Last week's What do you think? from The Onion was great as always. Especially those top two.

Thanks, Pope. Big help.

Okay, well, it is interesting that the old man (or whoever is speaking for that decrepit fuck) came out against Israel. Just not something I'm used to seeing from Westerners.

I'm sure that all my bitching about Israel has some people thinking I'm anti-Israel and pro-Palestinian all the way. Well, I'm not. The reason I bitch about Israel is because it seems that virtually no one else does. At least, not from the standpoint of the general mindset that we have in this country. Ariel Sharon could sodomize Palestinian babies in front of their mothers and we'd still be voting down the U.N. resolution condemning his actions.

Look, I'm not letting the Palestinians in general, or Arafat in particular, off the hook. Nothing serious is being done from that side to stop any of the violence.

At the same time, Israel doesn't do shit to help matters either. Just like the Palestinian side, I think they're much happier to let all of the killings continue. It's sad to lose some of your own, but revenge is sweet. As such, they're not doing anything serious, either.

I realized at one point that if they really want peace over there, which I'm not convinced they do, it doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right. Worrying about that is just going to lead to a continuation of the bloodshed. If peace is ever going to be even a remote possibility, one side is going to have to man up and be the better person. That, however, is not going to happen.

ETP and I were discussing online gaming last night. Our "discussions" of online gaming usually entail someone saying "This is bullshit" and the other saying "I'm not fucking paying for that shit."

I suppose I can see where online gaming would be kind of fun. Except for the fact that I'm not really a hard-core gamer, but being a good nerd I do enjoy video games. As such, I do alright, but I'm not stellar. Furthermore, I can't get motivated to go play against a bunch of guys (yes, I'm sure there are one or two women out there into games) who fucking LIVE for games and will beat the living hell out of me. I enjoy challenge, but no point in kicking it Kobayashi Maru school.

In addition to not wanting to have my ass handed to me all the time, I really just cannot fathom paying $50 for a new game, and then fucking paying a monthly fee or something like that just to be able to play the goddamn game. The gaming industry has already gotten us to readily accept that $50 mark for a new game, and forcing to pay more is just a bullshit scam. Well, maybe scam is harsh. I understand that they need to cover costs of servers, support, etc. As such, I'm just not going to buy into the bullshit.

You know what the fees remind me of? Anyone remember Divix, the alternative to regular DVDs? Paying a small fee for the disc itself, and then paying a fee each time you actually view the disc. Again, I suppose I can see the idea behind that, but my entrenched affection for private property just made the idea seem fucking retarded. I bought this goddamn thing, and I'm still gonna have to pay more to actually use it? Fuck that.

Is anyone out there into online gaming? Do you feel it's really worth the extra cost?

I guess it just comes down to what you're willing to spend your money on. I'd just feel stupid paying monthly for a game I already bought, but at the same time lots of 24-year-old guys would feel gay buying plush Care Bears. For himself.

Work on the latest gift to the energy industry trudges forward. However, it's nice to see that the whole Arctic drilling nonsense didn't make it in.

Well, California, you got your celebrity governor. You'd better hope he doesn't fuck this up.

I continue to be amazed that we haven't seen suicide attacks here in the States yet. We've been lucky thus far, but who knows how much longer that luck will last.

One thing I forgot to comment on last week was great quote from Ted Kennedy when the Senate was pulling its all-nighter over the court nominee filibusters:

"What has not ended is the resolution and the determination of the members of the United States Senate to continue to resist any Neanderthal that is nominated by this president of the United States for any court, federal court in the United States."

Drunk or otherwise, Teddy keeps it interesting.

My apologies to all for that last link. I knew that it was going to be absolute rubbish when I saw the link on new.blogger.com, but I just could not help clicking on it. I suppose I didn't need to post the link, though, for myriad reasons, but I just felt I needed to share the suffering. Also, I guess I tend to forget that not everyone wants to be as pissed as I am.

Nothing but the best for Fuck Everything readers.

This made me wanna vomit. I pray (insofar as this heathen prays) it's a joke, but it probably isn't. I can't read more than six words without getting the shakes in order to find out, either.

In all the excitement, or whatever, from this past week, it took me awhile to get around to reading this article from The Onion, but it was totally worth the wait.

Fuck, the hot entomologist died. She was one of the few highlights of that fucking show. 'Course, she was only in three episodes, but that oughta tell you how well Enterprise has gone.

