Monday, February 10, 2014

Speaking of you going and eating shit

You know what sport is awesome? Curling. I'm not even fucking joking. It's all strategy and physics. A couple Olympics back, the captain of like the Swedish team was a math whiz who could solve a Rubik's cube in 27 seconds. When I, as an engineer, see that that dude is a fucking Olympian, I'm like, hell yeah, this sport is awesome. But even without that guy curling kicks ass.

"But it's all weird with the sweeping and HLURRR HLURRRR HLURRRRR."

Whatever, shut the fuck up. Curling rules.
Holy fuck. I haven't posted in almost a year and a half? Oh well, probably no one is... Anyway. I think about posting on this piece of shit from time to time, but then I'm like, fuck it. I can go be mostly ignored on Twitter with a lot less effort. So yeah, a lot of it is just laziness. But also I'm like, who fucking cares? Nobody gives a shit about my views on religion or politics. Hell, I barely give a shit about my opinions on anything.

But yeah I think I'm mostly lazy. I'll form an opinion and spout off at the mouth (virtual or otherwise), and I know I'm ill-informed and probably full of shit. And to become informed and not full of shit, well, that's gonna take more effort than I care to put in. So yeah, lazy.

But I do enjoy writing. And despite all my crippling self-doubt, I actually do think I'm a good writer. Even if I unflinchingly start multiple sentences in one post with "but" and "and." I write the way that I talk which is all the way I think. So go eat shit asshole.

Alright, we'll see if I do anything with this or not. Mount up.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Welcome... To zombocom.

Holy fuck. I've only posted once this year? Oh well; probably no one is reading this crap, anyway. Almost no one. You know what I find hilarious about this? No not this 'blog; I mean this. Someone has been paying actual money to maintain that domain for at least six or seven years now.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

It's been pretty difficult to get myself motivated to 'blog for a long time and even harder since I got serious about using Twitter. That last part alone makes me want to punch myself in the face. Anyway, I may not 'blog that much, but when I get a chance I will post something written by Carville, because that weird-looking motherfucker cracks me up.

Saturday, December 03, 2011

American Exceptionalism is something I think about from time to time. Belief in this principle, right or wrong, has gotten us into a bit of trouble.

Conservatives believe the United States is exceptional because its people are inherently good. And we are.

See, that's where it's dangerous. "We will be greeted as liberators." Thinking we are inherently good leads to arrogance like that which causes some major headaches.

I find it hard to say that we are inherently exceptional. Our ideals, though? Yeah I think those are pretty fucking exceptional. Equality. Justice. Freedom. Yes, we do fuck those up a lot, and I mean a lot, but the principles are good. This country was founded upon very exceptional ideas.

And granted, these ideals were laid forth by the Founding Fathers, a group of white, male, landholding slave owners who said "all men are created equal." The fact that they used the word "men" is of course a huge starting point for problems. Other hypocrisies such as having slaves (as many but not all did) really don't help. And of course I have issues with the word "created" just because that has dei-rific connotations. But just because the source is kind of full of shit doesn't mean the message is bad.

All people are equal. It's hard for a lot of people to swallow that one, because it means blacks are equal, homosexuals, you name it -- everyone is equal. Not because it's god given or any bullshit like that, it's just a good idea. And no, this is not to say we are socialist or communist, so quit fucking complicating things, will 'ya?

Equality, justice, freedom. These are inherently good principles. Period.

It is striking that the most avid proponents of an assertive unilateralism in which other countries are expected to trust us -- and our government -- simply because we are good are the same conservatives who so distrust government at home.

That is an extremely interesting point and I'll just let that one marinate.

Liberals see the United States as exceptional because of our principles of limited government, embedded in the Constitution.

Hmmmm, wait, what? Liberals and Democrats are all about big government, right? Lots of bureaucracy to help the people, right? Hell, that's what that whole last post was about.

The left believes in big government. Well maybe. It's kinda hard to really say what's "big" government and what's "limited goverment." Alright well maybe not totally difficult -- totalitarian societies, for example, that's some pretty fuckin' big government. But still, lefties are not for limited government, conservatives are, right?

Well, conservatives are always for less government. There's a definite semantic difference. It just sounds good, right? We need less government, yeah, awesome.

Sometimes less is more, though! Like if you're thinking about making a decision involving your uterus or marrying the person you love. Then we definitely do not need less government, we need to get the government all up in your shit. I guess because we and our government are inherently good? Man, this is all starting to sound like a load of horseshit, isn't it?

