Danny mentioned this short story by Chuck Palahniuk in comments a couple of days back, and since I went through the trouble of finding it, you have to read it. Hold off on reading it if you were planning on beating off anytime soon, though. I mean, unless if you need ideas. And if you actually do get any ideas, I won't be held responsible, but I will laugh at your dead and/or humiliated ass.

Then there's the site that I found the story on, which should probably also be avoided if you actually are epileptic.