I'm still never going to stop being irritated seeing McCain kissing Bush's ass on the campaign trail. In the end, I know, it's politics. And in McCain's defense, he has been sticking up for Kerry on things like this "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" affair.

I saw a clip of one of McCain's introduction speeches today, and he had trouble spitting out the phrase "moral clarity." Of course, anyone can get tripped up during a speech -- Bush knows that all to well. But still, I've gotta wonder if that wasn't some kind of Freudian slip.

McCain, who spent 5 1/2 years as a prisoner during the Vietnam War, can help counter Democrat Kerry's military service during the conflict.

I've heard this a couple of places, and this is really fucking stupid if that indeed is what Team Bush is up to. I mean, how fucking desperate is that? "Yeah, the other guy fought in 'nam. Our guy, uh, dodged, ERRR, served in the National Guard. And... Hey, this guy who's hanging out with us fought in Vietnam!" How exactly is it going to help Bush to contrast his non-service with McCain's service?

"During Vietnam George W. Bush served in the National Guard... Bravely defending Texas from Charlie."
- Some bit from The Daily Show

Okay, all kinds of logo shit is back up in the store.

And a couple more things:

1. I don't get all of the money for each purchase should you actually buy anything - just $2-$3. Maybe that will make some people feel better about buying things. But be warned, I can change the prices anytime I like. On the off chance shit gets popular, prices might rise. Hey, supply and demand; capitalism tells me that I can -- and should -- act accordingly.
2. I can only put up one of each kind of product, so some things (like bumperstickers) will probably be changed on an irregular basis.

Google search:

Narue no Sekai 10 porn pics

I'm going to find whoever this was, and I'm going to kill them.

And just for good measure:

Something for man's best friend
Something for everyone
Something for the guys
Something for the liberals
Something for people who hate people in visors
And, oh yes...
Something for the ladies (or just people playing Lambs)

I've got the feva' now, so we'll see what other stupid bullshit follows. All the Fe logo shit will be back once I get that image fixed up.

This one's for my dead homie... Even though he ain't dead.

Oh hell YES, bitch! Hot on the heels of saying I was going to update the store, I went and fucking did it. One whole product added, but it's a start. Check this shit out.

You don't need to know why it's funny, you just need to know that it's funny. Also, you need to know that you must buy it. Oh, and ETP, don't go out and die one me, because I'm gonna feel bad if you do.

Woo hoo! Someone actually bought something from the Fe store! I made two bucks on the sale! I'm gonna go buy me my 3-series tomorrow!

No, seriously, thanks to the one person who finally bought something. You'll probably be the last. And, god damn it, I really need to update the stuff in the store so people can not buy some more.

Some semi-random shit I was thinking about today:

I have to chuckle every time I see a VW Beetle -- and I'm talking about one of the new pieces of shit. You see, before he hooked himself up with his phat sled -- the RSX Type-S -- ETP drove vintage Bugs for several years. One day, just after the new Beetles hit the streets, some jackass in one of them saw ETP at an intersection. Thinking that there was some kind of comraderie between the two -- even though the other driver had one of the new pieces of shit and ETP was in one of the vintage, real ones -- he honked his horn and started waving. And how did ETP respond to this guy? By giving him a dirty look and the finger.

That right there is one of the many reasons why I love that kid.

Here's a potentially interesting site that John let me know about: Media Matters for America. Bill O'Reilly sure seems to hate it, so it may be of interest to fellow lefties out there.

Speaking of ol' Bill, John also sent me a link to Sweet Jesus, I hate Bill O'Reilly, International, which, oddly enough, also has a bit of a left-wing bias.

I don't know why we don't just execute criminals like this once they're convicted. Yeah, as we've been over before, it is somewhat nice knowing the treatment that these fuckers get in prison, but still. I say just get them out of the way and get it over with. Not like any of these solutions fix things, but something has to be done.

Question for some of you religious assholes. A 13-year-old girl is kidnapped, repeatedly raped, then stabbed and left for dead. Explain to me: where does the benevolent god who loves us all fit into this picture?

This, too, I've been over, but things like this have led me to narrow the higher being question down to one of three possibilities:

1. There isn't one.
2. There is one, but it doesn't get involved in human affairs - guilty of depraved indifference at best.
3. There is one, and it could do something about things like this, but it doesn't - making it an asshole.