I guess I've gotten off track though from the thesis of the article, which is also interesting -- namely, that both sides of the aisle believe in American exceptionalism even if conservatives claim a monopoly on the idea. As I stated above, I believe in the idea too, to a degree. I don't think it makes us better than everyone else or gives us the right to do whatever the fuck we want, although it does make us better than a lot of others in some ways.

No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. -- Churchill

We didn't invent democracy and I'm not trying to pretend that we did. But we've given it a pretty good shot and, despite what some may say, despite our missteps, continue to do so. Oh and while I'm at it don't listen to anyone who starts talking of us becoming a police state. Some actions in the past and even present day (I'm referring of course to some of the reactions and overreactions to the Occupy movement) have not been pretty but anyone who says that makes us a police state has no idea what the fuck a real police state is like. Even if we fuck up, our darkest hours are better than some on their brightest days.

That being said, just because we've got awesome principles that we kinda practice, that doesn't mean we need to be total dicks about it, ya know?
This shit fucking pisses me off. Is childhood obesity a problem? Yes. Is it the fault of McDonald's? No. It's the fault of shitty parents and a lazy fucking society. Ronald has never shown up at anyone's house with a sack of greasy burgers and a gun and a mission to make you or your kids fat.

We need to start sterilizing more people (and if that means everyone so be it) because there are way too many people having kids who just don't want to do their fucking job as a parent. Enough is enough. And yeah I know parents can get a toy for a measly ten cents extra but it's the principle goddammit.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Tim Tebow is my quarterback; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
He leadeth me beside the still sidelines,
He restoreth my injuries,
He leadeth me in the paths of victory for Tim's name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of defeat,
I will fear no D-line, for thou art with me;
Thy legs and thy legs, they comfort me.
Thou preparest soft coverage before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with helmet; my contract runneth over.

Surely low-scoring games and fourth quarter comebacks shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of Tebow forever.
-- Tsalm 15+8

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Wow, so many things to say about this fucked up Penn State thing, but as always, The Onion says all that needs to be said.

OK, well I can probably find a couple more things to say. I feel like I should say something upfront here, as I know it's awkward at best for me of all people to be commenting considering my typical laissez faire attitude towards jokes about this kind of thing. The difference there is that even if you find such posts tasteless or offensive in the end they are all just bullshit -- but multiply that stuff by the complex conjugate and shit just got real.

Anyway, yeah, the whole focus on football and how every single article about the scandal comes back to that really is pretty fucked up. I know that realistically you can't expect different from the media but still.

I find myself doing it too. Like I start to think, well, part of you wants to give someone like Paterno the benefit of the doubt even though this looks horrible, and wait, what? Man, fuck Joe Paterno. Dude lost his job and his reputation is forever tarnished. Big fucking deal. Doubtful he's gonna have any real legal woes and the worst he will have to deal with is some inconvenience. And he's gonna be dead after not too long anyway. All of which is preferable to some of the alternatives in this case.

Oh, and for all you Penn Staters who are all worried about your school's reputation and whatnot, or are for some reason overly concerned about who coaches your team of future burger flippers: fuck you. Fuck you kids who are simply mad that Paterno got canned while not knowing shit about shit. At most some of you are paying token lip service to how we should be focusing on the victims and their messed up lives but really all you give a shit about is yourselves. The worst you'll have to deal with is maybe the football team won't be quite as good anymore (trust me you can learn to live with that) and in the future when you tell people you went to Penn they'll be like, "Oh yeah? Huh." That's all. Did I mention, fuck you.

Monday, November 07, 2011

So the SpHerminator's sexual harassment issues just won't go down quietly.

"I want you, Mr. Cain, to come clean."

Yeah that's really the only reason I posted this. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. Reading the article though I couldn't help but wonder if those who put it together were having some fun or if it's just my fucked up mind:

"... get it out in total"

"Until something comes out that's concrete..."

"...it, is really hard"

"I think what you're seeing is a huge assault..."
Never a good sign when something potentially important is riding on a state like Mississippi.

Along with the issue of the religious right trying to codify their beliefs, there's people saying scary shit like this:

"This is a principle. ... All of those other details can be worked out," she said.

"Clearly we would anticipate there would be a litigation challenge on this issue and the legislature would have to fill in all of the blanks for this as we go forward," said Mississippi's secretary of state, Delbert Hosemann.


