Okay, so remember my probably mostly useless WWDN ad campaign? I don't know why I'm bringing that up, expcept maybe to put in context the fact that WWDN has text ads. Of course, if you know about my ad, you already know this fact. Either way, why you would give a fuck, I don't know, but it's past 5 AM, and I'm not exactly what we'd call "fully coherent." No, not drunk or in any other chemically altered state, just tired. So you're like, "why don't you just fucking go to sleep, dumbass?" And I'm like, "well, I would, if you'd get off my fucking ass and let me finish this post."

Huh? What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah.

Anyway, I come across this text ad that says some bullshit like "When was the last time... she totally melted for you?" And I'm saying to myself, what? I never dated the Wicked Witch of the West. But for the fuck of it, I decided to see what the hell it was about.

You know what it turns out this cocksucker is selling? A book on how to score with women. You know what the first thing that comes to mind is? Those shitty advice articles in Maxim, Stuff, and the like on how to score with women. God, are those things pathetic. About the only thing more pathetic has gotta be the guy who follows those advice articles. I knew a guy who thought those magazines gave good advice; he's dead now.

Honestly, if I'm going to crash and burn, which I will on the rare occasion I muster up the courage to talk to someone I'm interested in, I might as well crash and burn on my own lack of skills. No sense crashing and burning on someone else's lack of skills.

To cast aside sarcasm for a minute (don't get too used to this), it's bullshit like this that has me disillusioned on the whole dating thing anyway. It seems like it's all about playing games, and not being yourself. The fact that Maxim advice and stupid books like the one I came across this morning are a testament to that. Granted, I'm not going to get anyone being myself. I know you must be saying "What? A nice, personable, mild-mannered guy like you?" (see, sarcasm's back). But as Captain Picard said, "If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are." Oh, yeah. Star Trek quotes. That gets 'em wet.

Okay, enough self-deprecation and feeling sorry for myself. On with the show.

What always makes me laugh and roll my eyes is that a lot of those surefire pussy getters are written by a "woman," so you instantly know it must work if it was written by a woman. I think I would actually trust it less if it were written by a woman. Seriously, I would just say to myself "Okay, maybe this works... On her." This isn't a crack on women, but they're all so different and can't make up their minds anyway, making one woman's advice is completely useless when applied to another woman. One woman likes this, another woman likes that. There's just no consistency to make most "advice" worthwhile.

Okay, so I guess that was kind of a crack on women. Why you gotta be like 'dat, baby?