This, of course, is one of the things that Team Bush wants to push hard. So far, it seems to be working pretty well, which I find kinda stupid. Team Kerry - as they have named themselves; I didn't do it - has GOT to know what they're up against. This isn't like Bush in 2000, having no clue as to what was going to happen on 9/11 and then subsequently all the work he and his team would have to do. Kerry, on the other hand, knows what he's getting himself into. I can't see him just fucking around once in office, at least not any more than Bush.

At this point, I'd imagine that anyone who's thought about the potential for another big terror attack knows that it's a matter of "when" as opposed to "if." I'd imagine anyone tasked with counterterrorism operations has the same mindset, or at least I'd hope so. Even if they are, though, we're probably still fucked.

This would certainly suck. It's hard enough to get jobs as it is, but to get a new job only to have your former employer show up and say "nuh-uh"?

I can understand why Seagate is nervous - leaving one company for a competitor and then using confidential info at the competitor unfortunately happens all the time. But to assume that someone is going to do this is kinda unfair; it's not just assuming they're guilty until proven innocent, but assuming they're guilty before they've even had a chance to do something wrong. This is why we have non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) - to put someone under contractual and legal obligation not to do this. That doesn't stop it from happening, of course, but that doesn't mean you can automatically do what Seagate is trying to do. If he does do something illegal (which probably wouldn't be that hard to prove), then you go after people, but not before.

Fairly amusing sig found in some Slashfucker's post:

My other computer is your Windows machine

For god's sake, post something - anything - to help wash away the taste of that last post

Any guy who makes jokes about dealing with the devil after he dies... That's a good man right there.

Oh yay, more bullshit about BLM's personal life that we don't give a flying fuck about

Mount up.

Okay, I've gotta preface this with a couple of things. One, I'm not trying to make this into any kind of "boo-hoo, woe is me" kind of post. In this endeavor I will probably fail. I've just got so much shit on my mind that I need to get it out in one way or another. Why do I need to get it out here? Well, much like Shinzon was for Picard, this 'blog is a mirror for me. If you don't like it, well, you'll either skip this post or just leave altogether like most people.

Two, I know I'm in pretty good shape right now. I'm feeling orders of magnitude better than I was just over a year ago. Shit, I'm feeling way better than I was just a few weeks ago. This time last month, I was still living in a fucking apartment, I was all alone, my car was all busted up, and I was feeling pretty worthless at my job. Most all of that still stands except for the apartment thing; becoming a homeowner has done wonders for making me feel not woefully inadequate.

So yeah, I'm not feeling sorry for myself or trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, and I'm not trying to boast or any of that bullshit. For once. But holy hell am I fucking terrified.

Like I said: worthless at the job. Okay, that's of course an exagerration. Basically, there's just more downtime than I'd like to see. This, in many ways, is kinda nice. I'm making decent money and go through periods where I don't do shit. Most people would love that. I kinda do sometimes, but I actually would like some work and challenge. More importantly, perhaps, is that I want to be doing something useful so that I don't fucking get laid off.

Now, I don't think that'll happen. Anyone who knows the saga of my getting hired nine months ago knows that the people I work with had to do some work of their own just to get me hired (namely, arguing with the bastion of logic that is upper management). So it's not like they're just going to let me go with ease. Especially not when I know that they're pleased with my progress thus far when I have work to do. And of course, I have had shit to do, and I know that there's stuff ahead. So, in the end, getting laid off just isn't all that logical, but like I've said: upper management and logic - not exactly good buddies.

The potential of being jobless - however remote - is worrisome for the usual reasons but things are compounded because of the new house. If lose the job, I am so fucked. Since I'm A) a spendthrift and B) haven't been working a regular full-time job for all that long, I don't exactly have any money saved up to fall back on. Sure, there's severance and maybe unemployment, but that's only going to go so far.

The idea of having all my cash sapped by the mortgage and other bills doesn't really bother me, it's the idea of not being able to meet these obligations that has me scared. I'm fine for now; I know this. But as I come from a long line of worry-warts, there's no way I can rest easy. If things would just fucking pick up at work again, I'd feel much better. No problem if I'm busy and vital. But when I'm idle, look the fuck out.

