Get your Chicago, err, what the hell are we getting on again?

Calling all freaks.

As a forewarning, this post is a collaborative effort between BLM, ETP, and BOETP. Hereafter referred to as a Spike Lee Joint.

So yeah, this past weekend was NDK weekend in Denver. NDK is Denver's anime con, forever destined to be shitty since it is, well, Denver. For the none of you who care, here's what BLM had to say about last year's con. Let's see how the aftermath of this con compares to the previous con, shall we?

To start, why does NDK blow such hard ass? Well, for one, Denver is a nice place to live, but no one wants to fucking come here. Basically because there's nothing to do here but play with your prick and eat at Wendy's until the end of time. Maybe mix in some People magazine. Nabeshin wouldn't be caught dead here, that's for sure. We could probably get more Japanese guests here for the con if we were put in charge of entertaining them, though. We have no social skills just like all the people who are involved in making anime, and we are down with drinking and looking at schoolgirls and leg fetish photos. We all know that this list pretty much sums up Japan's raison d'être. But does the con tap the resources available to them? Shit no.

In addition to being in Denver, NDK is held at a completely irrelevant time as far as everyone is concerned. The con is also run by this fat stupid bitch who really needs to bathe (and once made a reference to cooking that probably didn't have any relevance to anything). You know, an anime fan.

NDK never can and never will be the glory that is ACen, that's for damn sure. You know, the con we showed up at, shopped at, went to one whole event at, and then blew off because we were in FUCKING CHICAGO. In the short lived battle of Chicago vs. Anime... Chicago Wins! (Excellent.) Partially because it's one of the greatest cities in the U.S., but also because, as a population, anime fans kind of have a sour milk, urine and BO stench to them. We've demonstrated that we can find a way to handle unpleasantries like that for reasonable periods of time, but when stacked up against Chicago, we're going with Chicago.

Back to NDK... Alright, so we had fucking plans. That's unheard of; we hardly ever plan shit. But it was like, yeah. BLM'll get off work early and pick up mom and dad since it's their day off, dooode. We'll get down to the con, get a Friday admission pass, hit the dealer's room, and get the hell out of there and never look back.

We were ON IT. Doin' it in style, too. We show up in BLM's Audi, with two-thirds of us decked out with the power of The Horse, the other a walking billboard for BLM (and it wasn't BLM; lazy little shit can't even be bothered to do his own self-promotion). ETP had the "It's never going to be good again" t-shirt coupled with a "Visors Are For Losers" visor. Next to him is his wife in her Ralph visor, a juxtaposition that was fucking sweet. We were just dying for some dipshit to come up and say "Uhhh, you say that visors are for losers, but your wife is wearing a visor." To which we would have said something like "Yeah asshole, thanks for getting the joke -- or becoming it."

Anyway, as we go to get into the queue (let's get some British flair in here...) for admission, we see a familiar sight -- a huge fucking line. A nice long one coming out of the hotel and snaking around the corner. Each and every one of us (that's including all you fuckers) is a big fan of certain long, snaking things -- you just NEED it! -- but this wasn't one of those certain things.

This was also change-up from last year, where the registration line was all inside and in a different part of the hotel. That was a much better option than this year's stupid fucking idea. Yeah, let's take a bunch of bloody unwashed anime fans... And let them bake in ninety-plus-degree heat. Sure, it sucks being stuck indoors in line with these scumbags, but at least the environment in there isn't doing as much to exacerbate the situation. Not to mention inside we would have access to booze (pronounced boo-zay) at the nearby hotel bar if the situation required... Which it probably definitely would!

So we're like, fuck this. Let's go get some food and see if maybe things have started moving by the time we get back (knowing full well that they wouldn't). We hop the street over to Qdoba's. ETP brings up the fact that Qdoba's sells beer. Should we start drinking before the con? Yes, we should start drinking before the con. In fact, there's a liquor store next door; we might be back. Why didn't we bring our flasks?

After eating, drinking, and probably making people at nearby tables wonder why we were using phrases like "child fucker," we head back to get in line once again. On approach to the hotel, we immediately see someone wearing a costume that they have no business wearing. Along with the general odor, this is one of the worst things about any anime con. Not only are you surrounded by a bunch of fat ugly people who are way bigger losers than you are, but a bunch of them think they're all hot and clever with their costumes on their horrible bodies.

This particular, uh, whatever you want to call it, thought that it would be a good idea to show off her thunder-thighs in a leotard... I'll let that image sink in for a moment so you can get to where we're at... There it is. Look, bottom line is that if you don't look something like this or this, you have no business doing any kind of cosplay. The sad part is that even if they were not in a costume they would still offend the eyes because people do not dress for their body type. If you don't have a good body, cover it the fuck up.

