Well, here's another one: Totally Looks Like... A sampling:


Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force totally looks like Khalid Shaikh Mohammed



Flava Flav, rapper and reality television star totally looks like Stripe from Gremlins



Senator Fred Thompson totally looks like Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters 2


And the most awesome one I've found yet:


Reporter Clark Kent totally looks like Superman

Yes, exactly

Dude calm down. I like looking at teenagers as much as the next guy but I'm pretty sure he busted a nut at least once while writing that article. And if I of all people am calling you out on this front then you should probably check yourself.

Gymnastics is about the only sport I can even come close to giving a fuck about at the Summer Olympics. It's no figure skating though, but of course that goes without saying because they don't have Sasha Cohen. Hell figure skating doesn't even have Sasha anymore since she's moving on to other areas of being fucking hot, but I do still enjoy the sport for what it is.

Even if I'm not as stoked, gymnastics, both men's and women's (women, right), can definitely be interesting to watch. For the men, here's me every time I'm watching one of them in competition: "Holy crap that guy's really strong." Then of course there are the "women" who never can be women because they trade going through puberty in exchange for awesome athletic ability (I found out at one point that I'm actually serious without knowing it when I say that, too). Watching them it's like, holy fuck. What they are, really, is just well-built little girls. I'm honestly not even sure I find that attractive -- stop laughing -- but either way you've gotta tip your hat to it.

Alright, so my 'blog has pretty much just degenerated into a site that's dedicated to linking picture caption sites. The latest is Pundit Kitchen, an ICHC-esque and ICHC affiliated site with a political slant.

I CAN HAS SHITTY BEER?

Man this post has been brewing for like two hours. And I nearly used the phrase "piss water" up there in the title but to use that phrase to refer to the star of this post is an insult to piss everywhere.

Budweiser is pretty much the worst shit ever invented. I drank a full Bud one time and it was pretty much the worst experience of my life. Provided it were moderately clean I would rather lick an asshole than drink another Scuzzweiser. Shit, even if it's not that clean there's still gonna be some debate as to whether I'm tossing a salad or tossing back a Bud. I'd say that I don't understand the swill's popularity but I do because I understand that people are dumb and have no taste.

"I was actually drinking a Bud Light when I heard, and I couldn't even finish it. That's the honest-to-God truth"

What? Why? This may be the dumbest fucking thing ever uttered. Are you such a racist douche that hearing news about foreigners taking over the brand somehow changed the taste mid-beer? Dude they're not even black. Did magical little Euro elves jump into your beer at that very moment and sour the taste? How do you sour that taste, anyway? If I were an optimist I could say that maybe the news made him critically analyze what he was putting into his mouth, making him realize "Hey! This tastes like shit!" Yeah. Optimist.

"I was proud to drink Budweiser, not any more"

What? Why? This may be the dumbest fucking thing ever uttered.

... who said the brew is "a great piece of American history."

Then American history is finally, officially, total shit.

And of course some asshole has to come up with a song:

"America is not for sale..."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"All you hard-working Americans stand up and show some class," the song continues, "Have a drink with Mother Freedom, and tell InBev to kiss your glass."

Yeah, wow. Class. Toby Keith would be is proud. If you want to brew your own Budweiser (AKA puking in a glass), be sure to click the link and watch that d-bag sing his song.

"You don't mess with a good thing"

Nah, forget it, that one's too easy.

"I think there will be somewhat of a backlash; I would anticipate initially that people will be furious and stop drinking it. Maybe after six months, though, they'll switch back."

We can only hope that some of them will discover what actual beer tastes like in the meantime. Actually, no, fuck that. If you want to drink shit, fuck you. You deserve it.

"There's nothing inherently wrong with the taste of Budweiser.

...

"We've kind of lost a part of our history here and all across the United States," he said.

Shut the fuck up honky. It's freaking beer. EXCEPT THAT IT ISN'T.

There's no better way to close out this post than with one of my favorite jokes:

The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Anheuser-Busch orders a Bud, the CEO of Miller gets a Miller, the head of Coors orders a Coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn. He orders a soda.

"Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks.

Guinness replies, "If you guys aren't having beer, then neither will I."

FAIL

Over at ICHC I came across this one:




That then led me to this site. I don't know if you will laugh as hard as I did, but if you do then you will be in pain and crying.