I, of course, don't help matters by going through all this nonsense alone. Yes, of course, I'm not completely alone, but you know what the fuck I'm talking about. This isn't going to change, period. My fault, I know that. As long as I can pay the mortgage, I'll deal.

Matters aren't helped by the fact that I've started re-watching Love Hina again. A quick aside on this fucking show.

Many out there probably don't know what the fuck it is, but I've mentioned it, I dunno, a billion times. It's this fucking anime (read: naughty Japanese cartoon) that centers on a total loser guy who gets thrust into a situation where he's suddenly the manager of an all-girls dorm. Wackiness and pseudo-romance ensues. The TBMF (Total Bullshit Male Fantasy) genre at its finest.

Now, I can't imagine why a show like this would appeal to someone like me. One thing that's probably not apparent, though, is why I'm so emotionally attached to the show. Well, as I mentioned (and as you saw if you read or have read that post from last June), I was feeling really shitty last summer. Of course I was being a drama queen (that's just what I do) with that whole "my life/career are in ruins!" stuff, but that's how I felt at the time. I felt the worst I'd felt in almost a decade with some legitimacy; the worst I'd felt since I was back in high school and all clinically depressed and slicing my wrists for attention.

Luckily, I got past that teenage angst crap, just to move onto early twenties angst. No more self-mutilation for attention, just writing shitty posts for all the world to (potentially) see. Looking back, maybe the cutting thing was better. I'm kidding, of course (right?).

Anyway, yeah... Early twenties angst big time last summer. I felt awful, and one of the few things that lightened my mood, one of the few things that made me laugh and smile amidst those dark June days was watching Love Hina. It's retarded, I know, but I'm kind of a retarded person. Hopefully this helps explain some things, stupid or not.

The other stupid thing about that show is that it always leads to me getting unnecessarily introspective. Again, retarded - we've been over that. A big part of the plot in LH is that the two main characters are trying to get admitted to the University of Tokyo, one of Japan's premier schools. They spend all their time studying their asses off, then taking practice exams and entrance exams. And it got me to thinking: man, it's been fucking ages since I've challenged myself like that.

In fact, I don't know that I've ever challenged myself like that. I know what you're saying: so what? Well, there's this stupid part of me that (if you haven't noticed) always has me feeling that I need to be doing something to prove myself.

But even when I have pushed myself towards something, I still feel like I'm setting the bar kind of low. Take college, for instance. I probably could have gotten into a pretty good school if I had tried, but I didn't. I just resigned myself that I was going to go to CU and that was that. Not that CU was a horrible school, but I probably could have done better. And even if I couldn't have done better, I at least could have tried.

So why didn't I? Was I afraid of failure? Was I afraid of putting in the effort to pass exams and all that? For once, not really. Back then I was in the mode of doing all that shit, so that really wasn't the issue. No, what it came down to was that I didn't want to go to school out of state. I'm a mamma's boy, and I just couldn't be far away from my mother or grandparents. They'd have mad separation anxiety in a situation like that, but so would I.

There, of course, lies one of my biggest problems: not always living my life for myself. Letting myself get tied down by what others want. And not that they'd want me to stay close to home if I really wanted to go elsewhere, but, yeah, it's kinda complicated.

Anyway, that ship has sailed, but still. I haven't done shit on that level to really push myself. Realizing that that wasn't all that important, I extended it to a new bullshit level, namely that I not only wasn't challenging myself, but I wasn't taking any kinds of risks. Risks that, yes, may end in crushing defeat, but risks that might also pay off big. Whether it came to life, love, or career, I was perpetually playing it safe.

But then I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You just bought a fucking house with no safety net and no (relative) comfort level when it comes to job security. You may not be taking exams or trying to win the girl's affection, but that doesn't mean that you're not fucking gambling.

All this nonsense led me to realize that I'm still going to be facing challenges and finding ways to prove worth to myself in one way or another, but those challenges are naturally going to be different than they were a couple of years ago. I know that this isn't exactly a complex conclusion, but there's just something about saying it for the first time. And hey, if I really need that stupid classes and exams bullshit, I can just go back for my PhD.

Bottom line: maybe this is one of the first steps in actually starting to feel like a goddamn adult (yes, adult, even if cartoons are involved). Sure, graduation, the job, the mortgage, were all helping move me in that direction, but, I dunno, I just haven't felt like I'm actually getting somewhere new.

