Pent up

Yeah, you're goddamn right I'm pissed. This is what I get for getting busy, not blogging much as of late, going without broadband for four whole days until it gets hooked up in the new place, and having a beer. New rule: no more doing the above.

Spam:

flattest CAFETERIA Nadine PrimaryChain CHICANERY

What the FUCK?!?! God, the only thing more infuriating than getting gibberish like this is knowing that they're going to make some money off whatever the hell it is they're peddling.

Hey, so you know what else fucks ass? Blogger. NOT A GOD DAMN THING WORKS ANYMORE. It was bad enough when they ditched the effective and useful split-screen a couple of years months (it feels like years, god damn it) ago for the new piece of crap setup (with pretty graphics! fuck pretty graphics that aren't even pretty), but now they're integrating all this worthless WYSIWYG bullshit and it's screwing up posting like mad under Mozilla.

Yes, I know, that's part of the problem - I'm using a browser no one gives a shit about (i.e., not IE). But fuck Blogger all the same - it was just fine before they started with this worthless shitty toolbar that is breaking EVERYTHING. Yeah, Blogger will probably fix all of it, but it's broken NOW and that makes me mad. Plus, the status page says they've fixed some of it, and they HAVEN'T.

Note to everyone: quit being so fucking lazy and learn a couple of bloody HTML tags. Besides, your 'blog is still going to be a piece of shit whether you have different fonts or not. Just like mine and everyone else's.

Yahoo search:

www.phonix smokers .com

I get lots of search hits that follow this basic pattern - someone searching for "www.INSERTSOMESTUPIDBULLSHIT.com." And all I have to say is, if you're going to go search for a URL, JUST GO TO THE FUCKING WEBSITE ITSELF, YOU STUPID FUCK. If you're trying to find a URL for some company or organization, just do a goddamn search but drop the "www" and ".com."

I'm especially sick of this "phonix smokers" bullshit - I've gotten a bunch of those lately. You dipshits are now right up there with the kiddie porn freaks in terms of irritation.

I was out to lunch today, and passed by a Schlotzsky's Deli. I got to thinking, you know what? I need to open a Schottky's Deli. Free sandwich to anyone who gets the joke. We just need a restaurant where all the menu item names follow a dork theme - I so totally want people to be able to order a sandwich called "the NPN."

Dissonance

I got a magazine insert advertising the Danbury Mint's World Trade Center commemorative. My immediate response was "Fuck this bullshit" followed quickly by "Well, that's cool if it's decent quality... And as long as I can tear off the Bush quote plaque." My hatred of pandering to 9/11 emotions is matched only by my love for miniatures and replicas.

Too bad their Supreme Court building replica doesn't come with a little figure of Scalia on the front steps. Then again, I'd hate to have to take a dump on anything that cost me sixty bucks.

Yahoo search:

yum yum I could fuck that quite easily

I found the phrasing of this particular search to be rather amusing.

Gotta respect guys with priorities. "Freedom? I'll get to it. Beer? Gotta have it now." And maybe it's just me, but I take great amusement in how the Bible played a pivotal role in the whole affair.

I've been reading a bunch of articles on BMWs since my current bullshit pipedream is to get myself a 3-series. Something that's not going to happen for quite some time, what with the previously alluded to mortgage and all. Well, maybe I could pull it off if I manage to start living by the mantra of "You can have more toys and photobooks, or you can have the Ultimate Driving Machine." That, or, I get myself a girlfriend and put her to work like some people (good move, doode!).

I used to hate the 3-series, especially the hatchback. First off, I was like, fuck you, dooshe. You're just buying that car -- the-entry-level model -- because you can. If you really had the money you'd like everyone to think you have, you'd bust out at least a 5-series.

Secondly, I fucking hate BMW drivers because they all act like they own the road. Driving as aggressively as they want, never signalling, etc. "Oh, look at me, I'm all special. I have a BMW and I'm better than you are." This put them in a class similar to Acura Integra (coupe version and pre-RSX models) drivers, who are all assholes. I've been over that before.

Finally, I just never cared all that much for the look of BMWs. Yeah, they're undoubtedly fun to drive and well built, but they just don't look all that great.

The 3-series has grown on me over the years, though. A few years ago they came out with the current incarnation, which looks quite a bit like the prior model but has changed enough that I think it looks fucking good. Of course, I so totally WANT to be one of those pretentious assholes that think they own the road, seeing as how I'm already pushing that idea in my trusty Civic. Plus, me and my 3-series would make nice companions to ETP and his Flaming Asshole Red RSX Type-S. Like I said, the RSX driver doesn't have the asshole street cred that the Integra driver has, but I know ETP will be doing his best to bring back the pride. And hey, seeing as how they're coming out with the 1-series and 2-series, it's no longer "entry-level."

