Here's a couple of Jesus tidbits for ya. First up are these retarded people.

"We're good Christian people."

With all due respect to Mr. Clemens, suppose you were a good Christian person. And suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself. Seriously, is there any wonder that us elitists mock your beliefs by calling them superstitions? Furthermore, if those people are giving up their phone numbers with 666 prefixes, can I have one of them? How fucking sweet would that be?

Then there's this next article. I could go on and on about it but really I'd just be repeating myself and as you all know I have a strict policy against that. All I will say is you get what you pay for.

And so the 53-year-old accountant from the Tampa, Florida, area...

Okay, I do have to comment on that, because the fact that that woman is an accountant is pretty hilarious. Stay the fuck away from my 1040, lady.