When you're talking about amending a state's constitution (in this case one probably written in crayon), in a manner with potentially far-reaching consequences, maybe you oughta have some details worked out and blanks filled in beforehand. Of course, keeping things vague and simple is what they are looking for so they can potentially take it to those far-reaching lengths.

Extra nice is that second quote from the freaking Secretary of State for Mississippi. This is an official elected to a fairly high office. Awesome.

Also love the family mentioned in the article, who are against the measure not because the proposed amendment is just plain wrong, but because it impacts them and what they want personally. Assholes.

I really hope they don't fuck this up tomorrow but I'm not holding out too much hope for a state that consistently ranks poorly in education.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Big ups to Andy Rooney, who -- while he had his flaws -- managed to make not just a career, but a life out of being cranky. Out of these segments I particularly enjoyed the Bill Gates and art segments.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

So you may or may not have seen this video:



After which you need to see this, if you also have not, to know that Jon Huntsman's daughters are awesome:



And of course I would be remiss if I didn't go find a pic of them sans mustaches:

It's nice to see that the Republicans have their limits. After years of calling Obama a nazi, a socialist, questioning his religion and where he was born, saying he's destroying America... And of course those are just the things they will say in public. But a depiction of Obama as a zombie with a bullet hole in his head, that's too far. Good to know.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Beavis and Butt-Head are back. Full episodes online. They have pretty much picked up where they left off and that is A) not a complicated thing to do and B) a very good thing.
So I have not had cable TV for nearly seven years (or satellite or whatever). Some people ask me, "How do you survive?" And then I reply, have you actually watched TV? Sure there are a coupla shows that can float but for the most part the genre sucks.

Well OK, I have not been 100% cable-free as I do have the most bare-bones cable package possible which costs like ten bucks a month. I get the over-the air channels, a home shopping channel or two, three Spanish channels (love those Spanish soap operas that have literally some of the hottest women you will ever see), at least one Jesus channel, WGN-Chicago (of course), and MTV2. Why MTV2? Because it sucks so bad they can only give it away.

Last night I was flipping through my handful of channels and came across the artist formerly known as M2 which was broadcasting a game of the Lingerie Football League. At first I was like, really? Why are people -- the announcers, the coaches, etc. -- taking this seriously? As I watched a bit more though I realized I was hasty in my dickishness. The girls playing were laying down some real hits. Yeah not bringing the wood like NFLers but these girls don't weigh 300lbs.

So as I watched I was getting into it -- and not for the reasons you would think for a single guy alone late at night. The players aren't exactly getting paid a ton of money to play and for most/many this is not their full-time job; they are clearly playing because they love playing football. Eventually I actually started to get irritated that they had to wear those silly get-ups. Partly because, well, the whole shoulder pads thing just doesn't do it for me, even with some cleavage showing and ridiculously toned abs and tight asses and well you get the drift. Forget the outfits and just let the girls play and it can still be cool to watch.

For a rare occasion I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I have made serious calls before for more female participation in mainstream sports (just try to ignore the first part of that article; I'm serious after the first couple paragraphs, and OK, serious the first two but that shouldn't detract from my what I'm saying). Watching the LFL I was pretty impressed that despite the gimmick that the league is based on the play was legit. Sorry WNBA and soccer, but this is the first women's sport that seems to actually be worth watching (mostly because I don't care much for basketball anyway and fuck European kickball).

Granted, it's not the pace and intensity of NFL or even college ball. But it doesn't have to be. And you know what? We're never going to see a bullshit lockout or strike in the LFL. It's inevitable for anything that becomes sufficiently popular to get pulled down by greed, and the lack of that was another refreshing thing about watching some LFL action. Real play, and hey, it didn't hurt that oftentimes after plays some of the girls would get into a fight. I'm undercutting my argument somewhat here, but I am still a guy goddammit.

I had to text ETP about this discovery and he went and watched some clips and had two comments:
  1. The players really do seem to be into it for the love of the game
  2. The gameplay is good but it does look kinda weird when the QBs are throwing
To that last comment I said well yeah, they throw like girls... Which is still better than Pro Football's Tim Tebow.
Yeah, so at this juncture it looks like I was wrong about Perry being a force in the Republican presidential field. That man is an idiot. Out of the past two governors of Texas he appears to be the dumbest.

