Okay, here's what you do with this cunt. You shoot her in the head, and... Well, that was easy. Put her sister right next to her while you're at it -- with all the empty space in those heads, the bullet is bound to pass through both, killing two stupid bitches with one stone. I know, I know: how is the bullet supposed to kill if there's nothing in there? Look, the holes it makes are going to let out all of the mush and hot air. Even if they're not dead, their heads are, like, gonna totally deflate, and at least no one will want to take their pictures anymore and they'll finally go away, maybe with the exception of appearing in Faces of Death or John Romero's next flick.

Then again, when you take into account how much Jessica Simpson has decayed over the past few years, further taking into account the fact that people still care about her for some reason, you never know. Her head could be totally flattened with shit oozing out and people are still going to be fellating her, so there's probably no way I can win. But man, back in the day, she was a stupid twat, but at least she was something decent (not stellar, but decent) to look at. Now she's a stupid twat who looks fucking awful, and that's no good.

Meanwhile, Ashlee, currently out promoting her upcoming role as a hygiene-deficient wannabe thespian in the soon-to-be-released "Undiscovered"...

Yeah, not like it needs to be said, but it's more like talent-deficient wannabe when it comes to Ashley. And as mentioned before, she was never attractive. If only no one had "discovered" (i.e., manufactured) that little troll.

Then there's their father. That guy is a piece of work. There was the time (maybe multiple times) he made some comment on how great Jessica's tits are. That's... Inappropriate. Then, I just came across this. And if that's true, well, that's fucked up, too. Having a chastity ceremony with daddy when she was 12? A promise ring to say that he'll be the only man in her life until she marries? Yeah, he molested her. And considering the aforementioned decaying thing, fucking her father clearly has not agreed with her.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Ashlee is so fucking ugly that even her sicko father wouldn't touch her. Even a man who will molest children has some standards. Then again, maybe not, and he has no taste just like the culture that allowed Ashlee to become some kind of star in the first place. Also, when I think about how fucking annoying Jessica has become, I'm going to delcare that she was retroactively asking for it.

Okay, now that the awful train has come to a crashing halt, let's take stock. Jessica Simpson. Faces of death. Fellatio twats, and molestation. Father fucking. Yeah, I can't wait to see the Google hits from this one. I could just be smart and not talk about this, of course. But I'm not smart, and this needed to be said. Anyway, I'll be sure and keep everyone posted (no pun intended).