Of course, as part of this passage into the next phase, I'm entering the mystical land of the "real world." Unlike the annoying MTV show, however, this is actual reality TV. Without, of course, having it on TV. Oh yeah, the "real world" that every adult warned me about for so long. The "real world" that they told me to stay in school in spite of and to avoid at all costs for as long as possible. Yup, the real world, or as I like to affectionately call it, "the big time."

Another thing I realized is that (I think) I'm getting a feel for the essence of why everyone said to avoid this as long as I could. It's not just the dealing with shit, but the worry and the anxiety that comes along with it all. You grow up watching your parents, and you know they're dealing with some shit. But still, having a job, paying the bills, dealing with stuff all seems automatic. Regardless, you feel confident that everything's going to be fine; they're adults, they're not going to screw up or have something bad happen to them. Of course, the image holds because you can't see what they've got going in their minds, you can't see that they're worried about the same shit I'm worrying about now. Okay, maybe this isn't how it was for everyone, but I think this is how I felt.

Naturally, I take the worry and anxiety to unnecessary levels. I just moved into the new place, and I'm already paranoid about having to move out in the near future. I wander around the house telling myself "You know, I really like this place. I hope I don't fucking lose it." Once again, this is who I am and what I do. Irritating, yet sometimes strangely amusing.

Yeah, the big time, indeed. And yes, the beginning. I haven't yet had to spend years dealing with the job and constant obligations like a mortgage. Again, that doesn't really scare me right now (we'll see how we feel about it further down the line, of course), it's not being able to do that which scares me. I'll deal with all that shit, just please, please let me feel like I've actually gotten somewhere. And I have gotten somewhere, and I know this - just like I said at the outset of this post. I just don't want to have to go back, even though I know that a bunch of shit stands ahead of me.

I think Happy Bunny puts it best: "School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks."

Alright, this post is unraveling with a quickness. Not that it didn't start off in shambles, but it's getting worse. There's a whole 'nother part I wrote up that I'm 86'ing for now; if you're unlucky it'll be a follow-on to this piece of shit.

You'd think that the Miss Teen USA pageant would be a total whack-fest for me, but it isn't. I don't even follow or watch this shit, but still manage to hear about it in one way or another. Apparently, bitching about this pageant is becoming a yearly tradition. This year's crop was less than stellar once again. Yeah, there were some who were okay and a couple that were genuinely hot, that's about it. Like John Kerry says: America can do better. Except that we can't, because we're stupid.

What the fuck is up with this? Is it just some kind of bullshit guilt complex? The people in charge of this shit must have had a meeting where someone said "Ummm, ah, you know, maybe we shouldn't be putting teenage girls on display in bathing suits and stuff, so, uhhhhh, we can make up for it by putting up mostly unattractive ones."

Of course, that doesn't excuse all the other pageants out there that never get it right, not just the Underage Poon Pageant. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have sex with a lot of the contestants in these pageants since, frankly, I am not in a position where it's practical to be all that choosy (that doesn't mean I have no standards, mind you, EE or not). Still, it's not like many of them are what we'd call top-tier, at least in the superficiality department. When it comes to non-superficialities, though, they're all winners - I know that each and every one is really smart.

If by some miracle there are a few hotties in any of these contests, they're pretty much guaranteed not to win. I know, I know, this is all coming down to my personal tastes and preferences, but fuck that: I have good, nay, the best, taste in everything.

Things are so bad that when it comes to U.S. pageants I had to come up with my own scheme for picking a winner: give it to Miss New Jersey. Even if she's not the hottest or even hot to begin with (although MNJ from Miss America a couple of years ago was very hot; naturally she didn't win), just give it to her since everyone from New Jersey hates themselves, their lives, and their state, and they deserve to have at least one thing go right for them in their miserable existences. Except for that chick from That 70's Show, because she fucking loves her home state for some reason.

But yeah, none of the women/girls in these shows are ever all that hot. Damn near all of them are too fucking tall, goddammit. And for Chirst's sake, give them some fucking food. Of course, I came up with ideas upon ideas for better contests, and I'll be getting to those real soon now (RSN).

Yes, of course, these pageants are sexist and shallow and blah blah blah. We're a shallow society, and we all like looking at pretty people, men and women alike. When we're going to go shallow - as we so often do - we should at least get it right. I know what you're saying: "But these pageants are evil! They make ugly people feel bad about themselves!" When it comes to that, all I can say is to just to what I do: get used to it. And besides, some of you out there may very well be attractive, so shut the fuck up!

