Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Why don't men watch women's sports? Because they're fucking boring.

A lot of it isn't just because they're women, or unattractive, or whatever. Sure, I hate women, but that's only because they fall into a larger category known as "people." Don't get me wrong; I am not a simple misogynist, I am a misanthrope. The attractive thing really doesn't matter to me, because the Baywatch Principle comes into play. Even if there are some hotties running around, I'm not going to watch if the stuff beyond the T&A isn't interesting.

Another problem with women's sports for me is that they always let women play the most fucking uninteresting sports out there. Golf, soccer, basketball, you name it. I don't want to watch men play these sports.

Soccer is just fucking boring as shit to me, and I know it's not because of low scoring because I love hockey and 0-0 pitcher's duels. Actually, the only time I did get interested in soccer was women's soccer, when our team won the World Cup. That, however, failed to inspire me to watch more soccer, women's or otherwise. The same goes for men's basketball; I only enjoyed watching the Bulls play when they were good. Wasn't enough to get me interested in the sport in general.

The WNBA is a particular sore spot for me. Every year, around the same time, I ask my friends "Hey, did the WNBA finally fold?" only to find out that the new season starts in three days.

I probably speak for no one else, but you wanna know how to get me to watch women's sports? Give me something I've been clamoring for for a long time: women's baseball. No, I'm dead fucking serious. Check this out.

Major League Baseball has been pissing me off for years now. Mainly, because it's all about helping the hitter and fucking the pitcher. I could swear that the mound is nearly ground level now. New ballparks are being designed with smaller dimensions, older parks are having the fences moved in. Most likely rampant drug use is being ignored. At Fenway, they fucking lowered the green monster to add seats.

How often do you see guys steal bases anymore?

I just think it fucking sucks to see so many teams living and dying by the solo home-run. My solution? Kick it turn of the 20th century school, and bring back the dead ball. I know, not gonna happen.

So my other solution? Let women play baseball. I'm not talking about that softball bullshit, I mean real baseball. I know it won't happen in the big leagues, but it seems like it'd be feasible if not for all this patriarchal shit we have laying around. I could just be over-idealizing, and women wouldn't be able to make it in the Majors, but I doubt the possibility has been fully explored. And if breaking the sex barrier in the Majors doesn't happen, give the women their own league.

The thing is, I think women in baseball could be great hitters. And by hitters, I mean pure hitters who go for average and not power. Is there much more to hitting besides form, good eyesight, and good reflexes? I think female athletes could easily handle that. Plus, there would undoubtedly be power hitters as well, but we'd have a much better mix now to keep it from being all about the home run. Pitching is another issue, but I'm sure we can find some players out there who have some arm strength. Maybe not enough to pitch against men, so I definitely don't see that happening in the Majors. Defense and baserunning are more issues; against men it may be a mis-match, but straight women on women (and we all know how much we like to see that) teams would be no problem.

Again, don't give me any shit here, because I honestly don't know how well women athletes could compete against men. I have seen no studies, and have conducted no tests of my own. I'm just going with what little intuition and common sense that I have.

Oh, and if we do get women's baseball going, give them some real pants for their uniforms. I love looking at a nice pair of legs more than the next guy, but these women need to be able to slide, for Christ's sake.

No comments: