One thing (as if to imply that there aren't many other things) that really pisses me off is spam. It isn't so much that spam is a huge annoyance to me personally, though. Yeah, I get way more spam than real mail, but that's partly because no one likes me. Still, it doesn't irritate me so much, just because I know that while e-mail is this great tool which allows me to avoid a lot of much feared contact with other humans, nothing good comes for free. I'm not insensitive to the plight of others, though, because I know that there are tons of people who have important activities such as porn and work (notice the priorities) impeded thanks to spam.

One of the most infuriating things about spam is that it actually works despite the fact that it is so poorly executed. Quite often I get spams that are nothing but random characters pounded into a keyboard with a link stuck in there. I mean, what the FUCK. They can't even take the time to write a couple of marginally English sentences to try and peddle whatever the fuck they're peddling? You cocksuckers.

Like I said, though, spam makes money for the spammers and the products they're pushing. Someone has to be clicking on all those links for Viagra, ejaculation volume increases, low-cost prescription meds, hot barnyard action, sexy MILFs, and low 3% rates. If people weren't responding to spam, thus making it effective, spam would be dropped as a marketing tactic.

It's because of this that I hate people who respond to spam more than the spammers themselves. That isn't to say that I don't have a seething hatred for spammers themselves, but the dumbasses who help make spam effective are the asshole enablers who are fucking all of us. If they could learn to control themselves, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

The problem is, as was pointed out in a recent Slashdot discussion, a statistical one. For the millions and millions of spams that go out every day, all it takes is a very small percentage of responses to spam for it to be profitable. Considering how many truly stupid people there are out there, the odds are against us, and, well, that's why we're where we're at.

My guess is that spam isn't going to go away, despite efforts to the contrary. You know what I think they should do? Every spam should be required to have a joke in it. That way, even though we're getting all this annoying spam, at least we might get a laugh or two out of it. Of course, some spams aren't meant to be jokes but have fucking hilarious subject lines, so they wouldn't need to do any more work on those. But, c'mon, you spam-sending assholes, give us something.

For anyone who's been paying attention, the bane/single joy of my existence for sometime now has been Megami Magazine. It's this bloody Japanese anime magazine that I've been snatching up every month while desperately searching for near impossible to find back issues. Well, near impossible to find, or near impossible to acquire thanks to low-life eBay fucks. But let's try and avoid sending me down that route.

To help pacify me, there's this site, which has a bunch of poster and cover scans from my beloved Megami. Pretty much no one will give a shit, but I can think of at least one other similarly afflicted individual who will appreciate this.

Oh, to be so young, and so fearless. I was going to say "dumb," but that word wasn't quite right, because believe it or not, I'm not trying to be insulting. Being the huge pussy that I am, it's just interesting to see someone like this.

I mean, she just had her arm sheared off by a shark, and she's like "Yeah, whatever." Okay, I sincerely doubt it's as rosy a face as she puts on for interviewers, but still. She seems to be doing way better than I would. Me, I'd just sulk for awhile and then do a 'blog post on it, most likely.

WARNING: NON-WORK-FRIENDLY, OVER 18, BLAHBITTY BLAH LINK PRESENT IN THIS POST

Not surprisingly, it took virtually no time at all for me to hit the 1 Gigabyte cap on newsgroup downloads. Actually, I managed to go a full third of a Gig past the cap, so now I'm fucked for the rest of the month and also fucked for next month, since that 1/3 gig will come out of next month's quota.

I just realized something. When I initially got the newsgroups thing going, they said something to the effect that if you went over the 1 Gig quota, your current download would complete, and simply come out of next month's cap. However, I went around 333 MB over cap, which is obviously multiple downloads, and there was no stoppage. So maybe it allows you to go over, so long as you're connected to the server. Once you're off, if you try and reconnect, it'll probably say "Nope, try again next month."

In theory, it seems like I could just stay logged in and download all the pr0n I wanted. Probably not, though. Still, this is totally like that episide of Friends where Joey and Chandler wouldn't turn on the PPV porn channel because they were afraid that if they did, it wouldn't come back on.

