Google search:

smoke detector won't stop beeping low battery

Okay, I have officially had it with internet people. It's bad enough with the lazy fucks who want someone else to tell them the best way to masturbate, even though that's something totally subjective that you can only figure out for yourself. Yes, this is rhetorical, but what are you, some kind of fucking idiot? You already know the root cause of the beeping; FIX IT. Are you expecting Google to come and replace the batteries for you? Google is on a mad quest for world domination, and I wouldn't be surprised if they have some kind of service at some point for replacing your smoke detector batteries, but according to the rumor mill on Slashdot that's not coming out until next week.

Speaking of Slashdot, I'm wondering just how big and far-flung Google will have to become before Slashfuckers stop fellating that company. Hey, I'm fine with Google, but they are really pushing themselves into everything. Anytime Microsoft so much as passes a little gas, you have Slasholes frothing at the mouth over how bad and evil MS is. And hey, MS sucks, their OS sucks, and they're evil. Because they're a corporation; that's what corporations do. Google is a corporation, too, and their bottom line is the same as everyone else's -- money.

But Microsoft has used monopolistic practices! Google does it right! Yeah, I've had it with the whole monopoly thing. Every company publicly says "Oooh, monopoly bad, competition good!" But if any single company could become a monopoly in their industry and get away with it, you know they'd fucking go for it. Being a monopoly is fucking sweet. I'm not saying that justifies doing it, but that's the reality. So I don't really fault Microsoft for that; they were just doing what everyone wants to do -- it's just that they were smart enough to pull it off. And as far as Google "doing it right," quit being so fucking naive. They're pushing so many services now (the latest being their instant messenger, Google Talk) that "insidious" is the best word I can use to describe it. And I have no qualms with that, either -- they're doing what they've gotta do. But quit acting like they're all sweet and innocent, because they answer to stockholders and the almighty dollar, just like everyone else does.

"Fuck this game!"
- Dane Cook