Okay, yeah, so that posting while drunk business? No more of that. I just noticed that I fucked up closing out a tag for making text bold, and most of my 'blog was showing up in bold as a result. God damn it.

One of my favorite jokes, courtesy of Patton Oswalt:

"But you know what I like even better than women? Pornography. 'Cause I can get pornography."

You know, the bullshit obsession we have with death and our dead bodies is stupid. Organ donations really should not be so rare.

We are so bloody shortsighted. I mean, c'mon. Exactly how in the fuck are you going care what happens to your body and its organs after you die? How the hell are you gonna even know? Fine, if there's an afterlife, you'll know. But will it really matter once you've cast off this mortal coil?

Of course it won't. But we're so terrified of death that we just can't handle things like commiting to donating our organs after we die. Death is only hard on the living.

Despite how needlessly selfish we are and how much it pisses me off, I've always been hesitant to sign the back of the driver's license. Mainly because of that whole paranoia bullshit. As Carlin put it "Hey Bob, don't bother saving this one. This man's a donor!" And yeah, there's all that other black market shit and whatnot. Odds are, that really is all bullshit.

So I decided it's time to man up. I signed the donor card. Here's a note to family and friends: if I die (and I'm not planning on this happening anytime soon, sorry), let them take whatever they can, and just burn the rest. I'm not going to give a shit, because I'll be fucking dead.

I just know that I'm gonna die now that I've done and said this. Fuck.

Stupidest search of the day:

how do guys fuck eachother

Jesus christ, man. If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Search of the day, which was submitted to Ask Jeeves:

will someone fuck my asshole

Just how well does Jeeves know you, anyway? I would have to think pretty fucking well if you're expecting him/it to be able to give a useful answer to that question.

Okay, so I promise, I am not going to turn this 'blog into an online journal. Not that there's anything wrong with doing that; that works just fine for some people. I just think that my life is so utterly lame-ass (not to be confused with someone's trademark Lame-Ass Parties) that no one could really give a fuck about it. Yeah, I suppose some of my anecdotes may be kind of amusing, but I don't want it to be nothing but those anecdotes.

So, instead, let's continue the theme of doing nothing but complaining about Bush. Here is yet another instance of what I think is unnecessary bullshitting.

Look, I know that we hung out in Japan and Germany long after WWII. In fact, we're still hanging out there. So I know that any sort of occupation is going to leave us with a military presence for quite awhile. I'm not happy that we're at this point, but I understand the reality of things. So why this bullshit now that we're going to stay in Iraq and Afghanistan until the "job is done," which includes finding Saddam and Osama? This just sounds like a cheap tactic to justify what's going to be a long-term military commitment no matter what.

It's just more bullshit to try and pacify the ignorant American people. And you know what? It's nothing but 1984-style doubletalk, too. We're going to pull out of there real soon now, but we're going to be there for awhile.

Like I've said before, just own up to your shit, okay? If we're going to be there for awhile because we just plain fucking have to be, just fucking say it. I know - not gonna happen. But just like that ultra-cool bride, I can dream. And that's about it.

Apocalypse Now

Before we get started, this post also could have been entitled "Welcome to the Springs fuck you."

So the wedding that you just wouldn't quite expect (unless, again, you're going for irony) is said and done with. I was simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading it, and it more or less lived up to that setup. It was a decent evening.

The ceremony was, well, a Christian ceremony. And rather negative, I might add. Let me repeat that: it was kinda fucking negative. This is coming from me, mind you. Even I like to have people talking about happy shit when it's a wedding ceremony. There were, and this is all true, references made by the pastor to divorce, sin, how sin is a "virus," Satan, the BLOOD of Christ, and dirty, stinking socks. And of course some praying and reading from the bible, and some other Christian stuff that I obviously don't agree with, but that was OK because it wasn't my wedding. I made a conscious effort to not spout out "Bullshit!" or roll my eyes while all this was going on. I think I behaved pretty well.

Regardless of all the goofy pageantry (which is part of any wedding ceremony), at least it wasn't a Catholic ceremony. Oh, JFK (Jesus Fucking Christ) do I hate Catholic ceremonies. Every three seconds it's "Let us pray." Hey, how about I just slit my wrists instead? It'll save us all a lot of time.