Anyway, this means that it's back to trolling websites for my porn fix. I managed to come across a decent Asian thumbs site, and it's located here. Also, in one of the 'blog search engines, I listed "porn" as a keyword for this site, so this will help me not feel too guilty about the hits I get thanks to that.

Oh, and for anyone not versed in the empirical porno sciences, "thumbs" is short for "thumbnails," and I do not have some creepy amputated thumb fetish. Remember, I have the creepy teen and sailor school uniform fetishes. Just wanted to keep that straight.

Oh, and fuck. I'm hoping that everyone at least knows what a "thumbnail" is in the WWW context, and that no one is thinking I have a weird fetish for women's thumbnails. If I'm going to be damned as a deviant, I'm going to be damned for the deviant I really am.

Again, just ignore most of this shit, because that's the booze talking. I need to get some help.

Google search of the day:

"hey everybody" look at me i'm downloading gay porn

As if Google gives a shit.

I'm going to continue verbally fellating Galvin because A) I like his site and B) my occasional mentions of his site sometimes lead to links back to mine, which is neat for my site traffic and my self-esteem. At least until I realize, yet again, that it's all a lie and a farce. Anyway, you've gotta check out his March 18th entry on this page. Any kid who grew up hooked on Transformers can relate to the experience discussed in the entry, and the picture just might be the funniest thing... Ever.

Oh, and not to mention the entry that directly follows. Maybe it's just the booze talking (am I developing a drinking problem?), but the "John-Henry-style" line is just plain rhetorical genius.

The battle rages on over the proposed prescription drug bill.

Remember the "Tainted Meat" episode of Beavis and Butthead? Man, was that episode great. These people, on the other hand, are probably not very amused.

Also, am I the only one laughing at the Beaver Valley Mall? Probably.

Since I'm still in the ramping up/finding shit to do phase at the new ol' job, things have been slow today. Slow enough that I've spent time looking over MIT OCW lectures on solid state device fundamentals. Don't give me that look. You know it turns you on.

Actually, it totally has me turned on. I actually resurrected some of my calculus skills to derive how to get from equation A to equation B in one part of the notes awhile ago. This may not seem like anything to most of you, even those with decent math skills, but it was neat to me even if it was pretty easy. Since I started focusing on computer architecture, software, and digital design in general back in school, my math skills have severely deteriorated since there's not a ton of math involved there. My new job is back on the analog side, and I'm totally stoked. But that also means that if I want to advance in my position, I've gotta do some studying.

The fact that I'm now going to be an "analog guy" is simultaneously neat and troublesome. Neat because, as the years went by, I started viewing analog stuff as being more and more hard-core. Digital just looked fucking weak. Okay, there's still some hard shit in digital, and part of my viewpoint basically came from the standpoint of "I'm not doing that, so it must be harder." If I'm not doing something or don't have the ability to do something, that's what I end up wanting to do. Just this stupid mix of OCD and a desire to be challenged.

The re-focusing on analog is troubling mainly because I'm an idiot. I always wanted to be a computer chip designer (which falls in the digital realm), but as time went on, I started to drift more towards the analog side of digital (i.e. low-level VLSI design, laying out custom FETs, etc., if that means anything to anyone), and of course, ended up in an analog position. So I'm like, "Good job, dumbass. If you had just focused on this from the start, you'd probably be right where you want to be right now - as a semiconductor circuit designer." Of course, had I done that, I'd probably be wanting to be a CPU architect or logic designer all over again, because I'm incapable of letting myself be happy with anything.

So why the fuck am I telling you this, when I swore not to go "online diary" with this fucking site? Well, because it's a slow news day. Yeah, there's this mess, which is an awful tragedy which is being met with the usual canned, infuriating responses from Bush and his prison bitch, Tony Blair. Not much I can really think of to rant about there.

Oh, and since we were on the subject earlier, I might as well link to Maureen Dowd's latest column.

Otherwise, the only big thing brewing is the next media circus surrounding kid toucher Michael Jackson. Just something to add to the pile of "big stories I could give less than a fuck about" which already includes Kobe and Scott Peterson.