So where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah. A bunch of the articles I read kept referring to BMWs as "bimmers." And I was like, what the fuck? Why are they spelling it like that? Why not "beamer" or "beemer"? Oh, that's why. Apparently, we can't get anything right in this country.

It's been kind of a strange few weeks. Not long ago, I was forced to come out in support of Dick Cheney for telling someone to go fuck themselves on the floor of the Senate. Of course, it wasn't long before I was back to being pissed off at Cheney, because he wouldn't just own up to it. Now, I feel compelled to back Governor Arnold for his choice in words. Sorta.

This, to me, is not offensive because it's homophobic or sexist. It's offensive to me in that the governor of one of our biggest states is FUCKING QUOTING SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE in taking a gubernatorial stance on an issue. This is just beyond embarassing. As if the "governator" and "collectinator" and all the other bullshit wasn't bad enough. But, hey, it's not like there was any reasonable expectation that it would stop once he got into office.

Considering the context, this was just a harmless joke being made. I can kind of see the sexism complaints. Implying that guys who don't do X, Y, or Z are effeminate and weak just like women blah blah blah. This is not that big of a deal. Hey, I'm a girly man myself in many regards, and I don't find these kinds of comments offensive.

As far as homophobic goes, that's a bit of a stretch. Yeah, there is an unfortunate association often made in our society between "girly men" and homosexuals, but I just do not think that this is where Arnold was going. Now had he called the Democrats in the California legislature a bunch of "fucking ball licking faggats and cunt munching whores" (sic) like our friend Jeremy might if he were in that position, now THAT would be fucking homophobic.

Yes, there is way too much sexism and homophobia in our society, but random offhand comments and jokes are not the crux of the matter. Yeah, they don't exactly help, and I know I'm guilty of doing shit like that all the time, but lighten the fuck up.

"If they complain too much about this, I guess they're making the governor's point."

I've gotta say that that response is pretty funny. Don't back off (even though they did with v 2.0 of the speech), and don't puss out when it comes to free shit to drink.

"She's a young girl who knows the governor and really likes him a lot and didn't find the term to be a positive term, and finds it to be derogatory."

She finds it to be derogatory? Sounds like someone is doing a little projecting here. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't see that many 13-year-olds giving that much of a shit about what the governor has to say.

"... but I think it really is beneath Gov. Schwarzenegger."

Considering that Arnold has posed for pictures with his body oiled up, I don't think much of anything is beneath him. Hey, if you've wanna get oiled up that's your business, but quite frankly, the whole exercise strikes me as kind of gay.

Alright, so I've been kind of out of the loop for the past several days since I've been moving and all. As has been noted, yeah, it hasn't been that long since my last move, but this was all part of my evil plan. Hopefully this will be the last move I have to make for quite awhile.

Having been so occupied, I completely missed this gem of a comment that floated to the surface in response to my latest gay marriage rant. That's the kind of comment that it seems as if I should respond to it, but in the end, there's really no point. Anyone who comes to the table with that kind of seething ignorance pretty much writes the response for me, as well as for anyone who's not a complete fucking retard.

But yeah, this is the kind of moronic bullshit that's out there. The really fucked up thing is that there are countless people out there who think this exact same way. This Jeremy dooshebag isn't just some kind of special-case extremist nut, he's an extremist nut who has a lot of company in this society.

Maybe, just maybe, if we get really lucky, someday we'll realize what a piece of shit our society is.

I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one (Part II)

The current Slashdot poll is Most Important Quality in a Girlfriend. Personally, I went with "earning potential," but only because I just closed on a new home and I could really use a second income stream to help support my hobbies now that I'm going to be broke. Yes, it's all about me, me, me. Anyway, I found this response to the poll amusing:

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now, I am older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

Preach on, brother Ted.

Even better than sex with Brooke Shields

Can you imagine what a badass you'd feel like if you won a bet with Stephen Hawking? "Hey, what'd you do today? ... Oh yeah? That's cool. I won a bet with Stephen Hawking. He was wrong and I was right." You can't fuck with that.

Don't fuck with daddy's little girl.

You know, I expected to be way more pissed off at this particular moment in time than I currently am. I knew that there wasn't enough support for the anti-gay marriage amendment, but I always know there's a chance that we'll fuck something up. Still, I find myself waiting to see how Republicans turn this into a victory. And by "victory" I mean an actual victory, not just a moral one. Those Republicans are tricky motherfuckers. Although I've probably said everything I'm about to say ten times already in past posts, I'm going to do it (at least) one more time.