There are quite a few funny ones there, but here are some math-related fails I felt that I needed to document. For instance, here's someone who thinks they know why we don't have more women in math & sciences:




Technically he did what was asked...




Yeah it gets that way sometimes (I could be wrong but I think this next one was stolen from somewhere; possibly XKCD):




And finally, some geometry:




I think what really makes that one is the potentially loaded "see me" statement.

I need to go find something else to do, because this is getting out of control.

I am just feeling it right now. No, I'm not beating off, but who else out there remembers SkiFree?

In case you are feeling the urge to maximize your "awwwwwwww" you can also check out Cute Overload. Whatever you do, don't read the captions, just look at the pictures. Nothing kills cute faster than stupid.

Oh yeah and while I'm keeping up my dork street cred I should post a link to LOLTrek, where somebody went and did the original Star Trek episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" LOL-style.

plz tel me u iz not postin bout dis

I don't know why I find lolcats so funny but I do. In fact, I don't need to know why it's funny, I just need to know that it's funny. Dumb, but entertaining. I go back and forth between laughing:




And "awwwwwwwwwwwww":




Quite possibly even better is that someone has taken this meme (I fucking hate that word and am ashamed I used it) and turned it into a programming language. No, that's not a typo. How the fuck could you make a typo like that anyway? Get off my ass.

Seriously, this is fucking hilarious. Here's the ubiquitous "Hello World":

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
VISIBLE "HAI WORLD!"
KTHXBYE

Mix in some file I/O:

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
PLZ OPEN FILE "LOLCATS.TXT"?
     AWSUM THX
          VISIBLE FILE
     O NOES
          INVISIBLE "ERROR!"
KTHXBYE

And of course we gotta be able to do basic flow control:

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAS A VAR
IM IN YR LOOP
     UP VAR!!1
     IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 10? KTHX
     VISIBLE VAR
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
KTHXBYE

If you have read this far, and you are not a dork, you don't need to know why this is funny, you just need to know that it's funny. KTHXBYE

Quite possibly the best Slashdot sig ever:

Even Jesus hates listening to Creed.

When I read stories like this, I'm not exactly sure how to react. Okay, well if you've been here long enough, and I mean really really long enough (holy fuck it has been over five years), you know what my initial reaction is. Old FUCKING SERIAL KILLER DUDE lands himself a hot, way younger girl. I'm not banging 20-year-olds and I'm not even 30 yet, so why should he be? Okay maybe he technically isn't unless if he gets conjugal visits but you know what I mean.

On the other hand, holy Hell, why the fuck would I want a bitch that gorram stupid anyway?

You know those people who think they see the image of Jesus or Mary in random patterns and objects? Yeah don't ya just hate those ignorant cretins? Well at least they are good to make fun of.

The Lord or not that and nothing else will ever be able to top this:


That, of course, was ripped off from the late Crapmaster. After all these years (holy fuck it has been four years) the internet still sucks even more than it normally would without him around.

Finally, www.clownpenis.fart may become a reality.

Just to make sure we don't get too serious or anything, here's something mindless. A couple of days ago I came across a poll the Sun-Times is running, asking who's hotter, Cubs fans or Sox fans. You know, there's really not a whole lot better than a good-looking girl in Cubs gear. Unfortunately for us north-side faithful, by sheer numbers at least, the Sox apparently have us beat on this one. Well, either that or the hot Cub fans have something better to do than submit their pics to some ridiculous online poll. You know, like having sex.

Even if the numbers favor the Sox, quality always beats quantity. The world was set right when I came across this girl:


If for a moment we pretended that we live in a horrible world where the sailor schoolgirl uniform never existed, what you see above just might be the sexiest getup ever. Obviously a nice getup is wasted if what it's getting on isn't nice, but she's clearly got that taken care of. As if I really need an excuse to go, now I need to make a trip to Chicago to find this girl, since that wouldn't be, you know, A) difficult and B) creepy stalker shit.

Unfortunately, though, my new dreamgirl goes down in defeat once Soxman shows up:


You know what makes that extra sad? The guy on the left? Loser.