To sum up the whole cosplay experience, which truly is for sucks: STOP THAT!! STOP THAT SHIT!!!! Either stay the fuck home, or put on a goddamn beekeeper suit.

Okay, sure, there are a couple of people that can float, but for the most part the genre sucks. The best you can hope for -- when it comes to the women, at least -- is for a girl who has an average to decent body but a face that looks like it took the brunt of Hurricane Ivan. Otherwise, maybe a couple of costumes that look cool and/or actually clever, but that's as good as it gets.

As always, getting a bit off-track here. Thirty minutes after seeing patient zero of bad cosplay -- once the vomiting and shakes died down -- we made our way to the back of the line. After about six seconds, BLM decides to scout on ahead and see if it looked like there was any movement at the head of the line or not. While seeing that there wasn't, he notices another line at the other side of the hotel, which he realizes is for pre-regs. They're not moving either. Fantastic.

Why the fuck do cons always pull this shit? If someone goes through the trouble of pre-registering, just send them their fucking badges. One of the only logical reasons we could come up with for not doing that is because they don't want people making copies or some shit, but there are ways around that. If cost is an issue, just build it into the ticket price. Whatever the case, it's ridiculous to make people stand in line when they helped your ass out by paying in advance. Even ACen fucked this up horribly, and we're tired of it. We're flaming pissed about it and we didn't even pre-reg for this con.

Anyway, BLM gets back in line, and shortly thereafter stupid people start talking to us. The first was this utterly atrocious specimen with teeth that made the Japanese and the British look like dental and orthodontic masters (... and now let's rip on the British). We start talking about how bad the line sucks, and she's like "It's a great time to make friends!" To which BLM replies that we really don't care much for friends. Then she talks about how we should have pre-registered! To which BLM replies (smooth as shit through a duck's-ass like; seriously, he wasn't even up from tying his shoe when he got the line out and damn... it turned ETP on) that the pre-reg line looks like hell, too. "But you don't have to fill out any forms!" Yeah, the forms that ETP and BOETP had to fill out last year which took all of ten seconds.

ETP makes the mistake of asking about how long the line is, and someone else starts in with how it's going to be an hour or two and blah blah blah and last year blah blah blah and some shit about pandas. ETP apparently tuned out the part about pandas and now wishes he told the girl about the time he killed a panda because it looked at him funny. Fuck pandas... And bees! Upon reflection, perhaps BLM made up the part about pandas because he was trying desperately to tune the bitch out as well. But none of us would be surprised if that's how it went down. Upon further reflection, BOETP has indeed confirmed some nonsense about pandas having been in there.

Flashback to White Castle: "I'm done." ETP makes the final judgment on what BLM has been calling for, and we pile into the Yuppiemobile and get the fuck out of there. Which, to be honest, was better in a lot of ways, just like Portillos was better in a lot of ways. To start, we could all do with cutting back on the discretionary spending. Sure, each of us went in with a short list of stuff we were looking to buy, but the past two cons we really went into with no list -- and we all know how that shit turned out: with mountains of legally-sanctioned, thinly-veiled child pornography!

In addition to the monetary benefits, it was probably for the better just in terms of general mental health. Not being bombarded with the aforementioned awful cosplayers for the rest of the day was a definite plus. In addition to just plain not wanting to get sick, there's always the potential that you can see something so incredibly awful that it can ruin something you really, really like -- such as girls in sailor schoolgirl outfits. There are quite a few of those running around any anime con, but of course they're almost entirely low-quality outfits on correspondingly low-quality gai-jin girls. BLM has become kind of a purist on this whole sailor girl thing; unless if you're A) Japanese (or at least Asian since they all, uh, nevermind) and B) cute, you're probably just wasting our time and quite possibly our lunch.

Things smelled a whole hell of a lot better, and we didn't have to deal without all of the morons talking about things only they and their loser friends think are important... SHUT UP BITCH!!! This is something we never do, and would appreciate everyone else knocking it the fuck off.

Once we high-tail it out of there, we're like, now what? We came all the way out here, so no sense wasting the day. BOETP suggests doing something pretentious -- we're good at that. So we head down to Cherry Creek, an upscale (for Denver) shopping district. BLM is just itching to check out the brand-new Crate & Barrel, BOETP needs to see the new fall Ralph line, and ETP needs Tweekend because, let's face it, that's the name of the game. Plus there's plenty of other shit in the area to hit, so we go ahead with our Creek plan, and yeah, it's better. By day's end, we've spent next to nothing. Sure, we went around looking at things like furniture and stereo equipment, but we didn't buy any of it. In the end, the con helped ETP and BOETP save some cash for other high-end merchandise that they're going to buy, and it helped BLM save money for shit that he's already bought.