There were also some lame attempts at humor by the pastor, but I'll let it slide. He did the best he could for, once again, something that is almost always boring for everyone in attendance. It really made me think that if I ever get married, I want the ceremony to be way more entertaining than pretty much everyone else's ceremony. I wanna get someone like George Carlin certified as a justice of the peace and have him perform the service. There will most definitely be some swearing involved, and maybe a little copping of de feel during the bride/groom kiss. Like I said, entertainment. I want people to fucking enjoy themselves. On our way out, instead of some traditional wedding music, we could have something playing that makes everyone say "What the fuck is this?" You know, like the Love Hina theme or something. Holy hell would my wife have to be cool for that to happen I'll keep dreaming.

Anyway, I've gotten off track. Back to the wedding that actually happened.

After the ceremony, as you may expect, was the reception. Unlike some weddings I can mention, people were actually assigned tables to sit at for this reception. Yes, I've been to a wedding where that didn't take place, but that was pretty much the worst wedding ever, and that is another 'blog post in and of itself.

The people I got put at a table with were pretty much a "who's who" of bad high school memories. Okay, not really. I just wanted to use that phrase. Anyway, yeah, there were a couple of people I haven't seen in like six years, including this one really tall, hot girl who was, well, still tall and hot. Them and a handful of complete strangers. In typical fashion, I was pretty quiet all night, but that's pretty much what I was expecting, and the main reason for the dread. Like usual, I survived.

Oh yeah, then there was the fire drill. I shit you not. As we got to the reception, there were fire trucks getting ready to leave. I'm like "This can't be good." Well, later on, just after salad was served, the fucking fire alarm went off. Amusingly enough, no one gave a shit and just went on with eating and bullshitting. Eventually, though, they told us we were going to have to leave the building. Furthermore, it was going to be like a half hour before the fire department came back and we would be let back in. So, that gave me some time to go and sit in the car and listen to some of the new anime soundtracks I had just gotten. So it wasn't a complete waste.

So, things were fairly normal from there on out. Dinner was served, the dancing started, with the music being handled by "DJ Dan." Yeah, I think he was spinning in London last week, and came back stateside to do the wedding.

Again, my wedding would be so fucking cool because I'd just have them play my CDs, so all night people would be subjected to techno, instrumental movie soundtracks, game soundtracks, and anime soundtracks. Oh, and most definitely a little Beck. Thus completing the circle of people saying "What the fuck is this crap?" How cool would it be to hear NIN's "Closer" at a wedding, I might ask? Just let people know right up front what our union is going to be like. Oh, and shit, how about "Ruiner"? I'd better stop before the irony and amusement kills me.

Oh yeah, and of course, there were all the bloody toasts. The father of the bride gave a really long speech, which I think got to some people after awhile, but again, I cut him some slack since he did just give his daughter away. Isn't it kind fucked up that we say shit like that, by the way? "Giving the bride away." Still talking about women like they're property. Which they aren't; they're sex objects.

If nothing else, the father of the bride pointed out that he was paying for that whole fucking thing, so he was gonna talk as long as he wanted. Again, that's fair. He at least had some amusing lines, like when he started out a joke by saying "A man isn't complete until he's married." At first, that kinda bugged me. Like Bill Maher says "You complete me? Fuck that. I complete me." But he did save it by closing out the statement with "And when a man gets married, he's finished."

Oh, and then there was the mother of the bride who broke in halfway during his speech, talking about how mothers never get to give those toasts and how it was nearly time to start partying. Yeah, speaking of things that are toasted... Anyway, it was amusing, and nice to see that the parents had some enthusiasm, even if there was more bullshit talk about the Bible and praying. Again, it's their thing, not mine, so whatever.

There were a decent number of hot women there, which was nice. At least while I was sitting there quietly I had a nice view. Oh, man, especially this one girl. I think she was like half Asian, had this body that was so nice that you just wanted to cry, great legs, and was wearing this nice little black dress and oh-so-sexy strappy heels. Naturally, she was there with her boyfriend, who looked like a total yutz. Not like I was gonna do anything anyway or even talk to her, just like all the other hot women there.

Wait, that's not totally true! One of the hotties was seated next to me and actually talked to me quite a bit. Mainly because she was one of those people who can and will talk to anyone, even people like me who don't talk to anyone. Oh, and if you're thinking I must have been like "Dude, this chick totally digs me," fear not. A) I know better and B) she was there with her boyfriend. Who was a nice guy, but a civil engineer. Of course, she was talking about how said boyfriend gets nervous when she wears her "So many boys, so little time" t-shirt, so maybe... Yeah, no. Like I said; I know better.