Saw this about a half hour ago. And yeah, that sucks. On one hand, though, I can't feel too bad. The guy had a helluva run. Denis Leary once referred to Carlin as "the Babe Ruth of comedy," and that's about as succinct as it gets. On the other hand, though, I got very sad for a moment when I thought about no more HBO specials, no more standup.

At this point a lot of people would say "rest in peace," but neither "rest" nor "peace" sound right for ol' George, and that's how it should be. But if there's an afterlife, which there isn't, I know Carlin is kickin' it with Twain and Lenny Bruce right now.

So the British counterpart to the TSA is apparently run by Megatron. It's OK though; they know what they're doing over there.

Either I posted this before or I meant to, 'cause it succinctly describes how I feel about politics right now. Obama more or less locked up the nomination; yank yank, squirt squirt. Can the Democrats please move on to their next abomination now? You know, like losing in November.

Wow, yeah. So... Stupid much?

Slightly creepy, yet amusing.

I'm really not sure what to think about this. On one hand, I'm about to get pissed, 'cause that's just fucking stupid. On the other hand, I haven't cared about Kombat for like a decade since the series has pretty much sucked since going 3-D, so why would I get worked up over this?

This just seems like such a dumbass idea, but what the fuck do I know. I mean, look at how successful Kingdom Hearts was. Seriously though, Disney + Final Fnatasy = Stupid. That's what I fucking know. And I know this, because Tyler knows this.

Just take a look at that picture. A stare-down between Sub-Zero and Batman.

Dude.

And I'm sure they are gonna be pussing out in some way or other when it comes to fatalities even if they aren't getting rid of them. If that ends up being the case, then Shortpacked! has already gotten that covered.

What makes Mortal Kombat Mortal Kombat is magical moves

What, you mean like four low kicks as a freaking combo? Actually that was pretty awesome, if for no other reason the sheer balls of including that. Man, I wish my N64 wasn't fucked up, 'cause I'd love to bust out some Trilogy right now.

More or less just for ETP's sake I'm going to reference this post, which sweet fucking Christ is nearly four years old. Looking back I think the most amusing thing in there is that, DOA games aside, I never got a single fucking one of those games mentioned.

Yup, all I do is blog about webcomics here. Another new one: A Softer World. Sometimes weird, sometimes sad, sometimes thoughtful, oftentimes funny. They're really not a fan of boundaries, either. Be sure to mouse over each comic to get that little pop-up text; half the time the best joke is in that text. A sampling:

Horticulture
Beauty
Art
Having fun
Asking for it
Super powers
Dares
Onion-esque picture choices
Boobs
Mr. Z
Positive thinking
Making your mark
Pacifism
Smooth operator
Religion

And my favorite:
Celebration

Cracked list: 9 Devices That Are Clearly Compensating for a Small Penis.

That led me to another list, Liberal Guilt Justified: 6 Creepy Mail Order Bride Websites.

That further led me to spend too much time perusing ads on Anastasia-International.com. I refuse to believe that that many good-looking girls are having that much trouble finding a guy or getting out of their country or whatever. But maybe. Either way the whole mail-order-bride thing isn't off the table.

I at least need to mention that the site is based in Bangor, Maine.

Another reason I'm not buying into that site, even if it's as reputable as they're likely to get (which isn't saying much), is 'cause it seemed like there were about five different names that all of them had. Natalia, Anastasia, Irina, Elena, Ekaterina... All really lovely names but surely girls are given a wider variety of names over there. Like usual I'm probably exaggerating but it seemed that way at one point.

Another name that popped up a lot was Olga, a name I've never been a fan of. Then I saw an Olga who was really cute but as I'm looking at her profile "Olie the Goalie" popped into my head and it was over.

My life is sad. I've made a serious effort to stay away from chat rooms for a whole week now. Every night or other time I'm alone I'm like "what the fuck am I gonna do?" Luckily there is the rest of the internet and usually you can find something pointless to kill inordinate amounts of time.

I killed most of yesterday reading mental_floss. If you read that site regularly you will become awesome at Trivial Pursuit. If you are already awesome at Trivial Pursuit you will become awesomer.

One tangent I got off on for quite awhile was thanks to this article on a Library of Congress collection of color photos from the late 30s and early 40s. You can find all 1600 or so of them here.

Today I have sucked up a bunch of time plowing through the archives of The Book of Biff. I've linked this comic before but it's worth doing again.