone. Is this really going to change anything or make things better? At bare minimum I certainly don't think it hurts matters. Well, OK, maybe I can't even say that just yet, because there is always the potential for retaliation. But long term?
With al Qaeda being so de-centralized and built on many loose affiliations maybe it won't change a lot of things from their standpoint. As far as what bin Laden has built goes, what happens there will come down to some of the most important driving forces behind terrorism -- marketing and money. If Steve Jobs died, would Apple go into the toilet? They could take a hit, maybe decline some, but probably won't completely die off. Bin Laden's death could be more about symbolism and retribution and catharsis than anything. None of which are necessarily bad. Al Qaeda is taking a hit, we just don't know how big of one yet (duh... Which could be added after nearly every statement I'm making).
Just as a quick aside, I'm pretty fucking proud of myself for bringing Steve Jobs and Apple into this. No, they are not as bad as bin Laden and al Qaeda, of course, but man, fuck Jobs and Apple. Actually, fuck their customer base more than anything. I do respect Jobs and Apple from a business and intellectual level though for what they have accomplished. Kinda like Dick Cheney.
Oh fuck I am on a roll here with the asides! Anyway, whether or not it is a major milestone from a practical standpoint of view remains to be seen. "Terrorism" isn't a fascist country, it's not a coherent group of miscreants, it's a tactic, a state of mind. Until we're living in a utopia there's work to be done and plenty of people out there still doing said work.
Although while I am not sad to see Bin Laden gone (as many of my more conservative buddies might think), I do have to admit that I'm at least mildly creeped out by much of the reaction. Late last night this country began celebrating as if we had all just won the World Series. Because somebody died. I understand the exuberance, from many angles, but it's just kinda weird when you think about it. Even to someone as fucked up as me.
You also certainly won't see me joining in any chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Not because I hate America, but because I've never been particularly interested in feeling the way I'm told I should feel by the media or politicians (particularly right-wingers but not exclusively) or just sheep. I can make up my own mind on things, thanks, and I don't need to hide behind a weak banner of "patriotism" because I have no need to prove myself to the mindless masses.
In summary: I'm not getting all hot and bothered by this, but at the same time, I quote Jack Nick as the Joker: "I'm glad yer dead."
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
This has nothing to do with enticing kids to drink -- they're kids; they already want to drink and need no such encouragement. This beverage line is intended as a new means for guys to try and get chicks drunk easier and faster.
Also, Blogger's Andriod app is a piece of shit. I had this posted earlier, after giving up on the app and just going through the normal web login, and the app still managed to fuck me even after that.
Also, Blogger's Andriod app is a piece of shit. I had this posted earlier, after giving up on the app and just going through the normal web login, and the app still managed to fuck me even after that.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Ma-sheen
Detroit: where the weak are killed and eaten. I think I might go to this out of morbid curiosity if I could get tickets for, like, ten bucks. Right now tickets are ranging from $50 to $575 (the latter for meet-and-greet with a raging cokehead) on TicketShitter so that's no good. But maybe closer to gametime we can find a deal.
I don't really see what the point of this is. Well, besides for Charlie to make some new coke money. That's what they should call the show -- Charlie's Coke Money. Shit, he should be going on tour with Scott Weiland. Or is that dude in jail?
"I want to be a part of history," Sheen fan Jeff Rezek told CNN as he stood in front of the theater trying to hock the second ticket neither his wife nor his son would take. "I missed Woodstock and I wanted to be here."
Jesus dude, what the fuck are you on? Charlie will probably want a hit of that shit.
Anyway, this whole Sheen thing was funny for about ten minutes. Whoah, is this dude really fucked up? Or just a genius? Is it real or an act? Tiger blood, holy shit! I really don't care anymore. Actually, I didn't really care to begin with, even if some of it was kinda funny for, well, again about ten minutes. So at this juncture the experiment in performance art/wallet rape is just forced and sad. I know, I know, my real problem is...
"Trolls need not apply," Sheen said. "You all suffer from 'Sheen-is' envy."
OK, I gotta admit, that is really fucking funny.
I don't really see what the point of this is. Well, besides for Charlie to make some new coke money. That's what they should call the show -- Charlie's Coke Money. Shit, he should be going on tour with Scott Weiland. Or is that dude in jail?
"I want to be a part of history," Sheen fan Jeff Rezek told CNN as he stood in front of the theater trying to hock the second ticket neither his wife nor his son would take. "I missed Woodstock and I wanted to be here."
Jesus dude, what the fuck are you on? Charlie will probably want a hit of that shit.
Anyway, this whole Sheen thing was funny for about ten minutes. Whoah, is this dude really fucked up? Or just a genius? Is it real or an act? Tiger blood, holy shit! I really don't care anymore. Actually, I didn't really care to begin with, even if some of it was kinda funny for, well, again about ten minutes. So at this juncture the experiment in performance art/wallet rape is just forced and sad. I know, I know, my real problem is...
"Trolls need not apply," Sheen said. "You all suffer from 'Sheen-is' envy."