"The Garden State? Yeah, sure. If you're growing smokestacks yes."
- Carlin

The Colorado Rockies find the cure for cancer.

I don't know what the most pathetic aspect of this is: that "lez" was such a big deal, that we actually have a Scrabble championship, that there's a National Scrabble Association, or that anyone had an actual "emergency meeting" over a game of Scrabble. There are probably about a billion more things I could list, but I don't have time since I have to hurry and get my ass to the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship.

It is the year 2000. But where are the flying cars? I was PROMISED flying cars. I don't see any flying cars. Why? Why? Why?

MSN search:

Prosilon

For anyone not in the know (meaning, anyone who hasn't been subjected to about a billion of these fucking commercials), Prosilon is one of those stupid products for "natural" "male enhancement." Some herbal shit that supposedly allows you to (finally) get your monster wang on.

This, in and of itself, does not make for an amusing search. The search becomes amusing, however, as its origin was nasa.gov. Look, I know you guys occasionally have trouble "getting it up," but the things you need to get up aren't what Prosilon is targeting.

The end of the (crap) line.

For once, I'm thinking maybe he didn't mis-speak. At best, this is a Freudian slip.

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Bush's misstatement "just shows even the most straightforward and plain-spoken people misspeak."

"Straightforward"? "Plainspoken"? I think the word phrase you're looking for is RETARDED. Or, if you prefer, FUCKING RETARDED.

"But the American people know this president speaks with clarity..."

Is McClellan trying to write our jokes for us? It's always fucking irritating to see (apparently) educated people saying shit they know to be patently false. Bush speaks with the "clarity" of Porky Pig in all his stuttering glory. Coupled with some kind of learning disability.

We'll take the Central.... Next year.

So I've all but given up on getting my shit together and adding new links to 'blogs that are kind enough to link me. This is partly out of laziness, and partly because fucking Technorati now shows not only the links other people make to my 'blog, but also the links my blog makes to my 'blog. Namely, all the archive links on the front page. That makes it a pain in the ass to sift through and find actual incoming links. Now, I could switch to "archive monthly" to try and bring the signal-to-noise ratio up, but fuck that. Technorati's the one that sucks; why should I have to change?

Now that I think about it, not wanting to sift though the self-links also counts as laziness. Earth to short bitch: What is your fault? This is!

Anyway, maybe someday I'll get back on it and add to that list of links. Until then, this 'blog gets special mention. If for no other reason, I'm linking on the strength of this post about her cat, who she refers to as "Arthur, King of the Kittons." That's... Quite possibly the funniest thing ever. "Do not taunt happy fun blog" is a great line. And there seems to be a decent amount of drinking involved just on the front page, which we always like to see. Alas, the 'blogmaster is a Cards fan, so that ends that romance.

The joys of broad generalizations

Google search:

imitation crab california rolls pregnancy

Okay, so this is the second time I've gotten this search hit, and I still don't know what the fuck it's about. I really don't care enough beyond then initial amusement factor to actually find out. I presume that it's either some kind of craving thing, or you can somehow get knocked up from California rolls made with imitation crab. If it's the former, then all you preggo bitches can head my way, because I make a mean California roll, the not-anywhere-near-famous "Horse Cock" roll (patent pending).

Nice. It's not every day that I get a reasonable excuse to use the word "preggo" in normal conversation. Even though this is neither.

While spending six seconds trying to find out what the hell this is about, I came across this messageboard. Okay, so I can understand pregnant women wanting someplace to go for support and shit like that. But the need to share sonograms and how far along you are and what kind of cretin you're having and blah blah blah is nothing but sick, self-important shit.

Oh, and while we're at it, like Bill Maher says: pregnant women aren't sexy. There's nothing wrong with being pregnant, unless of course if you're stupid and/or about to give birth to yet another stupid child. But if a guy says pregnant women are sexy, he's probably bullshitting.

As far as I'm concerned, Get Smart is, like, the best TV show ever. So they had better not fuck this up. I can't decide yet if Steve Carell works or not, but he does work better than Wil Ferrell who, while a fucking genius, is not Maxwell Smart.