Alright, so I guess (some of) the searchers in my traffic log are more imaginative than I thought, because it's pretty easy after all to put together big lists of fucked up shit and other random nonsense.

girls getting fucked by elephants

Christ, I'm not even sure what to say to some of these anymore. Ouch, I guess?

"man dies" from "watching anime"

Considering the quality of many (most?) anime fans, this should be happening a lot more than it probably is.

leave everything a little better than how you found it

I think my favorite searches are the ones that are wholly inappropriate to this site's content.

how to fuck mormon girls

How do you fuck a Mormon girl? You don't. Trust me, it is not worth it. If you recall, I never even came close to fucking that girl, and it was a goddamn nightmare as it was. I can only imagine the bullshit that would have come attached to any kind of relationship, nonetheless sex. Yes, for Mormons, a sample size of one is adequate.

fuck gringos jokes

If you find any good gringo jokes, let me know, because the half of me that's not gringo is all over that. Shit, the side of me that is gringo is all over that, because that's probably the side responsible for hating everyone.

Spam:
South Pole cervix

There's a joke in here, but it's just not coming to me. All I know is that when I hit upon it, it's probably not gonna be pleasant.

is it easier with a man when comes time to you know what

This is currently the most pathetic search hit I've gotten looking for sex advice. "You know what"? You are so repressed that you can't bring yourself to type words like "sex" or "fuck" into a search engine? To say nothing of what you're asking to begin with? Hey, you know what? I don't want you breeding.


java is the most fucking piece of shit language in the whole fucking damn fucking shit fucking fuck fuck fuck world.

Wow. I hear ya, dude -- Java is lame. But I'm not sure if anyone has ever gotten here via a search engine this pissed about anything.

correct way to mastubate

With knives. Seriously, I'm fucking sick of you kids who can't figure out what all of the rest of us have figured out, and I just want you to chop your dicks off and save us all the trouble. If, by chance, you're a hot girl, the correct way is with me helping out. Yes, I know it's complicated down there and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but that means we're both on about the same level, so it certainly wouldn't hurt to at least have some company.

how to fuck up the ass

I'd imagine you can fuck up an ass by putting something in it that's too big and doesn't belong in the first place. Like, say, an elephant cock.


women that would like to fuck me

Some of these just write their own jokes.

danica patrick aint got no tits

I'll tell ya what, guys. You take all the Sasha Cohens, the Danica Patricks, and any other reasonably hot small-breasted women and send them my way, ok? I'll know what to do with them. Yeah, if only I could come close to backing up that bluff. But man, fuck guys who are overly concerned about breast size. They all oughta be put on a train to a Happy Camp.

HOW TO GET EVEN WITH SOMEONE

I'll tell you how you get even with someone. Say, for instance, you're in high school, and you have this friend with rich parents and a nice house. Also say that he once gave you they key to his house so you could party while he and his family were out of town, and you made unauthorized copies of said key so you could use the house whenever you wanted, because you and your group of friends are assholes like that. Furthermore, let's say that one time when you were joyriding in the rich kid's Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, that another set of friends led by a certain individual dropped by the house and made it seem like the rich friend and his family got back early from their vacation, scaring you and the other assholes out of your minds when you get back from abusing his SUV. You're, of course, pissed at this transgression, and especially at the ringleader. What you do to him is you wait a few years, and when the time is right, you fuck his wife and make sure he knows about it. That's how you get even with that motherfucker.