I keep seeing these bumper stickers that say "Proud parent of a sailor." And I was thinking, hey, how about "Proud parent of a sailor schoolgirl." In one of my few moments of sanity, I immediately realized how goddamn fucking creepy that is. Don't worry, there's pretty much no chance I'll ever have children.

I did, however, come up with a bumpersitcker that I would find amusing: "Proud boyfriend of a sailor." It would go great next to my "God rules with an iron fist" sticker, courtesy of none other than ETP.

"But as they say in the U.S. Navy, there is no wrong hole."
- George Carlin