There's some more shit I want to say about the whole gay marriage issue, but there's an article I want to read first before I do, so that will get put off until later when I'm at home. You can check out the comments for my post from a couple of days ago on the court decision if you need to be held over and wanna see me rip into someone.

Yahoo search:

'Maureen Dowd's boyfriend'

Looks like I've got some competition.

Is this story somehow related to this story?

Yeah, I know, cheap joke. Not just cheap, but not really good at all. I mean, worse than normal for me. But c'mon, when's the last time you heard a fucking Lewinsky joke?

Unnecessary image of the day, courtesy of Jay:

Of course, being older and wiser, I feel that I can appreciate Radiohead on levels unavailable to your average 19-yr old fan, who still had parts of him running down the inside of his mother's thigh when I was bud-freaking to Rush and Ozric Tentacles back in the day.

I mean, Rush sucks, and mentioning them is just disgusting. Shame on you, Jay.

I got a ton of hits today thanks to a mention by Galvin, and I almost feel obligated to say something in return. As if saying something really does anything, but what the fuck. So here it is... Mention. Oh, and while we're at it, you need to check out his entry for Nov. 19th, and not just because he mentioned my shitty 'blog. You will never look at jumpropes in the same way ever again. Or at least, one particular type of jumprope. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you. Personally, I feel enriched. But we all know how I am.

Hey, so does everyone remember the Filter song "Hey Man, Nice Shot"? Of course you do. Well, one day about eight years ago, ETP and I got bored of perusing alt.binaries.pictures.erotica for awhile and decided to make some music. No, not the music of sweet, sweet love, but another kind of music. For one day only, we formed our own shitty cover band. The result is linked below.

As a warning, this gets pretty loud at one point, so you may want to A) keep the speakers at fairly low volume and B) brace yourself. I don't want to be responsible for scaring this shit out of small children, waking the dead, or blowing out your nice Klipsch speakers.

Without further ado, he's Voltaire, I'm Twain, we're Filter.

One thing that died a fairly quick death here was the W^4, the weekly roundup of translated Japanese tabloid stories coming our way via the Mainichi Shimbun. Part of the reason was because I had been reading these tabloid stories for awhile when I started doing the weekly post, and as such, was already pretty jaded. Stories of schoolgirl prostitutes and train gropers were still fucked up, but definitely had a "been there, read that" feel to them.

I thought about continuing with it anyway, if nothing else for new readers who still had an idyllic view of Japanese society. Of course, this is coming from their tabloids, so it's not as if it's any more indicative of Japanese society as a whole than the Enquirer is here (wait a minute...). Still, it's fun to get a glimpse of the fucked up side of a society that clashes with a lot of preconceived notions of that we have here, and thought some people may find it interesting and/or amusing.

This is also nothing against the Japanese. I've developed an obvious fascination with Japan. In trying to learn their history, their culture, and their language, it's also fun to get a look at the fucked up side of their society. Let's face it; all cultures have a dark side to them, and it can be fun to explore.

I noticed that some other 'bloggers have even started linking MDN WaiWai stories, and so I thought I'd resurrect the W^4. I doubt I'll be motivated enough to do it weekly, but we'll try and bust it out every now and then. So, here we go.

Just to drive home some of that "fucked up" point...

Can a straight guy still get married if he uses one of these?

Don't read this one too close to dinner, or if you're planning on ever having sex again.

And finally, the headline of the week.

I have a feeling that posting this link, about the Paris Hilton sex tape, will get me some hits.

What a stupid cunt. "I... never, ever thought that these things would become public." Ummm, let's see... You're rich, you're famous, and you fucked someone and let them tape it. What did you expect to happen? Well, obviously not this.

As a side note, isn't it embarrassing that we actually refer to people as a "reality TV actress." Just goes to show you how real "reality TV" really is.