By day's end, we felt pretty successful. Minimal money spent, only a few dipshits and awful cosplayers seen. All we could do was look at one another and say, "Good con guys!"

Oh, and just because BOETP wants to say it: "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS!!! LET ME KNOW HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU!!!"

Speaking of sterilized bullshit... Look, I understand not wanting to wallow in victimhood and all, but pretending shit didn't happen doesn't change what happened. I also find it slightly distasteful having a museum in the capitol of the country that was founded on the near annihilation of the people whose "history" the museum is putting on display.

Man, if I were even slightly in touch with my Indian roots, I might be even more irritated by this. But I don't really have any credibility there seeing as how I can never even remember what tribe my family descends from. Of course, I could swear that the reason for that is because every time I ask my grandmother, the answer is different. But it's probably just that I'm a forgetful shit.

Quick adventure in racism for 'ya. This one kid I knew back in high school started calling me Running Bear for some reason at one point. This was before he knew that I had Indian blood in me (yes, I'm going to keep using the non-pc term, partly because I can... that's what my family uses, so fuck everyone else). Once he found out that I was part Indian, he felt pretty bad. But he didn't give a shit before he knew (part of) my lineage. I've mentioned this kid before; he's a good guy for the most part. He was (and still is) just way too fucking white.

The two campaigns have agreed on rules for the upcoming debates. And yeah, those'll be bullshit, too. I'm biased, of course, but can't help but think that a good deal of those rules were lobbied hard for by Team Bush in an effort to keep him looking as not retarded as possible.

I'm telling you, someone at The Onion has been reading my site. That, or, not. I also cared a great deal for this comment in the "What Do You Think?" on antidepressant use in children, which some say actually causes kids to kill themselves:

"Kids with depression see through all the bullshit that everyone else accepts. The Prozac just gives them the clarity of mind to follow through with what they need to do."

"September 11 has served not as a starting point from which to better understand the world but as an excuse not to understand it at all."

Yeah, pretty much.

Hey, what's up? Let's get shit rolling again around here by posting a link on a combination we can all get on board with: booze and guns.

And now for something a little less doom-and-gloom (well, depending on how you look at it): someone actually bought one of these. I don't know who the buyer is (it wasn't anyone I know), but if they actually put this to use, then they are my fucking hero for this week. I may never sell anything ever again in that shop, but at this point I consider it a resounding success just for having sold one of the un-sellables.

For anyone like me who's a fan of a woman's right to choose, better enjoy any pro-choice victories (small or otherwise) while we can. If Bush gets a second term, I don't think there's any way that we can avoid one or more Supreme Court justices retiring (or just dying on us). Once Bush puts a right-wing, anti-abortion justice on the bench, it will only be a matter of time before anti-abortion cases with a good chance of success make their way to the Court.

Of course, that's just one thing that could potentially go south if the Supreme Court changes shape under Bush. The Democrats, I think, would actually fight hard on any far-right nominations Bush tries to make. They've fought some of Bush's more questionable nominees, although they've approved the vast majority of his other picks (something the Republicans won't tell you when they cry "unconstitutional!" over a handful of filibusters). I would hope they'd step up to the plate if the Supreme Court were at stake, but you never know. Plus, even if the Ds fight any nominations, Team Bush will just find a way to install whoever they want anyway.

Why the Democrats aren't making a bigger deal of the Supreme Court issue is beyond me. Well, I suppose the idea of the Supreme Court and what it does is kinda abstract and far-removed for most people, but of course, most people are stupid.

Yeah, and it looks like someone spent about a bajillion minutes compiling worthless statistics.

"Economists and social scientists hope the study can be used as a first step toward putting a dollar amount on unpaid work to help measure total economic output, income and productivity -- as well as gauge Americans' quality of life."

I know what this line makes you want to say. "Wo ho ho, Bitter Little Man! See? It's not all worthless!" Yes it is; it's still fucking stupid. Here's the deal: if you do anything that heavily involves statistics, you're a loser and your job sucks. Whatever you produce is meaningless. Quantum mechanics is exempt because A) these are my bullshit rules and B) quantum is fucking harsh.

Say what you want about China, but they apparently don't fuck around when it comes to corporate criminals. Now, I'm not saying that we should start executing corporate crooks, but... Yes I am. I'm saying that we should start executing corporate crooks.

