Hey look, everyone, an article! A few points:

1. Who cares? Fuck celebrities.
2. I want a wife or girlfriend 35 years younger than I am. "Hi everyone, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend. She's negative eleven."
3. Someone explain to me why it's a big deal that Hollywood fuckwads would marry non Hollywood fuckwads. Movie people haven't cornered the market on being shallow narcissistic cunts who only marry for money, you know.
4. Seinfeld, you're not funny anymore. Go away, and stop your goddamn pandering for applause.
5. Why is it "Patty Duke, a.k.a. the mother of Sean 'Lord of the Rings' Astin" as opposed to just Patty Fucking Duke? C'mon people. Patty Duke, identical cousins; doesn't anyone fucking remember anything anymore?!