Yeah, I was off the mark about Perry. Just like I was wrong about Newt being a potential cure for what ails the Republican party. In case it wasn't obvious I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when it comes to politics. Well, politics and pretty much anything else come to think of it. That's one of the great things about being a blogger with a blog that no one reads, though: you don't have to know shit about shit and you can just run your mouth and never back anything up. Which, actually still sounds like a recipe to be a political pundit on TV. Where the fuck's my money and airtime?

Anyway, I think basically if we want a candidate to go in the shitter, all we need is for me to say that they are a solid candidate. So Herman Cain? Well I'm still convinced that there's no way he will keep any real momentum going. As I've mentioned before Republicans of all people are not going to vote in the second black president in history (this one being fully black AFAIK). Does that make me racist? Don't care. No way I'm not right on this one.

So as we await Herman Cain's inevitable nomination, and also speaking of punditry, some that is at least funny, Carville.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Carville cracks me up. Yeah, this is a totally pointless excuse for taking cheap shots at the Republican candidates, and, well, I guess you don't really need an excuse to do that. Well done, Jimbo.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

You know I can empathize and get on board with some of the things that the Occupy movement is all hot and bothered about. Rampant corporate greed and corruption, the widening gap between the haves and have-nots... Yeah those are things we shouldn't just be bending over for. On the other hand, I do find myself muttering a lot, do you people understand how the world actually works?

Much like the tea partiers are to a good degree tools of corporations and the religious right, am I the only one more than a little unnerved with the feeling that these protesters are just tools of labor unions? Mention of union involvement in these protests seems to get little mentions here and there and it has this insidious feel to me. Not that I'm necessarily anti-union (or that I'm necessarily pro-union either), but I'm just anti-bullshit.

And a YouTube video, posted on Rapdose.com, showed Simmons at the park flanked by Grammy Award-winning artist Kanye West.

Kanye, really? And Russell Simmons? I'm sorry but when you're pissed at the rich having two rich dudes show up to lend support does not exactly make anyone look legit. Or did Kanye just show up to say I'MMA LET YOU FINISH BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT IN GERMANY POST WORLD WAR II AMERICA HAD THE GREATEST OCCUPATION OF ALL TIME!!!

And then there's good ol' Al Sharpton, who means well but in the end is the king of manufactured indignation:

"These (demonstrators) are regular people trying to feed their families, trying to pay their rent and mortgages, trying to survive."

How exactly is protesting for over three weeks straight paying your fuckin' rent, again? I realize when it comes to protest and speaking out for a cause someone's gotta be out there doing it at the expense of other things, but the inconsistency of this kind of statement annoys me.

"Even as banks got bailed out, American children have witnessed their parents get tossed out of their homes and lose their jobs. Public school kids have lost arts, music and physical education"

I think we can all agree that the loss of phys ed is not exactly a huge one. Yes, I know, there are a lot of fat fuckin' kids out there. That's the product of an empty consumerist society that thrives on excess (see, I told you I'm not exactly against what these protesters are on about). Oh and of course, the product of fat fucking parents. They went through phys ed and we see where that got them.

"We can't just sit idly by while the politicians in Washington play political games with our jobs and our livelihoods"

Fully agreed there.

"It's time to take the fight to the streets."

Take it to the polls, geniuses, and stop electing fucking morons. And yes, I am on the record as being a non-voter.

"... several Republicans, among them 2012 presidential candidates Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich, have described the demonstrations as "class warfare."

Yeah fuck you assholes for crying "class warfare" whenever something comes along to threaten your white rich-ass lifestyle.

"The bottom line is, people want to express themselves, as long as they obey the laws, we'll allow them to," [Bloomberg] said.

Hey thanks Mike for letting us know you understand the First Amendment.

"No longer will banks take our homes. No longer will banks rob students of our future. No longer will banks destroy the environment. No longer will banks fund the misery of war. No longer will banks cause massive unemployment. And no longer will banks create and profit from economic crisis without a struggle"

Man, forget all that sounds-good liberal bullshit and just tell banks to start fucking LENDING again. Those cockholes were given tons of money at least ostensibly in part to start lending again but instead the shitheads have pretty much just been hoarding cash for three years.