Then there was this other guy seated next to me who was, again, a nice enough guy, just kind of a dumbass. He kept leaning over to kiss his girlfriend all the time we were there, and I'm thinking, "God damn it, guys are fucking stupid." I see behavior like this from guys all the time, and I'm like, girl, why don't you slap him and tell him to knock it off? I mean, showing affection is nice and all (no, really, I think so), but don't be doing it every three seconds like it's some fucking cron job.

Speaking of jobs, the new job I started last week couldn't have come at a better time. I was totally dreading going to the wedding and having to tell everyone I was unemployed, but I was spared. And yeah, it's just bullshit arrogance, but it was fun to throw around where I work and that I'm an electrical engineer. Oh, I know that telling people I'm a double-E is never, ever going to get me any women, but I just don't fucking care. I worked for it, and it's fun to say, goddammit. If I'm going to be an outcast, I'm going to be an outcast that sounds smart (when, in fact, I'm not really all that smart, but they don't have to know that).

I got to catch up a little with some people, which was nice. That was pretty much what I went there for, and it was worth it. Even though I'm giving the guy who got hitched a hard time, I'm actually happy for him. Again, unlike some other weddings I can name. If nothing else, it was worth it to have some drive time to myself to listen to my new Noir soundtracks, and also because there was a Media Play close by which I hit afterwards where I managed to find the Good Luck Care Bears plush I've been looking all over hell for (hell being every Media Play and Suncoast within striking distance).

So yeah, not like anyone gives a shit, but there was my evening. A kinda fun yet rather uncomfortable evening (which is par for social misfits like me with no people skills) where I got to see people I haven't seen in over half a decade. Once again, I was reminded of how I'm going to die alone, but at least I still have the Girls and my Care Bears.

Time to go crank Queen's "Another one bites the dust."

Oh, and god damn it, I love broadband. Fuck it, this is way better than sex, from what little I remember of it.

Experiment: OFF.

God effing damn it. It is not easy to get back into this blogging nonsense. Especially when it's 3 AM and you're not, shall we say, fully coherent. There were some interesting quotes, most of which no one will give a shit about, save people who were here, that I can't even remember right now, from this evening. Probably won't remember them later in the morning, either. Of course, a basic rundown of the evening was as follows:

A) Meet up
B) Go to Old Chicago
C) Come back to the apartment
D) Download porn/pseudo-porn
E) Bullshit with this kid about all the crap that went down in '95
F) Pass out (as yet to happen)

In 12 hours, I'm going to be at a wedding. A wedding for this kid I knew in high school who was, to say the least, chauvinistic. I don't know if I'd call him misogynistic, but he was close. Part of his anti-woman stance was because he was trying to put on this tough guy image. Oh, and because he was a self-confessed Christian conservative. Anyway, his getting married business fucks with me. Just like all the other friends I've known who have gotten married. But this was the one marriage that you could easily say should never have happened, and at the same time, you could say was inevitable. Although the inevitability is mostly from an ironic standpoint. I'm probably making this kid out to be worse than he really was/is. Sure, he's a hardline conservative. But he was a decent guy. Just misguided.

But still, all these marriages. God damn it. No matter how I slice it, I honestly don't want to be married right now. If I were to be married, it would only be just so I could say "Phew, past all that bullshit now. Glad that's out of the way." But I don't want that.

Still, all of my close friends, or people I used to be close friends with, are either married or in serious relationships. And I'm on my own. Which is good in some ways. I don't have to put up with anyone's bullshit. Or answer to anyone. Okay, except my mother. And grandmother. Yes, I'm a momma's boy. But fuck any guys who judge me, because you're all the same. As one friend put it, all guys aren't between relationships. They're between mothers. And don't go Oedipal on me; that's not what I'm talking about.

Still, this fucks ass. I've got absolutely no one I'm close to "in that way." It's been an embarassingly long time since I have been, too. And yeah, it's my bloody fault. I get that. Or maybe I don't, but it still sucks. I know, or I think I know, that I deserve better, but I'm still paralyzed from doing anything. Why is that? AND GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, i CANNOT TYPE. That, of course, is thanks to the boo-zay. Even if the content of my posts is normally shitty, I can at least type properly.

I hate this lonliness, but at the same time, I love this freedom. Jyst one of life's lovelly little paradoxes. My guess it that someday, I'll look back and be glad that I had this time on my own. But at the same time, I might regret having wasted all this time.

Christ, I don't even know where the hell I'm going with this. Basically to see where a post will go when I'm drunk off my ass. It's time for bed. I'm probably going to regret hitting the "Post & Publish" button later in the morning, but oh well. Like I said, thi post is an experiment. And since this whole fucking 'blog is just one failed experiment, I might as well go with it.