OK, I gotta admit, that is really fucking funny.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Recently I was looking through my traffic log and saw an entry from army.mil. I'm always interested in when the government shows up here; it's just one step away from Chris Hansen showing up and telling me to take an e-seat right over there.
Anyway, upon probing I saw a couple of things. The visitor was from Ft. Meade, which among other things, is home to NSA HQ. Furthermore, the last thing they clicked on was the 'dreamgirl' tag. I don't know if NSA would show up as army.mil. But I like to think so, because it is hilarious to me that some G-man came here and ended up reading a handful of vague posts on my non-adventures with some dumbass girl. Maybe the NSA can help me crack the code there, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, upon probing I saw a couple of things. The visitor was from Ft. Meade, which among other things, is home to NSA HQ. Furthermore, the last thing they clicked on was the 'dreamgirl' tag. I don't know if NSA would show up as army.mil. But I like to think so, because it is hilarious to me that some G-man came here and ended up reading a handful of vague posts on my non-adventures with some dumbass girl. Maybe the NSA can help me crack the code there, if you know what I mean.
As you can see from the Twitter feed on the sidebar here I don't really take Twitter seriously. Who does? Assholes, that's who. I actually decided that my loose policy here will be that Twitter is for when I'm drunk and the regular blog will be for when I'm sober. Not that you'd really notice much difference.
Twitter finally has real purpose in my life. This makes me simultaneously joyous and depressed. Why? The latter because Twitter sucks. The former because I have found the Twitter feed of one of my favorite netizens (yes I'm embarrassed I just used that word), the crapmaster himself. Behold: @galvinchow.
Based on my cyberstalking that is for sure him, unless if they not only all look alike but also all live in Brooklyn and worked for JET.
(Yes, Brooklyn... Trying to ascertain why the fuck NOT Delaware).
Twitter finally has real purpose in my life. This makes me simultaneously joyous and depressed. Why? The latter because Twitter sucks. The former because I have found the Twitter feed of one of my favorite netizens (yes I'm embarrassed I just used that word), the crapmaster himself. Behold: @galvinchow.
Based on my cyberstalking that is for sure him, unless if they not only all look alike but also all live in Brooklyn and worked for JET.
(Yes, Brooklyn... Trying to ascertain why the fuck NOT Delaware).
Monday, March 28, 2011
She turned me into a newt
So Republicans hate Obama so much and are so scared of how he's ruining America that precisely no one will man up and say "Yeah, I'm gonna take down that commie-Nazi-Muslim-not-born-in-America-motherfucker." Yeah, OK, Palin is pretty much a lock, but she hasn't said anything other than her usual gibberish yet. And there's D-Trump who is so full of his own bullshit that he thinks we're laughing with him and he will probably give it a go since he can't see past his own terrible combover. But again, he hasn't said anything definitive either (unless I missed it because I wanted to).
And then there's Newt, who's said he's kinda-sorta thinking about maybe running. For awhile there, I was really on board with the idea of Newt running for a handful of completely pragmatic reasons. One reason was me thinking, god, just not Palin, alright? Yes, it would be a major embarrassment to the Republicans, and funny in that right, but I think right, left, or center, Palin shames us all by her very celebrity, to say nothing of a legit presidential run.
Newt, on the other hand, is someone I thought I could respect intellectually. Look, I'm not saying I like the dude, OK? I fucking hate Dick Cheney -- I frequently refer to him as one of the biggest pieces of shit alive -- but I do have a begrudging respect for him on an intellectual level. I don't think Newt is as big of a shitclown as Cheney (although still a pretty damn big one), but it's the same kind of deal. And at least I could say, "Hey, at least dude's smart, unlike many others."
And to further clarify, should he run, no, I'm not gonna vote for him. Or anyone else for that matter. If you're not part of the problem, well, you're not part of the problem. Voters on the other hand are part of the problem. I'm not saying we abandon the illusion of representative democracy, but I am saying that the electorate is fucking retarded.
Anyway, back to Newt. I also first thought that he is what the Republican party really needs -- a smart dude with some street cred. But then there's stuff like this.
"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists..."
What? Secular atheist radical Islamists? Is that like Jews for Jesus (which I thought were called Christians but no they're a separate group)? Newt is not going to get better. And neither are the rest of us.
I don't understand the whole notion of Islamists becoming a dominant force in this country, anyway. This is not the first time some scaremonger has ejaculated this on a group of sheep. Islamists. Really. A group with no current political power? A group of people who can't get on an airplane without making white people tremble? A group of people that many dumbfucks refer to as sand niggers? They're seriously going to be in charge in a handful of decades?
Sure, the scaremongers might not really believe that, and they're just doing what they can to rile up people who are dumb enough to believe anything. But shit, maybe they do believe their own nonsensical rhetoric. And besides, everyone knows that it's really the hispanics who are going to be in charge in the medium-term future. And, holy fuck, I just figured it out! That's what all this radical Islam shit is about -- it's just one big feint operation by all those illegals and other Mexicans to distract us from the fact that they're taking over!