Fuck this little tramp. And not in the sexual way, either. Neither this bitch, nor her sister, are attractive in the least. Just like those fucking Coors twins. They're not going to be hot just because they're blonde and identical twins. I am so sick and tired of unattractive women being paraded around while we're told they're hot and expected to buy it. Fuck you, I can decide who's hot and who's not. I don't need Coors or Maxim telling me how shallow I should be, because I do a great job of being shallow all on my own. Oh, and to further the discussion, Coors, fuck you twice for the twins bullshit. I have lots of twins fantasies, so please quit fucking with that. But that's a post for another time.

The problem is that some guys are so fucking stupid that they can have a blonde pair of tits paraded in front of them and they're immediately like "Oh, that's hot." You didn't even look at her. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's pretty stupid to argue about who you're physically attracted to. But some people don't even try. That's right, they don't even try to be superficial.

Google search of the day:

schoolgirl outfits that transform guys to hot girls

Trust me, dude, if such a thing existed, I would have gotten ahold of one of those uniforms by now. I would have gotten one, put it on, and never, ever had to leave the house again.

Some analysis of the Massachusetts court ruling with regards to same-sex marriages.

Here's a shocker.

I dunno about this. Yeah, they might get cult status just for pure comedic value. Or bonus points for hot women a la the Spanish soap operas on Telemundo and Univision. Either way, I feel a drinking game coming on.

While we're on the subject of Spanish-language television, let's pay our respects and point out that Don Francisco kicks ass.

No matter what, I don't think Japanese dorama can be any worse than fucking Days of Our Lives. Yeah, as if I need to distinguish myself as an even bigger pussy than I already have, I used to be hooked on Days. Personally, I think they're feeding crack through the TV tube and that's why I was addicted.

Pretty much the only good thing about being in the dorms freshman year of college was that it helped get me off Days. We didn't have cable in the dorms that year, and so all we got was shitty antenna reception. I got tired of coming home from class every day only to watch a horribly fuzzy tape of that day's episode. Yes, I was taping it. CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY, PEOPLE. Get off my ass.

Like I said, I'm better now. So, um, like... What's going on with that show nowadays, anyway? Not like I care or anything.

Thanks to Mary for this, which was just way too cool. She gets a hat trick for capitalizing on the Lolita reference, making a reference to The Goat, and for saying stuff about me.

Google search of the day:

story+dog+write+leg+dick+fuck+dog

Some of you may be disturbed by the potential reference to bestiality in this query. What gets me, though, is that the person doing the searching felt the need to use the word "dog" twice.

Well, I'm not holding my breath on this one. Maybe some progress will be made, since the administration is getting visibly nervous with the clock ticking on election season. Whether or not we make some real concessions to get others involved is yet to be seen.

Some views on Bush, his policies, and his state visit to the UK.

Oh, and boy is that Mickey kid pissed off. I smell a future guest contributor to Fuck Everything. The force is strong with that one.

So let's see what conservatives do to (try and) fuck this up.

Here's a big hearty fuck you to all you conservative assholes. This whole issue shows what a bunch of hypocritical dicks you are. You preach freedom, yet push for things like Constitutional amendments to unreasonably restrict the freedoms of others. Let me repeat that in a slightly different light: you want something added to the Constitution, at the core of which is (theoretically) liberty, something that goes against the very spirit of the Constitution.

Oh, and don't give me that nonsense that (whiny sissy voice) "we're defending the institution of marriage." Bullshit. You don't like homosexuals, plain and simple. As a result, you act out. And you know what? You're bad people for it. You're asshole pricks who are so afraid of anything even remotely different from your lame, white lives that you overreact to anything that doesn't fit into your boring paradigm for everything.

The key there is overreact. I don't give a shit if you're not into homosexuality; that's your right. If you're a guy who isn't down with homosexuality, then just don't take it up the ass from another guy. Or if you're a woman, don't go chowing down on box. Either way, just leave these people alone. Even if they can get married, that doesn't nullify your marriage. That doesn't keep you, or your children, or any other lame-asses from being miserable in marriage as well. Allowing gays to exercise the freedom to get married does not prevent you from exercising the same freedoms. All it does is impinge upon your ignorant religious ideals, and that is not good enough grounds for denying them the right to get married.