As always I could have saved us all a lot of time as what I'm really trying to say is, the Occupy movement has once again cemented my stance that I hate everyone.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

So here's this pic of Romney attached to an article on his jobs creation plan:


Two things:
  1. That face he's making makes it look like he's auditioning to be the guy who plays him on SNL.
  2. The slogan "Believe in America" makes me think he is trying to convince us to believe in something imaginary, like elves or god.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

You know what really pisses me off about things like this? Not the fact that it can be perceived as mildly offensive. No, it's the fact that a company and its ad company can be stupid enough to actually put out an ad like this. How does no one in a meeting raise their hand and say, "Ummm, yeah, let's not do this one, because deserved or not, we're going to catch hell for it."

"Adding Nivea to the list of companies that will not be getting my money," tweeted blogger Septembre Anderson...

Get off your high horse. You're a fucking blogger and your name is September and you spell it wrong.

Imagine if it was a white dude with scraggly ass hair and a playoff beard. Crickets.

Look, I know that's somewhat different and it's not as if I don't see why people would be bothered by this. But to me people these days are just always way too anxious to puke out their forced indignation. This irritates me because they're not doing anything to advance the dialog, they're just making noise and trying to feel good about how righteous they are. Oh, and another thing: afros and beards aren't civilized... That's why they're cool.

Even more sickening is the typical, unimaginative response from the offending company:

"Diversity and equal opportunity are crucial values of NIVEA: The brand represents diversity, tolerance, and equal opportunity."

Your brand represents helping people relieve dry skin and masturbation. That's it.

In conclusion: WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS WHO CAME UP WITH THIS ONE?!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

So Michele Bachmann won the Iowa corn hole, ERRRR, the Iowa straw poll. Irrelevant political theater won by irritating political actor. Even more irrelevant as all the Republican candidates are in trouble now with Rick Perry in the race. There's a "real" Christian running (sorry Mitt) who so far doesn't have that crazy vibe (sorry Michele) who is governor of a state people have heard of (sorry Minnesota).

I think Perry is a very interesting candidate in the sense that he is quite possibly exactly what the Republicans have been in need of. I used to think that Newt was what the Republicans needed but that dude's campaign is in such disarray and thinking back he is probably too cerebral for the Republican electorate. OK, that's partly unfair; he's probably too much of a thinker for the voting population at large. Keep in mind this is a country that wants a president that they could theoretically sit down and have a beer with. Fuck that; I want a president who is too busy studying to be doing fucking keg stands and shit.

Again Perry is like Newt -- not someone I would back in reality but if I put myself in Republican shoes I think I would. Along those lines I can't say Perry won brownie points with me after the recent prayer rally controversy; as I said in my long religion rant it's not that I automatically discount someone because they like Jesus, but when you're a sitting governor and you're a really really big fan of Jesus and you're blurring the line of separation between church and state, well, that's not helping.

Here are some interesting perspectives on the debate over that event. Some of this I can get on board with, such as the fact that we can't just bar politicians from exercising their faith or expect it to become totally private for them. But I don't see how "use of official resources, including a gubernatorial proclamation, to promote the prayer service" is not a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment.

It's a pipe dream, but I really just wish people didn't need for the president -- you know, the most powerful person in the world -- to believe in not just an invisible man in the sky, but a very particular invisible man in the sky. It's required for a person to believe in ghosts and fairy tales to hold the highest office in the land. That just bothers me, but I'm getting off on a tangent.

This does allow me to come back to what I was originally talking about, and that's Rick Perry. I think religious conservatives really will breathe a sigh of relief with Perry in the race. They don't have to bullshit themselves anymore that they can accept Romney's Mormonism, which, let's face it, is weird to "mainstream" Christians even though they all believe in god and Jesus. OK sure, there's Bachmann, who has staunch religious street cred. But let's face it, conservatives will be way happier with a male Christian candidate than a female one.

So, he's got the religious and social conservative check boxes checked. As mentioned before he's not a nutcase like Bachmann, although of course that craziness she exudes really does resonate with a lot of stupid people who are yearning for a true moron to get behind.

Okay sorry but that brings me to a quick aside on Bachmann:


There was much ado about nothing with regards to this Newsweek cover this past week. It was slammed as sexist, liberal media bias, blah blah false indignation blah blah blah. I agree that the pic chosen was not exactly the most flattering. But people don't want to admit one thing: that's pretty much what she looks like. Michele Bachmann is a weird looking woman and I wish people would quit fucking pandering to the notion that she's some kinda MILF.

