I don't listen to people who look like they're dying of AIDS

Well, if Michael Chertoff says that bird flu could be here in a few months, then it's probably already here. Even if it is, I'm not all that worried. SARS! We're all going to die of SARS! Remember that nonsense? I bought into it for awhile and of course later realized I was dumb, but not this time. Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, god, what am I, a fucking idiot?

Chertoff attempted to reassure the public by saying the federal government has experience in dealing with such outbreaks.

It does? You do realize that Outbreak was just a movie, right?

"I can't predict, but I certainly have to say that we should be prepared for the possibility that at some point in the next few months..."

Predict, possibly...

And health experts fear that the flu strain could mutate, making it more easily transferable to humans. Such a mutation could result in a pandemic.

Could, could...

U.S. farming practices might help prevent an outbreak if an infected wild fowl enters the country, he said.

Might...

"... but there would be a reasonable possibility of a domestic fowl outbreak."

Reasonable possibility... BULLSHIT! Jesus Christ. The whole bird flu nonsense has been nothing but speculation. Endless speculation just to keep us scared since the terrorists aren't up to anything new and to distract us from all the other shit the government is up to.

Before I move on, I love the graphic that CNN has for bird flu:





That's hilarious, because that bird looks serious about giving you the flu.

H5N1 is a strain of the avian influenza virus that has killed at least 95 people since 2003.

Come on. Not including this year, that's 95 people over three years. Just over 30 a year. Ooooh, scary! At those rates there are plenty of other things you should be more worried about killing you. The dose of radiation you're receiving from your computer monitor in reading this post is probably as statistically likely to kill you as bird flu.

Yes, I know, the mortality rate for those who contract bird flu is not good, but at this point, it's not easy to catch. Yes, I know, it could mutate, but that hasn't happened yet. So just get back to me when this is actually something to be concerned about. And for all we know it won't turn into anything, and several years down the road, bird flu will just be a "woulda, coulda, and considering the state of humanity probably shoulda" footnote in useless history.

"Chuck Norris has AIDS."
- The Urban Legend