Before I get off on yet another rant here, a big thanks to Senator Wayne Allard, lead sponsor on the amendment. Thanks for helping solidify Colorado's status as one of the most ignorant fucking states in the union.

I'm going to once again re-new my statement that this is fucking embarrassing. Embarrassing that we find ourselves going through this, something which is an exercise in gay bashing -- nothing more and nothing less. I have not heard one argument backed up by anything more than mistaken belief which helps support the claims that gay marriage will destroy the institution of marriage or leave children on the streets. You homophobic pricks aren't really worried about marriage or children, are you? Are you that fucking stupid? Well, okay, you are. We already know that. Still, I think the true heart of the matter is that you're worried about homosexuals being on equal footing with you. Allowing gays to marry would be a public acknowledgement of a fact that many of us are already aware of: that gays are just normal people. It would hurt your tiny brain so much to admit that fact, wouldn't it?

Of course, even if gay marriage were finally allowed, that doesn't mean that people will embrace it or gays in general. That's fine; ignorance is a proud American tradition, something we all have a right to. Just so long as we're past this stupid childish bullshit where we're trying to write discrimination back into the constitution.

Making sure that homosexuals maintain a lower standing in our society is what this is all about. That's all this is; just modern day segregation. Dress it up however you want to, but it's all about heterosexuals getting to drink from the fountain of marriage, and homosexuals maybe getting to drink from the fountain of civil union.

Through this mess, the word "activist" has become just as dirty as "liberal," and I'm fucking sick and tired of both. Because you see, "activist" implies that someone is taking action, a concept wholly unfamiliar to our government unless if the money or power of those in charge is somehow threatened. If not for some activists in the past, we'd still be living in times where women couldn't vote and "nigger" would still be an acceptable term for whites to use.

Yes, it is just a handful of un-elected judges who are driving some (but not all) of this. But for fuck's sake, when no one else is doing anything to advance equal rights, someone has to step up to the goddamn plate.

It's time to grow up, America: they're here, they're queer, and there's no logical reason for it to be such a big deal to you, anyway. Take your "sanctity of marriage" argument, take your children, and, oh yes, take your Jesus, and shove them all up your ass from whence they came. You can put things in your (or someone else's) ass since sodomy -- consentual sodomy, of course -- is legal, after all.

Nothing fucked up about this.

Best new euphemism for erectile dysfunction, courtesy of JFR: "malfunctioning junk."

The Major League Baseball All-Star game is tonight. Undoubtedly, you fall into one of two camps:

"OH MY GOD THE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ALL STAR GAME I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT IT BUT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME!!!!!!"

Or...

"Yeah, no shit tonight is the All-Star game. No way I'd miss that. My wife was due to give birth to our first-born today, but I was like 'Nuh-uh. Either you have this baby another day or you have it without me.'"

Yeah, that, or, no one cares. I like baseball, but I can totally understand why so many people don't. Going to games can be fun, even if it's just the hapless Rockies who are never going to do anything. And don't get me started on trips to Mecca, AKA Wrigley Field. Otherwise, though, I don't watch a ton of baseball even though I'm a fan and a follower of the sport.

The All-Star game, though, is a special exercise in apathy. It might be fun to go to an All-Star Game and the surrounding festivities, or maybe not. Just like the NFL Pro-Bowl or any other all-star game, the game itself is completely meaningless. Oh, wait, the baseball All-Star Game isn't meaningless anymore, because "This time it counts!"

Yeah, that's my favorite thing about the All-Star game these past two years - the winner determines who gets home-field advantage in the World Series. It's all to make up for two years ago when people were pissed because they just ended up calling the All-Star game when things went into extra innings and they ran out of pitchers. I think their solution to the all-around lack of interest - both from the players and the fans - makes a lot of sense. Players who will have nothing to do with the Series helping determine its course, as opposed to, say, the teams who end up playing in the Series. Big shocker when no one, actual fans included, gives a shit about the game - All-Star or otherwise.

Nothing can defeat the Grimace.

Well, if the child porn part of this is really is more than a "prank," it's good to see that the Catholic Church's healing process is coming along nicely.

It's not a huge surprise since it's Ron Reagan Jr., but this is still funny.

weather channel tit fuck

I have clearly not been watching enough of the Weather Channel lately. Is that one chick, Sharon Resultan, who was decently hot but perpetually pregnant still on? There also used to be another one who was pretty cute, but I can't remember her name. She, unlike Sharon, wasn't always knocked up.