I'm decidedly less optimistic than I was the night Bush gave his speech. Go figure that that would die out. It's probably due in part to the fact that it's just way too late for people on the left to be telling Kerry things like this. It's not bad that people are telling him this stuff, it's bad that Kerry just doesn't seem to get it.

The only hope I have for a turnaround at this point is the debates. I'm hoping that Kerry can at least show what a fucking retard Bush is. Of course, people in this country identify with retards. After all, the debates did nothing to help Gore, and in lots of ways hurt him. People see Gore, who's at least reasonably intelligent but rather wooden (although his dry sense of humor fucking kicks ass -- no sarcasm for once), and then they see Bush, a man who makes them feel better about their own low intellect.

Yeah, we're screwed.

Taking a cue from events like the Reichstag fire and 9/11, Vladimir Putin is using recent shocking events to make a move.

"In Vietnam George Bush had an exit strategy."
- Bill Maher on why Iraq isn't Vietnam

AOL search:

romance stories women fucking dogs

Yeah, nothing says romance like... Dog fucking.

I haven't updated the sailor schoolgirl site in, I dunno, about a hundred years, so I got on that today. Like usual, I'd apologize, but it's not like anyone has been clamoring for updates. I just keep letting things fall by the wayside there, and not just out of laziness. The thing is, traffic there is pretty much self-sustaining thanks to a few semi-permanent links I've gotten out there in addition to search engines. As such, I can go a month-and-a-half without doing shit and traffic is still just fine. As opposed to this site, where if I go more more than six seconds without posting traffic dies.

One reason I haven't been too motivated to update is because I've already burned through quite a few of the sets that I wanted to post. I'm picking up a new sailor girl set somewhere online every now and then, but not as many as I'd hope for. One might think that I've just got all of the sailor schoolgirl stuff out there, but one doesn't know about Japan if that's the case. It's more on the scanning community than on me or Japan, as far as I'm concerned. Scanners: get on it.

Part of the issue here isn't necessarily that I don't have stuff to post, it's just that a lot of what I've got in stock right now is just random collections of images, as opposed to a full series of one girl or other. I've always been a big fan of series pics, because it's nice having multiple shots of the same model to jerk off to. I like to look at that as having a sense of commitment. Still, I have some ideas to incorporate the mish-mash of non-series stuff that I've got. Maybe if the well runs completely dry I'll bust some of that out.

Another reason why I'm not very inclined to do updates is because most of my sailor schoolgirl stuff is on my desktop machine, which I have barely used at all ever since I got wireless going at home. It's a pain in the ass to go upstairs, turn that fucker on, and wait as it heats up that entire floor of the house (it's running on a Thunderbird Athlon; anyone familiar with those bad boys knows just how thermally well-behaved they are) just to add a new gallery. Okay, this particular reason sounds suspiciously like laziness.

Speaking of laziness, John and I have been tossing around ideas for a new site, but you know how things go when it comes to us getting a project up and running. Did someone say 7%?

So yeah, that's what's been up with all that. For anyone with such leanings, have fun with the lastest update.

Rock you like a hurricane

Note to news organizations: I don't give a fuck about all these bloody hurricanes. At least, not to the point you think I should. You don't need to be covering them non-stop, up the ass, in a row, back-to-back, like this. Hey, we all like seeing others suffering and shit being destroyed. But enough already. The only people who have a burning need to know about the hurricanes don't need pictures on TV; they're stuck looking at it out their windows.

I had some interest in one the first big one, the one they called The VC, since it was potentially going to hit close to some relatives. But that's about it when it comes to my interest, and I didn't need to see stuff about any of the hurricanes plastered all over everything.

Seriously, the past few weeks have been nothing but hurricanes and Republicans. There's only so much human misery that I can take before I'm out.

For some reason, this Penny Arcade strip keeps coming up in conversation.

He came here a boy, and left a man

Since some sissy was playing Sims -- ERRR -- doing homework, tonight was boys' night out . For once, it was actually spent out, as opposed to just sitting around at someone's house playing videogames. Okay, there was some Kart action towards the end of the night, but that was after the running around. And what did we do while we were out? Drive.

First up with ETP's RSX. Since I'm still shaky on a real manual, I toyed around with it for awhile. Then the real fun (mostly for him, some for me) began. See, where I live, I'm on the edge of some farm country. Which means there are lots of straight, narrow roads that aren't patrolled by cops. He got her up to 110 and... Yeah. That just sounded pretty. Felt neat, too. You could tell just by the wet spots in both our pants.