What the fuck was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Perry. Republicans have fucked themselves in the ass by focusing so much on national debt, in particular with the recent debt ceiling crisis. On the surface, tackling the debt/deficit looks like a win-win for republicans: it allows them to look like serious fiscal conservatives while at the same time cutting funding for stuff they don't like. Like programs that help the poor and the middle class.

Meanwhile, the biggest problem in this country isn't the deficit, it's jobs. Particularly for the poor and middle class. Yes, government spending is absolutely something that needs to be addressed. This includes things that are near and dear to the left, such as Social Security and Medicare. But right now, jobs and the economy are the most important things that need to be taken care of. Deficit reduction is not going to create jobs, and cutting government spending during a time of recovery is a dubious measure at best if you want to keep the recovery going.

Rick Perry can claim that he is a fiscal hawk as he has done things in office such as balance the state budget (as always, there is more context). Even more one thing he can and will push hard is how he's a job creator (I don't just mean in the sense that he's rich, as all rich people are job creators now). Again, there is some context here too. High numbers of low-paying jobs, a good deal of the jobs not necessarily due to his actions, etc.

Still, Rick Perry appears to be a formidable candidate although not an unbeatable one. I know Republicans would be more than willing to fight dirty and go after him, but in the end I don't know if any of them have anything substantive to counter with. And should he get the nomination, I don't know that the Democrats have the balls to really go after him in ways that are completely legit.

In other words, will anyone really add the necessary context to Perry's rhetoric? They need to do Perry up Karl Rove style and tear him down on his strengths. In fact, if Perry becomes the Republican candidate for the general election, the Democrats need to just go balls out and just hire Karl Rove. Seriously. He'd do it, too; give the man enough money and he would suck off James Carville.

I have no ending for this other than leaving you with that image. You're welcome.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Hey asshole: your article starts out great by pointing out the power of perception but you clearly don't grasp how your plan will actually be perceived. To non-believers in Jesus encouraging them to learn about him and follow his teachings is going to come across as the exact same thing as trying to evangelize and convert. Especially because, in the end, that is exactly what you are trying to do. You don't understand that people don't want to listen to your stupid crap, because, hey, they already have a bunch of stupid crap that they already believe in.

Funny thing is, Jesus never said, “Go into the world and convert people to Christianity.”

Funny thing is, that's because Jesus wasn't a Christian, idiot. A simple fact lost on a lot of people is that Christianity is the religion about Jesus, not the religion of Jesus.

Dude, you really are everything that is wrong with the world. Well, you and everyone else.

"If Jesus were alive today, the last thing he'd be is a Christian."
- Twain
When I saw a headline for this "news" article which said "Kardashian's disease: What is it?" my initial response was, ummmm, it's the condition where a woman is not very attractive but has big tits and based solely on that she gets a ton of attention. Turns out she has psoriasis, but from now on I will refer to women like her as having Kardashian's disease. Which, let's face it, plenty of women would love to have.

Almost always I fully read any article that I post here but in this case I'm making an exception because I get extremely irritated if I have to read more than a sentence or two about Hollywood cunts and furthermore there are more important matters to get to. I've probably blogged about this before but I've never understood the fascination with big boobs. Well, OK, I understand the fascination; people (particularly men) are simple and stupid. Regardless, they simply have never impressed me. Sure, I really do have a predilection towards small and medium sized-ones. I even say "Yay for double-A!" Initially one would say all of this is because I'm a little person and biased towards smaller sized things in general. Maybe that's part of it, but that certainly isn't all of it.

One of the biggest issues I have? Gravity. Say you see a naked woman with big jugs and they're down to like her waist. And she's 20. C'mon, what's hot about this? Of course they won't sag if they're fake and reasonably new, but fake breasts are another conversation for another time.

I will give big boobs an edge in clothing; they will fill out a sweater or tight top or whatever in a very pleasing fashion like smaller boobs can't. However, smaller breasts look way better naked and the whole point is to get the girl naked so small breasts win.

Also, I think my favorite thing about boobs, no, I don't think it, I know it, is cleavage. You don't need big breasts to have awesome cleavage, and you don't have any of those gravity issues either.

OK it's another time now so we can have the convo about fake tits. Under almost any circumstances I deplore breast implants. If you've had a mastectomy and you're just looking to get things back to where they were, that's understandable. I suppose I can also understand if a woman is fully flat. Or has concave cans. But otherwise, I just can't allow them. Lucky for women out there that I'm not in charge of anything and so they're allowed to perpetrate a boob holocaust whenever they want.