Apparently, Christina Arrugula (Aguilera) set of the airport metal detectors with her genital piercings recently. Here's what JFR had to say about it:

"I know that earrings don't set those things off. Rings don't set them off. Bracelets don't set them off in some cases. What did she have down there, an aluminum bat? A piece of rebar?"

Fuck you, Bush. NO ONE IS MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE FOR MAKING POLITICS EVEN MORE UGLY THAN THEY ALREADY WERE. Calling behavior "shameful" just because they won't give you 100% of what you want is just one example of how ugly your politics are, you fucking asshole. How about needlessly sending men and women to die just to further your political image? Sounds pretty ugly to me. Oh, yeah, then there's that "Who gives a shit about women as long as we uphold our stupid religious ideas" deal. Again, pretty fucking ugly. And these are just a few examples.

I think Al Franken put it best when he said "I grow discouraged about the tone."

Christmas comes early this year.

Yeah, he's still going to get a bunch of undeserved attention, and for all I know this may actually further his career in some way, or at least make him a bunch of money. But I'm going to savor this for now.

In my absence (fucking sad that four days is an "absence" for me, but it is), it's nice to see that my favorite Times columnists haven't given up on bashing the Bush administration. Welcome to Cheneyworld, motherfuckers.

The reports of my arrest are greatly exaggerated.

The same goes for any other reports of death or whatever. Reports of being busy or just general apathy may have a hint of truth to them.

So, yeah, shit's different now. New job, new apartment, new city, and maybe most importantly, new broadband connection. That's pretty much what's occupied the last several days. Moved on Saturday, started work on Monday. Job seems good so far, apartment is fucking bad ass. Then, of course, after moving in, there's all the organization I have to take care of to get this place in order. That was interrupted yesterday by the new broadband hookup.

And since I have broadband once again, you know what that means. Porn: ON.

A so-called friend got me back into newsgroups. Newsgroups were how I got my start in the world of web porn, from back in the days of fourteen-four. That would be circa 1995. This kid and I spent quite a few hours burning up my five free AOL hours every month just digging through alt.binaries.pictures.erotica. It was slow going, so as you can imagine, I always went well beyond the five free hours every month that $20 bought you in those days.

I got back into newsgroups for awhile four years ago or so when we had DSL and I discovered a web site that offered free access to newsgroups. I mostly used those to download ALS scans, which some of you may or may not be familiar with. At some point, though, that web site went pay service, and I haven't fucked around much with newsgroups since then.

Until now, of course. Man, it is fucking insane out there. I'm limited to one crummy gig of newsgroup downloads a month, and after two nights, I'm about halfway there. Which sucks, most definitely, but it's probably for the better. There's no way in hell I could get shit done if I had unlimited access to newsgroups. Just sorting through all of the shit I download and culling the good stuff could be a full-time job in and of itself. Man, if only I could find a way to pull off a gig like that. I would officially be the envy of all men. "What do you do for a living?" "I download porn on the internet, and I have a much bigger house than you do."

I don't know where the ol' 'blog is going to go from here. The past several days I either haven't had time, web access, or the inclination to 'blog. I'm mainly posting now just because I feel like I owe the people who keep showing up here something. For some reason, I'm maintaining decent site traffic despite not having done shit for several days.

Even before the big move, I've been questioning what to do about this 'blog. I never really intended for it to go anywhere, but now it sorta seems like it should at least go somewhere. But no, it's still the same bullshit, complaining about Bush and whatever. I got well past the sodomizing a dead horse point a long time ago, but at some point, I would think, the redundancy is just going to get ridiculous. I'm not sure if we're there yet, but we've gotta be skating pretty close.

Like I said, we'll just have to see. It may be awhile before I fully get back into the swing of things when it comes to 'blogging, mainly just because I really am pretty fucking busy right now, and not just with the whole porn thing. I'm sitting here surrounded by about two dozen boxes packed with stuff, and that's just the upstairs. Downstairs is slowly coming together, but let's face it, that's still a fucking mess, too. Then there's this full-time job, which I actually have to work hard at and pay attention to, mainly because I actually want to.

Oh, and don't read too much into my bullshit here - Fuck Everything isn't going anywhere. I'm never going to stop complaining about, well, everything, and if I'm gonna do that, why not share with a bunch of strangers?

So, thanks to all you FE readers out there. I'll do what I can to maintain the low level of quality you've come to expect from this site.