Ya see how stupid shit like that sounds, Newt? Hey, not any dumber than acid wash, right? I close with this:
And then there's Newt, who's said he's kinda-sorta thinking about maybe running. For awhile there, I was really on board with the idea of Newt running for a handful of completely pragmatic reasons. One reason was me thinking, god, just not Palin, alright? Yes, it would be a major embarrassment to the Republicans, and funny in that right, but I think right, left, or center, Palin shames us all by her very celebrity, to say nothing of a legit presidential run.
Newt, on the other hand, is someone I thought I could respect intellectually. Look, I'm not saying I like the dude, OK? I fucking hate Dick Cheney -- I frequently refer to him as one of the biggest pieces of shit alive -- but I do have a begrudging respect for him on an intellectual level. I don't think Newt is as big of a shitclown as Cheney (although still a pretty damn big one), but it's the same kind of deal. And at least I could say, "Hey, at least dude's smart, unlike many others."
And to further clarify, should he run, no, I'm not gonna vote for him. Or anyone else for that matter. If you're not part of the problem, well, you're not part of the problem. Voters on the other hand are part of the problem. I'm not saying we abandon the illusion of representative democracy, but I am saying that the electorate is fucking retarded.
Anyway, back to Newt. I also first thought that he is what the Republican party really needs -- a smart dude with some street cred. But then there's stuff like this.
"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists..."
What? Secular atheist radical Islamists? Is that like Jews for Jesus (which I thought were called Christians but no they're a separate group)? Newt is not going to get better. And neither are the rest of us.
I don't understand the whole notion of Islamists becoming a dominant force in this country, anyway. This is not the first time some scaremonger has ejaculated this on a group of sheep. Islamists. Really. A group with no current political power? A group of people who can't get on an airplane without making white people tremble? A group of people that many dumbfucks refer to as sand niggers? They're seriously going to be in charge in a handful of decades?
Sure, the scaremongers might not really believe that, and they're just doing what they can to rile up people who are dumb enough to believe anything. But shit, maybe they do believe their own nonsensical rhetoric. And besides, everyone knows that it's really the hispanics who are going to be in charge in the medium-term future. And, holy fuck, I just figured it out! That's what all this radical Islam shit is about -- it's just one big feint operation by all those illegals and other Mexicans to distract us from the fact that they're taking over!
Ya see how stupid shit like that sounds, Newt? Hey, not any dumber than acid wash, right? I close with this:
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
JB FTMFW!
Looking at some stats on traffic to this 'blog revealed this hilarity:
Actually, fuck that guy still -- he's a loser.
Actually, fuck that guy still -- he's a loser.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I only had to click the previous comic button twice at this webcomic to get to one on assfisting so it's probably a pretty solid one to be following.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Um, no dude. You forfeited because you're a fucking pussy and you were afraid you would get your ass kicked by a girl. Or maybe just afraid to touch a girl in the first place who you don't call Mom. Well I suppose you could call her "Mom" but then, man, that's just fucked up. Get some help and grow a fuckin' pair, wouldja?
"Even though there’s no specific Scripture that addresses wrestling with girls, there is the biblical Christian principle of treating women with respect and dignity...”
It never ceases to amaze me as to how many people who profess to believe in the Bible have apparently never actually read it. Actually, that's a lie -- I'm never astounded with these types. I know how they roll.
"Even though there’s no specific Scripture that addresses wrestling with girls, there is the biblical Christian principle of treating women with respect and dignity...”
It never ceases to amaze me as to how many people who profess to believe in the Bible have apparently never actually read it. Actually, that's a lie -- I'm never astounded with these types. I know how they roll.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, February 07, 2011
Jack
Here's my foray into advertising:
Also:
"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
- Dave Attell
Also:
"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
- Dave Attell
Bonus for using 'recalcitrant,' I guess
Blogger's comment spam detection officially sucks shit:
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What?
Definitely you make out the game's basic structure, you can act Texas coop up 'em and ordered some of its variants. Texas Holdem is an tranquil distraction to learn, just recalcitrant to master. The "mastering" part is the costly somewhat by, requiring office and practice. This website offers lots of articles and tools to get you started on the studying. You can practice all you poverty destined for freed in online poker rooms.
What?
Sunday, February 06, 2011
HURRR
OK, you gotta follow this one through. It is entitled "9 Hottest Girls who Play Videogames." Although it's not that exciting it's nerd fare and and the host in the vid is adorable. Towards the end of that link you gotta click another link to get to the top three. Make sure you click on that link.
You can do anything (as long as you have sound turned up)
This site is 12 years old. How is it that I just found out about it?
In a row
Hey, so check out the logo for search engine DuckDuckGo:
Is it just me, or does that duck look like the victim of some surprise buttsecks?
Is it just me, or does that duck look like the victim of some surprise buttsecks?
Reich on
So I used to post all kinds of awesome links on here but now I just post them on ETP's Failbook page. Well, I need to start getting some of them out here. This is one of the best I've found in the past several months: Hipster Hitler. It is even more brilliant than it sounds.
Another seriously awesome comic that makes me laugh as much as it makes me envious of the comic's genius is Toothpaste For Dinner.
Another seriously awesome comic that makes me laugh as much as it makes me envious of the comic's genius is Toothpaste For Dinner.
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