Next up was the Audi. Yeah, I've still got the PussyStick Wagon. Of course, that thing doesn't have the raw power of the RSX. It can move pretty well, but it's still fucking crippled thanks to the automatic, even especially with Audi's PussyStick implementation. Instead of speed trials, it was time to try out the handling. Hey, I don't have all-wheel drive on a regular basis, so fuck it. Let's try out some windy roads. Oh, and throw in hand brake turns just for good measure.

Hey, even if we were being... Somewhat reckless, we're still the smart kids. We're out where no one else is, and we saved the drinking for afterwards. Now I just need to get myself a fast car with a real transmission and actually learn to drive the fucking thing, and we can troll around town fucking with high-schoolers in their souped-up rigs. Yeah, that won't end badly.

Ahhh... Hot engines and warm tires. Nothing quite like it.

This appears to be the Neocon weapon of choice for when they get caught. "Hey, I didn't do anything wrong. I was misled." That's rapidly becoming the "Hey, she told me she was 18" of business and government crime denial.

You're not from Brighton

Last weekend we found ourselves wondering what Norman has been up to for the past few years, and now we know.

Well, fuck. There's one more thing I'll have to buy in October. Hopefully Palookaville will be better than his last effort, Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars. Which wasn't bad, it's just that it was nowhere near as good as Better Living Through Chemistry or You've Come a Long Way, Baby. But of course, HBGS did produce "Weapon of Choice," and, more importantly, the video with Christopher Walken. A video that is nearly the best ever, second only to Norman's video for "Gangster Tripping." That video literally has everything. Well, everything you need, anyway. "Exploding furniture, an exploding toilet... All this video needs is a hot chick. Oh, and there's a hot chick. Thank you Norman!"

The validity of some of the documents recently released about Bush's service has come into question. From what I understand, though, Team Bush hasn't really said much to refute the supposed forgeries. You'd think they'd be all over that shit, so someone is up to something. As if that wasn't obvious.

Yeah, the Vietnam shit just won't die, and it's fucking retarded. Even if the 60 Minutes documents are fakes, it doesn't really matter, does it? It should be plainly obvious to anyone who gives it more than two seconds of thought that Bush avoided fighting in 'Nam by going into the Guard. And hey, I don't exactly blame Bush -- I'd do the exact same fucking thing if I were faced with that situation and I had his options. Of course, likening someone's actions to what I would do (WWBLMD?) under those same circumstances isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of someone's patriotism or heroism.

Krugman gets shrill.

It's not Saturday yet

Nice to see congress wasting time on shit like this. I don't even care if it's a nice gesture, stuff like this doesn't do a fucking thing. Seriously, the House better not have spent more than five minutues on that resolution, because it's not like our intelligence system needs to be overhauled or anything.

Alright, so the 9/11 anniversary is coming up. I know, dooode, you nearly totally forgot about it! Because it hasn't gotten any coverage lately (The Onion put it most succinctly in this week's edition).

Here's my challenge to everyone out there: just avoid as much media coverage as you can. TV, radio, newspapers, whatever. No, I'm not trying to be all clever with some kind of boycott here. A) The six people who read this site aren't a big enough force to make any kind of impact and B) even if I did reach what you could call a "sizable audience," a one-day boycott isn't going to do a fucking thing in terms of "hitting them where it hurts." Can we get another bullshit phrase in quotes here? "Sure."

No, don't do it to be clever or to have a meaningless impact, do it for the same reason I do it every 9/11: for your own sanity. Go do something productive and non-exploitative: look at some porn, shoot someone in the ass with a dart gun, molest a child, do what you gotta do. Just don't blame me if you do something stupid like, say, molest a child.

Oh, but wait! We have to "Remember." Yeah, because we're all going to forget that horrific day that changed oh-so-much without some dipshit redneck's or soccer mom's bumpersticker. Or, in case if that's not enough, wall-to-fucking-wall coverage containing images that are already burned into our fucking minds.

Yeah, this Saturday, I'm out. In fact, I think I'll "celebrate" by going out and doing one thing that 9/11 was supposed to teach us to migrate away from but in the end didn't: I'm going to hang out with my friends making fun of America and being a selfish, self-centered, consumer asshole. Nevermind the fact that Bush himself advocated going out and being a consumer asshole in the wake of 9/11. Whaddya want from that guy, leadership and inspiration?

This is really fucking stupid. Here are a handful of reasons as to why this is a fucking waste of time and money (and yes, time is money); I'm sure you can come up with more:

1. If the scanner goes off, you can talk your way out of it. Damn, just when I thought that the three biq questions were tough enough, they show me that we can go way further.
2. We'll scan residue from people's hands, but we still won't bother scanning checked-in luggage.
3. The time wasted questioning all those false positives could be spent, I dunno, doing "security" things.

Don't worry everyone, we're really safe.