All right, New York, I think it's time we had a talk. This talk is necessary to save us all a bunch of fucking trouble.

I don't wanna hear any fucking crying or bellyaching because the Yankees lost. Yes, winning was "destiny" or some such bullshit that I kept seeing, but it didn't work out that way. And yes, you lost to the Florida Fucking Marlins. I mean, Florida. Honestly. That all really, really blows.

But you know what? You're still FUCKING NEW YORK. You guys have EVERYTHING. And it's not like you guys haven't seen the Yankees win before, and it's not like there are, I dunno, about a bazillion more World Series titles ahead in the future.

Seriously, you guys had it all a few years ago when you got your goddamn subway series. That really should have been it for you guys, because that was the last thing on the NYC wishlist that hadn't been handed down. Everything since then should just be icing on the cake. Because, again, you're New York. But oh no, that's not good enough. If you really feel bad about those damn Yankees, just go out and do one of the other, I dunno, 80 gazillion things there are to do in New York.

Oh, and don't give me that September 11th bullshit. Yeah, horrible tragedy you guys went through, I know. But the more and more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe September 11th wasn't an attack on America. It was an attack on the Yankees.

Of course, this doesn't apply so much to people outside NYC or Mets fans, but fuck it. I'm trying to minimize the damage. And if you think I'm just bitter because I'm a Cubs fan - save it. We're so used to losing that we don't even know what joy is anymore, so nevermind being capable of bitterness over lack of said joy.

Okay, so let's sum up. I've offended anyone from NYC, and I've trivialized September 11th. Oh fucking well.

But Christ, do you people even realize how much everywhere else sucks? Just get over it, and let's move on, shall we? If nothing else, just do what I do when teams like the Marlins win or the Super Bowl is disgraced by being on Fox - just pretend like this last season never happened. Someone says to you "Hey, tough break with those Yanks, huh?," you just look at them and say incredulously "What? There was no baseball season this past year. What the fuck are you talking about?" See how easy it is?