Do the Dew

I'm gonna play the role of the concerned guy and warn you that the links in this post are not suitable for work, unless if where you work is just really tolerant or your IT/IS department is very clueless. Now that the standard boobs 'n' cooter warning is out of the way, we can move forward.

Google search:

mountain dew fisting

Okay, this is dumb because any can of Dew I've seen doesn't have fists, and as such is incapable of fisting someone. Don't worry, there's a payoff to all this.

I don't understand why this Google searcher ended up here, because the first link on that Google page seems to contain what this person was looking for, unless if they actually wanted to find that magical can of Dew that does indeed have at least one fist. But just in case the search results change, this is the page I'm referring to. You really need to watch the video (linked right under the picture), unless if you're offended by what you see in the picture on that linked page, in which case I don't understand why you're hanging out here to begin with. But I've gotta say that the video is pretty fucking funny. The fact that people did that as part of their "job" and got paid for it is both the biggest argument for and the biggest argument against our capitalist system.

To conclude the first half of this post, a little something for any Slashfuckers out there: In Soviet Russia, the Dew does YOU!

I'll preface the second half of this post by saying that I never thought I'd have a semi-legit reason to post this stuff. Even though I fancy myself as some big porn guy, my real big accomplishment is a massive collection of soft-core nudie pics that I've collected and burned to CD over the past decade. The collection was started back in the day of dial-up, and only ETP had the patience to deal with downloading videos back then. For the most part, I still don't have the patience, even with broadband. The reason they're all softcore is because I don't care to see dick in still images. I don't mind dick, it's just that I want to see it actually moving and doing something. As such, cock is fine by me in videos, but in a picture it's technically just sitting there. Honestly, if I want to see a lifeless cock like in pictures all I need to do is look down.

On one of my older porn CDs is a directory entitled, simply, "Funny Shit." There are only three images in that directory, but they are legendary (if you're ETP or me). I now present them for your viewing enjoyment.

It's thanks to this image that I cannot see a bottle of the featured liquor without breaking out into laughter.

All I've ever had to say about this picture is "That beer's gonna get warm."

The filename of this one really makes it what it is.

And finally, this image is not part of the hallowed "Funny Shit" folder, but it deserves to be in here. I actually used this on a birthday card that I made for ETP one year, and yes, I wrapped the card in black plastic.

Okay, I think this was a pretty epic porn post. You're welcome.