I despise phoniness in whatever form it comes and that is a huge part of the prejudice against fake ones. Probably the biggest part. I also don't like the notion of messing up something that is perfectly nice to begin with for no truly good reason. Oh and then there's the fact that fake boobs just don't look right. Not only do they look bad but they apparently can feel bad too; I have never felt fake breasts myself but once heard them described them as feeling "crunchy." Gross.

I have heard plenty of explanations from women as to why breasts implants are OK. It's not just for attention from guys or to one-up other women or blah blah blah. Bullshit.

What's the point of doing it just for the attention, anyway? Do you really want the attention of people who wouldn't pay attention to you otherwise? And fuck other bitches, if all you've got to win on is boob size then you have nothing at all.

I know what every woman wants to bring up now: dick size. I think the phallic comparison is totally fallacious. Even if any of those pills actually worked or there was effective cock enhancement surgery none of it would translate to automatic increased attention and attractiveness because you can't just let it hang out like a woman can with her breasts without getting arrested. And you know, the interest in bigger dongs actually makes some sense for simple physiological reasons. Would I do it if I could? I dunno, maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure it's worth the risk of messing up what little I have, and since I can't just put it on display it would do precisely nothing to overcome my crippling insecurity or social issues.

I know the notion of "be happy with what you have" is easier said than done. I really do; I clearly have a metric fuckload of inadequacies -- real or imagined -- that I'm carrying around. But in the end, just deal with it, and please don't be an asshole and ruin a perfectly nice pair of hooters, alright?

Monday, June 20, 2011

Who wants to pool their money with me so we can amass $185K and register www.clownpenis.fart?

(Of course this was discussed in an article I linked three years ago and was supposed to start in '09 but a man can dream... And yeah, that's the best I got after disappearing for several weeks again.)

Monday, May 02, 2011

So Osama is dead. You may have heard about this. It's good that we finally got him after all these years -- until about 9PM last night I was pretty convinced dude was gonna die of old age or at least failed kidneys. But no, his time on the lam is over, after potentially living for years... In the 'burbs.

I would have to say I think it's a good thing when bad people die. If for no other reason just for the sake of them being gone. Is this really going to change anything or make things better? At bare minimum I certainly don't think it hurts matters. Well, OK, maybe I can't even say that just yet, because there is always the potential for retaliation. But long term?

With al Qaeda being so de-centralized and built on many loose affiliations maybe it won't change a lot of things from their standpoint. As far as what bin Laden has built goes, what happens there will come down to some of the most important driving forces behind terrorism -- marketing and money. If Steve Jobs died, would Apple go into the toilet? They could take a hit, maybe decline some, but probably won't completely die off. Bin Laden's death could be more about symbolism and retribution and catharsis than anything. None of which are necessarily bad. Al Qaeda is taking a hit, we just don't know how big of one yet (duh... Which could be added after nearly every statement I'm making).

Just as a quick aside, I'm pretty fucking proud of myself for bringing Steve Jobs and Apple into this. No, they are not as bad as bin Laden and al Qaeda, of course, but man, fuck Jobs and Apple. Actually, fuck their customer base more than anything. I do respect Jobs and Apple from a business and intellectual level though for what they have accomplished. Kinda like Dick Cheney.

Oh fuck I am on a roll here with the asides! Anyway, whether or not it is a major milestone from a practical standpoint of view remains to be seen. "Terrorism" isn't a fascist country, it's not a coherent group of miscreants, it's a tactic, a state of mind. Until we're living in a utopia there's work to be done and plenty of people out there still doing said work.

Although while I am not sad to see Bin Laden gone (as many of my more conservative buddies might think), I do have to admit that I'm at least mildly creeped out by much of the reaction. Late last night this country began celebrating as if we had all just won the World Series. Because somebody died. I understand the exuberance, from many angles, but it's just kinda weird when you think about it. Even to someone as fucked up as me.

You also certainly won't see me joining in any chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Not because I hate America, but because I've never been particularly interested in feeling the way I'm told I should feel by the media or politicians (particularly right-wingers but not exclusively) or just sheep. I can make up my own mind on things, thanks, and I don't need to hide behind a weak banner of "patriotism" because I have no need to prove myself to the mindless masses.

In summary: I'm not getting all hot and bothered by this, but at the same time, I quote Jack Nick as the Joker: "I'm glad yer dead."